


Home is Where You Are

by gianabryne1976



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben has to hold back his inner Kylo, Ben is a goner for Rey and her plants, Don't worry when they end the slow burn they have sex CONSTANTLY, F/M, Look it's Moose, Poe drives Ben crazy, Poe is ben's brother, Rey is a tease, She is gone for him too, Slow Burn, Talk of abuse in past relationships, They are too dumb to actually TALK
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:14:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 42
Words: 109,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26357065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gianabryne1976/pseuds/gianabryne1976
Summary: This is the prequel to my one shot "Birthday Boy". I will add the link.Ben Solo is CEO of Organa-Solo Enterprises. His new secretary is Rey Johnson, sister of Finn Storm, best friend of Poe, Ben's baby brother.Rey is not a great secretary but she's gorgeous, sweet and kind. Ben is a mess from day one.Rey has left the life of a car mechanic to fill a position at her brother's company. She sucks at coffee, and remembering almost everything her boss tells her to do. Good thing he's so patient. And hot.This is soooo FLUFFY. Besotted Ben is my favorite Ben.He thinks he's not good for her.She thinks she's not enough for him.Poe is watching these two dorks and laughing.Ben's favorite thing is say is SHUT UP POE 🤣HEA is guaranteed because, REYLO
Relationships: Poe Dameron & Finn & Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Zorii Bliss/Poe Dameron
Comments: 321
Kudos: 310
Collections: Ijustfellintothissendhelp





	1. Chapter 1

He never should've hired her.

Her coffee is terrible. 

She regularly forgets to make copies.

She doesn't even dress professionally. 

And now….plants. 

_Plants._

_Plants in his office._

She says it's good for his mental health. For his breathing. 

But they are _everywhere._

He's a 30 year old man, for Christ's sake. 

He doesn't _need_ 12 plants in his office!

He's got to tell her. That's it. She's gone too far. Decorating his office. _His_ office, dammit. 

So he will. He'll tell her. Today. 

Shit. She's here. Now's the time. He'll tell her. 

"Hi there Mr. CEO! So?? What do you think? Aren't they pretty?"

He just sits there. He's not doing it. He's not telling her. 

All he sees is yellow. Flowy, gauzy yellow. 

She's wearing a sundress. A yellow sundress. In an upper Manhattan executive office. On a Tuesday. A gauzy yellow sundress that is way too low cut and casual for his office. 

Well, not way too low cut. Not, club on a Friday night low cut. But too low cut to keep his brain from being able to function. She'll come over to his desk and look at reports with him later. She can't see worth shit so she'll bend over his elbow and then he will try not to notice that damn black strapless lace bra under it. Again. 

He also sees hair. It's down. It's never been down before. It's longer than he thought it was. And shiny. Probably soft too. 

His mouth isn't working. 

_Dammit._

"You okay, Mr. Solo? You don't look so well."

_Come on mouth, work. Dammit._

"Huh? Oh. Oh yeah. They are pretty. Thank you."

He just kriffing thanked her. And said the word pretty. He never uses the word pretty. 

Not out loud, anyways. 

"I knew it! I knew you'd love them! You'll see. They will help you think clearer."

She's smiling. She's smiling. She has dimples. 

Maker, help him, he's smiling too. 

"Whatcha working on? Anything I can do to help?"

Shit. Now she's coming over here.

Rey walks behind his desk, her hand casually resting on his shoulder. She tucks her hair behind her ear and squints. 

"I really need glasses but I'm just so stubborn. I'm only 22! I'm too young for glasses. Hold on…."

Anddddd now she bends. Yep. Black bra. 

"Um, can you go make copies of this for me? Each exec needs one for the meeting at ten. So, Rey, that's twelve, okay?"

She nods in her over exuberant way and her hand slides from his shoulder to his back, just for a moment, then she's gone. 

How is it that he still feels her hand on him? 

And, fuck, is she wearing a thong, _again?_

No panty lines. He bets it's black. 

Yeah yeah yeah, he shouldn't look at her ass but damn, he hasn't had a date in a year and she's so bouncy when she walks. 

_Dammit._

It's a good 45 minutes before he can start working again. 

**_____________________________**

Eleven copies. She missed one. Again. 

Can the woman not count??

Well, he'll just do it himself. It will hurt her feelings if he corrects her. 

Feelings? Since when is he concerned about his employee's feelings? 

Feelings certainly didn't keep him from writing up six employees yesterday. 

Anyone else, he'd bark at for not following his directions. 

But this is Rey. Yellow dress, hair flowing, bubbly Rey. 

No one looks at him like she does. 

Only Rey so casually touches him. Unafraid. Unintimidated. So open. So willing to smile and laugh and try to help improve his mental fucking health. 

Everyone else avoids looking at him. They walk out around him. Avoiding him. Yes he deserves it. But still. 

But not Rey. She maintains eye contact. Even when he's broody and mean. She looks at him with those greenish brownish golden hued eyes. Intently. Like he's a mystery to be solved. 

Then she straightens his tie. Brushes lint off his jacket. One time she even reached up and pushed a fallen strand of hair back in place. Took him ten fucking minutes to breathe again. 

She's just... _amazing._

A horrible secretary but she makes up for it in other ways. By seeing him. By smiling at him. By pushing past his walls and caring about him. 

And that makes it worth a missed copy. 

Besides, the copy machine is right next to her desk and he hasn't seen her in an hour. 

So he casually, as casually as his overgrown 6'3 self can, walks to the machine. 

"Oh no, I messed up again didn't I? I'm so sorry Mr. Solo. I guess I didn't sleep well. My brain. It's so scattered. Here, I'll do it."

She jumps up and fits herself between him and the machine. 

"Dammit, out of paper. Hold on."

She bends to open the box of paper on the floor and now her ass is a half inch from his groin. He jumps back right before she bumps into him with her rear. 

"Umm, just bring it to me when you are done, Rey."

And he's gone, situated behind the safety of his desk before she enters. That was close. 

"I'm sorry, Mr. Solo. I'll do better, I promise."

"Rey, it's okay. We all make mistakes. Thank you. Did you get the coffee?"

She smiles and those damn dimples are all he sees. 

"Yes! Blonde roast! You were right. Much better than the kind I make…."

"I didn't say yours was bad…."

"Oh, but it is. Terrible. I'll put in a standing order so it's here for you every morning. I want you to be happy. Coffee certainly seems to help. Helps me too. I never had Starbucks before you ordered it for me, that was so sweet of you. I like that kind, the blonde roast. It's not too strong oh and thank you for the caramel creamer it's soo good I really like it, you know, they say you aren't nice but I tell them you're just a big teddy bear they just don't know you like I do…..oh no, I'm rambling again, aren't I?"

"It's fine. I don't mind. I'm glad you like it."

And it is fine. Because it's Rey. And pretty much everything Rey does is fine. 

Except make coffee.

Holy fuck, he's got it bad. 

**_____________________________**

"Bro, you got it bad."

"Huh?" Ben says to his brother, Poe. 

Poe laughs and shakes his head, looking over at Rey, who is chatting with her brother Finn. They are at the deli. It's lunchtime. 

He'd met with his foster brother for lunch, even though their offices are next door to each other. Poe insists that Ben leave the building for lunch at least once a week. 

Ben didn't know Rey would be here with her brother, Finn Storm, Poe's best friend. 

Finn's office is two doors down from Ben's. 

"I said," Poe repeats, "you got it bad."

"Bad for what?" Ben asks casually. 

"Um, Rey."

"Rey?"

"Yeah, Rey. You know. Your secretary. Only Rey we know. Dude, it's obvious."

"It is?" Ben knows there's no point in hiding anything from his brother. Poe has always been able to see right through Ben. Ever since his five year old self came bounding into his life when he was ten years old. 

Ben's parents had always wanted to adopt. Ben's mother is adopted and it strongly impacted her life. Ben's father was a ward of the state from toddlerhood. He had never been adopted and aged out of the system. They wanted to give a child the chance Han never had. A family. 

So, Poe Dameron came to live with them when Ben was ten. They'd been together since. 

They adore each other. But don't tell them that. 

"She's cute," Poe points out. 

Ben's voice lowers an octave. " _Poe…_.."

He throws his hands up. "Chill, man. I'm not studying her. I'm just saying, I agree."

"She's not a puppy. She's a 22 year old grown woman. She's not cute."

Poe crosses his arms and grins. "Okay then bro, what is she, if not cute?"

Ben wants to hit him. Poe's always pushing at him. He knows Ben is uncomfortable with this. 

"She's….she's…."

"Say it. I dare you."

Now Ben throws his hands up. 

"She's gorgeous, okay?? She's gorgeous and sexy and funny and….shit."

The shit part comes out of his mouth when he sees that teasing glint in his baby brother's eyes. 

"So? Have an affair with her. You're the CEO, man. Do what Manhattan CEO's do. Fuck your secretary."

Ben goes from smitten to pissed just like that. His eyes shoot fire at his brother. 

"Don't say it again…." 

Poe's brows fly up. 

"The fuck? What's your deal, man?"

"Don't talk about her like that. She's not just some, pussy. She's different. I'm not just going to fuck her. She deserves better than that. Fuck off, Poe. I'm not like you. I'm not dad."

Now Poe is pissed. "Hey dickhead, leave our dad out of this. He's not here to defend himself. You know that better than anyone."

Now Ben goes to stand. "Yeah, I know that. I didn't get to have some great father like you did, _flyboy._ "

Poe chooses to let it go. Not because he's some great brother who wants to be the bigger man. He sees an opening to antagonize his older brother. He grins, looking up.

"Ben's in love. My big brother is in love."

Just like that, the tension over their dad is gone. Ben looks down at Poe, confused. 

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are. I've never seen you like this."

Right about that time, the girl in the yellow dress makes her way over to them. 

"Hi, Poe, " she manages to greet him without looking at him. She's looking at Ben. 

"Hi, Rey. What's up?"

Rey doesn't even answer him. She looks at Ben with concern. 

"Are you okay? You look upset," she asks Ben, her hand coming to rest on his chest. Only Poe notices the tiny little flinch as Ben reacts to her touch. 

Ben decides that his brother's constant cheesy grin is pissing him off. 

"I'm fine Rey. But thanks for asking. Would you like for me to walk back with you? I know Finn has a meeting across town."

"Yes, that would be so sweet of you."

Ben and Rey turn to go and just as they get a few feet away, Poe makes a sound low in his throat. Ben turns to look at his brother just in time to see Poe make a huge heart in the air with his fingers. 

Ben places his hand on Rey's lower back to guide her out the door, flipping his brother off behind her so she can't see it. 

Poe laughs and turns back to his lunch. 

"Rey Solo. Yep. Sounds good to me, big bro."

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Besotted Ben. He's my favorite Ben. 
> 
> Enraptured Rey. She's my favorite too.

Rey is wearing glasses.

How is that so sexy?

And why is he disappointed?

He's just a big ball of disappointment and horniness. 

Because now she won't have to bend over to see the reports. 

But she's wearing glasses. 

And she's adorable. And sexy. 

How is that possible?

"I look so silly. But I didn't realize I'm half blind. I'll get my contacts next week, though."

Well, hell. Now she won't be bending over AND she won't be wearing glasses. 

_Dammit…._

"You don't look silly. That's probably why you've had headaches, Rey."

She smiles and her dimples make his heart ache. 

"Yeah, that's true. About the headaches. I still look ridiculous."

She turns to go and that just won't do. 

He reaches out and grabs her wrist. 

It was a sudden move. Done without thinking. He just couldn't let her talk about herself like that. 

It's the first time he's ever touched her and he thinks he hears her gasp. So he lets go instantly. A glimpse of sadness is in her eyes then it's gone. Maybe he imagined it. 

"I'm sorry," he says. "I shouldn't have grabbed you."

"Why are you sorry?" she asks quietly.

"Um...it just wasn't... appropriate."

"Mr. Solo, I don't think you could ever make me uncomfortable. You are too kind for me to ever think you'd be able to."

Kind? No one has ever, ever called him kind. Not even close. 

She's still looking at him, her doe eyes blinking. She's just so fucking sweet. 

"What did you want to say to me?" she asks.

"Huh?" he replies, so lost in her eyes he's forgotten everything that happened before she called him _kind._

"Before….there must've been something you wanted to say…when you...you know... _grasped_ my wrist."

"Oh," he says, coming back to earth, "I just wanted to say you don't look ridiculous. You look….nice. The glasses look nice on you."

A tiny bit of a blush flares on her cheeks and flows down her neck, disappearing into her neckline. 

Not that he'd noticed her neckline. 

Not that he wondered how much further down the blush went. 

Nope, not thinking about that at all. 

"Thank...thank you, Mr. Solo."

"You're very welcome, Rey."

Then the tension became awkward and he turned away, needing to retreat behind his desk. It was the only safe zone left in his office space. The only place he could go and find the ability to become her boss again and not some overgrown smitten teenage version of himself. 

Poe was right. He was, indeed, a mess. 

She continued to stand there, quietly. Then she seemed to center herself again.

"I guess I need to get back out here. The meeting is in two hours and I need to prepare your notes."

He nodded, wondering why it seemed there was something else she wanted to say. But he wouldn't pressure her into speaking if she didn't want to. 

She turned to go and then turned back. 

"I...um….I noticed that your birthday is next week. Will you be in that day, Mr. Solo?" 

"Yes, of course I will be. Why do you ask?"

"I thought maybe you'd have plans."

"Why would I have plans?"

"Because it's your birthday. I assumed someone would want to spend it with you."

"Like, who? All of my friends are here."

"I just assumed...like maybe a girlfriend or something."

Girlfriend? Why on earth would she think he has a girlfriend? He hasn't dated in almost a year. The only woman he ever thinks about is her. He'd not even thought of dating since he'd met her. No one else had even remotely caught his eye. Not that he can do anything about it. She's so far out of his league. She'd never be interested in an older man like him. 

"Rey, I don't have a girlfriend."

Her cheeks flush again and he wonders why. 

"Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed. Okay then. I just wondered if you'd be here that day. You know, so if anyone approaches me about a party for you, I'd know if you'd be here."

"No parties. I don't celebrate my birthday."

Now she looks confused and upset. Why did it upset her that he didn't want a party? Besides, he had no doubt that would not happen anyways. No one here would want to do that. They don't even know when his birthday is. She only saw it in the HR file she keeps in her desk. 

Then he wondered why she'd looked at his file at all. It was only there because his old secretary insisted on having it on hand. 

"Why not? You only get one birthday."

"I've never celebrated it."

"Why?"

Why did she care?

"I just…..birthdays are just days. I didn't grow up like that."

"Your parents didn't celebrate your birthday?"

"No. They weren't home."

"Oh….mine either. I mean, I didn't have parents to celebrate my birthday. So I understand, I guess. Just another day, like you said."

Now Ben is angry. He'd known she grew up in orphanages, that was how she came to meet Finn and call him her brother, but he'd never thought that her birthdays were spent alone. He'd love to celebrate her birthday. His own didn't matter but Rey deserves a birthday with cake and ice cream and gifts. He decided to ask Finn what day is her birthday. He is already thinking of a gift for her. 

She turns again and walks out, a sadness about her. 

Yes, he made up his mind right then. Rey would get a party. He'd make sure of it. She deserved it. 

She deserves everything. 

**________________________________**

  
  


He hates his birthday.

Growing up, most of his birthdays were spent with servants and apologies.

"I'm so sorry son, the senate had an unplanned session. We will celebrate this weekend."

"My flight was delayed son, I'm so sorry."

"Your father had to go, son. He said he was sorry."

"Did you like your gifts? We'll do something with you this weekend."

Eventually, he no longer cared. 

At least during his teen years, he had Poe. 

And boy, did they celebrate. 

Girls, drugs and booze. Fast cars. Parties. Clubs. 

At least for a few years. Until Snoke. 

So now, he just works on that day. Poe usually tries to get him out for lunch. 

It's just another day. 

Then she arrives. 

Even if she had not done anything, her mere presence is a gift. 

She's even more gorgeous today, if such a thing is possible. In a royal blue business suit. The color is amazing on her, complimenting her tan skin. 

She's chopped her hair off, which for a moment, made him scowl. He loved her long locks. 

But it _is_ cute, how it bounces and reveals her long neck. She's beautiful no matter what. He feels like an ass being upset at her haircut. It's her hair, after all.

"Hi!"

She closes the door before she says it.

"Happy Birthday Mr. Solo!"

He would prefer she call him Ben, since she insists on being called Rey. But he decided that by not correcting her, he could attempt to maintain _some_ kind of professionalism. Hearing his first name roll off her tongue may be a bit more than he can handle. Her accent is already _doing_ things to him on a daily basis. 

"Thank you, Rey."

"Here I bought you a gift." she says, laying a small wrapped box in front of him. 

He's shocked. No one has bought him a gift in years. Not even Poe. 

"Rey…...why?"

She looks at him like he has two heads or something. "Why? Cause it's your birthday, silly."

"Rey….you shouldn't have….I can't accept this."

The look of hurt is one he's never seen before. He decides he'd do anything to make it go away. Fetch the moon. Burn down the galaxy. 

"You….you won't accept it? But...but I bought it for you…."

"Oh, Rey. I'm sorry. Of course I will. I just...I haven't had a birthday gift in years."

Now she looks sad and he'd burn down the galaxy to stop that look also. 

"Why? Don't you have a mom? Poe? Finn's your friend, they don't buy you gifts? I mean, Finn buys me a gift…."

Now he's curious, a way to get to know her better. "What did Finn buy you for your birthday?" 

"Last year, it was tickets to the Broadway show _Burn This._ Have you seen it? Oh, the lead actor is so amazing….he's so dreamy."

Two thoughts. One, she likes broadway. Mental note. Two, she's crushing on that big dude who is rather awkward looking, in Ben's opinion. A tiny bit of jealousy flares. 

"He looks like you, actually," she says.

Ben snaps from his ping of jealousy. What did she just say? 

"What?"

"Adam Driver. He looks like you. He's so handsome."

He's not sure why she thinks that. But does that mean she thinks _he's_ dreamy and handsome too?

"Open it. Please."

He is helpless to turn her down so he does as she asks.

It's a beautiful pen. A black pen with green swirls. It looks expensive. The box it comes in is also beautiful and has an engraved plate inside. 

_Happy Birthday Ben. From, Rey._

"Rey, this is expensive…..it's a beautiful pen. You shouldn't have."

"It's mother of pearl. The swirls made me think of you. Dark and mysterious."

"You think I'm dark and mysterious?" 

"Yes, I do."

He's confused. Is this a compliment? A criticism? He agrees that he is dark. He's moody, negative and struggles with being unhappy. Mysterious? If keeping oneself to oneself is mysterious, then yes, he is. 

But does she think it's a bad thing? Or a good thing?

"And...that's bad?" he asks, nervous to hear her answer yet needing to know where he stands with her.

Because he knows he's in love with her. He knows that this woman, this burn bright thing, is the woman for him. He's spends five days a week with her, practically all day. He doesn't know her secrets, her thoughts, her dreams or her desires. But he _sees_ her. He sees what kind of person she is. She's bright. She's light. She's goodness and kindness. She's amazing. 

"No….that's not a bad thing. You are quiet. To yourself. You think deeply and feel deeply. You are passionate. You are not a bad person. Not to me."

He grips his desk, willing himself to be still. Everything in him longs to walk to her, take her in his arms, kiss her, fight her wars for her, protect her. Love her. 

But he can't. She's too good. Too kind. Too sweet. He'll ruin her. He knows it. He'll snuff her light out. He'll hurt her. 

She deserves better. She deserves the best. And he's not the best. 

He doesn't know what to say. So he just says the only thing he can think of. 

"I love your gift, Rey. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Mr. Solo. I have a cake for you too."

His inclination is to refuse it. Because he doesn't deserve this attention from her. From anyone. 

Then he remembers how rejected she looked a moment ago. 

"You...what? Rey, you are too good to me. Thank you."

After lunch, which he attended with Poe and Rey, she brought the cake into his office. It is very small, just enough for the two of them. Chocolate on chocolate. The fact that it's just small enough for two makes it feel so intimate, like she didn't want to share him with anyone. 

It tastes delicious. 

"I made it."

This woman, she's so talented. 

"You? You made this, Rey? It's amazing."

She smiles again and before he realizes what's happening, she stands to her tiptoes, places both hands on his chest and places a kiss on his cheek. 

He's a little lightheaded now.

"Um…..thank you."

"You're welcome, Mr. Solo. Happy Birthday."

Then she swipes a finger full of icing left on his plate and pops it in her mouth and his eyes try to cross. 

Her lips were so soft. Perfect. He now knows how her lips feel on his skin. Then she's gone and he's very thankful that he'd not removed his jacket yet because he's certain that the sudden erection in his pants would scare the shit out of her. He just wants her. That's the beginning and the end of it. 

The pen never leaves his jacket pocket. It's how he keeps her close. Right over his heart. 

Yup, he's a goner for one Rey Johnson. 

  
  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey overhears harsh criticism of Ben and in true Rey style....she's having none of it.

It makes her angry. 

Just so damn angry. 

How they criticize him, disrespect him. How they judge him. Make fun of him. 

She overhears it. 

"He's just so damn difficult. A pain in the ass. He thinks he's so perfect. Did you see his new suit? I bet it costs thousands. Doesn't help him a bit though. He's so... awkward. Not attractive at all. I bet he thinks he's God's gift to women though."

The others laugh. 

"I don't ever see him with a woman. He's just, ugly. You'd think he'd have those damn moles removed. They aren't attractive. And his ears! He's like...a millionaire! Get them fixed, dude. Well, he may be rich as fuck but at least he's rich and ugly."

Rey is almost in tears. They are talking about her boss. The man who gave her a job even though she wasn't qualified. The man who overlooks her mistakes and never gets angry with her. The man who she just knows has been hurt, by whom she hasn't figured out. The man who takes good care of his employees. He'd brought the company back from bankruptcy, for Christ's sake. Made sure they all kept their jobs. 

Sure he is moody. He does seem to have a bad temper but he really has to be pushed to show it.

Usually, if he writes someone up, he's given them a chance to correct themselves. 

He's stern but he's not cruel. 

And ugly? No. Mr. Solo is not ugly. 

He's beautiful. 

He's not the typical view of handsome, no, but he's definitely handsome. He's like the classic Greek god statues she's seen in the museum's around New York. Classic. Regal. 

And those are not moles! They are beauty marks! She's pretty sure she's counted each one. It makes him unique. 

So do his ears. She thinks they are adorable. He's constantly trying to cover them. It's like his second full time job. Running his hand through his hair obsessively, making sure they are covered. 

And his hair. Good God, his hair. 

She won't listen to this. She won't. She won't abide by it. He's too good to them. If they were in trouble with him, they deserved it. 

After another bout of laughter comes from the booth over from her, she's had enough. 

She stands. They had not seen her next to them because of the tall separator between each booth. 

Her sudden appearance throws them off.

"How dare you. How dare you make fun of him? He is a good boss. If he called you out, you deserved it. He made sure you kept your jobs. He takes good care of all of us!"

They look shocked and a bit afraid. Rey was usually so sweet. So quiet. They were probably also afraid that she'd tell Ben what they were saying. 

She looks around at the table. Mostly men. She'd not heard the women speak or laugh so she'd give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they were too afraid to speak up. 

But she wasn't afraid. 

"You bunch of losers have some nerve calling him ugly. None of you can even get a date! He could squash you like a bug!"

One of them smirks. 

"Oh, look, little Miss Secretary has a crush. I'd say he's probably bending you over but he's not man enough for that. Solo can't even look you in the eye, from what I can tell. But if you want a real man…."

And with that, he soon had blood on his nice suit from a busted lip. 

"DON'T YOU EVER SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN."

Rey shakes her hand, vibrating all over with rage. 

"You little bitch. I'll have your ass fired for that."

"I dare you to try it. I double dog dare you. Please. Please try it."

Because Rey may not know much but she knows Ben Solo cares about her. He wouldn't hurt her like that. 

She knows Ben well enough to know that. 

_____________________________

"Rey, step into my office, please."

She stands, the stern tone of his voice making her a wee bit nervous. She's not scared of him, no. But he looks angry. 

She enters his office and closes the door, leaning back on it just a bit. 

"Come here."

There's this small part of her, way back in the corner of her mind, that likes this stern voice. This much deeper voice. The dark look in his eyes does something to her. He's angry all right and even though she's nervous that he's angry at her public outburst, she's a little turned on. 

She shoves it away, walking to the chair in front of his desk. The same one just vacated by the man with a bloody suit. 

Even though she'd kept her mouth shut, word soon spread of the CEO's secretary cold cocking her co-worker in the mouth. 

She stands timidly.

Okay, maybe she's a little afraid. 

"No, come here." He motions to the spot behind his desk. 

Oh, okay. If you say so, Mr Solo.

She steps next to him and he turns in his chair, facing her. He reaches for her hand, rubbing his thumb over her bruised knuckles. He looks at her hand intensely, like he's sending a force of healing to it. Then he looks up at her and the amber colored hue of his eyes is nearly her undoing. She fights the urge to curl up into his lap and just stay there. 

"Are you okay?" he asks gently, a stark contrast to his tone only a moment ago. She thinks she likes every tone he uses, deep and intense, soft and reverberating. 

"Yeah. You aren't mad?" she nearly whispers. 

"Why would I be?" 

"You sounded angry when you called me in here…."

"Well that's because I just fired an employee."

She blinks once, twice. No words come at first then….

"You fired him? Why?"

A bit of steel comes into his eyes, darkening them. 

"He insulted you. Then propositioned you in a public place, embarrassing you."

"I punched him…."

Then he smiled, chuckling deep in his chest, still looking up at her. 

"Yes, you did, my feisty girl…."

She inhales sharply and his eyes go wide. 

"I mean...I mean...you're not a girl. That's insulting, calling you a girl. You're not…."

She reaches with her right hand, her left still being caressed by his thumb, cupping his cheek. For a split second, she thinks he's going to rub his face into her palm but then he doesn't. 

"I'm your girl?" she whispers, afraid that if she speaks normally her voice will crack. 

"Yeah," he stammers, "yeah you are. Unless that's an insult."

Now her thumb caresses his cheek and he closes his eyes.

"It's not an insult. I've never been anyone's girl."

His eyes open and he looks up, confused. 

"What? I mean, surely you've had a boyfriend…."

"He was an ass. He never called me his girl."

"Well, he was an idiot. For that and for letting you get away."

Her heart had begun to race as soon as he took her hand in his but this, this intimacy, it was enough to cause several missed beats in her chest. 

"Thank you Rey. For defending me. No one has ever defended me before."

This poor, adorable, troubled man. She knows he's been hurt. She knows he's not been taken care of. Not like she dreams of taking care of him. And she very much dreams. 

"No problem. You'd do the same for me."

"After hearing about what he said to you, he's lucky his face isn't broken."

She lets her hand fall from his beautiful face and he looks sad for a moment. Then he lets go of her hand, sitting up straight.

"How did you find out?" she asks. 

"For one, you looked very upset when you returned and I noticed your hand. Before I could speak to you, my phone rang. You weren't the only one who was upset about what he said to you. One of the ladies at the table explained what happened. She was worried about you. And very angry at the sexual harassment."

"Did she tell you everything?"

"If you are referring to what he said about me, no and I don't care what he said. Only what he said to you."

Her phone out front begins to ring. She looks at him again then turns to go answer it. 

Just as she gets to the door he calls her name out. She turns back to him to see him standing. 

"Rey, I'll protect you at all costs. You mean too much to me. Never forget that."

"You mean a lot to me too. Ben."

He beams and she closes the door behind her. She also smiles widely because in that moment, she's realized something. His gentleness coupled with his eyes and his hands and his face has hit her with a realization. 

She's in love with Ben Solo. 


	4. Chapter 4

After the incident in the deli, Ben accompanies her to lunch every day. Sometimes alone. Sometimes with her brother and Poe. 

It's like he wants to make sure that nothing else happens to her. 

She's glad for his company, even though she spends all day with him. She never needs a break from him. 

They just click. Like they are two halves of a whole. 

They talk so freely now. He explains more of his childhood and beyond. She does the same. 

They lived very opposite lives growing up, him the son of a senator and her the daughter of...no one. Yet they both had lonely childhoods. She is surprised at herself. Normally she'd be jealous of such an exuberant life, never having to worry about food or a bed to sleep in. 

But actually, she realizes he was as lonely as she was. 

She touched on her homelessness but when she did, he'd reacted so passionately. Angrily. It bothered her, seeing him upset so she'd backed off, speaking in broader terms, not giving details. 

He couldn't handle hearing about the abuse. The neglect. The nights sleeping outside in the cold. She wanted to protect him from his emotions. It wasn't fair to upset him. He was clearly becoming very protective of her. 

The feeling was amazing, having this giant of a man want to look over her. 

She was so in love with him. Yet, she'd been hurt by a man before. She was afraid to trust him completely. Besides, why would he want her? He's a millionaire. He could date anyone. She's just a plain orphan girl from the streets.

So she settles for his friendship. It's enough. 

They eat lunch in a new place today. An Italian restaurant she'd mentioned she would like to try. 

"Did you see Marriage Story yet?" he asks with a twinkle in his eyes. He's teased her incessantly about her crush on Adam Driver since she told him about how dreamy he is. 

"You aren't letting that go, are you?"

"Well, he is _dreamy….._ " 

She laughs out loud and feels her cheeks heat up. 

"Stop it!"

Now he laughs, fully enjoying this. 

"I bet you watched it the day it hit Netflix."

"No, actually I haven't. It's too sad. I don't think I can handle it."

"It's about marriage. What's sad about that?"

"No, Ben. It's about divorce. They divorce and it's so sad. I can't watch him be sad."

"Oh...you got it bad for him…." he says with a smirk and a wink. 

"Maybe I do. He's just so…." she stops talking, sighing out loud instead. 

Ben makes a gagging sound and she throws her napkin at him. 

"Really though?" he asks, "he's not that great looking. I don't get the ladies fawning over him."

"Have you seen him shirtless? Damn, he's cut like a knife. I mean, pecs like dinner plates and his _arms….._ "

Ben throws his hands up. "Ugh….stop. Stop before I have to dose you in this ice water and cool you off."

She throws her head back and laughs. She loves teasing him. 

"So you have an arm kink, do you?" he asks, his eyes darkening a bit. 

They do this at least once a day. Flirt. She thinks he just can't help it. He's probably flirty with all the women. He certainly can get away with it, looking like he does. Luckily she can give as good as she gets. 

"Maybe. I'm sure you have kinks too. Tell me one…."

He was sipping his drink and suddenly chokes on it, his face turning red. 

"Kinks? I don't know. I just appreciate a beautiful woman."

The thought of him finding a woman beautiful sends a wave of jealousy through her gut. She can't handle it. 

"Never mind. We need to talk about the meeting this afternoon."

Now he has a mischievous look in his eyes. He's not letting it go. 

"Nope. You started this. Now, let's see….are there any of _my_ kinks here today at this establishment?"

He looks around the restaurant and she starts squirming, not happy one bit at Ben looking for a beautiful woman to ogle at. 

He takes his time looking all around. Rey can't help but notice some of the women glancing at him. The man has no idea how gorgeous he is.

Finally his eyes stop on her. 

"I found one."

She hides her disdain. "Who?" she asks, pretending this is not making her at all jealous. 

"You….."

She stops breathing. "What? Stop it."

"I mean it Rey. There's not one woman here that can hold a candle to you. You are beautiful."

"So I'm your….kink?"

He turns red all over. His ears burning reddest of all. He drops his fork. 

"Um….."

Then his phone rings and he grabs at it frantically. 

"Solo, here," he barks at it, his eyes still intent on hers. "Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Damn. Alright. I'll be there quick as I can."

He hangs up. 

"We gotta go. The Sterning people are early."

"Oh, okay….."

"I'm sorry, I know you wanted the cheesecake."

"It's alright, we'll just have to come back."

"Yeah," he says, texting on his phone. "we'll come back for sure. Nice place."

He pulls a hundred dollar bill out of his wallet and drops it on the table. It's more than enough to cover lunch plus a nice tip. She loves that he overtips. Rey has been a waitress. It's hard work. Then he stands and walks around behind her, pulling her chair out. 

Right as she stands and walks next to him he whispers in her ear. 

"If I had a kink, you'd definitely be it."

Rey is glad she keeps extra panties in her drawer at work because these are now uncomfortably wet. 

**_____________________________**

Something has changed. 

He's much more relaxed with her at times. Then others, it's like he's holding back, not letting her in. 

There's never a bad day at work. Except when he's reconstructed the wall. He's quieter, less comfortable. He doesn't call her into his office as much. He walks by without speaking. It kind of hurts. 

But today isn't one of those days. Today he's open, smiling. His hand is at her back, not really on her, just hovering. He opens doors for her, always. He is not nervous to have his face close to hers as she walks by, whispering "Ladies first" and then smiling. 

Gah, his _eyes._ They are so beautiful. So expressive today. He seems so glad to just be near her. 

The front desk on the bottom floor stops her. He has a package. They don't even realize that he's her boss. He sees his name on the parcel and pulls the pen from his pocket to go ahead and sign for it. 

Her pen. It's always in his pocket or in his hand, she's noticed. She doesn't know how to feel about that. 

They enter the elevator and he's still holding it. Like it's an extension of himself. 

"You always have it with you…."

"Yes, that way I always have _you_ with me."

Her eyes unexpectedly fill with tears. Wow, where did this come from?

"Hey…." 

He steps up to her, looking down. She looks up at him. It's quite far to crane her neck but she doesn't mind. His size makes her feel safe.

"What is it?"

"You're just...you are so kind to me, Ben."

"And this is unusual? For someone to be kind to you?"

"Yeah, it is."

His eyes did the darkening thing, going from amber to dark chocolate. Took her breath away when he did that. 

"Who has been unkind to you?" he whispers, his voice deeper. 

He kind of frightens her, in all the best ways, how incredibly intense he is. She feels safer with him every passing day. 

"I just...it was an ex. It's in the past."

He steps closer. Normally she'd panic if anyone else did this. But not with Ben. If anything, it's reassuring. He basically looks like he could tear this building down with those massive hands of his. 

"Did he...did he hurt you Rey?"

She could tell he was worried and she always had the overwhelming urge to console him when he worried. She lays her hand on his chest, right over his heart. He closes his eyes for a fleeting second then opens again. 

"It was a long time ago, Ben. I'm okay."

"How long ago?"

Why did he _care_ so much? God, she loves this man. She just wants to wrap him up in her arms, lay his head on her chest and reassure him that whatever scars Hux had left, he himself had begun to heal. Just by his kindness to her. Just by the way he looked at her, like she was the sun and he the earth, destined to orbit her. 

She was beginning to wonder if he loved her too. But he was too good for her. Besides, he is a millionaire and the CEO of a major Manhattan corporation. And the son of a senator. 

She's just a lowly secretary/car mechanic. 

"Two years ago, Ben. I'm fine."

"What's his name?"

Now he is frightening her. She doesn't trust him. Not with that. She doesn't want him looking up Hux. The last thing she needs is that man coming back around. He'd stalked her for a while. It had scared her. 

Fortunately, the elevator door opened. Poe was standing there, waiting to escort Ben to the urgent meeting. Upon seeing Ben standing over Rey, so intimately, his eyebrows raised. Rey pushed on Ben's chest then slipped around him, hurrying to her desk. Poe watched her walk by with a bit of concern. 

"Ben….." she heard Poe say, worry in his voice. 

"Shut up, Poe" Ben replied, marching past his brother, his face red as he straightens his tie and jacket.

She watched this interaction from her desk.

The sight of him straightening his tie, it always _did_ things to her. She squirmed in her chair, trying not to think about the dream she'd had where she removed his tie and let him tie her up. Now _her_ cheeks were flushing. 

He came marching back towards her to fetch a paper from her copy machine. 

He didn't speak and now she's worried that she's made him angry at her. 

During the meeting, she completed and sent some emails and set up next week's appointments.

She was in his office, watering the plants when she heard his door close. She stood and turned to face him. He was staring at her intently. She slowly sat down her watering can. 

She was kind of upset with him. He'd put her on the spot. Yes, it was kind of him to be concerned for her but it was actually none of his business who her ex was. And seeing him get angry for not answering him and then ignoring her when he came to the copy machine was upsetting for her. 

The more he stared at her the more angry she got. 

"Ben," she said, feeling her eyes narrow, "how was the meeting?"

"Boring," he answered, still standing at his door, his hand balled up in fists. 

"Rey," he started. 

"Don't. Just...don't Ben."

She walked towards him, intent on walking out the door. He moved out of her way. 

She turned the knob and opened it. Then she stopped. She turned back to him, putting her finger in his chest. 

"Don't do that to me again," she said sternly. 

His eyes widened in surprise. She'd never been upset at him before. 

"Don't...put me on the spot. You...don't get to….to do that," she stammered, now getting teary eyed. 

"Rey…." he whispered, his eyes soft with shame. "I'm….. sorry….I just…."

"No! He's…not…it's…." she tries to find the words and failing. 

"Do you….do you...still…" Ben hesitates to ask a question he's not sure if he can handle the answer to. 

"What?" she says, stopping, wondering if he's saying what she thinks he's saying. 

"Him? Do you still…" he says, slowly placing his hand on hers, covering it completely. 

"Do I still what? Love him? I never loved him. But he's dangerous."

She remembers how Hux became so angry at their break up. How he'd screamed at her, saying she belonged to him. Then...she can't remember what happened next but she remembers the pain after. It was terribly frightening. Then he'd watched her, followed her. She is just now recovering from it all. 

Ben spoke quietly….gently. 

"He's not near as dangerous as I am when someone fucks with someone I….care about."

"I can take care of myself."

He flattens her hand against her chest and she feels his heart, beating fast and hard. He moves just a bit closer, looking down at her intently. 

"I have no doubt of that, feisty girl, but given the chance, you'd never have to again."

It's too much. The fire in his eyes. The way he almost breathed out that sentence, his voice so deep it made her knees weak. It's too much. 

She pulls her hand away and pushes past him, all but running to the restroom, locking herself in a stall.

Memories of Armitage Hux coupled with the feelings that Ben Solo gives her, coursing through her, she shakes all over. 

It takes her a while to calm down. 

She returns to her desk and finds a white box. She slowly opens it, confused. 

It's an entire cheesecake. From the Italian restaurant. 

Written inside the lid to the box are the words:

_To make up for you missing out earlier._

_Hopefully you'll find it as sweet as I find you._

_Thank you for taking care of me every day._

_From, Ben._

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and the guys go out for many many shots of whiskey.....

"September 28th"

Ben looks at Finn strangely. 

"What's September 28th?"

"Rey's birthday"

Ben blinks. "Holy shit Finn, that's in two weeks! You should've told me!"

"I'm telling you now," he says, giving Ben an intense look. 

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Ben and Finn met years ago, Finn being his brother's roommate in college. Ben doesn't let people in. There was tension between the two for years. Also, Ben was quite the dickhead for a while, which didn't help the tension. Ben had hurt Poe for a good bit of years, which gave Finn plenty of reason to hate Ben. They'd even gotten into a huge brawl at one point. 

To say this friendship had been hard earned was an understatement. 

But after Ben had finally wised up, taking over his uncle's company along with his brother, Ben had found himself needing Finn's expertise. 

Poe had made Ben go to Finn. He refused to do it. Finn is head over human resources. Ben and Poe knew he'd be great at it. Finn was good with people. 

Ben was not good with people. 

So, Ben and Finn had a long talk, ironing out their differences. That's when Ben found out about Finn's upbringing, being brought up in orphanages and spending quite a bit of time on the streets of New York. Finn is a survivor, even taking in a young, scrappy girl and protecting her. 

Ben had heard of this baby sister. Not born of his blood but born in his heart. Finn had gone on and on about how smart his little sister was, how tough she was. How she could take apart an engine and put it back together. 

Ben had never thought to ask to see her picture. But he was indeed familiar with the name Rey, long before he found himself smitten with her. 

Ben had gone through numerous secretaries. Most had quit in anger, unable to handle Ben's temper. 

Finn had brought up that his sister was job searching. He said he was tired of seeing her toll under car hoods, working in hot mechanic shops where she made little money but was worked like a slave. 

Poe hired her before Ben could blink. 

Finn threatened to kill Ben if he made Rey cry. But then he backtracked, pointing out that it could be vice versa. Rey could have Ben at her beck and call in a short time. Ben had snorted at that. 

Him bowing to his own secretary. 

What-the-fuck-ever.

Now Ben is wondering how much longer before Finn realizes that is indeed what had happened. 

The day that Finn introduced Rey to Ben was one that Ben will never forget. Ben quit breathing when he saw this beautiful creature who was Finn's pride and joy. 

Finn threatened to break his arm if he hurt her. Ben believed Finn could do it. 

And now Finn is leaned back in his chair at the bar that they'd hopped to on this Saturday night. His arms are crossed. 

Ben realizes just how huge Finn's muscular arms have become. He gulps. 

"So," Finn starts, "when were you planning on telling me?" 

Ben gulps again. "Telling you what?"

Finn is staring a hole into Ben's face. Ben thinks Finn might be drunk by now. Ben certainly is. 

"That you are in love with my sister"

"Poe!" Ben shouts at his brother, assuming he told. 

Finn wags his hand in the air. Yep he's drunk. 

"No no no no. Don't blame him. He hasn't said shit." Finn says, then looking at Poe. 

"Hold up. Poe, you _knew?_ So, it's _true_?"

Ben looks down at his whiskey. He's drunk all right. 

"Dammit Finn. I don't wanna talk about it."

Finn crashes his fist on the table. Poe is not drunk. Poe doesn't get drunk. But he does enjoy watching his two closest pals slur and pretend to be upset with each other. Over one Rey Johnson. 

"Tell me, Solo! Are you going after my baby sister??" 

"Going after….what? I haven't touched her!"

"But you were staring at her ass. And her tits. And her face. I saw it. You fucking my sister??"

Ben's face turns red and he goes to stand. Even Rey's own brother will get his ass kicked for saying shit like that about Rey. 

Now Poe intervenes. 

"Woah woah woah. Well, that escalated quickly. Dude, how'd you get from 'you're in love with my sister' to 'are you fucking my sister'? Sit your ass down, Ben."

Ben sits. 

"Now," Poe throws back his shot, "we are going to be gentlemen about this. Ben, tell Finn how you feel. Finn, shut the fuck up."

"Tell him how I feel….this ain't Dr Phil, Poe. I don't owe him an explanation about Rey."

Now Finn jumps up. 

"Oh, so you _are_ fucking my sister???" 

Then Ben jumps up. 

Poe glances at the bouncer at the door. The gigantic man walks over. Poe throws his head first at his best friend, then at his brother. 

"I can't kick their asses. Can you?" 

Bouncer nods. The men sit. Poe is still talking to bouncer. 

"So, Mr Fridge, here's the situation. My best friend's baby sister, cute little thing. Adorable. She works for my big brother here. You following?" 

Fridge nods. 

"My brother, he's a hard ass. Same size as you. See how built you'd be if you worked out a bit more, bro?"

Maybe Poe is drunker than he wants to admit. 

"My BFF brought on his sister to be my bro's secretary. She's cute."

"Shut up, Poe" Ben finally says. 

Poe waves him off. 

"Here's the problem. My hard ass, stubborn as hell brother has spent day after day with my BFF's gorgeous sister. She's pretty hot."

"SHUT UP POE," barks Finn. Poe just grins. Yep, he is indeed drunk. 

"Well now, my brother is a drooling mess. At first I thought he was just horny. But after a while I kept watching. My big brother is in _love. In love, Mr Fridge._ "

Ben seriously thinks his baby brother may be crying. 

"I'm just, so happy. Cause my brother is the biggest dickhead. Dude, you should see him. All puppy eyed and following her around. My girl doesn't even have to work, really. It's beautiful. Seeing my brother in love…."

"SHUT UP POE!!!!" Both Ben and Finn shout. Mr Fridge just shakes his head. 

"We good here, guys?" 

Ben and Finn nod at Bouncer. He smiles then walks on. 

"You love my sister?" Finn asks Ben. 

"Yeah, I think so. Sorry. Don't know what happened," Ben slurs. 

"You ain't fucking her?" 

"NO!!!" Ben hollers. "I haven't even kissed her, dammit! Shut up saying that! She's not some fuck, man!"

"Then what is she, big bro?" Poe asks, leaning in. Finn sees this and leans in too. 

They are very drunk by now. 

Drunk enough that Ben's usual walls are crumbling. 

"She's, wow, she's _Rey._ She's beautiful," Ben is getting emotional now. "She's kind and smart and so sweet and pretty and she loves plants, you guys I now have like 20 plants. Fucking _plants_ . Cause Rey loves plants. And she _talks to the damn plants_ and it's so cute and she baked me a damn _cake for my birthday_ and she gave me this fucking pen," he pulls out said pen," she said it's dark and mysterious like me and _she punched a guy_ for me, like who does that? For me? And she loves Adam Driver. Adam fucking Driver except she said he's _dreamy_ and then she said he looks like me but that dude is ugly so maybe that means I'm ugly who knows but she likes him and she said I look like him…."

"Dude, you are so fucking drunk…." Finn finally says. "yup, you're in love with my sister….so whatcha gonna do 'bout it? I mean, there's a guy in our building who asked her out. That's where she is now…"

Ben now looks like someone ran over his cat. 

"She's….Rey….she's on a date?"

"Yup. You snooze you lose, pal…."

"Shut up, Finn. Just cause she's on a date don't mean shit. Quit fucking with my brother. What's the asshole look like?" 

"Ugly. Short. Blond. Ugly."

"But she likes him?" Ben's voice is shaking, now downing yet another shot of whiskey. 

"No man, I don't think so. He just likes her. I think she's lonely. She was whining about some guy not noticing her."

"SHE LIKES SOME GUY?? WHO??" Ben hollers out. 

"Hell, I don't know. She never does anything but work and come home. I don't know who it could be…."

Poe is mumbling, downing another whiskey. "She never does anything but work….dude, it's you…."

He's staring at Ben, his eyes glazing over. 

"Nah, she ain't into me…." Ben says, sputtering. 

"Well she should be, you're great, bro. I love you…."

"Shut up, Poe," then Ben notices he hurt his drunk brother's feelings, "I love you too, little bro."

"You two are weird," says Finn, pulling his phone out. He starts texting. Being that it's now 2am, Ben wonders who he could possibly be texting. Then it hits him. 

"No!!" Ben yells and snatches Finn's phone. On it he sees Rey's contact pic. She's smiling with red lipstick on her lips. 

Ben sighs like a preteen boy in love. 

"I like this pic. I like her lipstick. It's sexy. Her mouth is sexy…." he slurs. 

"Ben, shut the fuck up about my sister's mouth…."

"You texted her and told her to come here??? At two a.m.??? Imma kick your ass...she don't need to be out at 2 a.m." Ben shouts at Finn. 

"Dude, she may not even be home…."

At this thought, that Rey could possibly be in the arms of her date at 2 am, Ben drops his head to the table and groans. 

"Ohhhh, you got it bad….." Poe slurs. 

Finn looks at his phone. 

"She's coming…."

Ben's head flies back. "What?? Here?? Oh no. I'm so drunk. Dude, why'd you do that??"

"Cause we'ere sooo drunk and Rey she'll take care a us….cause I'm so fucked up right now…."

Ben starts fixing his hair and smoothing out his shirt and he orders coffee. 

"You look like shit." Finn tells him. 

"Fuck off, Finn."

"Soooo…..when're ya gonna tell 'er??"

"Tell her what?" 

"That you _love_ her!! Dude, pay 'ttention…"

"I'm not," Ben says, gulping coffee down and ordering more.

"Why?" Poe says from the table, where he's currently laid his head down. It comes out all muffled from under his arms. 

"Cause she's my secretary!!"

"Well, hell," Poe mumbles, "we can fix that. Move her somewhere else in the company."

"No! She's the best secretary I've ever had!"

Now Poe laughs. "Bro, she sucks. She can't 'member shit. Her coffee is atrocious…"

"Shut up, Poe. Don't talk 'bout her. She's 'mazing…" Ben realizes the coffee isn't working fast enough. Rey's coming! 

Finn laughs. "You gone be my brother in law!"

Ben groans out loud. "Shut up, Finn."

He stands and walks outside. He's worried. Rey's out alone in New York City at 2 am. 

There she is. She's wearing leggings and a huge t-shirt, her hair all mussed. It was obvious that she had been asleep. 

She's gorgeous. 

"Be casual. Be cool. You're _not_ drunk, Ben Solo…..aw fuck....I'm drunk…."

"Ben! I didn't know you were here too!"

Then she pauses. "Ben Solo, are you _drunk_?"

"Just a lil bit"

She smiles and his heart skips. 

"Where are they? Are they as drunk as you?"

"I'm...by FAR...the least drunk, Rey."

"Shit," she says, grabbing his hand and pulling him inside. He stumbles along so very happy that she's holding his hand. The goofy grin on his face doesn't hide it at all. 

They arrive at the table and she's pretty sure both her brother and Poe are asleep. 

"You here to get them?" the bouncer asks. 

"Yeah. Thanks for keeping an eye on them."

"This her?" Mr Fridge asks Ben, nodding at Rey. She just assumed that the bouncer means is she their rescuer. 

"Yup, she's the one." Ben nods, a little too enthusiastically. 

"I see why" Mr Fridge acknowledges. 

"Me too." Ben says, grinning so big at his pride over his girl. 

Well, she's not _really_ his girl. But don't tell Ben that. 

"C'mon you two," she says, pulling both up by the backs of their shirts. 

Luckily she's only a couple of blocks from her and Finn's apartment. The other two men will just have to crash there. 

  
  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the aftermath of said drunkenness....

Finn stumbles to bed. Poe falls asleep on the floor. Ben just collapses on the sofa. 

Rey is covering her smile at his feet hanging over the end of the sofa. 

She slips Poe's shoes off, lifts his head and shoves a pillow underneath and covers him. 

"Sup Rey…." he says in a quite flirty voice. 

"Go to sleep Poe…." she says, shaking her head. 

Then she steps over Poe to check on her boss. 

"Ben…" she shakes him, "Ben, wake up."

"Hi Rey," he slurs and she smiles at him.

"Ben, go get in my bed."

His eyes fly open. "Huh?? Your bed??"

"I'll sleep here, you're too tall. Your back will be killing you tomorrow."

"Nah Rey, s'okay. I can't make you sleep on the couch. S'notta nice thing to do. Imma gentleman…."

She is stifling her laughter. He's so damn adorable. 

"It's okay, really. You need the space."

"You're soooo goodta me, Rey...like everyday you are sooo sweet. And cute. You're so cute in your t-shirt tonight. That's whatta thought when I saw you. I thought 'Rey's gorgeous in that big 'ol t-shirt' then I thought well hell Ben….she's gorgeous in everything everyday."

By now Rey is part tears and part embarrassed because no man has ever been so sweet to her. But then again, he's drunk and probably won't remember this tomorrow. 

Then he's asleep again. She reaches under his neck, sinking her fingers into those jet black waves. She manages to get a pillow under his head. Her hand lingers there and she watches him, transfixed by his beauty. 

Then she slips his shoes off (gah, his feet are huge but she tries not to think about that) and covers him. Of course, the blanket doesn't fully cover him from shoulders to toes so she grabs another, shoving it under his feet. 

"Sweet Rey...too good for me…I don't deserve her. I'm not a good man…"

Rey freezes. What?

She gets on her knees next to his face. 

"You are a good man. Don't talk about yourself like that, Ben."

"No, I'm not. I've done bad stuff. Stole from people. Hurt people. Good people. With Snoke. Did horrible things with Snoke. She doesn't know. Don't tell her. She'll hate me."

She doesn't know what a Snoke is but she knows he's not fully awake. His eyes are closed. She shushes him. 

"Go back to sleep, Ben."

"I couldn't handle her hating me. It would kill me…."

She feels a tear go down her cheek. 

She loves him so much. 

"She could never hate you."

"Okay"

And with that, he's out. She can't stop herself. She places a kiss on his forehead and walks away. 

She doesn't sleep much that night, the man of her dreams asleep just in the next room. 

**______________________________**

She hears them before she sees them. 

"Ohhhh. Shit. What was  _ in  _ that whiskey??" Poe laments. 

"Whiskey. Shut up, Poe" grumbles Ben. She's beginning to think those are Ben's favorite words. She giggles to herself. 

"Wait. Where are we?" Ben asks. 

"Shhh, whisper, dude. We are at Finn and Rey's"

"Shit! How'd that happen?"

"Hell if I know, bro." Poe mumbles. 

She enters the room. "Finn called me, that's how you got here."

Ben shoots straight up, then grabs his head, groaning. 

She giggles at him. 

"Rey! Oh hey Rey."

"Hey Ben…."

"I don't even remember how I got here."

"I knew you wouldn't," she says with a smile, "you were quite plastered."

He finally manages to stand without his head spinning. He walks to Rey, looking down at her. He courses his fingers through his hair. She wonders if he is even aware of how often he tries to hide his ears. 

"I'm so sorry, this is so inappropriate of me, having you come fetch my drunk ass and bring me here."

She realizes that she'd not given much thought last night to how he was dressed. She's never seen him in anything other than a suit and tie. Even though he's hungover and his breath smells like a distillery, she thinks he's so cute in his jeans and t-shirt. With socked feet.

Then she realizes his arms are bare and her eyes widen. 

Holy fuck, he's cut. His arms are huge, all muscle and smooth skin. She has to place her hand on the edge of the counter to stable herself. 

_ Don't look at his arms. Don't look, Rey!! _

She maintains eye contact, using all of her willpower. Her hand squeezes the counter and she places the other behind her back. 

_ Don't touch his arms Rey!! Maintain composure. Breathe….. _

"I'll call on you next time I'm wasted, then we'll be even."

She finishes her statement with a wink.

Then she points down the hallway. 

"Bathroom is down the hall, first door on the left. There's a new toothbrush under the counter."

His hand flies up to his mouth. 

"Oh shit Rey, shit. My breath. Damn it. Sorry. Uh, thanks."

He awkwardly walks down the hallway and she hears the water turn on. She laughs a bit. He's a mess. Still hot though. 

**_____________________________**

Ben looks in the mirror and he's horrified. 

His hair is sticking up everywhere. He smoothes it all down and finds the toothbrush, using way more toothpaste than necessary. And mouthwash. 

_ Dammit Ben. You're a mess.  _

She'd had to rescue him in his drunkenness. He tries desperately to remember last night. 

Wait, did she kiss his forehead? Or did he dream that? 

Probably dreamed it. Even though when Rey kisses him in his dreams, it's  _ not _ on the forehead. 

He recalls what she has on this morning. Sleep pants and a tank top. Damn, she didn't have on a bra. 

_ Damn damn damn dammit!! _

Her hair all untidy and braless. Well hell, how's he supposed to just casually return to the living room? Especially now that he's hard thinking about it. 

_ Down boy. I certainly don't need you making yourself known. _

Now he knows how she looks in the morning and he's a mess. That mental picture won't be going away anytime soon. 

He owes her way more than a cheesecake now. Maybe flowers? 

He mentally calms his situation down under before he leaves the bathroom. 

Rey is cooking. Braless. She's cooking braless.

_ Dammit! _

She pours him coffee and he winces while drinking it. How does she manage to fuck coffee up so badly?

She more than makes up for it in other ways, so he's fine with her horrible coffee. 

"That bad, huh?"

He smiles, trying desperately to maintain eye contact with her. 

_ Don't look at her tits, Solo.  _

"It takes incredible talent to make such terrible coffee."

"Ben!" she fusses, slinging a kitchen towel at her. He catches it and a tug of war begins. 

Which makes her tits bounce and he suddenly let's go of the towel, excusing himself to the sofa. He cannot deal with this. He slips on his sneakers and bids his goodbye. The sooner he can leave, the better. 

"You're leaving?" she asks. 

"Yeah. I've got to get home. Check on my dog."

"You have a dog?? How did I not know that? Why didn't you tell me? I love dogs."

Of course she loves dogs. She's Rey. 

"His name is Moose," he says and pulls out his phone to show her a picture. 

"He's adorable. You should bring him to work one day."

Ben laughs, "Oh, not a good idea. He's quite a handful."

"I'll help you! Please?" 

Of course she'll help him with Moose. She's Rey. 

"Come with me. You can meet him."

At least she'll put on a bra if she comes with him. He hopes. Well, maybe  _ hopes _ isn't the word but for the sake of his sanity, he hopes. 

"Okay! Sure!" 

If he didn't love her so desperately, her constant chipperness would exhaust him. But it doesn't. Because he desperately loves her. 

He waits while she dresses. When she emerges, he quits breathing. He does that a lot around her. 

She's wearing jeans and a cropped striped sweater. Her exposed abdomen is muscular and basically the thing a man's dreams are made of. He shifts and tries not to think of what her skin would feel like under his tongue. 

_ Simmer down, boy. It's just her stomach. But damn, what a stomach.  _

"Ready?" she asks. 

"As I'll ever be," he replies and they leave. 

He'd called for an Uber and it's already waiting. She sits intimately close to him. She's so comfortable with him. He considers this, feeling unworthy of her trust. 

It's times like this when his heart doesn't race. His breath doesn't catch. He isn't made overwhelmingly horny by Rey Johnson. 

He just feels like he's home. 

He knows she's too good for him. He knows she deserves better. He knows he could never make her happy. Not forever. 

But he wants to. Oh how he wants to. Maybe he can be worthy? Maybe he can change? 

He's already changed. Maybe he can stay the course? Stay changed?

"Ben, who is Snoke?" she all but whispers. 

Ben's entire body locks up. 

"W-Why? Where did you hear that name??" he snaps at her. She flinches but he barely notices. 

"You said it last night. When you were drunk…."

"What did I say??" he says, anger seeping through his voice. She flinches again and moves away from him.

"Never...never mind," she responds timidly. 

"No Rey. What did I say?" 

He's leaning towards her and she's pressed into the door. She's gone a bit pale. 

"Stop it Ben," she says, her voice small. 

"I want you to tell me!"

"Um...driver...can you stop? Please? I need to get out."

"Rey! No! Tell me what I said!" 

"Stop it, please….I need to get out…"

She has tears in her eyes but in his anger he can't comprehend this. He needs to know what he told her. He needs to know what she knows about what he did. 

The driver stops and Rey grabs the handle. Ben grabs her wrist and she jerks back, shaking. She can't get the door unlocked and she's panicking. 

"Let me out, please! Please!" 

He suddenly realizes he's scared her and lets go of her wrist. 

"Rey...Rey stop. Rey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Please….let me out…" she cries. 

He goes to reach over her to open the door and she tries to clamor away from him. He's never seen her like this. 

"Rey...I'm opening the door. That's all. Rey, I'm sorry. Please don't go…"

As soon as her door is open she jumps out and bolts, running back towards her apartment. He can't let her run through the streets of New York like this, panicking and afraid. 

He steps out of the car and follows her, staying far back, just keeping an eye on her from afar. Her shoulders are shaking. 

He's terrified on a level he's never felt. This is his Rey and he's scared her. But at the same time, he doesn't understand why she became so afraid. 

He knew he had overreacted. But there was something more to her fear than his overreaction. He continues to follow, just wanting to make sure she arrives back home safely. 

_ Shit.  _

He knows. 

He knows why she panicked. 

The ex. 

Something about his reaction triggered a memory. Of him. Of  _ him _ . The ex boyfriend. 

She'd alluded to abuse in the elevator. Had he not overreacted then, maybe she would've opened up to him. Maybe if she had explained to him, he would've been able to stay calmer just then. If she wouldn't have run from him, he'd understand and not trigger her. 

_ No, Ben. That's bullshit. Don't blame her. You knew. You  _ **_knew_ ** _ there was abuse and you  _ **_still_ ** _ scared her.  _

_ Dammit, you always fuck up. Always.  _

Ben is also shaking now, knowing,  _ knowing _ what he's done. Frightening away the best thing that's  _ ever _ happened to him. 

He pulls his phone out, hoping she won't hear him. He calls her brother. 

"Finn, it's me. Rey is crying."

"The fuck??? Where is she?? Why is she crying??"

"She asked me about Snoke and I overreacted."

"Well of course the fuck you overreacted!! You  _ always _ overreact!! You scared her, didn't you??"

"I didn't mean to, Finn! I swear I didn't!!"

"Yeah, that's what Hux always said too. Fuck you, Ben."

Finn hung up, probably to go meet Rey in the street. 

_ Hux?? That's the motherfuckers name? What did this  _ **_Hux_ ** _ do to her?? _

Ben stepped back into an alcove just in time to see Finn run up to her. She immediately fell into her brother's arms. Finn held her face in his hands, wiping her tears and consoling her. He took her inside their building and Ben breathed a sigh of relief. 

He didn't know what to do. How to fix this. What if she quit? What if he never saw her again? He panics, shaking and he begins to cry. He can't lose her. He has to fix this. 

He knows Finn may never forgive him but he's so grateful that he is taking care of her. 

His heart is breaking that he doesn't get to be that man that is allowed that privilege. 

Not anymore. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben visits his mom for Labor Day.
> 
> We find out what happened to Han.
> 
> Poe and Ben have a heart to heart. 
> 
> Oh and MOOSE 🐕🐕

He is numb. His brain is numb. Except he wants to throw up.

He does, barely making it to his bathroom.

He's sick at the fact that he scared her. He scared her. Rey.

Good things never came for him. His childhood, rarely good. His adolescent years, the only good came when he was spending time with his best friend, his brother.

But even that ended when Snoke came.

He'd been so foolish, so stupid to get involved with the mafia. He still looks over his shoulder. The enticement wasn't money, no. He'd grown up wealthy. It was acceptance. What he so foolishly thought of as a form of love. He'd thought, finally, someone who accepts me for me.

He knows one day he will have to tell Rey why he is so screwed up. If she doesn't hate him now.

What if she hates me now? What if I never see her eyes again? Feel her hand on my chest? Watch her water those stupid plants?

He pukes again. Moose comes to see him.

"She was coming to meet you, boy. The one I told you about. Remember the picture I showed you? I fucked up. I'm sorry."

Moose just nudges him. He sits on the floor in front of the toilet and wraps his arms around his friend's neck. Then he cries.

"I love her so much, Moose. She hates me now."

Moose just whines in disagreement.

“I can’t blame her, buddy. I fucked up bad. Oh my God, what am I going to do without her?”

Moose crawls into his lap, curling up. The fact that the dog weighs 80 pounds and is curled up in his lap like a puppy brings a slight smile to his face.

“Good boy….” he whispers to probably the only friend he has left.

_______________________________

He’s glad the office is closed for Labor Day. Gives him a little more time before having to face reality again.

Ben enters his mom’s house, an extravagant home in the Hamptons. He usually spends that weekend with her but this time, he just needs her. Even though he hates to admit it.

Things had been so tense since his father passed. It had been all because of Ben.

His father and mother had fought over him. Again. Story of his life. Ben was supposed to visit for July 4th. His mother had invited him. His dad had said no.

Han Solo was afraid of his son. Afraid of having his son around. Han was afraid that Ben's enemies would choose to show up, seek their revenge on Ben while he was with his family. Han had a wife and another son to protect.

Han’s fear was not too far fetched. Threats had been made. Everyone knew that Senator Leia Organa Solo’s eldest son had mafia ties. It was no secret.

Leia had begged Ben to come. He had stayed away from his family for years. After many texts from his mom and from Poe, he had relented, even promising to bring his own bodyguards for extra protection just in case. Han said no way were mafia henchmen allowed inside his home. Poe was still living with them, going to college.

Looking back now, Ben could understand. But at the time, he seemed to rebel against everything his dad said.

How dare he try to keep him from his own mother and brother? It was her home too and Leia had welcomed him. He was going. Han be damned.

When it became more and more apparent that Ben was indeed coming, henchmen in tow, Han exploded. A huge fight occured between husband and wife the day before Ben’s arrival.

Han flew into a rage that got him kicked out of the house. He jumped into his old Falcon and took off, speeding down the roads and curves near their home. Han was pretty drunk. Han disappeared, seemingly off the face of the earth.

He was found dead several days later, having driven off the road and crashed in a place that was hard to see by anyone driving by. His car had rolled and landed in the water, face down. Han had been pinned inside, trapped.

Ben had become a lost soul by that point in his life, hardened and emotionless. He probably would not have even agreed to go see his mother and brother if Han had been so opposed, truth be told.

Ben was always rebellious though.

For the rest of his life, he will never forget the screams coming from his mother or the utter, soul wrenching cries coming from his brother when he'd answered the phone call. Everyone, including Ben, had assumed that Han was drunk somewhere, holed up.

But as his brother sobbed out the truth, something inside Ben broke. As his mom screamed the word no over and over in the background, he knew. He knew it was his fault. If he had not been so stupid and realized that his father was right, his dad would still be alive today.

Han would still be alive to give Ben advice about this woman whom Ben loved. This woman who Ben had decided he could never make happy. Maybe, just maybe, his dad could tell him how to be worthy of Rey Johnson.

Because his mother loved his father, even though she was out of his league. So many had said that Leia shouldn't marry Han Solo. She was the daughter of a president. He was the son of nobody. But he still got her and for the most part, they were happy.

Ben had turned his back on his old life. Not long after, his mob boss was brutally murdered. Ben would've been with the old man had he not walked away. Some even thought Ben had him killed. It was never proven though. The lead detective didn't seem too eager to solve the crime.

Ben went to his mother, begging her forgiveness. She loved him too much to blame him. Ever since, Ben was a devoted son, even taking over her twin brother’s flailing company, saving it.

He lets himself in, Moose taking off towards the back of the house, in search of the seashore behind it. Ben drops his bag on the floor, listening.

“There’s my granddog!!” rings out his mother’s voice.

“No Moose!! Down!!” Ben yells at his overexcited pup. Leia fortunately is standing in front of the sofa when Moose knocks her backwards.

“Moose!! Down boy!!” Ben continues to yell.

Leia's laughter is smothered by pooch kisses.

“You leave him alone! He's just happy! Isn't that right, boy? That's right. Him just wants his grandma.”

Ben stills pulls his dog off of his aging mother. Moose plays with everyone like he plays with Ben. Except Ben is 6’3 and can handle it. His mom is a foot shorter.

“Go open the back doors, he'll find the water and forget about me,” Leia laughs.

Ben just nods and walks into the kitchen, Moose following. He knows that the shore is close by and is eager to go find waves to chase.

As Ben follows the blur of his dog into the back property, he finds his brother, sipping a beer at the table next to the pool.

Poe was quiet, sunglasses perched on the tip of his nose. Ben immediately knows why his brother had not come to greet him.

Ben pulls out the chair next to Poe.

“Go ahead, little bro. Let me have it. Do your worse.”

Poe watches Moose run into the water, immediately getting pummeled by the waves.

“You gonna try to fix it? Or just walk away again?”

Ben almost reacts defensively but then he sighs, grabbing his brother's beer and gulping the rest down.

“I deserve that,” he finally responds.

“Yeah, you do. You scared her, Ben. You always forget how intimidating you are. The fuck is wrong with you? The girl has been through enough."

Ben stands, spotting Moose wallowing in the grass. He sits again.

"Who is Hux?" he asks his brother.

"Nope. Don't deflect. What happened?"

"Is she okay?"

"Ben...what...happened…."

"I overreacted. I pushed and I scared her. That's what happened."

"Well, what are you going to do about it?"

Now Ben is angry. He's already aware that he's an idiot. What does Poe want him to say?

"Hell Poe!! What can I do??"

Poe pushes his sunglasses to the top of his head. He smirks.

"You asking me for chick advice?"

"Just shut the fuck up. Don't come at me unless you wanna help me figure this out."

Poe shakes his head, laughing out loud until Ben cuts him a look. Then he's quiet, thinking.

"Finn hates me now. Dammit." Ben mumbles.

Moose comes galloping up, wet and blissfully happy. He nudges Ben's hand.

Poe emits a low whistle, calling Moose to him then scratching his ear.

"Stick, boy. Go find Poe a stick."

Moose's ears perk at the word stick and he's gone again.

"No, actually, Finn doesn't hate you. He knows Rey well enough. Rey cares about you, dude. Finn just needs to know this isn't going to be a regular occurrence. He knows you love her. He also knows you two are going about this all wrong."

"There's no 'you two'. Nothing has happened. She's my secretary, I'm her boss. That's it. Maybe not even that anymore."

"Shut up, Ben. You know there's a 'you two'. She let you call her your girl. Any other woman would've decked you."

"You….you know about that?"

"Rey tells Finn everything. Finn tells me everything. You stroked her hand and she held your face. It's like I was there."

Ben buried his face in his palms.

"Aw fuck man. What am I going to do?"

"You are going to apologize. To her face. No gifts. No spectacular show. Just a real apology."

Ben still has his face covered.

"What if she hates me? What if she rejects my apology?"

"Then she's just your secretary."

Ben groans.

"Rey will never be just my anything."

Poe reaches over and grips his shoulder.

"You will continue to be a good boss to her. You will continue to be kind and respectful and will you continue to be my big brother, the best boss she's ever had. You don't know the things I know about Rey. No one has taken care of her in a job. Her other boss was a dick to her."

Ben looks at Poe.

"What do you know about Rey? Help me out, bro. What are you holding back?"

Poe stands, slapping Ben on the back.

"Things I'm not at liberty to say. All I'll say is, if I ever meet her ex-boss or her ex-boyfriend, I'll make the shit you seen in the mafia look like a day on Coney Island."

Ben's blood runs cold. What had they done to her?

"Can I help?"

"Bro, I have a feeling that once you find out her whole story, I'm going to see old Ben reemerge. And that, my big brother, scares the absolute shit out of me. Just, please, don't fuck up how far you've come. Don't forget, you've got people counting on you. Your company needs you. Hell, me and mom need you. Don't pull a Ben."

Poe turns to walk inside and Ben grabs him by the arm.

"Don't do that. Tell me. Tell me what happened to her."

Poe shakes his head.

"I can't. I promised. Give it time. First things first, fix your fuck up. Then take care of her. She won't open up until she trusts you."

Ben nods, eternally grateful for his parents decision to adopt his brother.

"If she forgives me, I'll do whatever it takes to take care of her."

Poe sets his hand on Ben's shoulder.

"I've never seen you like this. Not even for what's-her-face."

"Bazine was never the woman Rey is."

Poe nods, looking out at the water.

"A fucking fact, bro. I hated that bitch."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As I set here with the eye of a category 2 hurricane about one hour from me, I listen to 60 mph winds outside. No power. It's 3am. 
> 
> Just trying to distract myself. 
> 
> Leia gives Ben good advice.
> 
> Ben tries to sneak his 6'3 self into his office.

It took his mother approximately three hours to get involved. 

It's a new record. 

After dinner, Ben is sitting next to the pool, Moose curled at his feet in the grass, exhausted from a game of fetch with his Uncle Poe. 

Ben stared up at stars from the red adirondack chair. 

He knows what's coming. Motherly advice. 

"Is Rey a nickname?" Leia asks, sipping her margarita. 

Here we go…..

"Short for Reyna," Ben tells her. 

"Very pretty name." Leia says slowly, partly from her drink and partly because she's treading in slowly. 

That won't last. Ben knows this. 

"Don't go overboard. Just apologize. Women appreciate a heartfelt apology more than a grand gesture."

"Okay, Mom."

"She makes you happy?"

"Yeah….I like her."

"I've met her a few times."

"You've met Rey??"

"Yes, son. She's your brother's best friend's sister."

Ben just nods his head, this all being news to him. Leia doesn't miss a beat

"She's very pretty. Your dad and her talked shop. He liked her too. I think she was around 19?"

Ben sips his beer, trying hard not to interrogate his mother for info on Rey. One, Leia would love that. Two, Ben would rather get info straight from the object of his desire. 

Three and the biggest reason. He may never see her again. 

Any new info may just push him over the edge if she's truly gone from his life. 

He needs another beer. Now. While getting drunk is probably a horrible idea after just being drunk days ago, the pain in his heart is growing. 

"She's a sweet young lady, Ben. Please learn to control your emotions better. You deserve happiness. Rey deserves happiness. I'd love nothing more than to see you two make each other happy. I think the loneliness you've both endured could be something you could help heal in each other. But, remember what I said. A sincere apology. And space. A woman like Rey doesn't allow people inside. You'll have to open that door again. Slowly."

She stands to go, taking a few steps and then stopping. She doesn't turn around, keeping her back to him. 

"She's a lucky girl, having caught your eye. Don't underestimate yourself son. I know my boy. You are enough for her. You can make her happy. You understand her soul."

"Mom, I'm not good en……"

"That's my son you are talking about. My beautiful boy. Don't degrade him. You are what she needs. You are your father's boy. When you love, you love completely. You can give her what she needs. Apologize, don't crowd her, be patient, she will come around."

"She's worth waiting for."

"So are you, my boy. So are you."

______________________________

He wonders how it would look if he wore a hoodie and big ass sunglasses to work. 

Because he just wants to hide. 

Yeah, like Rey wouldn't know who he is with a hoodie on. Ben stands out in a crowd. Usually way above a crowd too. Like a tree in a forest of shrubs. 

Finally, he drags himself out the door and onto the sidewalk. Then into a cab. Then out of a cab. 

_Small steps, Ben. You can do this. You run the company. You can't quit._

He counts the steps from the cab to the door of the building. One foot in front of the other. The elevator doesn't usually run this fast, he thinks. 

When the doors open to the executive floor, he peeks out like a kindergartner on his first day of school. Left, right, run. 

Well, not literally run. That would just be weird. 

His sunglasses are still on. There will probably be rumors he showed up hungover at work. 

Her desk is empty. Whew. 

Her desk is empty. Oh God, what if she quit?

He hurries inside his office and shuts the door, feeling silly as hell for hiding out in his office. At his own damn company. 

He bangs his forehead against the door over and over. 

Then, a shuffle of paper behind him causes his entire body to lock up. 

He turns slowly. 

She's sitting in the chair, looking through paperwork, glasses teetering at the tip of her nose. Her long legs crossed at the knee. She's wearing a black business suit but the skirt is _entirely_ too high up her bare thigh right now for Ben to focus. She's clearly been to the beach, her tanned legs dotted with even _more_ freckles. Her foot, covered by a black stiletto heel, bounces at a high rate of speed. She is not looking up or acknowledging him in any way. 

_Breathe, Solo. You've dealt with damn mafia bosses, you can deal with a pissed off secretary._

Except the mafia bosses didn't have freckled thighs. Or stiletto heels. 

He's never been so intimidated. 

She finally looks up, all steely eyed and red lipstick. 

_How is she so incredibly hot when she looks ready to skin me alive?_

"Rey…."

"Mr. Solo…."

She goes on, speaking to him about the meeting this morning but his ears are roaring after hearing the words _Mr. Solo_. 

He's no longer Ben. He's been demoted and it hurts like fucking hell. 

Well, he did it. 

He's been in the doghouse before. With Bazine. But he gave zero fucks when he was. Bazine was so fucking difficult. 

And all he'd have to do was go down on her and she'd forget all about what he did. 

While doing that exact thing to Rey Johnson was singularly _the_ most exotic thing he'd ever wanted to do _in his life_ , he was pretty sure that wasn't an option. 

He had no idea what to do. He clearly was not prepared for this. So he just stands there like a buffoon. 

"Rey," he repeats, thinking maybe the next words would just evolve from his brain. They don't. 

She stands and walks to his desk, leaning slightly to lay the paperwork in the center. 

The lean seemed exaggerated. 

_Is she teasing me? Cause she's pissed and she knows her ass drives me insane?_

Because he's 100% sure Rey has never worn such a short skirt and 1000% sure she's never worn heels like that. 

Something is up. And not just the situation below his belt. 

Thank God he is still wearing his coat. 

She turns and walks towards him with such purpose that he has to quickly step to the side to avoid being plowed over by this stick of dynamite. She opens his door and goes to her desk, turning her back with a coldness he'd not encountered since the winter he'd gone on a trip to Alaska. 

He leaves his door open. 

Just as he sits, his phone buzzes. He looks down to a text from Poe. 

_**URN the 🐕🐕🐕🐕🏠🏠🏠🏠🏃🏃 like hell. I'll take over the company** _

He types back. 

_**SHUT UP POE** _

Poe's laughter echoes from next door. 

He decides to punch his brother later today. 

The next three hours slide along with the speed of a glacier, all ice cold and unfeeling and slow as fuck. 

He remembers what his mother told him. Apologize. Give her time. 

"Rey?" Ben calls out from his open door. She sits up straight as a board, her long neck stiff and giving off the tension she feels. The way he sees her freeze making him wince, sensing her fear even from a good twenty feet away. 

_She's really afraid of me now. Oh hell, how do I fix this?_

Or was it anger? He's never been good at reading women. 

"Yes, Mr. Solo?"

_If she keeps calling me that, I may puke again._

"Can you step into my office?"

"Yes," she responds coldly. 

She walks in and he's trying so very hard not to notice how anger makes her gorgeous. She's killing him in that suit. Black is his favorite color. Well...was. Now his favorite color is her eyes, a greenish brownish goldish kaleidoscope that seemed to change according to her mood. 

He wants to get close enough to see what anger does to that kaleidoscope. But he doesn't dare. The desk is a safety barrier between them. 

"Shut the door," he tells her. 

Her eyes flicker with worry and it physically hurts him. She's afraid to be alone with him. 

"Do I have to?" 

"No. You don't have to Rey. You don't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable."

She shuts it. 

_First good sign_ , he thinks. 

"Rey, I'm not going to ask you to sit. I'm not going to approach you unless you are okay with it. But I'd very much like to. Please don't say yes to me unless you are comfortable. Can I please approach you?"

His fists are in his lap, out of view of her. He clenches them tightly, struggling to breathe normally. 

"No."

The pain is impossible to hide. He tries so very hard to hide it. But he fails. 

"Why do you want to?" she asks, timidly. Her teeth then bite her dark red bottom lip and he tries and fails not to stare at her lovely mouth. 

"Rey," he speaks very softly, very low, like she's a spooked kitten getting ready to either run or pounce in self defense. 

"I want to….I have to….please...I need to apologise."

She reaches for the doorknob. 

"Please Rey. _Please_."

She freezes, staring at the door like it's the answer to all her problems. Like it's the escape plan to a threat. 

"Apologize for what?" she says with her back to him. 

"May I please approach you? I won't stand close. I'm aware I've scared you."

"I'm... I'm not afraid of you. I'm not afraid of anyone."

The catch in her voice is almost his undoing. She's so brave, his strong girl. She tries so hard to be tough. To be that block of ice that he knows she's not. 

He's known icy women. Hell, he almost married one. Rey is not icy. She's literally her own nickname. Rey. Like the sun. 

"Please Rey, let me come closer. This is so hard. This is too much. I need to look in your eyes. I need to try to fix this."

She nods and he prays to God that she meant yes. He slowly stands and steps closer to her. He stops several feet away from her. 

"Fix what?" she asks and he knows she's trying to pretend it didn't happen. That he had not made her afraid. 

"Fix my stupid, foolish mistake. Fix what is probably the dumbest thing I've ever done. And if you ever let me in, you'll realize how profound it is that _this_ is what I consider to be my biggest mistake. Because I've done some really stupid, awful shit. But upsetting you makes everything I've done pale in comparison because _you_ , Reyna Johnson, have become oh so special to me. I'd _never_ set out to deliberately hurt you. I'd do _anything_ to have you as my friend again. Please, please forgive me. Call me Ben again. Because hearing you call me Mr. Solo, that's probably the most pain I've ever felt. Please Rey."

She opens the door and walks out. His knees almost give. He watches her grab her purse and her coat. 

"I'm going to lunch," she announces. 

"Are you coming back?" he almost whines. 

She keeps her back to him.

"Yes. You have a meeting in the morning and I haven't prepared for it yet. I have to come back. I don't run from my responsibilities."

"Okay," he says, somehow keeping his heartache from his voice. 

She doesn't go to the elevator. She simply opens the door to the staircase and then she's gone. 

He can't help but be afraid that she will panic and she won't return. 

"She'll be back," says a voice. 

He looks over to see his brother watching. 

"Big bro, she'll be back. Don't give up."

Ben simply looks at his brother, not needing to speak. The bond he has with Poe doesn't require him to. Poe knows what he's thinking. 

"Go back in your office. I won't let anyone bother you. I'm cancelling today's meeting. I'm proud of you, bro. The old Ben couldn't have done that."

He nods at his brother and goes into his office. He lays across the sofa, exhausted. He stares at the ceiling until he can't stay awake any longer. 

He hasn't been this tired in ages. 


	9. Chapter Nine

"Hey," he hears a whisper. 

He opens his eyes, his back throbbing. 

She's on the floor, leaning against the sofa. She's only inches from his face, to his left. The office is darker. Someone turned the lights off and closed all of the blinds, including the ones on the windows overlooking the Manhattan skyline. 

He blinks several times. Then he realizes. 

She's here. Rey is here, seated on the floor, her bare feet curled under her. She's looking at him. 

"Hey," he says in a low tone, whispering. 

Why? Why is she here?

"Ummm….I shouldn't have run," she whispers, "I'm sorry."

He shakes his head. 

"No. No Rey. Don't be sorry. I'm sorry."

She sits and stares down, twisting her hands. 

"I...I don't understand what happened the other day...I didn't think you'd get so upset. I wouldn't have brought it up…."

"Can I sit up?"

"Huh?" she replies, confused as to why he'd ask permission to sit up. 

"I just...I know I'm kinda scary. I'm like this big lumbering thing all awkward and scary. I don't want to just sit up, looking down at you and scare you."

"I'm not scared of you," she whispers. 

"I scared you. Quit saying I didn't."

"Not so much scared as overwhelmed. You overwhelmed me. It just reminded me of the past. But I shouldn't assume you'd be like him…..sit up."

He does, straightening his clothes. She looks so small on the floor at his feet. He helps her sit next to him. 

Once her hands are in his, neither lets go. They just sit there, both staring at their joined hands. He strokes her fingers absentmindedly. 

"Your hands are so tiny but I can tell you've worked them hard," he says, feeling the calluses, rubbing the scars. 

She smiles just a bit. 

"Pitfalls of a mechanic. Took me months to get the grease stains off of my fingernails. Not a professional thing in a high scale office to have grease stains."

"May I?" he asks, lifting her fingers to his face. 

"Quit asking me. You held my hands before."

"That was before I fucked up and hurt someone very special to me…"

He nuzzles the top of her hand to his mouth. Not kissing. Just feeling. 

"Rey, I don't know what he did. But I'd never ever hurt you. If you want to talk about it, I'm here. When I think about him hurting you…."

His eyes darken and her breath catches. 

"You meant what you said? I'm special to you?" she whispers. 

His voice takes on a desperate tone.

"Don't you know that by now? Can't you see it in my face? Hear it in my voice? Rey, if I didn't think Poe would be a big crybaby, I'd tell everyone that you are my best friend. No one has ever bothered to get to know me. I have 27 plants in my office because you worry about my mental health. You see me. Do you know that people are afraid to touch me? Afraid to get close to me? Especially afraid to stand up to me. You touch me. You get close with no fear. You are fearless. You aren't afraid of me. You see things like pens and think of me. You notice if my tie is crooked. If my hair is out of place. YOU SEE ME. No one has ever SEEN me. Poe...I'm his big brother. I protect him. But even Poe, he's afraid of me. Up until two days ago, you weren't afraid of me…."

Rey looks up to his face. Even in the dark, her eyes fascinate him. 

"I told you. I'm not scared of you. I wasn't scared. I just….I was confused…."

Ben shakes his head. 

"Rey, I leaned over the top of you. I all but pushed you against the door. So stupid. I'm so fucking stupid…."

Pure fire flashes in her eyes. Literally, the gold flecks flash. He gasps. Fuck, she's beautiful. 

"Stop it!!! Stop saying that! You aren't stupid!"

They both become quiet. It's not really tension. Resignation. He resigns the fact that he will not be allowed to berate himself in front of her. She resigns that, for some strange reason she still doesn't quite grasp, she loves this man. Someone hurt him. She will find out the who's and why's. 

He is still holding both of her hands in his. He absentmindedly strokes the top of each hand with his thumbs, lingering over the scars. 

"He….Snoke….he was my boss. Rey, look at me. Like, really, look at me. I need to tell you this, especially since you asked. But, listen, when I say this, you will walk away from me."

She goes to interrupt. 

"No….you will. You'll see. You'll see that I'm not some amazing man. And when you do, it's okay. I'll be okay. I'll find you another place in the company. So you don't have to see me. Just please, do me a favor. Don't leave the company. I have to know you are not going back to the mechanic life, where you get scars but no pay. Where you work too hard and can't afford groceries. I need to know you are well paid and are able to take care of yourself…."

"Stop it Ben. Now you are scaring me."

He lets go of her hands and stands, going to the window and opening the blinds. It's getting darker outside. A thunderstorm is approaching. 

Well that seems fitting. 

He has to put space between them because she's going to run. He knows it. But he can't keep secrets from her. He loves her too much. He takes a deep breath, shaking. Here goes. 

"I was in the mafia, Rey. Snoke is the nickname of Sheev Palpatine. The famous mob boss. I worked for him."

Silence. 

He's pretty sure that he'd hear those damn stiletto heels click on the floor. But no. Just silence. 

Maybe she walked out barefooted?

After five seconds that felt more like five days, he slowly turns his head, peeking over his shoulder. It's still very dark in his office. The storm is pretty intense, dark and rumbling, rain falling in sheets. 

She's still there, legs folded under her rear, stilettos on the floor, hands folded in her lap. She looks on at him, no outwardly expression on her face. It's like he just read her the weather report. 

"Ben," she whispers, "do you know the name Unkar Plutt?"

He wrinkles his brow. Of course he knows that name. Plutt was the mafia's car man. He worked on their vehicles, installing cameras or mics as needed. He was the best when it came to acquiring what they needed. He could remove all traces of any trackable info on the vehicles. He also specialized in getting rid of any vehicles used in hits. He's a genius. Or was. Ben has no idea if the blob of a man is even still alive. Snoke protected Plutt. 

"How do you know that name, Rey?"

She almost smirks 

"Did you encounter him often?"

"Rey….." he almost repeats his actions from Saturday night. 

When Rey brought up Snoke, it scared the shit out of him. Not many knew his nickname. For Rey to know that name, that is dangerous for her. He had reacted not out of anger but out of fear. 

And now she knows another name that could endanger her, except this name wasn't acquired from his drunken ramblings. What the actual hell is going on??

"You answer me first," she says, defiant eyes shining. 

"No.. yes….sometimes. That wasn't my job. How do you know him, Rey? You can't know him! He's dangerous! If you know him, he could hurt you! I won't let you be…."

"Unkar is scared shitless of me, Ben."

"Come here," he says only because he's frozen in place.

She obeys, only because it's Ben. 

He cups her face with his hands. There's something major about to be revealed. He needs to touch her. She sighs as he does and he can't help it that his body reacts. The woman is the epitome of everything he's ever fantasized about and he can't help it. His body needs her. 

_Not now_ , he tells his nether regions. 

"Now, what are you saying?" 

"Did you ever go to his shop? Did you ever hear talk of Kira? His right hand?" 

"Ummm...yeah. I mean, no I didn't go to his shop but the guy who did, he went on about this hot chick that worked for him. I think that was her name. Why? Is she related to you?"

Rey smiles. 

"You could say that. He changed my name after I threatened him. I didn't want my real name known by you guys."

Ben lets go, stumbling back. 

_No. No. No_ …..

"Oh,calm down. It was good money for a foster kid."

Rey is Kira. Rey worked for the mafia car guy. Actually, there's no fucking way that Plutt could work on cars. Too damn fat. 

But this lithe thing, all muscle and scarred hands and quick wit, she could probably fit her body under a hood, under a car, up in the spaces where cameras and mics were hidden. 

"You, you were the one doing the work, weren't you? Not him. He had you doing all of it."

"Yup. And I was good at it, too."

He sits down at his desk. 

As much as he doesn't want to remember his days with the mob, remember his old ways, knowing that _this is Kira_. This is the woman that all of Snoke's men wanted. The woman they told filthy jokes about, turns him on in ways he's never known. 

Kira, _the girl they all wanted_ , is his secretary. 

Damn. 

He'd heard she was hot. Damn straight. 

_Dude, calm your dick. It's not like you are fucking her. Shit, you are no better than they are._

No wonder they wouldn't shut up about her. Look at her. 

But, no, like he told his brother, Rey isn't some lay. She's more valuable than that. 

Does he want to fuck her? Hell yes. Everyway that exists. For days, until she can't walk and he can't move. _Down boy_. But more than that, he wants to take care of her. If, _if,_ he ever got the opportunity, if she ever was attracted to him and opened that door, he'd make love to her. Everyway that exists. For days. Until he knows every inch of her body. _Down boy_. Because that's what she deserves. Not some mindless writhing but taking his time, getting to know what makes her feel good.

_Down boy! She's right there!!_

Then he'd hold her all night long…..

Hold up, since when is he a cuddler? 

Since Rey Johnson. 

She walks to his desk, leaning her ass against the corner, smiling. 

"What are you smiling about?" he asks. 

"Just wondering what the odds are that one of Snoke's men and Plutt's Kira would be working together, all these years later. Has to be big odds."

Then she sucks in sharply. 

"Wait, what was your name?" she asks. 

"Rey, I haven't said it in years. I killed that piece of shit. My old persona."

"Tell me Ben. You know mine. It's only fair."

She's right about that. He trusts her with this info. Even Finn doesn't know his old name. But he trusts Rey. 

"Kylo," he whispers. 

" _You're_ Kylo?" she whispers like he told her the location of Area 51, "Oh my God. You're Kylo."

For some reason, her dramatic reaction makes him smile because she's always so cute when she's dramatic. 

"Why are you saying it that way?" 

"Because _all_ the shop girls wanted to fuck Kylo….said you were hot as fuck, built like a tree."

If he had been drinking something, he would've spit it across the room. 

She stands and goes to slip her heels on. He looks at the clock. Shit it's time to go. The day is over. 

He's still in shock from what she'd said and he just watches her. She walks to the door. 

Then she throws her eyes back over her shoulder, looking way too mischievous for his own sanity. 

"What?" he asks. 

She looks him over for a long second. 

"Now I see why…..they were right."

He's frozen again, unable to breathe as he swears he sees her ass sway just a bit. She grabs her purse and umbrella, wrapping her trench coat around herself and leaving him there, speechless. 

He looks down at his crotch and nods. 

_Yep, she's going to be the death of me, he thinks, but what a way to go._


	10. Chapter 10

The more he thinks about it, the madder he gets. 

It's now 6pm and his office is almost completely dark. He hasn't moved. Just sat there, thinking. Getting _pissed._

He knows that her brother is still down the hall. No one has left since Rey stepped into the elevator, giving him a wink and a mind-blowing smile right before the doors shut. 

He'd had to be still for a while. For his own well being. 

Then, thoughts came tumbling into his mind. Thoughts of Rey working for that disgusting piece of shit. 

Plutt was well known for his filthy perverted mouth. He'd uttered one word at Bazine and she'd almost broken his nose. His ex girlfriend had told Ben exactly how awful Plutt treated women. 

"He's got this poor girl working for him, Kylo. I swear she's underage. She's super good at what she does and he just grabs her ass and says something about sucking his dick. I will say though, she swung some long pole at him, cut his leg open. I think that's why the guys wanna fuck her. Men like it rough. She's not a pretty thing, though. All skin and bones."

It was one time he was proud of his ex. Last he heard, she was stripping. Not surprising. 

Bazine was wrong though. Rey is beautiful. Much prettier than his ex. A real lady. A real woman. 

So, how the fuck did she wind up with Plutt?

He knows Finn's been her brother for over a decade. Why would he let her work for someone like that?

He's about to find out.

He leaves his office after shrugging off his coat and tie. If he didn't think he'd cause some upper Manhattan uproar, he'd tone down the dress code. 

Because he hates ties and jackets. 

And, he thinks, unbuttoning his shirt collar and then the first three buttons, not being able to breathe all day long. 

He goes into Finn's office. The exec over HR nods at him. 

First, he's going to have to make amends. 

"Finn," he nods. 

"Ben," he nods back, "what do you want? I saw her run out earlier."

"Did you see her come back?" Ben says, leaning on the doorframe.

"No. But she's not going to quit. She's not a quitter."

"This I know," Ben says, nodding towards the chair, asking for silent permission to sit. 

"I'm not going to not let the CEO sit in my office, Ben," Finn says, crossing his arms. 

"I'm not asking as CEO." 

"Then who are you asking as?" Finn questions him. 

Ben sits in the chair, unbuttoning and rolling up his sleeves then placing his arms on the armrests. 

"I'm asking as the man in love with your sister."

Finn makes a sound, like he wants to laugh.

"Okay, so then, as the brother of the woman you are in love with, the woman _you_ had crying all over me two nights ago….the fuck do you want?

"To say I'm sorry."

"You need to say it to _her_ , Ben!!"

Ben nods, understanding why Finn is angry. He's a big brother too. 

"I did. I said it several times. I'll keep saying it. I'll do whatever I need to."

"And???" Finn says, dragging the word out.

"For some ungodly reason, she forgave me."

"Yeah, she forgives. But Reyna does not forget."

Ben nods again. "As she shouldn't. Hence the reason I said I'll do whatever I need to. I'll keep making it up to her. Every day. Every fucking day for the rest of my life, if she'll let me."

"So…you're serious about her? 'The rest of your life' serious?" Finn says, dropping his head, shaking it and laughing. 

"Yes, Finn. I'd marry her tonight if she'd let me. I'd take care of her every day. She'd never want for anything," then he pauses, "she'd never have to be _Kira_ again."

Finn's head snaps up. 

"How? How do you know that? I swear Ben, if you tell _anybody_ …."

"How could you let her work for him? In that world?? Do you know what he did to her?? Do you know what my henchmen wanted to do _to_ her?? Did you know half the fucking mafia wanted to have their way with **_the one person you were supposed to protect_ **?? Your baby sister!! I heard graphic tellings of how they wanted to bend her over and fuck her!! I myself kept them from going after her!!"

"Ben...nobody stops Rey…."

By this point, Ben is standing up, leaning over Finn's desk, tall enough to be nose to nose with the man. 

"And then you don't even tell me that she's _Kira_ , the mafia car guy's hot young girl that my men wanted to go after?? You knew she was in the world I almost _died_ getting out of?? You knew I'd know who she was! Hell, Plutt offered to sell her to us!! Did you know that??"

"She made me promise!! Wait….he what??" 

"What the _hell_ is going on in here??" Poe hollers from the door. 

Ben points at Finn. 

"He didn't tell me she was involved with the mafia! Rey was working for the car guy! The guy was abusing her! Tried to pimp her out!"

"Woah, woah," Poe says, walking towards him, hands outstretched like he was some lion wrangler and Ben was the lion.

"Rey entered that life against her brother's wishes"

" **_YOU KNEW??! YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS??_ **"

Poe knew. He knew Rey had worked for the mafia and didn't tell him. His own brother kept this from him about the woman he loved. 

"Ben," Poe said quietly, "you didn't want her to know your secrets. So it wouldn't have been right to tell you her secrets. Gotta play fair, bro."

Ben collapses into the chair. He's got him. How is Poe always fucking right? Oh yeah, he's the golden boy. Better looks, better women, better morals. 

"Asshole," Ben murmurs at his brother. 

"Hey!" Finn hollers, in defense mode. 

Poe holds his hand up at his best friend, leans against the door frame, crosses his arms and smiles. 

"I hate you," Ben murmurs again. 

"No you don't. You hate when I know more than you and you hate when I'm right."

Ben looks up at Finn, still sitting behind his desk.

"You should've drug her out kicking and screaming. Knocked out. Something."

"Have you even _met_ Rey??" Finn replies. 

"But….I didn't know he tried to pimp her. You've been taking care of her longer than you even knew. Longer than we knew," he says, gesturing to Poe. 

Poe nods, "I knew."

All three men are quiet as Poe sits in the chair opposite Ben. He leans forward, elbows on his knees. 

"I put it all together. Ben, you told me everything, once Snoke was dead. You were drunk. You gotta work on not spilling shit when you drink, man."

Then Poe looks at Finn. "Next time, duct tape?"

"Duct tape," Finn nods. 

"So, wait, I brought up Kira when I was drunk?" 

"Yep. Told me that you once caught your guys plotting to buy a girl and you held a knife to the lead guys throat and threatened to kill them all."

Ben smiled widely and nodded. 

"Yeah, some things needed doing. And now that I know that Kira was Rey..damn that felt good."

"Yeah, thanks man…." says Finn. 

"Wouldn't have had to if you had kept her from working for Plutt," Ben quips. 

"I couldn't stop her!!! I wasn't her father!!"

Ben leans forward, "You're her brother!!"

"That's enough Ben!"

This voice comes from the door. 

They all look up to see Rey standing there. She's dressed in an outfit that simultaneously stops Ben's heart and speeds it up at the same time. The result is lightheadedness and shortness of breath. 

It's a two piece leather number. The skirt is extremely short, clinging to her ass. Paired with a strapless leather crop top, Ben is so very _very_ glad he's sitting with his back to her. However, his back is _not_ to Finn, whose eyes go from Rey to Ben and Finn dramatically drops his head to his desk in order to shield his eyes from the obvious reaction Ben is having to his sister. 

Poe whistles and grins. "Damn Rey! It's Tuesday night! Who's the lucky guy?"

This. These words. Ben goes from hard as hell to chest pain. Rey has a date? 

_That's Rey on a date??_

_Yep, she's going to be the death of me._

"No….stupid. She's with me."

This voice comes from behind Rey. Out steps a petite dark haired woman. She's also dressed to kill, dark blue sequin mini dress, hugging her tightly. 

Finn literally stands straight up, adjusting his clothing, tugging at his sleeves, fidgeting like hell. 

Ben looks at his friend with surprise. Well that was a reaction he's never seen in Finn. He smiles at the sad silly grin on Finn's face. Then Rey speaks and he forgets to breathe as he remembers just how much _skin_ he can see. 

"Ben, this is Rose. I don't think you two have met."

Rose looks him over head to toe and he swears she whispers the word "Damn" under her breath.

Rey elbows her friend and now he's sure he heard correctly. 

"Hello Rose," Ben says with a nod. 

"Hi there, cutie," Rose says and Ben's eyebrows go up just as Rey elbows her friend again. 

Finn now looks like someone ran over his cat. He sits back down, slumping. 

"Hi Finn…." Rose draws his name out in a way that's pretty obvious. Finn looks confused and Poe just hides his cheesy grin with his hand, shaking his head at all the overly flustered people around him. 

Then another voice. 

"Hey! I thought you two were coming right back! Oh hey Poe!"

A tall woman appears, dressed in black. She's a beautiful sight. Now it's Poe's turn to fumble his words. 

"Zor-Zorii!" he stammers then calms himself, "oh hey, hey, Zorii, how, how are you? You look great…."

"Thanks," she says with a wink and now the other two men are laughing at him. 

"Where...where you girls headed? asks Poe. 

Rose rolls her eyes. "First off, we aren't girls. We are women. Secondly, it's the pre-grand opening of a club nearby. We were invited. We stopped by to get Rey's red lipstick. It was on the way."

All three men nod at the same time, in unison. The ladies try to cover their laughs but fail. 

"Um….Ben...can I speak with you?" 

Ben jumps from the chair, very glad that he was able to calm himself. 

"Me? Oh, okay. Sure…."

They walk down to his office. 

"That's Ben?" Zorii asks Poe, "that's your brother?" 

Poe nods, trying not to stare at Zorii's legs. 

"Well, okay then," she looks back at Ben, walking away, then looking at Rose. 

They do that thing where each one knows what the other is thinking but doesn't say it out loud. 

Ben walks ahead of Rey, entering his office. He isn't usually rude like that but he knows if she gets ahead of him and he sees her ass in that skirt, he's a goner. He quickly grabs his coat and throws it on, buttoning it to hide any unfortunate give aways to the thoughts in his mind. 

Of course Rey sits in a chair. _Of course_. Then the damned skirt goes way, way higher than is good for Ben's brain. He can't help but notice how her bare belly crinkles into little lines. He can see how soft her belly is and the sudden thought of running his tongue over each line makes his blood course south. He has to sit. 

"It's not Finn's fault, Ben. He didn't even know Plutt had mafia ties for at least a year."

Oh, yeah, she heard their conversation. 

_Focus Ben._

"But he should've…."

"I was grown! I did what I wanted! I didn't answer to him anymore."

"Well, I…." 

Words aren't forming from his mouth. 

"I don't care what you would've done! I'm not yours to protect!"

The truth and pain of those words are like ice water.

She's right. She isn't his. She apparently doesn't want to be _his._

He stands, walls forming. 

"You are right. I apologize. Again. Have fun tonight." 

He walks to his desk, turning on his tablet and pretending to read something very important. 

Rey sits there a few more seconds, then huffs out a breath, standing. She walks towards the door. 

"Have a good night, Ben."

"Mmm-hmm" he answers, still staring at his tablet. 

He totally glances up in time to see her barely covered ass walk out. 

As soon as she's on the elevator with her friends, he throws a coffee mug against the wall, smashing it. 

  
  
  



	11. Chapter 11

"Good morning," Rey nods, setting his coffee in front of him. She turns to walk out. 

"Rey," he calls after her. She turns back to him, one hand on her hip, jutted out to the side, brows high, head cocked to one side.

Eyes burning a hole through him. 

If she wasn't so beautiful when she's angry at him, he might be irritated. He suppresses a smirk. 

"I've apologized to your brother. You were right. He didn't know everything."

"Hmph. Well, I'm glad you two made amends," she says and turns to walk away.

He watches her go and lets his smile come out. She's something else, he thinks. 

_Space. Give her space….._

It turns out to be a long, cold day at the office. 

**________________________________**

The three guys are having lunch. 

"Mom wants to have a barbeque this weekend," Poe says, "you coming?"

"Yeah, Moose is antsy, he needs to run on the beach," Ben says. 

"You and Rey are invited too, Finn."

Ben looks up, "Rey's coming?"

"Yeah, you okay with that?" Poe asks. 

"Umm...yeah, sure."

"Are you two still fighting?" Finn asks. 

"What? No. I don't think? Hell, I don't know."

Finn laughs, "Yeah, my sister. She's a tough one. When you're all in, you're all in but when you make her mad, oh boy."

"What do I do?" Ben asks. 

"You apologized?" 

"Yeah"

"Eh, give her time. She's been through so much. She'll let it go. Eventually."

"Look guys," Ben says reluctantly, "I know I'm not supposed to ask this but it's killing me. That ex, Hux, did he? I mean...was it physical too? Did he hit her?"

Poe and Finn just look at each other, debating on what to say. Rey has been very private her whole life. But at the same time, it's obvious how much Ben cares about her and he is only asking based on that. 

"I'll put it like this," Finn says, "it was the worst night of my life. I even inquired into the mafia ties that Poe had. But you were out by then.”

“It was around the time Dad died,” said Poe. 

“Where is he now?” Ben all but growls, his eyes darkening, his posture increasing, making him look very imposing.

“Don’t know and _you_ don’t need to know,” Poe says, warning his brother. He’s seen that look before. Nothing good ever comes from that look. 

“Did he, like, put her in the hospital? Did she press charges?”

“No, she didn't press charges, unfortunately. She does have a restraining order against him. That only seemed to make things worse though. Then he stalked her.” says Finn. 

A nerve under his eye began to twitch. 

"What about my first question?,” says Ben. 

The best friends look waringly at one another. 

Then Rey enters the deli, Rose right behind her. 

"Oh look!" says Poe, very enthusiastically, "It's Rey! And Rose is with her!"

"We _will_ revisit this…." Ben says to his brother. 

Poe makes a wary face then stands along with the other two men. All he can think of is how he knows his brother. If he finds out everything…. Armitage Hux is a dead man. 

They grab chairs for the two ladies. Poe notices how Rey, even though she's frustrated with his brother, gravitates straight towards the empty chair next to Ben. 

Ben's face softens, along with his eyes. It's like watching magic happen. Poe has seen his brother with women. Not many. Even though women have always been attracted to his brother, Ben never seemed to notice. Ben has always been very picky, not just with women but people in general. Ben doesn't let people in. 

Rey is in. Rey is in like Poe doesn't think he's ever seen _anyone_ get in, other than himself. 

His brother is besotted, gone for this woman. Poe understands why. Rey is a phenomenal person. If he didn't see her like a kid sister, he would've been gone for her too. Poe has watched her go from a cute teenager to a gorgeous, strong and smart young woman. 

Poe has decided this is the one for his brother. Even though he's five years younger, he's always been protective of Ben. He's seen him hurt too many times. His own adoptive parents had not been very good with Ben. It angered him. He'd gone toe to toe with Han Solo. He was missing his brother and was sick of how their father had isolated him.

It was a dark time. 

Poe had never been so proud of Ben as when he'd pulled himself out of the mob. Did Ben kill his boss? Poe didn't know and didn't care. Whatever it took to get his brother back. Hell, if Ben had done it, he'd not only saved himself, he'd saved Rey too. The very woman that Poe was determined to see with Ben. She was good for him. Ben needed a woman to not only take care of him but stand up to him. 

And he'd never seen _anyone_ stand up to Ben Solo like Rey Johnson does. 

Even as she goes to sit, she fixes his tie. 

"Tie is crooked," she says quietly. She reaches to fix it for him. 

"T-Thanks," he stammers. Then he pulls out the chair for her and guides her with a hand at her lower back. She sits, whispering "Thank you" to him as she does. 

Poe covers his smile with his hand. These are two people who do _not_ like to be touched. They have no idea that to an outsider, they appear to be _together._ They are so naturally comfortable with each other. Oh, they are in love, that's so clear to Poe Dameron-Solo. 

Poe's eyes fall to Finn and Rose. They are just watching the "non-couple" with quite the looks on their faces. Ben is murmuring something in Rey's ear and she gives him a knowing look, like she's thinking over what he said. 

"Alright, alright...it's over. I'm past it," she quietly says back to him. Then he squeezes her shoulder, his arm across the back of her chair. She leans into him just a bit, smiling. 

His brother smiles. Like, _smiles_ . There's Ben's cordial smile but not everyone gets to see Ben _smile._

Poe looks at Finn and Finn is just watching. He'd reach over and close Finn's mouth for him but before he can, Rose does it. 

"Yep. I see it too," Rose says to her new boyfriend. They had started dating very recently and things had progressed rapidly. 

At Rose's words, it was like Ben and Rey remembered there were indeed other humans on planet Earth. 

"See what?" Rey asked her friend. 

"Oh, nothing," Rose says, smiling innocently. 

"Damn, I wonder where Zorii is," Poe says, suddenly missing _his_ girlfriend. He pulls his phone out to text her. 

"Is she coming this weekend?" Rose asks. 

"Oh yeah, she will be there. Mom has to scope her out. I'd rather her do it with all of you there, instead of one on one. Less trauma that way."

Ben laughs. 

"Better you than me, man," he says to Poe. 

"Yeah, that's only because she already _knows_ Rey….OW!!!!"

Ben had kicked him under the table. 

"What does it matter that she knows me?" Rey asks, confused. 

"Nothing. He's just an idiot," Ben says. 

Zorii calls Poe and he runs for cover. 

Ben sighs and Rey blushes. 

**_______________________________**

The weather is perfect, unseasonably warm for mid September. 

"Let's take the boat out to Montauk," says Leia, looking at Poe.

"Ben's better at boating than I am, Mom."

They all look at Ben. He really doesn't want to get out in the sun and risk a sunburn. 

"I've never been to Montauk, is it pretty?"

This comes from Rey. 

Rey's never been to Montauk. 

"Sounds good to me," says Ben, which explicits a strange look from Poe and Leia.

"You sure, Ben?"

"Yup, let's go," he says, standing and stretching. 

As they all walk to their rooms to grab their stuff, Leia pulls Poe to the side.

"Um, Ben _wants_ to go boating?"

Poe lays a hand on his mother's shoulder. 

"Mom, Rey has never been to Montauk, capiche?" 

"Ohhh….capiche," Leia nods, smiling widely. 

"Told you it was bad…." Poe says to her. 

Leia makes a sound that tells Poe she'll be sewing baby clothes soon. He walks on. 

"Oh, son?" Leia says. 

He looks back at her.

"Zorii?"

"One son at a time, okay Mom?" he says with a wink. 

Rey enters her room and grabs her black bikini, along with a cropped sweatshirt, sunhat and sunglasses. She slips on her suit and shirt. It's 78 outside but it may be colder on the water. A perfect sunny day. 

She steps outside her door and runs right into her boss. He's wearing a black rash guard shirt and black swim trunks. She's never seen his legs, much less his bare feet. The shirt clings to him, his muscular chest not hidden under the thin material. Being that she's eye level with his clavicles, she spends way too long staring straight ahead, trying to use her peripheral vision to take him all in. 

_Damn._

He clears his throat and she looks up to his wide smile. Busted. 

Of course, he's not going to mention it but the twinkle in his eyes tells her that he noticed her reaction. 

"Ready?" he asks, still smiling, "Cute hat."

"You know black attracts the sun, don't you?" she says, trying to irritate him. 

It doesn't work. 

"I'll borrow your hat if I get hot," he responds, smirking. 

"That'll be interesting to see," she chirps, turning to walk away. She knows her bikini bottoms are riding up her ass already but instead of fixing them, she just walks on. The completely audible gasp coming from behind her causing _her_ to smirk this time. 

Even if she's freezing, she's taking this shirt off. 

Two can play that game. 

  
  



	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ATTENTION MY DEAR SWEET READERS:
> 
> I fucked up. I left out a chapter. 
> 
> I'm so sorry but hello, you get bonus material. 
> 
> I'm personally upset because by deleting chapters 11 and 12 to start over, I lost my amazing, precious comments. 
> 
> I'm really really struggling mentally lately. Depression is a BITCH. I'm just not thinking clearly. 
> 
> Anyways....
> 
> Here is a chapter that I left out. 
> 
> They go to Montauk and Rey is having a blast. Meanwhile, our boy mopes because **gasp** Rey isn't at his beck and call.
> 
> Oh and MOOSE....
> 
> Moose may break up with Ben for Rey....lol

Watching Rey watching Montauk was like watching a child on Christmas morning. 

"Oh wow, oh wow…." she chanted, her mouth permanently forming into a cute O shape. Ben grinned, as did everyone else, watching her.

Poe had suddenly decided he'd take over the boat, leaving Ben sitting next to Rey as she stared through her Jackie O style sunglasses. She has one hand on top of her big floppy hat and the other on the railing, kneeling on the bench. She's nearly hanging off the side, much to Ben's dismay. His hands are poised to catch her at the slightest wobble but she hangs on tight as the boat speeds along. 

They approach the resort and marina, where they will dock and make their way to the beach by golf cart. 

As soon as they arrive on Ditch Plains Beach, Rey dashes into the water along with Poe, Finn, Rose and Zorii. Ben and Leia find a beach chair. 

Moose soon follows. Moose and Rey are now the best of friends and Ben is pretty certain he's lost his dog. Or maybe he's lost his girl _to_ his dog. Either way, he's okay with it. 

However, what he's _not_ okay with is Rey suddenly removing the sweatshirt she was wearing, tossing it to the dry sand. 

A bikini. A very skimpy bikini. On Rey. Rey in a very skimpy black bikini. 

He just stares. 

And stares.

And stares. 

That is, until a stack of beach towels land on him, tossed by his mother. 

"You might wanna cover that thing up before you scare the girl half to death," Leia says with a knowing smirk. 

" _Mother!!"_

"Chill out. It's not like I haven't seen it before, I changed your diapers, you know. Besides, like father, like son. Solo men are _blessed…._ "

**_"MOTHER!!"_ **

With that, his mother fairly sprints away, calling her granddog for a game of fetch. 

Her laughter follows her. 

Ben keeps the towels in his lap. 

**______________________________**

He's jealous of Moose. 

He's jealous of his dog. 

A dog is getting more attention from her than he is. 

"Here Moose!! Here boy!!" Rey yells, tossing the ball out to the surf yet again, laughing as Moose swims out to it and brings it back to her. 

He notices his dog just drops the ball at her feet, looking up at her panting. 

Ben has to pry the damn ball out of his dog's mouth every damn time. But no, he just drops it at her feet, all obedient. 

Rey bends over to pick up the ball. Again. 

In her bikini. 

Moose just looks at him like, _you can thank me later._

Ben decides Moose will get his very own steak tonight. 

**______________________________**

He's pouting. 

He really doesn't like swimming. He hates sand. It's rough, abrasive and gets everywhere. Then when you get wet, it _sticks_ everywhere. 

So he just watches as everyone but him and Leia splash in the water. Rey hasn't even spoken to him. 

"Quit feeling sorry for yourself, she's having fun. She hasn't forgotten you," Leia says. 

"I don't know what you are talking about, Mother," he argues. 

Leia ignores him. 

"Go out there, Ben," she tells him. 

"I'm fine, I'm just relaxing"

"If you call grinding your teeth relaxing, you're doing a great job at it."

"Mother…." 

"Does she know how you feel about her?" 

"She's just a _friend,_ mother. I'm ten years older than her!"

"And your father was ten years older than me, so your point being?" 

Ben had forgotten that. So that argument fell dead in the water. 

"Mom, she's not interested in me. She's too sweet to be with someone like me."

"What do you mean, someone like you?"

"She's too good for me, she deserves better…."

"Hey, that's my kid you're insulting...I think it's up to Rey who is too good for Rey."

Leia continues, "Son, listen to me….you've punished yourself long enough. It's time to move on. It's time to start living. That young lady obviously cares deeply for you. I've watched her. She wants to take care of you. Let her. She deserves to have someone take care of her. Do you want to take care of her, Ben?"

Ben finally tears his eyes off of the beautiful woman in the water to look at his mother. 

"More than anything I've ever wanted in my life, Mom…."

Leia reaches over and pats her son's cheek with her small hand. 

"Then go for it. She deserves you and you deserve her."

Ben nods as Leia stands and begins to unpack their lunch. 

There's several picnic tables nearby and the guys move them into one long line. 

Leia lays out the spread of food. She's in her element, like a mother hen with her baby chicks. 

Ben awkwardly fits his tall frame at the end of one table. Rey scurries over and sits next to him, plopping her sunhat on his head, giggling at him. 

It's an overall great day. He thought he'd be lounging in the chairs next to her but he can see how she loves the water. So he finally finds himself just enjoying his friends, the waves and the sunshine. Moose had finally gotten enough of the sand and had passed out, right in Ben's lap. 

But he really wishes he didn't have to share her with everyone. 

At work, Finn and Poe go in and out of his office and back and forth to her desk. Even when they are alone, they are busy working. 

He was hoping for a few stolen moments with her. But so far, that hasn't happened. 

He so badly wants to take her on a date. 

What if she said no? How would they continue to work together day after day if she did say no? 

He just cannot comprehend her ever saying yes to him. She's too good for him. He would not be able to make her happy. He has too much baggage. She deserves someone better than him. 

So, he will just be the best boss and friend he can be for her. 

Friends do friend things, though don't they? He can do that. Friend things. 

Rey walks up and plops down in the chair next to him, exhausted from playing in the waves. 

"Come out there with us…." she says.

"I'm not really one to get wet," he responds. 

She rolls her eyes, "Really? Are you scared of the water or something?"

Then she grins. He blows frustratedly. 

"No! I just don't like to get wet!" 

"C'mon…..please?" she pouts, bottom lip poking out. 

Now, if he were a braver man with no audience around, he'd lean in and bite that lip. Not hard. Just enough to get it between his teeth. Because that's _exactly_ what her pouty lip makes him want to do. Coupled with all the skin currently exposed to him along with about a thousand freckles brought to the surface by the sun's rays, he thinks this is both the best and the most sexually frustrating day of his life. 

He gives in to her. 

He thinks he always will. 

"Fine," he laments, trying to appear aggravated. 

She lets out a small squeal and jumps up. Her in that damn bikini jumping up does not a damn thing to help with his frustration. 

She grabs his hand, pulls him up and fairly drags him to the water, running and bouncing her way there. 

"Hold on," he says. 

He doesn't think Rey is in any way aware of his attraction to her but, damn, if she's going to keep bouncing while half dressed…..

Well, don't dish it if you can't take it. 

He yanks his shirt up over his head and turns to toss it onto the chair. When he turns back, she's just standing there. 

Staring. 

And staring.

And staring.

He is very committed to his workout routine. His weight lifting abilities are something he's secretly proud of. He's looked in the mirror. He knows what he looks like. 

And now she does too. 

"Umm…." she stammers, blinking once, twice, three times. Then she realizes she's actually ogling him. Her eyes finally snap up to meet his. He purses his lips, using every brain cell he owns not to smirk. It's a good thing he is wearing sunglasses. 

"So...we doing this or not?" 

She seems to come out of her muscle enduced haze. 

Then she grins. "Race ya," she says, then bolts towards the water, Moose right behind her. 

"Dammit," he says, running after her. 

She wins, of course. Not that he minds. Damn that bikini is going to haunt his dreams. And fantasies. 

Everyone else seems to be into their own activities. Finn and Rose floating along on a raft made for two, Poe and Zorii sunning themselves on the sand and his mother sipping a beer, trying to pretend she's not watching them. 

Ben and Rey both submerge themselves, head and all. They stand and Ben shakes the water from his hair, running his fingers through. Rey beams. 

"What?" he asks. 

"Nothing," clearly staring at him. 

After a few moments it hits him. He scrambles to cover his ears with his wet hair but the effort is fruitless. She jumps at him, grabbing his hands, pulling them away. 

"Stop! I want to see," she says, not stepping back. Instinct had him catch her around the waist, not even thinking. It was just natural to him to steady her to keep her from losing her footing. 

Then they are frozen, chest to chest, not saying a word. His hands encircling her tiny waist, his fingers almost touching. Her hands laid on his biceps.

They just stare.

And stare.

And stare.

Then Moose jumps on Ben's back, knocking him forward and Rey goes under. Ben panics, scrambling to his feet, reaching for her. She pops up, laughing so hard she's bending at the waist. 

"MOOSE!!!!" Ben yells as his dog swims away, spotting a wave that needs catching. 

"Oh my God, stupid dog! Are you okay??" he continues to lament. 

"Yesssss….." she nods, laughing loudly. 

"Ugh!!" 

"It's okay, it's okay Ben! He just got excited. He's so sweet."

"Sweet, my ass, he's SPOILED ROTTEN!" Ben continues to yell at his dog. Moose completely ignores him. 

Rey continues to laugh and finally, Ben smiles and her laughter is infectious. He laughs with her, relaxing into the water. 

"They always get me in trouble," he says, floating on his back. 

"What gets you in trouble?" Rey asks, swimming alongside him. 

He points at his ears and she reaches out and traces her finger across the shell of one. 

No one, no one has ever, ever touched his ears. Not his mother, not any woman he's ever been with. 

It does things to him. He quickly emerges his bottom half.

"I'm telling you, they aren't bad," she says. 

"Want to go to Coney Island tonight?"

He has absolutely no idea where that came from. There was no warning. It just came out. He doesn't know why he said Coney Island. It's like his mouth was a separate being there for a moment. 

"I love Coney Island! I haven't been in ages! Everyone will love it!"

Wait…..

Oh well, mine as well keep going now. 

"Um...I meant….just you and me...I mean...if you are okay with that...I mean...if you want everyone to go that's fine."

Except it's not fine. In any way whatsoever. He's tired of sharing her. 

"Sure, that's fine with me," she says. 

Moose swims over, trying to drown Rey but with one gentle "No boy, down" the dog halts his assault. 

Ben thinks maybe Moose is also enraptured by this hazel eyed beauty. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I named this chapter I would name it STARING.....


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey visit Coney Island!
> 
> And the New York aquarium. 
> 
> I've never been to Coney Island. Or NYC. I researched this for days. 
> 
> My BFF is from NJ and grew up going to Coney Island. She's my cheerleader so I wanted to write this for her. 
> 
> Ben's in a leather jacket. Rey may not survive. 
> 
> Rey's in that sweater again. Ben may not survive. 
> 
> Yes, these two are driving me nuts.

Upon returning to Leia's Hampton home, Rey and Ben go inside to change clothing. 

Rey pulls Rose and Zorii into her room. 

Rose's reaction was to grab her shoulders and bounce. 

"Oh my God it's a date it's a date it's a date!!"

"Shut up Rose! He'll hear you! What are we? Fifteen again??" Rey whispers sternly, staring at the door like Ben was going to come charging in. 

Zorii clears her throat. 

"I'm just wondering why we are all in here when Ben is probably dressed and ready to go…." 

"Shit!!" Rose and Rey say at the same time.

Rey scurries, pulling on her favorite sweater and jeans. 

Zorii was right, Ben was waiting patiently out front. 

Her breath halts when she sees him. He's in a black leather jacket, a white t-shirt and blue jeans. His hair is still damp and pushed behind his ears. Somehow she knows that's just for her. His ears are only for her eyes. 

That thought turns her on more than anything ever has. He looks good enough to eat. She feels woefully underdressed in her thrift store sweater and Target jeans. 

"Ready?" he asks her, opening the door to his car. She had not noticed his convertible Porsche. It is black, not surprising. Being a former mechanic, she knows this is a $200,000 vehicle. 

Between Ben and the Porsche, the heat between her thighs is very distracting. 

______________________________

She's wearing that sweater again. The striped one that bares her stomach. Even though he saw her all day in a bikini, he's still half hard at the sight of her in that sweater. The tight blue jeans hugging her ass didn't help his situation.

He's been a mess all day, watching her, being near her. He hopes he's been able to hide it. 

Now he's alone with her, at last. Her hands smoothing along the leather interior of his car. He'd heard her breath catch at the sight of it. She's definitely a car chick and that drives him insane. Other women he's dated liked expensive cars as a status symbol. Rey appreciates it on a whole different level. 

"3.8 liter?" she asks as he shifts.

"Yeah," he answers with a smile. 

"Rear wheel or all wheel?" 

Actually he's not sure but damn if it's not sexy that she asked. 

He comes around a curve and pulls over. 

"Drive," he tells her, jumping out before she can protest. 

"Ben!" 

"C'mon, let's go…." he tells her, opening her door. She lets out a squeal that brings a huge smile to his face. 

He's pretty sure that even a shopping trip to Tiffany's wouldn't excite her this much. 

She climbs in, buckles up and floors it. 

"Wow!!!" she yells. 

He leans back in his passenger seat and turns his head to watch her. 

In the past few weeks, he's seen three versions of Rey. Angry Rey, Bikini Rey and Car Enthusiast Rey. 

He thinks he could spend the rest of his life trying to decide which version is the most beautiful. 

He knows there are many other versions of Rey he'd love to discover. 

_____________________________

As they zip into the parking lot at Coney Island, he remembers that he hasn't been there in over a decade. He still doesn't know why he'd suggested it. 

It just seemed so very Rey and as her face lights up, he realizes he was right. 

He knows his girl. 

Even though she's not his girl.

They spend a few hours playing carnival games. Ben wins her several stuffed animals, which she proceeds to give away to children passing by. She does keep a stuffed dog that reminds her of Moose. 

After consuming several hot dogs, they walk along the boardwalk. 

Their hands brush together as they walk and after the third time, Rey captures her pinky finger with his. He doesn't say anything, letting her decide when and if to let go. After a few seconds, she releases his finger and he's a bit sad. Then she gently takes his hand, lacing her fingers through his. His large hand engulfs her small one and she grasps firmly. 

"Look, the aquarium…." she says. 

"Have you been?" Ben asks her. 

She shakes her head no. 

"Me neither, let's go," she says, pulling him that way. 

It is a beautiful place. They take their time, Rey enjoying the exhibits and Ben watching her. Although sometimes he looks up to see her watching him. 

Rey laughs as she feeds the sea otters. 

"Come feed them, Ben! They don't bite!" 

He shakes his head no. She grabs him and pulls him forward, opening his hand and dumping food in his palm. He surrenders to her. He supposes he always will. The otters whiskers tickle his large hand and he snatches it back, proceeding to wipe his hand on the sleeve of her sweater. 

"Hey!!" she shouts, laughing at him and pushing him. 

As he is pushed back he grabs her arm and pulls her to him. He didn't really mean to, he just reacted. She stumbles into his chest, her hands landing there. She stops laughing and looks up at him, her lips parted, speechless. His hands settle at her back and he looks into her eyes, unsure what to do. 

To any passerby, it would be assumed that they are a couple locked in an intimate embrace. 

"Hi," he says. His eyes smile with the rest of his face. She's reminded once again how he smiles differently for her than anyone else. He's so handsome.

"Hi," she whispers back, looking bashful. All he can think of is how soft she feels, how beautiful she is. 

His hands touch the bare skin exposed at her back and they both inhale sharply. Her arms go up, around his neck and her cheek settles on his chest. 

She's never felt so safe, so cared for or so content in her life. 

They stand there, his chin resting on the top of her head. His thumb slowly moving up and down on her skin. The action sends warmth through her entire body. 

She tries not to think about how badly she wants to feel his hands on her bare skin. She fails as he spreads both across the entire expanse of her back. 

He's so large. So very large. 

Before she can say or do anything to embarrass herself, she pulls away from him. The look that flashes in his eyes confuses her. He looks hurt, sad even. 

"The sea lion show is starting soon," she reminds him. 

"Oh…." is all he says in response. 

She laughs at the sea lions and he thinks perhaps it's the best sound he's ever heard. It's very crowded. Their bodies touch, no space between them on the bleachers. He isn't sure what to do with his arm, he doesn't want to elbow her so he has no choice but to wrap it around her. His hand lands once again on the exposed skin of her waist. 

Needless to say, he isn't complaining. 

He's paying little attention to the show, just trying to breathe as he feels her skin under his hand. 

He's rather disappointed as the show ends and they wind their way through the crowd. He stands close behind her, feeling slightly protective as people push around them. He doesn't want anyone to run into her. 

Rey usually hates it when someone tries to protect her. She can take care of herself, dammit. 

However, it's different with Ben. He hovers behind her. The press of the crowd causes them to bump into each other over and over. His hands come to rest on her shoulders and she's once again reminded of how massive they are. 

They stop to look at the map together and decide to go see the sharks. Ben is finally excited about something here in this beautiful aquarium. The otters and sea lions and brightly colored fish were appealing to Rey but Ben wasn't as enthused. 

Whereas, sharks are cool. Rey laughs as he tells her those exact words while pulling her by the hand. 

The sharks are in a tank that includes a walk through tunnel. It is beautiful. Well to Rey it is beautiful. 

"This is awesome," Ben says and Rey covers her smile with her hand, trying not to laugh. He's like a big kid. She loves it. 

She loves him. Immensely. 

It's a foregone conclusion at this point. She's pretty certain that she will never have her feelings reciprocated. She's at some amount of peace with this. Although, she has found herself sad, usually lying in bed alone at night. 

What if he meets another woman? What if he falls in love with another woman? 

Those are thoughts she quickly and always shoves away. She feels sick at the thought. Rey simply cannot deal with that possibility. 

She shakes herself. 

This is not the time or the place. She once again buries those thoughts and simply enjoys the moment. She looks all around her at the beautiful environment. It really is a wonder. It's like she's at the bottom of the ocean, maybe like a mermaid, surrounded by the beauty of nature. 

Ben is captivated as a huge great white shark swims above him. 

Then he sees Rey, the blue of the water reflecting on her skin, the ripples of light bouncing off her face as she looks above. She follows a graceful fish with her eyes, biting her bottom lip, smiling. 

Not only is he captivated. He's captured. 

"Hey," he calls to her. She looks at his face, still smiling. 

"Thank you," he tells her. 

"For what?" she asks. 

"Today. It's been amazing."

Her eyes light up and her bottom lip leaves her teeth as she truly beams at him. 

All he can think as he watches her is…..I love you I Love you I Love you….

But he still lacks the nerve to say it. 

___________________________

They leave the aquarium, walking back towards the bright lights of the amusement park. 

"Have you ridden the Wonder Wheel?" Rey asks Ben, her arm laced through his. He can feel how tired she is. They've been going non stop since early this morning. 

It's now almost sunset and he contemplates telling her they need to head back to his Mom's. Except he's not ready to share her again. He is enjoying his time alone with her. 

"Not since I was a kid," he answers her. 

"Ride it with me, please?" she asks, ending her question with a yawn. It's the cutest thing and he resists the urge to scoop her up and just carry her so she doesn't have to continue to walk. It's one of his secret fantasies he's harbored. She's so small. He knows she'd be light as a feather with her face pressed against his shoulder. 

"Sure," he says, knowing without a doubt he cannot say no to her. 

As they approach the ferris wheel and get in line, he has an idea. He carefully removes his wallet from his pocket, trying not to rouse her suspicion. Without looking he pulls out several $100 bills. As they approach the worker at the head of the line, he slips her the bills and whispers in her ear. The woman looks down and her eyes widen. 

"Yes sir!" the woman says, looking shocked. 

Rey looks around Ben, wondering why the worker said that. Ben just shrugs his shoulders. 

Rey doesn't even question why no one else boards the gondola with them. 

Now he's utterly, completely alone with her. They climb to the top without stopping. 

"Hey," she says, watching below, "no one else is boarding. It usually stops over and over."

"Hmmmm…." he says, pretending to know nothing. 

As they get to the top, they stop. The gondola swings and Rey squeals, grabbing his thigh with one hand, turning and hiding her face in his neck. He grasps her with both arms and she laughs, pretending to be afraid. 

She stays there. Her rapid breathing heats the skin on his neck in the cool air. He shivers. 

"Are you cold?" she asks. 

"No," he answers truthfully. Then she makes a burr sound, indicating that she is cold. 

"Shit, I'm sorry Rey, here," he removes his leather jacket and helps her put it on. 

While she did intend to say thank you, the moment she sees his short sleeves straining against his thick biceps, she couldn't speak. Or breathe. 

Matter of fact, she forgets the entire English language. 

The man is built like one of those greek God statues at the Met on Fifth Avenue. 

She can't recall the name of it. She also cannot recall her own name at the moment. 

How in the world can Ben Solo not see how completely gorgeous he is??

Following that thought comes the thought that because he cannot seem to see his own good looks, that just adds to his sexiness.

Because Jesus, Joseph and Mary, the man is sexy. 

In spite of the leather jacket, goosebumps rise all over her body. Like earlier, Ben rests his chin on top of her head. She can hear his heart racing in his chest. He must not like being up so high. 

"We aren't moving," she finally realizes. 

"Are you scared?" he asks, pulling her tighter. She wonders if she says yes, if she'd wind up in his lap. She fully considers saying yes. 

"No, are you?" she asks instead. 

"Nuh-uh," he mumbles. 

Slowly, oh so slowly, he tips her chin up with one finger. His forehead touches hers. 

"You know what?" he whispers. 

Her heart beats to the rhythm of the never-ending chant in her head. 

OhmyGodOhmyGodOhmyGod, it resounds. 

"Hmmmm?" is all she can manage. 

"You are so beautiful…" he says as his lips meet hers. 

The chant in her head is replaced by a dull roar as she realizes that yes, his lips are as amazing as she always imagined. 

His hand wraps around her throat as his tongue asks for entrance. She grants him permission and in that moment, nothing else exists. Just him. Only him. Only ever him. She is a little embarrassed by the groans that come from her throat. 

His kiss is the most heated kiss she's ever experienced. It's like she's never been kissed before. It goes on and on and on until the ferris wheel moves and the gondola swings and another squeak escapes her lips. 

He releases her mouth but not her throat and smiles. 

"You alright?" he asks, still smiling. 

"Mmm-hmm," she says. Once again, it's all she can manage to get out. 

Once they reach the ground, and the door is slid open, Rey turns and stands, hunched over from the low ceiling of the car. Her perfect ass is right there and what was a half hardened dick now is a full blown one. 

Her kiss was the hottest, sexiest kiss he'd ever experienced. She tastes like something erotic and the sounds she made were almost his undoing. Now her ass is right there and he literally grasps his hands together and waits until she's out of the car before he moves. 

He prays to every God there is that she doesn't notice his erection. 

As he climbs out, he spots the worker that had paused the ferris wheel at the top due to a "mechanical issue". She whispers a thank you to him and he winks at her. 

Rey is in a daze from kissing her boss. She doesn't even notice. 

Both Ben and Rey are at a loss for words over their kiss, their heads rushing with thoughts. 

Ben hopes he made the right decision. He thinks so because she definitely kissed him back. Oh boy, did she kiss him back. 

Rey reaches over and takes his hand as they walk past the games from earlier. 

They stop for pizza and watch the sunset from a bench on the boardwalk. 

"You have pizza sauce…." Ben tells her, pointing at the corner of her mouth. Her tongue slips out to catch it and he is very very glad the pizza box is in his lap. 

"You missed...here…"

He once again takes a chance and leans in, kissing the corner of her mouth. She gasps as his tongue darts out to lick the sauce. She doesn't even think. She's almost feral as she grabs the back of his neck and pulls him in. 

They kiss long and deeply. Neither one notices when the pizza box falls to the ground. 

"Ben...wait…" she finally says. He does as she asks. Her eyes are wild with passion but also with confusion. He can't help but notice how her lips are a deeper pink from his kisses. However, he backs up, giving her space. 

She looks down and then he's worried. 

"Rey, are you okay with this? Should I have asked first?"

"It's just, I haven't kissed anyone or even dated since…."

His eyes flash, full of fire as he finishes her sentence. 

"Hux"


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone say it with me....
> 
> IT'S ABOUT TIME THEY KISSED!!
> 
> Now that that's out of our system....
> 
> Rey opens up to Ben about Hux....
> 
> Kylo tries to come out to play....
> 
> VERY IMPORTANT NOTE:
> 
> I fucked up royally and left out a chapter!!
> 
> If you skipped to the end here, go back two chapters and read where they spent the morning on Montauk. It's worth it. Rey tries to kill Ben with a bikini. Oh and shirtless Ben. 
> 
> Depression is kicking my ass lately. I apologise.

His voice is deep with emotions he can articulate as he says the man's name. 

The man who hurt her. 

She watches the water as the nightly fireworks start. She's quiet. He watches her but tries not to let her see. 

Then the sky is dark again. She continues to stare out into the water, deep in thought, going back. Back to a dark place. 

"He pushed me down a flight of stairs," Rey whispers, watching the lights of Coney Island. 

The gasp that came from his lungs left him lightheaded. The growl that came from his throat made her jump. 

Words failed to form from his lips. All he could do was reach over and wrap one arm around her, pulling her to his chest. He felt her shudder, a light sob coming from her. 

"Rey…." he finally managed to say, surprisingly calm. Wickedly calm. 

"You don't have to talk about it," he tells her.

"No, it's okay. You told me your secret, you've been open with me. Besides, we are together all day, every day. It's affected my behavior, you've seen repercussions that didn't make sense to you. It's only fair that you understand."

This brave, brave girl, he thinks to himself, she has faced so much. It's so unfair, the way life has treated her. Yet she still lives up to her name. Rey. Still shining. Not snuffed out. She still shines, despite everything. 

"Okay" he says, holding her close. He revels in her embrace when she turns in his arms, pressing herself into his side, her cheek on his chest. 

"Um," she starts, "he was so nice at first, so handsome and funny. I'd never had a boyfriend before. He came to the shop, his car needed repairs. He has money. He liked doing things for me."

She pauses, gathering her courage.

"After about six months, he got really moody. He was jealous. He knew that other guys wanted me. I don't know why...I mean...I didn't flirt or anything. But he'd seen the way they looked at me. I'm all covered in grease, wearing coveralls, it's not like I was dressing sexy, you know?"

Ben just nods, rubbing her back. He's so honored that she's trusting him with this. He's also breathing deeply, reminding the Kylo in him not to react. Stay calm. Just listen. React later. 

"Anyways, he started making little comments…. 'Do you think that guy is hot? Did you bend over on purpose for that guy? Why did you laugh at what he said?'....stuff like that. I would try to tell him I didn't mean to, that I was just being nice...he would just tell me to shut the fuck up."

At this, Ben's heart rate increases. How the hell could a man do that? Rey is a kind, sweet person. She has a smile for everyone. Ben loves that about her. He wishes he could be like her, help people feel at ease. 

"He would tell me I was his. Like, that he owned me. He would get angry if I didn't text him back right away. I'm under the hood of a car! Elbow deep in grease! I can't just watch my phone all day!"

Ben wants her to be his. He wants to call her his woman. But not like that. Not like, to own. Not to control. He loves how independent she is. He'd never want to change that about her. That would be like caging a tiger, when it was so much more beautiful to watch it roam. 

"He could be so sweet. He would hold me and be so tender during the nights. He was so funny, made me laugh a lot. And so handsome…."

Ben would not be jealous. He would not think about this man holding her, touching her, kissing her, making love to her. He would not think about her watching him, calling him handsome. 

"Then he would just flip, call me names, tell me how lucky I was that a girl who works on cars was dating someone like him. He was embarrassed by what I did for a living. He'd get angry if I didn't get all of the grease out from under my fingernails before we went out. It was like, at first, he thought it was sexy but then he thought less of me because I was 'just a mechanic'..."

Rey sits up, angry, looking at Ben with fire in her eyes. 

"I'm a good mechanic! I worked harder than he did! Armie sat behind a desk all day, in an air conditioned office! I was sweating and crawling on the ground! I told him one day he was the one that was less than me, because he didn't know what real work was…."

Ben can't help it. He smiles at this. This fire in her. Not afraid. Proud of her achievements. She should be proud. The thought of her under a hood, working hard, he'd brag to everyone he knew that his woman could rebuild an engine. His father was a mechanic, married to a Senator. But his mom had never been ashamed of her husband. Ben had been taught to honor hard work. 

"What did he say when you told him that?"

"He was so angry. Called me a bitch. I think he wanted to hit me but we were at a restaurant….."

Ben seethes. He hopes to one day meet this piece of shit. 

"After a year, I just couldn't do it anymore. I loved him. Armie had started talking about marriage. I was excited but this small part of me was scared. Then, one day, he showed me something I didn't know…" 

She trailed off, becoming quiet. 

Ben took her hand in his, "What happened, Rey?" he asked gently. 

"We were at Central Park and a little boy threw a ball and it hit Armie. He got so angry Ben! He screamed at the child! The mother yelled at him and he told her to control her brat! I was humiliated. I apologized to the mom right in front of him. I didn't care if he was mad at me for it! Right is right and wrong is wrong!"

Once again, her face is pure fire, the memory making her angry. Good God, he loves this woman. 

She continues, "I realized that I had never seen him around children. So I asked him about his feelings on kids, having children. Do you know what he said??"

Ben doesn't get a chance to answer.

"He said we would never have children! He hates children, Ben! Can you imagine? What kind of person hates children? I was heartbroken. He told me I couldn't have children. I mean, I wasn't planning to right away but eventually. He even said he wanted me to get my tubes tied because he refused to wear a condom! So...I'm just supposed to have my body permanently altered because he can't use a rubber?"

Ben flinches internally. The thought of this horrible man being honored with the pleasure of touching this beautiful, brave woman before him makes him sick. Ben feels privileged when she brushes lint off his suit, for fuck's sake. 

And her kiss. Her kiss earlier was singularly the best kiss of his life. It had felt like he was holding a queen in his arms and he was just her lowly servant. Then a vision of Rey, ripe with his child inside of her flashes into his mind. It does things to him. 

This Hux had to be the biggest fool in the galaxy. 

He wrangles his brain, pushing away his thoughts and fantasies, bringing himself back to her in this moment. 

She continues.

"I decided I couldn't do it. So I made plans to end it. I went to his place and let myself in with my key…."

She gets quiet. Remembering what she'd said earlier, he knows she is trying to tell him something that probably has traumatized her. 

"Rey...you don't have to tell me the details, if it's too hard…."

"No, I want to….but could you hold me again? I just...I feel safe when you do. You make me feel safe, Ben."

He pulls her to him. For a moment, he thinks she's going to climb in his lap and he's all onboard with that idea. But she stops herself. 

He buries his mouth and nose in her hair, inhaling her scent. 

"I'll never let anyone hurt you, Rey."

"I know, I'll never let anyone hurt you either…"

He actually feels a tear slip out. No one has ever said anything like that to him before. 

"Tell me what happened, Rey…."

"I should've never gone alone. Finn told me not to. He even wanted your brother to go with us. They were going to go with me but I was stubborn. When I told Armie, he exploded. He slapped me and told me no one would ever want me. He told me I was disgusting and awful in bed and ugly. I tried to run and when I turned to go down the stairs, he kicked me from behind….I went down face first."

Ben can't breathe. He really truly can't breathe. His heart hammers in his chest. 

He'll kill him. He'll find him and break every bone in his body. Slowly. 

"Ben?" Rey asks, her voice shaking. She'd heard his heart racing. "Ben...I'm okay."

She sits up and he takes her face in his hands, looking at her desperately, like this horrible thing had just now occurred and he had to make sure she was not injured. 

"Never again...do you hear me? It won't happen again…." he whispers. She nods. 

She leans in and places a gentle kiss on his lips, a kiss of reassurance. A kiss of gratitude. He kisses her back, hardly believing what she's doing. He wants to deepen the kiss but she pulls away before he can. 

"What was that for?" he asks, now unable to breathe for a different reason. 

"For being my friend. A real friend."

Oh. 

A friend. 

Just a friendly kiss. 

For a friend. 

Well, of course she only sees him as a friend. Why would she want him? He's so messed up, his past tied to something she'd escaped from. Besides, he knew her type now. This Hux, he was handsome. She had mentioned that. Probably much better looking than he is. 

The kiss on the ferris wheel had not felt friendly. Not one bit. From his perspective, anyways. He guesses he must've misinterpreted. His heart sinks. 

She is watching him so he looks down at his hands, now balled into fists in his lap. She slips her two small hands under each fist and slowly uncurls them, twining her fingers between each of his until they are palm to palm. His eyes rise to meet hers and she smiles, just a bit. 

"You are beautiful too, Ben Solo," she says, "thank you for always being there for me. I don't trust easily. I trust you. I see you. I see you, Ben Solo."

He doesn't think. He just pulls her to him and his lips crash into hers. 

She wants friendly kisses? He'll show her friendly kisses. 

If she thinks this is a friendly kiss, a more than friendly kiss might just kill him. He's willing to take that chance though. 

They kiss and kiss and kiss, tongues dueling like swords. Moans and groans escaping her until he's actually growling in his chest. Her hands twist into his shirt. She's laying on his chest and he never knew it could be possible that this tiny creature could make him feel safe. 

His hands find their way to her bare waist due to a cut off sweater that has driven him mad all day. His hands are so large that they cover her entire back and it hits him. 

She's not wearing a bra. 

Then he realizes that damn sweater hits only a couple of inches below the bottom of her breasts. It's been that way all day long. All. Day. Long. 

His male instincts almost overtake him. 

Then he remembers, Rey is in a vulnerable place right now, having bared to him one of the worst moments of her life. He can't take advantage of that. 

He pulls back and she actually leans into him. He smiles at this, that she doesn't want to stop. 

"We...um...might need to breathe…" he says.

She's quite out of breath, shaking, weak as she collapses against him. Some ancient masculine part of himself revels in that. 

Friendly kiss my ass, he thinks. 

Between her revelation and their sudden make out session, she's exhausted. She doesn't say more and he doesn't ask. 

However, he will be interrogating Poe later. 

After sitting and watching the water for a bit longer, her cheek on his chest, his arm around her. He notices she's nodded off to sleep and he smiles. She really does trust him now. It's a feeling he's never really experienced. 

"Hey, sweetheart, you okay?" he nudges her gently, cupping her face so she doesn't fall from his chest. 

"Hmmmm?" 

Then she smiles a sleepy grin. 

"Yeah, so tired."

"Let's get you back to the car, you can sleep there, okay?"

"M'kay," she agrees. 

She sleeps next to him as he drives, making his way back to his mother's house. He realizes that in spite of learning about the abuse she'd endured and the emotions it invoked in him, this was probably the best day of his life. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe is so proud of his big bro....Ben demands to know the rest of the story....Rey and Ben return to work after their memorable weekend. 
> 
> Oh and some lemon cookies for you all. 
> 
> Gotta make up for making you wait so long, my good little readers!
> 
> Thank you Thank you for the comments and kudos. They give me life!

His brother is an idiot. A loveable idiot that he'd kill for, but still. 

Ben arrives in his office the next morning and there Poe sits, like he's some kind of crown prince, behind Ben's desk. 

Before he can remind him that's _his_ chair, Poe stands and claps. Fucking claps. Like the idiot he is. 

"It's about fucking time," Poe says, still giving his brother a standing ovation. 

"Shut up Poe and get out of my fucking chair," Ben responds, tossing his briefcase to the sofa. 

"I'm just saying, it's been a year, I mean, damn, you are supposed to be a good influence on me. You are the older brother. Instead I get _How to take your Fucking Time Moving in on a Hot Chick._ "

In response to that, Ben simply reaches over, grabs his baby brother by the back of his collar and throws him out of his office. 

Poe is cackling like a hen so Ben guesses the point was missed. 

"Idiot," Ben mumbles. Then he smiles. 

**_______________________________**

An hour later he hears a voice at the doorway. 

"Hi."

He looks up and she's there. She's dressed in a green dress, fitted perfectly to her. He thinks the woman could wear a sack and still be beautiful. She's leaned against the door frame, ankles crossed, smiling shyly. 

"Hi, there," he responds, "you okay?"

"Mmm-hmm" she answers, walking towards him. She approaches the chair in front of his desk. 

"Come here," he says. She walks around to stand in her usual spot, to his left. He looks up at her, a tad concerned. She looks tired. 

Yesterday had been a long day. Amazing. Life changing as far as he's concerned but long. He knows she came straight from his mom's. Ben had driven home after he knew Rey was safe inside. He had to think. 

"Did you see my note?" he asks. 

"Yes," she answered. 

"I told you not to come in today."

"I know."

"Then why are you here?"

"Because this is my job. You have meetings today."

"You must be exhausted."

"Am not," she replies then yawns widely. He stands and looks down at her. 

"Can I kiss you again?" he asks, her cute little yawn just too damn tempting. 

Her eyes go to the open blinds at his windows. 

"Here? Are you sure it's a good idea?"

"It's my company," he shrugs, then looks crestfallen, "unless you aren't comfortable."

How are his sad eyes and the hint of a pouty lip sexy, she thinks to herself. 

"Ben," he says, her hands on his wide chest as she leans up at him, "I'm never, ever going to be uncomfortable kissing you…."

His hands grip her waist, his fingers squeezing harder than he intended. 

She's not complaining. 

It's not a deep kiss, just a quick lip brush but it's still enough to make both of them lightheaded. 

He wants to tell her he loves her but he's scared. 

She wants to say it but she's afraid. 

So they just take what they can get and try not to hope for more. 

"I wish you'd listen to me, for once, you needed to rest," he fusses. 

"I'm fine. I have a doctor's appointment, remember?"

His thumbs move back and forth across her hips. She thinks perhaps it is subconscious and for some reason, that is even more special. Ben doesn't even have to make a conscious decision to give her affection. 

"Besides, I missed you, Mr. Solo,"

she replies and her hand slides up, her fingernails lightly scratching the skin at his nape. She slightly tugs at his hair. 

Well hell, now he's hard and has to step back, lest he scare her off. 

Then her phone rings and she moans disappointedly. She turns and walks away. 

He always hates to see her walk away but he certainly enjoys watching her go. 

**_____________________________**

Ben has lunch with his brother and Finn. Rey has a doctor's appointment so he's taking an opportunity to get the rest of the story. He doesn't even bother with getting food. He simply spins the chair around backwards and sits, his face about ten inches from Poe's. 

"Okay, talk," he says, his eyes dark. 

"What?" Poe says, leaning back. 

"She told me about him," Ben growls. 

"Then why do I need to talk?"

His hands squeeze the back of the chair. 

"How bad was she injured? What did he do after he pushed her? Was she knocked out? Did he call 911? Did he run? Where's the motherfucker at now?? TALK, DAMMIT. "

Finn speaks up.

"Ben….I don't know about this…."

Ben doesn't have time for this shit. He wants answers. 

"You wouldn't tell me anything because you didn't think she wanted me to know! Well she told me but she stopped at one point and I'm not going to ask her to finish!"

Poe's eyes squint in a questionable manner. 

"And, pray tell, why did she _stop at one point_??"

His growl becomes louder. 

"Shut up Poe"

Then Poe grins and Ben knows if they weren't in public he'd kick his brother's ass. 

"Damn, y'all made up for lost time. You know there's bound to be pics on Twitter somewhere of you two christening a bench on Coney Island, right?"

His eyes go black. Poe's not worried. 

" _Shut up Poe_ "

Then Finn joins in. 

"Yeah, shut up Poe….that's all I need to see...pictures of my little sister being manhandled on the pier by this brute…"

This time Ben grins. He cannot help himself. 

"Um, what makes you think I manhandled her? I just laid back and…."

Finn leaves. Gone. Bye Bye Finn. 

Poe practically lets out a whoop right there in the deli. 

"That-a-boy!! Now, tell me more…."

Ben squeezes the bridge of his nose. His brother seriously has too much of their dad in him. 

"Shut the fuck up Poe"

"Alrighty then…."

Ben looks at his brother. They do this thing that started when they first met where they can basically read each other's minds. 

Poe sighs and becomes serious. That day was really traumatic for even him. Rey had been a part of his life for years. 

"Um," he says, suddenly needing to stir his coffee, "man, I'll never forget that phone call. Finn. He was fucked up, Ben. I couldn't even understand him. His voice is burned into my brain."

"How did he find out?" 

"Hux called him."

"That bastard called him? For what? To fucking brag or some shit?" 

"He said 'Come get your slut sister off my floor' and hung up."

Ben's breathing becomes erratic. His fists clench and unclench. Clench and unclench. His eyes are glassy. 

"Forget it bro, I'm done," Poe says, standing, "you are going to do some dumb shit. Your ass will go to jail, Ben. The judge told you….Mom can't save you again…"

Ben sighs and grabs Poe's wrist. He looks up at him. 

"I'll stop. I promise. Please Poe. _Please_."

Poe stands there, half turned to walk away. 

"Why? Why do you need to know?"

Poe watches Ben's eyes become glassy. 

He sits. 

"Ben, dude, what is it?"

"Poe, I love her. Like, for real. Like, man, I hope you find this one day. I have to be with her. She's like, my fucking soulmate or something. Like, I never believed in that shit but with her, it's like, I found myself. She gets me like nobody else ever has. Listen, don't get all weird on me and shit but she's my best friend…."

Poe fake sniffles. 

"Shut up, man. I know you love me and we've been through shit. You're my brother but man, I have to marry her. I have to, Poe. If she'll have me. Fuck, what if…."

"She'll have you."

"You think?"

"Alright, alright. Listen, she's crazy about you man. I've known Rey since she was fifteen years old. Don't get all asshole on me but man, she's a cold bitch."

"I should punch your ass."

"But you won't because you want to hear this. Rey's cold, man. Life's been fucked up for her. Have you ever seen her cold?"

"I can't even imagine her being cold."

"That's because she's not anymore. Since she met you. I've never seen her like this. Smiling, joking….she wasn't like that with Hux."

Some part of Ben relishes in this. That maybe because of him, Rey is happier. Then he thinks surely that cannot be true. Ben's never made people happy. 

He returns to the subject at hand. 

"He just fucking called her brother and tells him that she's laying at the bottom of the staircase?"

"He left, then called Finn."

"HE LEFT???" Ben yells. People look over but he does not care.

"Calm down, man. Yeah, he stepped over her and left. Simply told Finn. I called 911 from my office phone while Finn was screaming and running through the streets of New York, trying to get to her. Then I left and ran there. I looked for Hux the whole way. I was going to break his neck, Ben. It's a good thing I didn't find him. I got there the same time as Finn, thank God. He was about to pick her up. They say don't move an injured person. I held him back. She was unconscious."

Ben takes deep breaths, not reacting. He doesn't want Poe to stop. He has to know. 

"How...how...b-bad off was she?"

He has to know. 

He doesn't want to know. 

"Her arms were broken from catching herself. She had a broken nose. Some ribs were broken and a lung was punctured. Her spleen ruptured. She had passed out. She was in surgery for hours."

Ben covers his face with his hands. He can't help but picture his sweet girl lying there….broken...alone….scared. He can't stop the tears and he keeps his face covered. Poe lays a hand on Ben's shoulder.

"Ben….Ben….she is tough. Tough as fuck, man. She made it through. Got therapy. She's better now. The fact that she's willing to even let a guy touch her, she's come a long way."

"Fuck, I love her, Poe."

"I know. I know man. I've never been so happy for you. Big bro, you have to tell her."

"I can't"

"Why the fuck not?"

"You know me Poe! I destroy everything I touch! You know that! I'll just hurt her!"

"No you won't. Ben, if I thought you were bad for her, I wouldn't have hired her to be around you eight hours a day!"

Poe sighs.

"Listen man, I'm going to say some shit to you. I've seen Kylo. When you were him, you were a cold hearted bastard. You hurt Mom. You hurt me too, Ben. You made me fucking cry. You aren't Kylo anymore. There's no fucking way I would've let Rey around you. Hell, I wouldn't even let Finn around you."

Ben finally smiles. Poe is always right and it both comforts him and irritates the shit out of him. 

"I'll try," he tells his brother.

"Atta boy. Let me know how I can help."

"I'm pretty sure you won't be there when I do."

"Dammit Ben, I wave my magic wand and produce this beautiful girl for you, listen to you have pretty much every emotion known to man over her and I don't even get to be there?"

"Nope"

"Well a fuck you to you too then. I'm so damn proud of you. Raised you right, I did."

Ben laughs out loud, "Shut up Poe," he adds. 

**_____________________________**

Ben finally returns to his office after a long, long walk. He had to clear his head. 

She's back. 

"Everything okay at the Doctor?" he asks. 

He had no idea why she had gone to the Doctor. He'd tried not to worry. She seemed healthy. Matter of fact, she seems much healthier than when he'd first met her. She was too skinny back then. Gorgeous but not healthy looking. He's noticed that she's gained some weight and it's hit her in all the right places. A fact that had been confirmed by his hands over the weekend. 

"Yes, just a check up. Trying to finally get healthy. I've been on a lot of vitamins and other things."

He needs to feel her. He doesn't ask, for once. He's getting more comfortable with her. He reaches out and grasps her hips, pulling her flush to his chest. She lets out a tiny yelp and then laughs. Both sounds are like an orchestra to his ears. 

Her hands once again fall to his shoulders. While he always loves her touch, he's pretty tired of clothes being in the way.

"I'm so glad you are healthy for once, Rey. I did not like seeing you that way. That fucker Plutt should pay for not ensuring you could eat properly. I love watching you eat. Oh and I really really love that this is possible now…."

He pinches the tiny bit of fat on her hips. 

A small, almost undetectable moan escapes her throat and her eyes burn green. She blushes. 

His traitorous mind fills with images of doing the same thing to these hips except she's naked and bent over his desk, that same moan louder.

_Dammit,_ he thinks and steps back quickly before she notices his hard on. 

She blushes harder and he wonders if she did notice. 

She did and it's driving her out of her mind. Ben has been hard around her a LOT lately. While he's been a complete gentleman (who knew a mob guy could be a gentleman?), she's become aware that yes, Ben is quite _proportional._

Him yanking her around like a ragdoll is a complete turn on, which surprises her. Hux is also a big, muscular guy and she never liked for him to do that. 

Hux was rarely sweet though. He was rarely hot like Ben Solo. Hux is a good looking man, she hates to admit. The first few times they had sex, it was good. Although he never looked at her and barely spoke. When it didn't go well, it was always her fault. 

Hux didn't even notice she wasn't eating enough. He never came to her place. Not one time. He didn't know she was living in poverty but he would have if he had taken time with her. He bought all of her clothes. Clothes that she shipped back to him after he assaulted her. 

Everything he'd ever given her, she boxed up and sent back. She'd even considered sending him money so he could hold _nothing_ over her. However, common sense stopped her from doing that. 

She'd loved that man. For a while anyways. She has no idea where he is now and doesn't care. He had finally left her alone. 

Now this man. _This man._ The thought of this man wakes her up at night, dreams of him wrapping her in warmth. She'd always sigh and smile upon waking. 

She loves this man with a depth and a width and a height like the ocean. Like space. Like the galaxy. She has no idea if she'll ever be enough for him. His kiss though. Damn, his _kiss._ She pretty much had not slept last night. All she could do was think of him and that mouth and those hands and that chest. 

Fuck, she'd never, ever been so turned on by Armitage Hux. 

"Hey," he said, interrupting her thoughts, "earth to Rey."

She snapped to, looking up to see him smiling. Then she was on him, kissing him, pressing her entire body against him. 

Rey rather enjoyed the little "umph" that came from a surprised Ben. She loves that she is a bit in control of him. She likes this dominant feeling. 

She pulls him backwards, her goal being to close the office door before anyone sees them. She relishes in her ability to push and pull this massive hulk of a man around. 

"Close the door, Ben," she practically growls at him. He obeys. 

Then her back hits the door but he'd wrapped his hands around her so that he didn't hurt her. 

So considerate. So careful with her. 

However, if he ever was rougher, she'd be perfectly fine with that too. 

They kiss and kiss and kiss. His hands stop at her lower back and hips. She needs more. 

She slides her hands down his arms, so very glad that he'd removed his jacket. She can feel the curves of his biceps, the firmness of his forearms. 

She reaches around behind her and grabs his hands, pulling them down. He groans when she stops at her ass. He squeezes and makes a sound deep in his throat, partly a growl and partly a whine. She smiles against his lips. 

"You like that?" she purrs. 

"Damn Rey," is all he can manage to get out. 

They stay this way for an amount of time that neither one can decipher. His fingers knead at her ass. Her hands caress his arms and shoulders and neck. They kiss until they cannot breathe. Or think. Or care. The building could burn and they'd just perish, probably not even noticing. 

Then a knock behind her head and a shout from the other side of the door pulls them back to reality. 

"Dammit Ben, quit groping your secretary and get your ass to the boardroom!!"

Rey starts to pull away but Ben keeps her pinned to the door. 

"The Supremacy, Inc. people are here, Ben. They are waiting on you." she whispers as he trails his lips down the side of her throat. 

"But...you smell _so good_ ," he whines. 

"I'll be here when you get back. Go."

"Ben!!!" Poe shouts. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck…." Ben says, letting go of her and walking over to his jacket. 

Rey goes to open the door. Then she takes one more look at him. 

"You might need to stay here for a moment and….take a minute," she says, a mischievous grin crossing her face. 

He's pulling on his jacket. 

"Why?" he asks. 

Her eyes move down his body and she bites her bottom lip. She nods at his pants. 

He's obviously hard as a rock. 

He looks back up at her. She has a smug look. She knows what she's done and she's obviously _very_ proud of herself. 

She walks out, closing the door behind her. 

He wonders if the day ever comes that Rey is actually his, he'll discover there's a wicked, wicked bad girl behind all that innocence. 

Then he imagines punishing her for her wickedness and it's another 10 minutes before he can leave his office. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Rey's birthday y'all!
> 
> Now we all know that Ben Solo is going to spoil his sweet girl but how? 
> 
> The ideas I had were not so much grandiose amounts of money but gestures. Which is always a better gift. Gifts from the heart. 
> 
> I gave Rey my birthday because I love my Rey. I wanted to publish this on my birthday a week ago but it didn't pan out. 
> 
> Once again, thank you so much for the comments and kudos. Covid has made life hard for us, not physically but our jobs have been affected. My writing gets me through and the fact that you all can escape with me? There just aren't words adequate to explain how that makes me feel. I see these stories in my mind and it's so hard to write them out. I'm so happy that I seem to be doing an okay job. I love this story so much.
> 
> Yesterday the amazing Eddie Van Halen died. Upon hearing the news I immediately began to listen to "When it's Love" on repeat. 
> 
> So, this chapter is set to this song linked below. 
> 
> I[whenitslove](https://youtu.be/hD0AgKGdtok=)

It's the perfect fall day in New York City. 

And it's her birthday. 

She'd gone most of her life not even knowing when her birthday was. Until Finn made it his personal mission to find out. Between him and Amilyn, their case worker, they'd finally uncovered it. 

Unfortunately, Amilyn could only give them the date, she wasn't allowed to pull the entire birth certificate from the health department.

So, technically, this was only her fifth birthday, that she was aware of. 

She's 23 today. 

The weather is perfect. And it's a Friday! 

So, casual work day it is. Being that Rey loves fall, she's dressed in leggings, high heel black boots and a long v neck forest green sweater, topped with a mustard yellow scarf and a crochet newsboy cap. 

Very fall-ish. 

She steps off the elevator and turns to her desk. 

There are succulents. 

One-two-three-four-five succulents. All lined up in various containers across the front edge of her desk. 

She squeals, grabbing one and holding it like one would a puppy. 

Ben watches her spin around in a circle. He's at his desk with the perfect view of her. He chuckles.

He'd wracked his brain over her birthday. 

Considered diamond stud earrings. An extravagant day at the spa. A trip somewhere with her brother. 

No, none of those were what clicked.

Besides, he'd be jealous because he wasn't on a trip with her.

He'd considered so many things. 

As he'd sat in his office one day last week, at his wit's end over it, she'd entered his office. 

"Oh look!" she exclaimed. 

"What?" he said grumbly from his desk. 

"The violets! They're blooming!" 

He was glad she couldn't see him shake his head. Of course, he wouldn't dare if she could see him. He still doesn't get it. 

"Aren't you so pretty?" she says, bending to touch the bloom. She's smiling so hard he can't help but smile at her. 

"I'll just take you back to my desk, so I can see you all day."

He chuckles lightly. She's so crazy about her plants.

That's it. 

He googles "plant of the month club" because surely that's a thing. Surely. 

_Yep. It's a thing._

_Damn._

"House Plant Box Club"

"Bloomin' Club"

"Organic Club"

_Wait. Aren't all plants organic?_

He shakes his head. 

"Sill Plant Club"

"Succulent of the Month Club"

_Succulents. Aren't those the cactus looking things that are popular right now?_

He clicks on it. 

They're cute, he thinks. 

_Well, hell. She's got me thinking plants are cute._

$10 a month? That's it? 

Shit. She will only get one a month and one isn't enough to, you know, wow her on her special day. 

He signs up for five subscriptions, clicks pay and smiles. 

She'll love it, he thinks. 

Then he's on a roll. He emails the local bakery he uses to inquire about a cake covered in succulents. 

Not real succulents. Like, candy ones or whatever they make cake flowers out of. 

The bakery soon emails him back, a picture of a recent creation. Perfect. He orders it to be sent directly to his office. 

Then he winces. 

He knows what would really make her happy. 

Adam fucking Driver. 

He googles the next showing of _Burn This_ and painfully buys her three tickets. 

She can go with Rose and Zorii. They can ogle the guy to death. Together. 

He suddenly hears a sound that he can only describe as a squee coming from her desk and he stands, walking to his door where Rey is surrounded by green and blue balloons and a custom made banner that says "Happy Birthday Rey" on it. 

In her hand is the paper showing that she will be receiving five succulents a month, for twelve months. Her other hand is over her mouth. She turns to see him standing there, watching her. 

"Happy Birthday," he says to her. 

She flies at him, grabbing him by the face, kissing him soundly. Their kissing has grown to be a regular occurrence. They never go past just kissing (well, there was some ass grabbing too) and they have not talked about it.

He is beginning to go mad. He knew, he _knew_ if he got a taste of her that he'd want more. However, Rey has not expressed any intention of what she wants from him. 

Yes, he is losing his mind with desire for her. 

"You amazing man. I love it. Five a month?? I've always loved succulents. Look at them! They are so cute! Thank you! You are too good to me, Ben. I don't deserve it…"

Well, that won't do at all. 

"Hey," he says, grabbing her at the waist. 

Their physical touches are all just part of what they are. They don't ask permission. It's not unusual anymore. It's just who they are, what they do. 

They kiss and touch and don't talk about it. 

"You deserve it. You deserve so much. Just enjoy. I just want you to have a good day, okay?" 

She wraps her arms around his back, her cheek on his chest. 

"Thank you, you sweet oaf," she tells him.

"My pleasure, Happy Birthday Rey," he says, setting his chin on top of her head. 

The gang, including Rose and Zorii, all celebrate Rey's birthday at the Italian restaurant. 

Rey has never felt so loved, her self-made family making her day one of her best ever. 

"Tickets to _Burn This_? Does that mean you are going with me?" Rey asks Ben when she opens the card from him. 

He waves his hand at her, shaking his head. 

"No, no, no, that's for you girls...I prefer not to be there to watch you drool."

They all laugh at Ben's apparent jealousy of the object of Rey's celebrity crush. 

Afterwards, they all head back to work, Rose and Zorii going in the opposite direction. 

Later on that afternoon, Ben somehow manages to sneak Rey's cake into his office, along with her final gift from him. 

"Rey, can you step in here a moment?" 

"On my way," she answers.

She enters his office and he's standing next to the table in his office, a rather large box in the center. 

"Can you close the door?" he asks her. 

After closing the door, he looks at the box with a puzzled face. He scratches his chin. 

"This arrived while we were all out earlier," he pauses for dramatic effect, "has your name on it."

She looks at it strangely. 

"I didn't order anything…."

He chews on the inside of his mouth, trying to appear aggravated. 

"Well, it doesn't belong in here, I'll carry it to your desk," he says, grabbing a hold and lifting it straight up. When he does, the cake appears. 

She gasps, her hands covering her mouth.

Then she cries. 

Then he's confused. 

He quickly sets the box back down, turning her face up to his with his hands. He wipes her tears with his thumbs.

"Talk to me," he says gently. 

"It's just, it's too much, it's so much. It's too much," she sobs out. 

"No….no it's not….gifts and a birthday lunch and cake….that's not too much. Rey, you do so much for everyone. You deserve attention. You deserve pampering. You deserve to receive what you give. Rey, you deserve this."

He places a gentle kiss on one cheek, then the other. Then her nose. She quickly captures his lips with her own and pulls him down, running her hands behind his neck. Her fingers stretch into his hair. He leans over and then wraps his arms around her. He lifts her feet off the ground. Her tongue darts out, teasing him and he can't stop himself. He kisses her fully, violently, obsessed with her. She's playing with a fire that he cannot control. 

Her kiss leaves him weak and he stumbles until the back of his knees hit the edge of the sofa. He sits and before he knows it, she's in his lap, straddling him. Her skirt moves up her thighs until the fabric of her panties is against his hardness. 

He simply cannot stop. He grinds up against her crotch.

Rey scrambles off his lap, backing up, a strange look in her eyes. 

"Dammit," he curses, angry at himself for getting carried away. 

Rey turns her back to him, her hands covering her face. Ben stands and walks up behind her. He then notices that she is shaking. 

"Rey," he whispers, "I'm sorry. I just got carried away. I didn't think, I just reacted. It's just, you do things to me, Rey. But I don't want to make you uncomfortable. Ever."

This sweet man. This sweet, _hot_ man. He's always so gentle with her. Well, except when he's not. She's good with that too. 

She doesn't understand why she reacted like she did. She liked it. Hell, she _loved_ it. Feeling him pressed against her core, damn, it felt amazing. 

It scared her though. She's been so afraid to be with another man since Hux. Damn him, that fucker. Two years later and she's still traumatized. 

And now poor Ben is paying the price. 

She turns and simply hugs him. His strong warm arms wrap around her and she buries her nose in his chest. He always smells so good, like fire embers and the forest. 

They stay that way for awhile.

He doesn't understand what just happened. He knows he must've moved too fast. He thinks about how she'd wanted his hands on her ass. She doesn't mean to send conflicting signals but she is. 

He realizes he will have to wait and let her decide what they do. It's still better than before the island, though. At least he can kiss her now. 

Maybe this has something to do with Hux. Stupid fucker. He wants to break every bone in the bastard's body. 

"Hey, birthday girl. Your cake is waiting," he reminds her. 

As usual, food gets her attention. He loves it. He could feed her every day for the rest of his life, watch her get fat and still want to fuck her brains out. 

Damn his cock. It's like it's got no control. Even the simple thought of Rey plump and naked makes him hard. He lets go quickly, turning back to her cake. 

It's only big enough for the two of them. Just like she did for his birthday. That way they can celebrate alone. 

He cuts her a huge piece, only because he knows Rey. She loves cake. 

"It's soooo pretty Ben. Beautiful. The flowers look so real. Oh shit! I didn't take a picture!"

"I took a picture and I'll send it to you on one condition," he says, smiling as she sits, tucking her tiny feet under her and digging in. Her passion for food is extraordinary. 

"What?" she asks 

"I get to take a picture of you eating it. Just for me."

"M'kay wid dat," she mumbles, her mouth full of cake. He laughs at her. 

Ben pulls her phone out. Right as he presses the button, she swipes up icing with her fingers and sticks three frosting covered digits in her mouth, licking the icing off while looking at him. 

He tries desperately not to think about how sexy it looks. He is ashamed of the fact that late at night he's had to calm his erection with his hand, thinking of Rey. This picture will _not_ be used to get himself off. Will _not_. 

It will though, says his cock. 

_Damn you, traitor._

It will be his little secret. 

_Distraction. I need a distraction._

He walks to his desk and removes a small velvet box. 

(No, not _that_ kind of velvet box.)

"Happy Birthday, Rey," he says, handing it to her. 

"Ben….no...it's too much. I only got you one gift. You gave me plants already. And lunch…."

He simply opens it for her, revealing a pair of sapphire earrings. Her eyes water, again. 

"Uh-huh, no more crying. Stop it. I saw these months ago and decided you should have them. A beautiful Manhattan secretary should have real sapphire and diamond earrings. Not just earrings from Target," he says, reaching out to touch her faux gold hoops, "not that these aren't beautiful in those sexy earlobes. I just think earlobes like that deserve the best."

She sets her plate down, cake finished in record time and scoops the box from his hand. She removes her hoops and puts the delicate earrings on. Then she tilts up her chin and twists her head back and forth. 

"Whatcha think?" she asks. 

"Nope, not telling you," he answers. 

"No fair!" she says, punching his arm. He captures her fist and pulls her to him. 

"I don't want to scare you off Rey, I'm not sure where the boundaries lay…."

"Please tell me, you won't upset me. Let me guess, you think it's sexy?" 

"My mind is actually at a loss for words. It wasn't what I thought so much as what I wanted to do."

"Show me," she whispers, "I'm sorry about earlier. I don't understand why that scared me. I'm not scared now though."

"Okay but don't get mad," he whispers back, his voice low enough that she is once again glad there's extra panties in her drawer. 

Ben takes her by the throat and turns her head, pulling her ear towards his mouth. Before he even makes contact, she's as heated as she's ever been. 

The tip of his tongue slides behind her lobe and he pulls it into his mouth, nibbling around the earring. He's careful not to hurt her. She moans. 

Then she's back in his lap, quicker than he can think. This time she moves her hips against him. They kiss for what feels like hours. 

He finally comes up for air. He's decided to google how to hold his breath longer so he can lengthen this for next time. 

He then places his forehead against hers and very quietly sings her the birthday song. 

Damn if it's not the single sexiest moment she's ever experienced. His deep voice melting her as he sings. She attacks him afterwards, her mouth trailing down his neck, which is new. She's wanted to kiss it for months. Her tongue and lips and even her teeth are all over his skin and he grips her ass. 

He's pretty sure she's leaving marks. He's also pretty sure he doesn't care. He feels dampness against his crotch and holy fuck, it's so hard to be still. Literally. 

He could die right now and not be any happier to go. 

He may hate his own birthday but he now _loves_ Rey's. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When It's Love by Van Halen
> 
> Everybody's lookin' for somethin'  
> Somethin' to fill in the holes  
> We think a lot but don't talk much about it  
> 'Til things get out of control  
> Oh, how do I know when it's love  
> I can't tell you but it lasts forever  
> How does it feel when it's love  
> It's just something you feel together  
> When it's love  
> You look at every face in a crowd  
> Some shine and some keep you guessin'  
> Waiting for someone to come into focus  
> Teach you your final love lesson  
> How do I know when it's love  
> I can't tell you but it lasts forever  
> How does it feel when it's love  
> It's just something you feel together  
> Oh oh oh oh  
> Oh when it's love  
> Oh oh oh oh  
> You can feel it yeah  
> Oh oh oh oh  
> Nothing's missing, yeah  
> Oh oh oh oh  
> Yeah, you can feel it  
> Oh oh oh oh  
> Oh when it's love  
> Oh oh oh oh  
> Nothing's missing  
> How do I know when it's love  
> I can't tell you but it lasts forever  
> Uh, how does it feel when it's love  
> It's just something you feel together  
> Hey, how do I know when it's love  
> I can't tell you but it lasts forever  
> When it's love  
> Uh, When it's love  
> Hey it lasts forever  
> (Na, na, na, na, na) when it's love  
> (Na, na, na, na, na)  
> (Na, na, na, na, na)  
> (Na, na, na, na, na) give it up  
> We're gonna feel this thing together (na, na, na, na, na)  
> When it's love, oh (na, na, na, na, na)  
> When it's love, baby (na, na, na, na, na)  
> (Na, na, na, na, na)  
> You can feel it, yeah  
> (Na, na, na, na, na)  
> (Na, na, na, na, na)  
> We'll make it last forever  
> (Na, na, na, na, na)  
> (Na, na, na, na, na)  
> Oh, it's love
> 
> I have a headcanon that Ben Solo loves 80s rock music. Specifically "heavy metal" bands like Van Halen, Def Leppard, Aerosmith, Motley crue. 
> 
> Is this based off of my love of 80s music?
> 
> ABSOLUTELY
> 
> Ben hearing this song and thinking of Rey? Hell yes. 
> 
> It's my world. Leave me alone. I like it here.
> 
> Oh and yes, plant of the month clubs ARE a thing. Those are the names of actual plant clubs.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First off, I love you all. You have no idea how you all are helping me get thru what has been one of the hardest times of my life. Your comments literally pull me out of my depression for a short while. Thank you. 
> 
> The next chapter is one that I think I've had the most fun writing. It is the Halloween party chapter. I originally had no plans to have them kiss until after the upcoming incident talked about in "Birthday Boy". 
> 
> Y'all have been like "Gimme something!" 
> 
> Believe me, I have itched to write some kind of kiss or something. The ferris wheel scene just seemed like a natural place for a kiss to occur. 
> 
> I'll throw y'all some crumbs. There will be another ferris wheel ride later on. Will they get "stuck" at the top again? Hmmm....😏😏😏😏😉
> 
> Anywho, the Halloween party is an idea that grew and grew in my head. 
> 
> As you all may have guessed, my favorite pastime is torturing Ben Solo in the best way possible. 
> 
> So I'm like, what kind of costume could she wear that would drive him insane?
> 
> Designing their costumes was so much fun!
> 
> The pictures are at the end of the chapter. 
> 
> The top picture is the ballroom where the party takes place .

Rey is her usual sweet self this Halloween morning, bringing in the Starbucks coffee that he cannot help but be glad for. 

Oh well, nobody's perfect. She's close though, as far as he's concerned. 

When she steps around his desk and sits his cup down, she straightens his ever crooked tie. Then she runs her fingers quickly through his hair, nothing inappropriate yet something more than they'd had before. He just looks up in utter fascination at her. 

"You okay?" he asks her. 

"Very much so," she answers and turns to walk away. 

He totally did _not_ look at her ass as she did. 

Who was he kidding? He totally did. 

It's like she just knows how to switch from "Rey, the hottie he'd kissed on the Wonder Wheel" to "Ms Johnson, secretary to the CEO" as she reads off all of his plans for today. 

He, however, isn't quite as good at switching roles as she is. He takes in her red business suit, falling at mid thigh, tapered just perfectly to her frame, red heels on her feet and lipstick to match. 

Still, he pushes away his thoughts of whether or not _everything_ she has on is red. He nods and proceeds to start his work for the day. 

He looks up as she begins to water her precious plants. Immediately realizing she's bending over, _again_ , he reels himself in and looks down, focusing on some important forms. 

_Focus Solo…._

"I have another doctor's appointment today. Just reminding you," she says to him, "it is at eleven so I'll just grab lunch while I'm out, if that's okay."

Well damn. He wanted to eat with her today. He fights the urge to pout, reminding himself he's a man in his thirties, not a lovesick teenager. 

A lovesick thirty something year old but not a lovesick teenager. 

He nods, not looking up. 

"Yeah, that's fine…." 

He doesn't pout. Not one bit. Externally. 

"Are you wearing a costume tonight?" she asks, curious. 

"Ugh, do I have to?"

"Yes, you run the company. Besides, it's fun! Wait….it's Halloween Day Ben! Don't tell me you don't have a costume!"

"Well…."

"Ben!! How are you going to find one now??"

He holds his hand up and shrugs. 

"Oh hell, too late now. Damn it," he says, snapping his fingers, faking disappointment. 

"It's okay. I'm on it. I'll find you something," she replies, way too excited. 

"Shit," he says, really, really not wanting to wear a costume. 

______________________________

Poe laughs and laughs and laughs. Ben just watches, waiting. Eventually his brother will run out of oxygen. Maybe he'll pass out and Ben can just leave his ass there. 

"She's ordering you a costume????? Oh my God….I cannot wait to see this!! This is going to be awesome. I swear, I love her. She's like the best thing to ever happen to your grumpy ass."

Ben just sits there. His brother is an idiot. It's a miracle the man can even do his job. He spends 75% of his life acting like a court jester. It's a good thing his girlfriend is so serious. Someone needs to be. Poor Zorii, is all Ben can think. 

"At this rate, you'll probably be in a bear costume….or a Santa outfit…."

Poe is slowly losing oxygen, gasping from laughing so hard. 

"You think he's gonna be done anytime soon?" Ben says to Finn. 

"Have you met your brother?" Finn replies, "where's my sister at, anyways?"

Ben has a tiny little bit of satisfaction that he knows more about Rey at the moment than Finn does. 

"She had a doctor's appointment," Ben tells Finn. 

"Why?" Finn asks. 

"OB exam, she's been having some problems she needed to get checked out. " Ben replies.

Now that Poe has let the oxygen return to his brain and wiped the tears from his eyes, he's back to some sort of seriousness. 

"Wait, so she just tells you stuff like that?" he asks his brother. 

"Yeah, why?" Ben says, looking confused. 

"Um, that's like, girlfriend level shit," Poe tells him. 

"No it's not. She talks to me," Ben tells him, frustrated. 

"Ben, he's right. So, when are you going to make my sister an honest woman?" 

"I haven't made her a _dishonest_ woman, Finn!" 

"Mmm-hmm," Finn says, stabbing his salad with his fork. 

"What does that mean?" Ben says, getting louder. 

"Bro, chill. We are just saying, you two are basically a couple…."

"No we aren't," Ben says, exasperated. 

"So then why were your hands all over her ass when you had her pressed against your door??" Poe asks, shooting a sideways glance at Finn. 

Rey's brother isn't breathing and if looks could kill….well, Rey wouldn't be happy to find her boss dead in a deli.

"You fucker," Finn growls. 

"Rey kissed _me_!! Dammit, you two make me tired. I'm going back to work…"

Poe's laughter is loud enough that Ben barely hears Finn tell Poe to shut up. 

____________________________

She cannot be serious. 

Rey cannot seriously expect him to wear this. 

_Ben : I cannot wear this._

_Rey: Yes you can. You will look great._

_Ben: And what are you wearing?_

_Rey: It's a secret!_

_Ben: Show me yours and I'll show you mine 😏_

_Rey: You are naughty._

_Ben: Punish me_. 

_Rey: Okay, here's some punishment_. 😏😏😏

She texts him a picture of what is perhaps the sexiest pair of high heels he's ever seen on what is definitely the sexiest feet he's ever seen. Even though it's just her feet, he almost drops his phone. 

_Ben: Where's the rest of your costume?_

_Rey: You'll see. But not until you prove you are wearing yours. Send me a selfie after you put it on._

_Ben: Dammit. Fine. You don't play fair._

Rey: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😘😘😘😘

______________________________

Rey hides behind a corner with Rose and Zorii. They giggle and laugh at one another, hiding out, preparing to make a grand entrance together as burlesque girls.

Rey has never felt so sexy in her _life_. 

Rey has never felt so self conscious in her life. 

Rose blushes, "Are they here yet?" 

The "they" that she's referring to are Ben, Poe and Finn. They are waiting until all three men have arrived. The girls have even practiced a sexy kitten entrance walk. It's so much fun but now that it's almost time, Rey is nervous. 

The Starlight Roof Ballroom at the Waldorf Astoria is spectacular. Ben had assigned Rey and Poe to select the location and organize the party. The blue stained glass ceiling gives it an eerie effect along with the black and silver decorations. 

"Poe and Finn are. Don't know where Ben is," Zorii says over her shoulder after peeking around the corner. 

"He's nervous. I made him dress up," Rey says, pulling on her gloves for the hundredth time. 

"Stop! You are going to stretch them!" Rose tells her, slapping Rey's hand down. 

"I don't know about this, I look like a hooker," Rey says. 

"You are a _burlesque girl,_ Rey. I keep telling you. Ben is going to die. Absolutely die when he sees you," Rose says yet again. 

"Oh fuck, look at Poe," Zorii says, "oh he's so wearing that to bed tonight."

"Finn looks so good," Rose gushes, "what is Ben wearing?"

"I don't know what to call it," Rey says, fidgeting, "the costume place said it was some kind of medieval times outfit."

"Like a suit of armor or something?" Zorii asks, still staring at her boyfriend. 

"No, it's a tunic thing with a fluffy collar and a cape," Rey says, biting her lip again. 

"A cape?? Stop doing that! Your lipstick!" Rose tells her. 

Zorii peeks back over her shoulder at her two friends. 

"Oh, Rey?"

"Yeah?"

"He's here….girl. _Look at him_."

Suddenly Rey is a fifteen year old high schooler, shaking her head, blushing. 

"No...no...I can't do this…it's too risque."

Rose and Zorii grab her and push her towards the corner so she can see him. 

"Yes you CAN, Rey! You are gorgeous and it's not risque! It's a Halloween party! LOOK AT HIM…"

Rey looks. 

Rey stops breathing. 

"Ben…." she whispers.

______________________________

"What is _this_?? What is _happening_?? My brother is wearing a costume!!"

"If you don't shut the fuck up Poe…" 

Ben tries to push his hair back but he can't. He's pulled it back out of his face and tied it. He cannot deal with his ever moving hair _and_ a cape. 

A fucking cape. 

If this is not solid proof of how much he loves Rey, nothing ever will be. 

He could buy her jewels and cars and build her a house by hand and that will never come close to this. 

He's so embarrassed. He hasn't worn a costume since he was 8. 

Whatever she's wearing better be worth this. 

"Rey did this?" Finn asks, hiding a smirk. 

"Yes, your _sister_ made me wear this."

"How?" 

"She said her costume was good and I had to wear this if I wanted to see her in it."

"Welcome to the family, brother," Finn says, sticking his hand out. 

"Shut up Finn"

Poe cackles, bending over in his costume. 

"Oh shit! Finn you are his brother! He told you to shut up this time!"

Ben is more and more uncomfortable which means his growl is growing louder and louder. 

"What the fuck are you wearing anyway, Poe?"

Poe does an elaborate spin on one foot, taking off his tophat and rolling it down his arm, catching it and placing it dramatically back on his head. He then spins his black cane. 

"You done?" Ben asks. 

"I'm P.T. Barnum, Ben!"

"Who?"

Poe rolls his eyes, "Dude do you ever watch anything? From _The Greatest Showman_."

"The what?" Ben says, pushing his frilly collar down. He's wearing a fucking frilly collar. 

Rey better look great. 

Who the fuck is he kidding? She could show up in a garbage man's uniform and he'd be drooling. 

"It's a movie...you know what? Nevermind.

Ben looks around nervously. Where is she?

"Finn's from the same movie. Phillip Carlyle….Earth to Ben…."

"Where is she?" he mumbles. 

Poe leans over to Finn, "You know our girls are going to notice how he drools over Rey and then our asses are gra…"

Suddenly Poe stops talking. 

Finn stops breathing. 

Ben actually has to grab the edge of the table to keep from hitting the floor. 

All three men's chins do hit the floor. 

Because Rey, Rose and Zorii walk in. They step in unison like the queens they are. 

They are burlesque girls. 

Rey is in red. Rose is in blue. Zorii is in green. 

All three women wear short, extremely short, like, barely covering their ass cheeks short corsets with poofy skirts attached. Lace trims the top of the very tight bustiers which barely hold their breasts. Each woman is wearing black thigh high stockings, topped with black lace. They wear coordinating burlesque tophats matching their corsets. Completing the look are black lace gloves to their elbows. 

Ben has never, ever been so turned on in his entire life as Rey struts towards the men. Her chin length hair bouncing along with her boobs. Bright red lipstick covers her plush mouth. She blushes furiously as Ben stares at her, the pink tinge going all the way to the tops of her breasts. 

Whatever shyness she was dealing with disappeared whenever she saw Ben Solo. He's dressed magnificently. He's wearing a cape and she's never ever been so turned on in her _life_. 

"Holy _fuck_ ," Poe mutters as his girlfriend walks towards him. 

"Shit," Finn stammers out, locking his eyes on Rose Tico. 

Ben just tries to remember not to lock his knees. 

"Hello boys," the women say in practiced unison. Then they spin slowly, each in front of the man of their dreams. 

"Whatcha think?" Rose asks Finn. 

"I….I….Rose….damn baby…." 

That's all Finn can say. 

"Hot damn, Zorii," Poe says eyeing her up and down. 

Ben just blinks. 

Then he blinks again. 

Rey's smile goes away. She doesn't know what to say to him. After a few silent seconds, she turns and walks away. 

Ben is simply frozen, watching her walk off. 

"Ben Solo, go after her…." Rose tells him. 

"Huh?"

"Ben! Go!" Zorii whisper shouts. 

Ben finally moves and takes off after her. He finds her in the lobby. She's obviously angry, sitting in a chair, her long, lace covered legs crossed at the knee. 

Ben focuses on her face because focusing anywhere else on her body will render him helpless. She's upset, for some reason. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asks. 

"Nothing, I'm fine." she says stubbornly, looking at her hands. 

He kneels down in front of her, the cape draping out to the side. He doesn't know where to put his hands. 

Finn and Poe didn't hesitate to get handsy with Rose and Zorii. They'd grabbed at them immediately and begun to dance. 

They are couples. Ben and Rey are not. As badly as he'd wanted to pull her to his chest, he'd held back. 

Yes, he's been kissing and touching her. In private. They'd not discussed what they were comfortable with in public. 

"You look...wow Rey...you….just…"

"I feel silly…."

Then he can't stop himself. He grabs her silk claden waist with both hands and slides her to the edge of the chair. She didn't want to hit him with her crossed knees so she opened her legs. Next thing Ben knows he is kneeling between her thighs. 

Again, he can't breathe. His pants are getting tighter by the minute and his mind is spinning with thoughts of what he wants to do to her. He gulps. 

"Silly is literally the absolute last word I'd use to describe you right now."

"What word would you use?"

His voice practically growls. 

"Oh, sweetheart, you cannot handle the words I'm thinking…."

Rey smiles. She didn't wear this for him. She wore it for herself. She's tired of feeling down about her looks. Her friends had planned this and it was so much fun. She has felt skinny and ugly most of her life. She doesn't have Zorii's boobs or Rose's curves. She knows her body is rather boyish. Like every woman, she wants to feel sexy and desirable. She does. She really does. She doesn't know why Ben's non-reaction bothers her. 

She pulls at Ben's fluffy collar. Then her hands go to his hair. He's pulled it back. She likes it. 

"You look nice," she whispers. 

"You look...sexy as _fuck_ , Rey."

Instantly, wetness coats the snaps at the crotch of her costume. 

"I can handle the word sexy…." she tells him. 

His eyes darken and she realizes that he's hard. He's hard for her. 

"Like I said, sweetheart, you can't handle what all I'm thinking…."

"Tell me…"

His face moves forward until she can actually feel his breath on her skin. 

"I'm thinking that I'd love nothing more than to rip this off of you and fuck you until you can't walk. Till you can only think my name. Till you forget every man that's ever even looked at you. I'm thinking about how I'd love to wrap those thighs around my head and bury my face between your legs. I've never, _ever_ wanted a woman like I want you, Rey. I'm sorry if it scares you. I never want to scare you. All I can think about is how the actual _fuck_ any man could let you get away. You are the hottest, sexiest woman I've ever seen in my life."

She's actually clenching now and her costume feels too tight, too hot, constraining. She takes a deep shuddering breath. 

"You don't scare me, Ben. Not anymore."

"What do you want Rey? Tell me, please. What do you want with me?"

_To let you fuck me until I can't walk. To scream your name. To wrap my legs around you. Every part of you. Forever._

_S_ he thinks about how she isn't on any form of birth control. Which would mean Ben would have to wear a condom. Which would mean there would be something keeping his skin from her skin and that is not what she wants for herself. She wants all of this man. She wants him inside of her, bare. She wants to feel him fill her. She wants to be dripping with his come. 

She also realizes that if they left together right now, everyone would know. When she finally makes love to Ben Solo, she wants that for herself until she wants them to know. 

So, no, not tonight. Not until it's perfect.

"I want to go back in there and dance with you…"

He nods and stands, reaching out a hand for her. She takes it and lets him lead her back in the ballroom. 

He spends the rest of the night with his arms around her, trying desperately not to think about how she didn't respond to his desire for her.

**. ________________________________________**

**Rey's costume:**

****

**Ben's costume:**

****

**Poe's costume:**

****

**Zorii's costume:**

****

**Finn's costume:**

****

**Rose's Costume:**

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!
> 
> In true Reylo fashion, Rey doesn't communicate her concerns about them sleeping together.


	18. Chapter 18

It is now the Monday before Thanksgiving. 

Ben has been a bit distant and Rey doesn't know why. He's still just as sweet. He still calls her "sweet girl" and doesn't ask permission to touch her. His hand regularly is on her lower back and he will grasp her hand when walking to lunch together. At least once a day, he tucks her hair behind her ear. If the day is particularly rough, he briefly hugs her or grasps her waist while looking up at her from his chair. 

Ben always, always tells her she's pretty or beautiful. He kisses her hand on occasion. 

However, he has not kissed _kissed_ her in weeks. There's been no more door makeouts or sofa makeouts. 

She so desperately misses it. She misses his beautiful lips on hers, his tongue possessing her mouth. The grunts and groans and moans coming from deep in his chest. She misses his massive, thick hands on her rear, even though it only happened once. She badly misses his mouth on her throat and how safe she feels in his strong arms. 

She misses him. He's right there, looking at his computer screen with an angry look but she still misses him. 

Maybe she jinxed herself by getting an implant? 

She had called the OB back to take her up on the offer to give her the implant. 

She wanted to be prepared in case things ramped up between them. 

Rey was caught off guard by Ben at the party, the things he'd _said_. The way he said them. She had really wanted to tell him to take her home right then but she wanted to be prepared, be smart. She also didn't want to deal with their friends knowing why they left. Because they are a nosy bunch. 

If and when things went further (Ben had made his feelings crystal clear), Rey really does not want to use a condom. She wants all of him. 

Except now, things aren't going anywhere. 

Ben is being awkward and she doesn't know what to do about it. 

Her desk phone rings. She answers. 

"Ben Solo, CEO, this is Ms Johnson, can I help you?"

"Is Ben in?" a female voice asks. 

That's strange, no one calls and asks for Ben by first name. Except Leia and most of the time she calls his cell. 

Rey shifts in her chair. 

" _Mr. Solo_ is in a board meeting at the moment, can I take a message?"

"Yes, tell him Bazine called," says the voice on the other end. 

Rey's cheeks flush and her heart races. It's his ex-girlfriend. Ben's ex is calling him. 

Rey's mind races. Then, like the professional she is, she puts on her mask. 

"Bazine? Is there a last name?"

"Sweetie, believe me, he'll know who I am," the woman says coldly, "tell him I really enjoyed seeing him Saturday and to please return my call."

Rey can't breathe. Ben has been seeing his ex? After everything, _everything_ , he's been seeing _her_??

"I will give him the message," Rey says in her best professional voice, trying not to let her emotions overtake her. 

She hangs up, probably a bit harder than she should have. She walks into Ben's empty office and leaves all of his messages in the center of his desk. 

She's shaking. She can't stay here. 

Rey returns to her desk and types out an email to Ben. 

_Not feeling well. Went home._

She hits send and grabs her stuff. 

_Don't cry Rey. DO NOT CRY._

The fact that she's allowed herself to get taken in by him to the point that she fights the urge to cry over an ex girlfriend calling him pisses her off at herself. 

On the elevator she opens her Uber app and enters a request. The pick up location is a block away. She cannot chance Ben coming to look for her and at lunchtime on a Thursday in the business district of Manhattan it will take forever to catch a cab. 

Not that she thinks Ben will care. 

As soon as she gets in the Uber, she asks the driver to take her home and then to another destination. She can't stay home. She can't see Finn. If Finn finds out that Ben is seeing Bazine again, a huge fight will ensue. Finn will be _furious_. 

Ben underestimates Finn. He always has. As much as she has crushed on Ben Solo, she knows Finn could hold up his end with Ben if they fought. She cannot deal with them fighting. 

She knows where she wants to go. She knows who she needs to see. 

Maz. 

After entering her apartment, she packs an overnight bag and leaves Finn a note. 

_I'm at Maz's. I'm fine, I'm not sick. Don't tell anyone, please. I just need to see her. I love you. I'll text later._

Maz is Rey and Finn's foster mom. She took both of them in after finding them in the streets. Rey and Finn were both 17. Too close to adulthood for adoption. 

Maz is waiting for Rey when she arrives. 

She opens the door before Rey can knock. 

"You have a key, child," Maz says, looking up at Rey. 

"How...how did you know I was coming? Nevermind, Maz you scare me how you know things."

"A mother knows, sweet girl."

Those words. That's what Ben calls her. His sweet girl. Rey immediately tears up. 

"Come on, let Maz fix it," the petite older lady says, taking Rey's bag in one hand and Rey's hand in the other. 

Maz leads Rey to the sofa as Rey slowly breaks down. 

Her heart hurts. It hurts so bad. That part of it that was given so freely to Ben Solo is aching. 

She had trusted him. She trusted him and she loves him and she misses him and it fucking _hurts_. 

Damn that asshole. 

_______________________________

Poe enters Ben's empty office to fetch some paperwork. 

He eats an apple while digging around the mess on Ben's desk. 

Laying right there in plain view is a message. 

_Bazine would like for you to return her call at your earliest convenience._

Rey had not written out the entire message. She was shaking too hard.

"Oh hell fuck no," Poe says out loud. He grabs the note and shoves it in his pocket. 

There's no way that is happening again, not as long as Poe lives and breathes. Best just to toss it and hope Rey doesn't tell him. 

He assumes Rey went to lunch. He also assumes Rey doesn't know who Bazine is. 

Ben returns from his meeting, completely unaware of the message from his ex. 

Ben also assumes that Rey went to lunch. He's frustrated that the meeting went over and he couldn't go with her. He pulls up his emails. 

_Not feeling well. Went home._

That's all her email says. She'd seemed fine earlier. He grabs his cell and calls her. Straight to voicemail. He leaves a message. 

"Hey, sweet girl, you alright? Call me."

That's not like Rey. She doesn't get sick easily. Not since she'd been getting regular check ups and eating better. He's worried. Why is her phone turned off? He texts her also, just in case. 

_Are you okay? I'm worried. Let me know._

He walks to Finn's office.

"Finn, have you talked to Rey?"

"No, I was in the same meeting as you, remember? Why?"

"She left. She said she's sick. Her phone is turned off."

The look on Ben's face brings a smile to Finn's face. 

Ben really does care about his sister. He'd struggled to stay out of it, letting them take things at their own pace. He had not had any confidence in Ben Solo when he first realized the man was interested in his sister. He figured Ben just wanted to get in her pants. He was actually pretty pissed. Rey finally leaves Plutt and is no longer Kira. She finally gets a decent job and this dickhead just wants to fuck her. 

Slowly, he watched Ben change. Ben Solo is a changed man. Finn watched Ben watch his sister. He actually is infatuated with her. Well, why wouldn't he be? Rey is the most amazing woman he's ever known. Finn held back and was quiet. Then when Ben voiced his love for Rey, he could breathe better. Poe convinced him to trust Ben just a little. 

The big fight between Ben and Rey months ago both worried and convinced him. At first he'd wanted to kill Ben. Then he watched the man pretty much fall on his knees for her. When Ben threatened Finn in his office, he knew. Ben loves Rey. He really does. Now if he'd just tell her….

"I'm sure she's okay, Ben…."

Ben fidgets, his hands twisting. 

"But she's sick…."

Finn smiles again. 

"Probably not really sick…"

Ben's eyes narrow at Finn. 

"She said she's sick, Finn!"

Finn laughs and Ben turns red. 

"Dude, chill. I live with the woman. She probably started. Sometimes it kicks her ass. She gets exhausted. She is probably asleep or eating ice cream crying at some damn Adam Driver movie."

Ben all but falls into the chair in front of Finn's desk. 

"Oh…yeah. I forgot she did mention that."

"You aren't her boyfriend…."

"I know that, dammit."

"When do you plan to tell her how you feel about her? I'm staying out of it but damn. It can't be said you move fast."

"She doesn't need to deal with my shit, Finn. I don't want to hurt her."

Finn leans forward, no longer an employee speaking to his boss but a big brother talking to the man who wants his sister. 

"You know, I do approve of you being with her, not that you care."

Ben looks Finn right in the eye.

"I didn't think you liked me. You know, for her. And I do care."

They stare at each other.

"Ben, I know about all of your shit. Let me ask you this….did you kill him?"

Ben's jaw locks into place and his eyes go dark. He is silent. Finn continues. 

"Because if you killed a major mob boss so you could start your life over, I find that very admirable. Not only are you willing to kill for a better life, you rid this city of a crippling vermin. That tells me that you'd do anything to keep my sister safe. That, _thing_ , was one reason my sister couldn't escape a life that she'd stumbled into. You saved her without even realizing it. If you want my blessing, it's yours. Truth be told, watching the two of you, I'm actually tempted to warn you off of her. She's going to kick your ass anytime you need your ass kicked. From what I see, you're already pretty much wrapped around her finger. Good luck."

A visual of Rey kicking his ass forms in his mind and Ben slowly smiles. He'd love nothing more than to have that hellfire of a woman keeping him straight. Finn's right. No one, _no one_ , would keep Rey safer than he would. 

Maybe, just maybe, he can be good enough for her. 

"Thank you, Finn. I promise you, if she'll have me, I'll always take care of her. I might need you to save _me_ sometimes though," Finn laughs at that.

"You know, I don't even know how you two met, Finn."

At one point, it was a story that Finn couldn't tell without negative emotions. However, as the years had gone by, the bad memories faded and only the good remained. 

"We were put into the same foster home. She was 15 and I was 16. The man's name was DJ. Slimy piece of shit. He paid no attention to me whatsoever. His entire focus was on Rey…"

Ben feels every muscle in his body lock up. He already knows where this is going. 

"Rey was afraid of me at first. She trusted no one but especially not males. She'd already learned that as a female, she was vulnerable. I kept my distance. Honestly, she scared the shit out of me."

Ben relaxed just enough to chuckle. Yeah, he's pretty much scared of Rey, too. 

"Has she told you about her fighting skills? She can kick ass, Ben. I saw it. She'd taught herself how to use this long stick thing she had. She called it her staff. She'd found it in the park one day and took a pocket knife and carved it smooth. She learned to fight with it."

For a moment Ben had forgotten about DJ and was soaking in this new info about his girl. 

"Wow, what happened to it?"

"Not sure," Finn shrugged his shoulders, "I suspect that DJ got rid of it. He got rid of a lot of our stuff."

Ben is tense again as he asks a question that he doesn't want the answer to. 

"What did he do to her?" Ben asks in a low voice. 

"He watched her. Locked doors were against the rules. He would say shit like 'oh, didn't realize you were in here' to her after walking in on her changing. He'd watch her bend over. I'd wake up to find him leaving her room at 2am."

At this, Ben breaks the arm of Finn's chair. He'd been gripping it so tightly that when Finn said that last part, Ben squeezed and he broke the arm off. 

Finn jumps.

"Well, good thing I'm not in charge of replacing shit, Ben. He never touched her. We got the hell out once it became obvious to me that he wanted to. He was watching her sleep. He was a creepy fucker."

Finn continues. 

"I finally felt like Rey was letting me in. Trusting me. So I told her that DJ was up to no good. We ran. We were on the streets for a long time. We took care of each other. She and I would sleep wherever we could but she never had to worry about me hurting her. She was and is my baby sister. Then a woman named Maz saw us and started watching us. She'd follow us. Pay for food at places near us. She's much respected in her part of town so she knew which restaurant owners and store owners to trust. Then we'd stop by these places to offer to clean windows or sweep sidewalks or wash dishes for food. She'd already paid. We learned someone was taking care of us from afar. After a while, she approached us, asked if we would come stay with her. You know Rey, she'd never stay without earning her keep. Me neither. So we did everything we could for Maz. Eventually we were a family. Maz was good with fixing cars in her younger days. Taught Rey everything she knew. Rey went the path of auto repair. I chose to go to college for a business degree. Finally having a stable home gave me the ability to do that."

Ben is taking all this in. If he can be the man Rey deserves, he knows he can ensure she never has to want for anything again. He's already noticed how much she's changed. She's healthier. She's not wearing thrift store clothes. At first he thought she had no business sense when it came to dressing for an office job. He finally noticed that she just wore what she could afford. He brings this up to Finn. 

"Yes, Rey wore what she had. I offered to buy her the right clothing. She turned me down. Ben, she saved up several thousand dollars in the first few months here. She had never been able to save. All of her extra money went into savings. Then she got to work on her wardrobe. She knew she wasn't dressing to par here. She was embarrassed by that. However, her fear that she could lose this job and be back under cars made her save up a nest egg. Your consistent raises helped."

Ben has three thoughts occur in his over emotional mind. Number one, Rey is even more amazing than he thought. Two, he was only bothered for half of the first day by her wardrobe. After that he was so smitten he didn't care what she wore. He was just glad to see her every morning. Three, he thinks perhaps he needs to up her pay again. Cost of living raise, that's what he will call it. 

"Ben," Finn says to him and it snaps him back to their conversation. Ben's eyes come back to focus on Finn. 

"You care for her?"

"Yes, tremendously."

"Do you want to be with her? Like, seriously be with her?"

"Yes, but…."

"Stop that shit. All that matters to me is if you are good to her. All that matters to her is the same. She does not care about your past. If you are a good man, and I believe that you are, you deserve her."

"I don't know, Finn…."

Finn throws one hand palm up and leans back. 

"Fine, then someone else will come along and snatch her up. How does that thought make you feel?"

Ben's face flushes red with jealousy. 

"Not good."

"Why, Ben? Why can't you handle seeing her with someone else?"

Ben shifts in the now one armed chair. 

"Because...I...because...I just can't, Finn!"

"Do you think any other man could care for her like you do? Or take care of her like you would?"

Ben's mind tries to imagine this. Another man loving her. 

"No one could love her like I do."

Finn smiles. 

"Then, shouldn't she at least be able to decide what she wants? She can't take what you aren't giving her. Seems rather selfish to not even offer her what you believe you can give her. A relationship with a man who loves her for who she is. She's never had a family. Shouldn't she have a say so in who she wants to be with?"

"Of course!"

"Then offer to her what she deserves, Ben Solo."

Ben slumps. 

"I think I may have overwhelmed her at the Halloween party. I offered her something and she didn't accept it."

Finn looks surprised. Rey had not mentioned that to him.

"What did you offer her?"

Ben turns red all the way to the tips of his ears. 

"Oh shit Ben, no wonder you overwhelmed her. Yeah, Rey has become shut off from that since Hux. I think you need to reword that offer."

Ben calms himself. Maybe what he thought was rejection was just him coming on too fast and too strong for her. 

"I will Finn. Thank you for telling me everything. I promise, if she will have me, you won't have to worry about her."

Finn nods. 

"I really believe I won't, Ben"


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I struggled through this chapter. Struggled to get the balance right. Let me know what you think.

She calls in sick the next day. 

She doesn't call him though, she calls Finn. 

By that afternoon, he's panicking. She won't answer his texts. Her phone is turned off. 

He's useless. The office is closed starting tomorrow and for the next five days. If he can't talk to her or find her, a week will have passed until she has to come back to work. 

One thing he knows for sure, she's not sick. He feels it in his gut. Something is wrong. She's upset with him. 

"Finn, where is she?"

He's pacing in front of Finn's desk. 

"Ben, I've been told she needs space and that's all I can say. Please don't pull me into this. You cannot put me in the middle."

"I'm not, Finn! How can I fix it when I don't know what I've done??" 

Finn rubs his forehead. 

"You can't but you have to respect her enough to do what she asks! She never calls in and the office is closing. It's not like she left you with work to do. I hate to tell you this…."

Finn trails off because he knows he's about to get blasted. Ben stops pacing long enough to stare. Finn takes a deep breath. 

"You are only her boss. You want boyfriend privileges but you are just her boss!! If you had told her how you feel you'd earn the right to more! Now, get out of my office. I've got shit to do."

Ben storms out muttering under his breath.

"Asshole tells me to get out he forgets I sign his damn paycheck…"

Finn actually laughs. These two make him tired. 

Ben would go pester his brother but that asshole left yesterday to go see his girlfriend before Thanksgiving. 

Ben grabs his phone, again. 

_Rey, please talk to me. I don't know what's happening. I'm worried. I don't understand why you need space. Please call me. I miss you._

He finally calls it quits and leaves work, headed to his Mom's for the holiday. He had planned on asking Rey to go but oh well for that. 

_____________________________

"So," Maz starts, sitting down at Rey's head as she watches _Marriage Story_ again on Netflix, "are you here to visit or are you ever going to tell me what's wrong?"

Rey's response to bury herself deeper under the blanket covering her. Oh and to eat more chocolate. Maz gently plays with Rey's hair. 

"Reyna…." Maz implores deeper. 

"Men suck," is Rey's replied murmur from under the blanket. 

"Ahhh...I see now," Maz responds, "pray tell, is this anything to do with your hot boss?"

Rey turns her face up at her foster mom. 

"How'd you know he's hot?"

"So he _is_ hot?" she replies with a grin.

Rey sighs. She's not ready for Maz's Mazness, as her and Finn call it. 

"Yessssss, dammit….how'd you even know about him? Lemme guess...Finn?"

Maz smiles. 

"Sort of. Rose told me that you and your hot boss man have become close?"

"You could say that…."

"Have you slept with him yet?"

"Maz! No! We only kissed…. repeatedly…"

"Mmm-hmm," Maz nods, "what led to that?"

Rey turns, her head now in Maz's lap. She looks up at her. Rey had never had a proper mother. Maz had let Rey move at her own pace. Maz having never had a child, she had fallen for that homeless pair of kids rather fast. Their spirit and fierce protectiveness is something to be admired. Now it just comes naturally to all three of them. Finn had not too long ago laid in this same spot, stressing over his feelings for Rose. 

Maz has never felt so privileged than to be allowed access to the hearts of these two. Her daughter is hurting right now and she determines to get to the bottom of it. 

Rey relives the weekend at Leia's. Such a beautiful few days. She ends with the ferris wheel kiss and telling him about what happened with Hux. 

"You've not told many about what Hux did," Maz points out, "must be a special person for you to let him in like that."

"I thought so until yesterday. He's seeing his ex."

Maz hums. "Mmm-hmm, I see. Do you know for sure?"

Rey sits up, frustrated. Maz isn't mad. She should be mad. Then again, Maz never gets mad. 

"Yes! The woman said it was nice seeing him!"

"Did you ask him about it?"

"No! It's none of my business."

"Yes it is. He's led you to believe he wants a relationship with you, you deserve an explanation."

"I don't deserve anything. It's his life, he hasn't promised me anything."

"Well, he's taken good care of you. He's apologized when he needed to. He's given you ample space when you told him what you've endured. He's spent a good deal of time investing in you. I don't mean money. I mean time. It sounds like he likes you a lot."

"He hasn't tried to get me in bed…."

"No, he told you he wanted to and left it at that. He's had you in quite an interesting situation, you all dolled up. Sounds like a good man. Rey, he owes you an explanation because you let him in and opened yourself up to him. He could at least answer a question. I think by you letting him in, he's earned the right for you to ask him a question. Also, you gave him your trust. Give and take, that's what a relationship is. If he trusts you with his heart, you can at least just ask him. You've earned a spot in his life, my dear. I think you have the right to ask him about this other woman."

Maz pauses. 

"I'm willing to bet there's no other woman," she adds to the end of her lecture. 

"I'm not good at confrontation, Maz. Not with people I lo…."

She bites her lip. 

Maz's eyebrow hitches and a crooked smile forms. 

"You love him?"

Rey grabs a pillow and dramatically slaps herself in the face with it. 

"Ugh!!!!! Dammit!!"

"Hey," Maz says, pulling the pillow away from her face, "I'm so happy for you, Rey. That you've put yourself out there again."

Rey takes the pillow back and pushes her face down into it. Slowly, she breaks down. 

"Maz," comes her smothered words, "he doesn't love me though….what have I done? It's....the best job...I've...ever had and," she sobs, "I...fuck it up by catching feelings!"

Maz gently takes Rey by the face, lifting it. 

"Do this. Do it for me. Do it for you. Talk to Ben. Even if it's through text. Ask him about the ex-girlfriend."

"He knows I know, Maz! I left the note on his desk! He hasn't even said anything! Just "Are you okay I'm worried". Fuck him!"

"Hmmmm….honey, here's what old Maz thinks. The thing you need, you keep letting the past stop you. You keep looking behind you at what you endured with Hux. Instead of looking behind you, look ahead. What you seek is ahead of you."

"With Ben," Rey says, not a question but a deadpan, sarcastic statement. 

"I don't know, Rey. But subconsciously hanging on to the abuse you've endured is keeping you from seeking the future with someone else. Is that what you want? To be in love and be loved and be in a relationship? With Ben?"

"If it's not him, it's no one. Not now, anyways. I didn't, ughhhhh!!!! I didn't fall in fucking love on purpose!"

Maz smiles, "We rarely do….tell me more about Ben Solo. You know, I haven't told you this, I know his family."

"What??? WHAT???"

"I know his honorary Uncle Chewie very, very well."

"Ben told me about Chewie! I saw his picture. Tall, dark...Oh my God Maz...when you say very, very well…wait...are you sure you aren't steering me towards Ben Solo because you like tall, dark and mysterious men?"

"Let's just say there are many benefits. Rey, I remember little Ben. He was a sweet boy. Yes, yes, I know all about what he's done. All I'm going to say is, Ben is very passionate about what and who he loves. Just talk to him, sweet girl."

Those last two words push her into doing just that. Time to be a grown up and conversate. 

_____________________________

Rey: _Hey_

Within 10 seconds her phone rings. She sends it to voicemail 

Rey: _If I wanted to talk on the phone, I wouldn't be texting…._

A whole minute goes by. 

Ben: _Are you okay? Just tell me if you are okay, Rey._

Rey: _I'm okay, Ben_. 

Ben: _Can I come see you?_

Rey: _No_

Ben: _Oh. Okay. Did I do something wrong?_

She seethes. What does he mean did he do something wrong? Yes? No? It's not like he's sworn himself to her. Still, it hurt. It hurt to know he was kissing her, taking her to Coney Island, holding her on the pier, grabbing her ass, throwing her against the door….all while seeing his ex. 

Her traitorous body actually misses him. 

"DAMMIT!!" she screams into her pillow.

Damn….the man is HOT...like...another whole level of fine with his stupid mouth and stupid chest and stupid huge hands and hair prettier than hers. Stupid whiskey colored puppy eyes staring at her. 

She wishes she'd never met him. 

She misses him like crazy. 

She picks the phone back up. 

Rey: _So, were you ever planning on telling me about her? I mean, you don't owe me anything. I'm just your secretary._

Her phone rings again. She sends it to voicemail. 

Rey: _Stop calling me!!_

Several minutes tick by. 

Ben: _First off, I won't call anymore. I promise. I just…._

That's it. That's all he says. It ends with the words "I just".

Ben: _I haven't gone this long without seeing you in months. I miss you. I just want to hear your voice. What do you mean you are just my secretary?? You aren't just my anything, Rey! What do you mean I don't owe you?? I owe you everything! Please just answer your phone. This is hard. I've never told anyone shit like this, Rey._

Rey: _Not even the woman you are seeing now? Bazine? The woman who called you at work Monday? I had to listen to her fucking claim you, Ben. She said it was good to see you, remember her? Why are you avoiding the message I left on your desk? So I let you grab my ass and the whole time you are still fucking her?? Stop playing me! Fuck off, Ben. I quit. I never want to see you again._

She is sobbing. This hurts so, so bad. She's never hurt so bad. Not even when she was parentless. Not even when Hux broke not only her arms but her heart. 

She steadily scrolls through her phone, deleting pictures of Ben and sobbing. 

Ten minutes go by. 

Her phone rings. It's Poe. 

"Yeah?" she answers, voice shaking. She's not in the mood for Poe but he never calls her so it must be important. 

"He broke his phone." Poe says to her, writing on a tablet, she's crying, for Ben to see. 

Rey hears a crash in the background and realizes that Poe is with Ben. 

She starts to hang up on Poe, the traitor, then she hears Ben. He's...emotional. Rey thinks he may even be crying. 

"Don't hang up, Rey. Please. This is my fault," says Poe. 

Rey hears a bark and then Ben's voice.

"I'm okay, buddy. I'm okay, Moose," Ben's voice says sadly, close by. 

"Moose?" she asks. 

"Yeah, big baby is worrying over Ben. Rey, I took the note. Ben never saw it. I just got here and I didn't tell him."

Her heart hurts and betrays her, as hearts are prone to do. She hears herself ask, "Is Ben okay?" before she can stop herself. 

"No Rey, he's not. You're not okay either, are you?"

"No…." she whispers. 

"Please, please talk to him. For me? Because I cannot handle my brother right now. Only one person can and that's you."

"But...Bazine…"

"Bazine is a bitch. Ben has not been seeing her. He ran into her last Saturday. She's territorial and she thinks Ben belongs to her."

A strange feeling seeps over Rey. Like a red wave of emotion. Like when someone touches her food but way, way, way stronger. A sound like a growl comes from her, making her jump. 

"What was that, Rey?" 

"Nothing, put him on."

"Rey? Rey? Say something. I mean, only if you want to. You don't have to. Are you there? She hung up, Poe. Shit, she hung up."

"No, I didn't hang up, Ben."

"Oh! She didn't hang up. No, she's here. Shut up Poe. Get out. Yes, Poe, I know. Get out. Gotta talk to her."

She hears Poe call Moose and a door shuts. 

"Rey, just...just listen. If you want to listen. You don't have to listen. I just...let me say this…"

"I'll listen…"

"Good. I mean, that's good. I don't want you to think I'm making you listen…."

"Shut up and talk, Ben…."

"Okay. Listen, I'm not che….I'm not seeing her. I'm not Rey! She was playing her shit. Stupid bitch. She saw me at the store and I just said hello. She wanted to go…."

He becomes silent. 

"She wanted to go….? Where did she want to go, Ben?"

"To a hotel."

That wave is actually becoming visible in her head and it has a green tint to it. 

"Did you?"

"Did I what? No Rey!! I told her I was seeing someone and she got pissed and stomped off."

"So you _are_ seeing someone?" Rey asks, the hurt bubbling into the tone of her voice. 

"No! I mean, no. I just said that so she'd go away. She must've asked around and thought it was you and called to stir up shit."

"I'd say she did stir up shit…"

"Only because you left!"

"I left because I thought you were fucking her!"

"You didn't even bother to ask me Rey! You just ran! Just like the last time. Is that how it's going to always be with you?"

Rey stops, breathing hard. She hears him breathing frantically. 

"Maybe….maybe so, Ben. You don't understand…."

"I don't understand what, Rey? That everyone left you? I haven't left you Rey. I'm here. I'm your….friend and I'm here. I'm not leaving. If you want to quit, okay. But you are the one walking away. You don't talk, Rey. When you get scared, you run. You've got to talk to me. I could've told you the truth."

"You pulled away from me, Ben."

"What? When?"

"After the party a month ago. You haven't kissed me. You have barely touched me. It was like, you changed your mind about me."

"I didn't pull…..Oh….Oh…."

"You changed your mind," she says again.

"Listen to me, Rey Johnson", his voice suddenly at that level it dips into that makes shivers crawl across her skin, "what I said? That I want to fuck you into my mattress? That has not changed. It never, ever will. When I told her I was seeing someone? That someone is you. I see you every night in my dreams. I roll over in my empty bed, seeing you there and then realizing you aren't."

Rey squeezes her thighs together, her body responding as it always does to Ben Solo. A humming sound escapes her lips. 

"I know you don't feel that way about me," he continues, "that's okay. I mean, maybe not okay but I can live with it. You just want to kiss? I'll take what I can get. I'd rather spend a lifetime just kissing you than one second fucking anyone else."

She's so entranced by his last sentence that his first sentence momentarily escapes her. By now her entire body is a puddle of melted lava. 

Then it hits her. 

"Wait...what? You don't think I feel the same way about you?"

"You didn't respond...you just wanted to dance…."

"You….oh my God, Ben. Yes. Yes I want you to fuck me senseless. My costume was soaked from how wet I was for you that night."

She hears a _thunk_. Then a scrambling sound. Then he's panting in her ear. She covers her mouth, trying not to laugh but it slips out.

"What happened?" she asks, stifling her laughter. 

"I dropped the phone. Rey, you can't say that stuff to me, you are killing me."

"You wanted to know what I thought!"

"Yeah, guess I did, huh?"

She straightens herself physically and mentally. 

"Ben, I'm sorry, I should've talked to you, Halloween night and now. I would've asked you to take me home but…."

"What, Rey?"

"I didn't, don't, still don't want you to use a condom…"

She hears a sound like a groan. 

"I mean," she continues, "I wanted to get an implant first...unless you'd like to wear one anyways."

He goes to sit and finds that he already is. Are they really talking about having sex? She really wants him? Damn, he's hard. He strokes himself a few times so just a bit of blood returns to his brain. 

"No, damn, no Rey. Not if you don't want to."

"So that's settled," she says, a wicked thought running through her thoughts, "when you fuck me into your mattress, you do it completely bare."

"Holy fuck, Rey. Say it again."

"You can fuck me completely bare," she purrs into the phone. 

"Hell. Where are you?" 

She smiles. There is nothing else near as fun as messing with this gorgeous man. Well, maybe something else would be as fun. 

"I'm at my foster mom's. I'll see you Monday."

"But…."

"Monday, Ben. Good night."

As she hangs up, she hears a whine come from him then a groan that tells her one thing. 

She should've brought her vibrator with her. 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey make up and then Ben doesn't feel so good. 
> 
> Fluffy Flu Chapter! 
> 
> Hmmm, wonder who can take care of him?

"Hey," she says softly, standing at the doorway to his office. 

His head snaps up. 

A week, an entire fucking week. The longest week of his life. 

He hasn't laid eyes on her in an entire fucking week. 

She's beautiful. Even more so now.

"Hey," he says, unaware of what to do. 

"Tell me to come here."

"Huh?" he asks, his mind so clouded that he's confused by her words. 

"I want you to tell me to come here."

"Come Here," he stutters out. 

She walks to him, standing in her spot by his side. 

He spins his chair and looks up at her. She is standing too close for him to stand and hug her. He wraps his arms around her waist. His cheek is on her soft belly. She doesn't touch him. 

"I'm sorry," he pleads. 

"Ben, I didn't talk to you. I'm the one that's sorry."

He leans heavily against her and after several seconds, she senses something is off. 

"Hey," she asks, "what's wrong?"

He sighs. "I don't feel well. Probably just stress."

She threads her fingers through his hair, eventually feeling his forehead. He's clammy but not feverish. 

Something in her gut is alarming her. 

He coughs lightly. 

"Ben, are you okay?"

"Just tired. Really tired."

"You could've stayed home. You are the boss, you know."

"No," he voice catches in his throat, sounding painful. "I had to see you."

He coughs again. 

"Let me fix you some tea. I suck at coffee but tea is easy."

"Don't wanna move," he pouts, still holding on to her. 

"I'll be right back. No working."

He lets her go, reluctantly. She hurries to fix chamomile tea. She adds heaping amounts of honey, noticing the honey is the same color as his eyes. 

Returning, she finds him with his head down on his desk. 

Now she's worried. Ben is so strong. She even sees him as invincible with his size and health and personality. He clearly needs to go home. 

"Here, drink this," she places the cup beside his head. She smooths his hair back and feels that it is sweaty. It wasn't just a moment ago. Rey rubs his back and feels dampness. 

"Ben, baby, please sit up. Let me check your temp again," she whispers, sitting on his desk next to his head. He turns his face towards her thigh. 

"You called me baby," he says, his voice sounding hoarse. Of course that makes it sexier but she's too worried to notice. 

"I did," she says lovingly. He's paler. His head is slightly warm. 

"Ben, c'mon. I'm taking you home. You are sick."

"Okay," he says, too weak to argue. 

She grabs his phone, using his code to unlock it. Only Rey knows his lock code. It's Moose's birthday. She's immediately looking at a picture of them as his wallpaper. She pulls up his Uber app and puts in an order. The car will be here in 15 minutes. 

"I want you to drink this, okay? The Uber will be here in a minute. I'll be right back."

She walks over to Poe's office. 

"Hey, your brother is sick," she tells him. 

"Is he leaving? What's wrong?"

"Not sure. Who's his doctor?" 

"Akbar. Is he going to see the doctor?"

"If he needs to. I'll let you know."

Poe pauses. "You are going home with him?"

"Of course, I'm not leaving him alone. He feels pretty bad."

Poe smirks. 

"What? Stop it. Someone has to take care of him."

"You know I'd do it… "

"He doesn't want _you_ to do it. He wants _me_ to do it."

With that, she huffs and walks away.

"Becoming territorial…."

With his pen in hand he makes a checkmark. 

"Check…"

Then he grins. 

**_____________________________**

"Good God, you're heavy," Rey pants, Ben leaning on her much smaller frame as she unlocks his door. 

"Umph," Ben's only response. He's sweating profusely which is concerning her even more since it's 50 degrees outside. 

Obviously she should've gotten Poe to at least help her get him home. Ben had been more self mobile when they'd left though. Just in the short ride home he'd gone downhill. 

She manages to guide him to his bedroom, attempting to just push and let his weight and gravity pull him down on his bed. However, Ben doesn't let go and she tumbles down with him, landing on his chest. 

"Ow," he mumbles. 

"You ow? I'm the one that's ow, Solo, carrying your heavy ass up here."

She tries to remove herself from atop him but he decides she's his teddy bear. 

"No, stay," he whines, holding her tightly. 

Truth be told, she is slightly enjoying being cuddled up close to him. Maybe more than slightly. She tilts her head up, looking at him. His cheeks are flared a bright red. Her hand instinctively moves to check him. 

He's burning up. Even still, he turns his face to kiss her palm. 

"Good to me, don't deserve it."

"Oh hush, whiny baby," she says, pushing sweaty strands of hair back from his eyes. 

Rey's becoming more concerned now. She needs to call the doctor. Hopefully, being that he's a friggin millionaire, the doctor will pay a house call. If not she may have to call an ambulance. Or worse, Poe. 

"I'm hot," he murmurs, eyes still closed. He hasn't opened his eyes in a while. 

She slips his shoes off and manages to get his jacket and tie off. 

Then a conundrum. 

She can do this. She's seen him shirtless. Touched him, even. Still. Now she _knows_ what he wants from her. She knows he wants her right here in this very bed, a thought that had crossed her mind upon entering the room. 

_Be a professional, Rey. He's your boss. He's sick. Get it together._

The bed is so large she can't easily get to him lying down other than to crawl on her knees to him. So she shimmies her skirt halfway up her thighs and does just that. Soon she's leaning over him, unbuttoning his shirt and shoving it back over his broad shoulders. 

Damn the man is like a fucking marble statue. A sick marble statue. He looks so good. He looks awful. She's so worried. 

Just a tired, worried, horny mess. That's her. 

He looks over at her, smiling just a tiny bit of a smile. He's cute this way. 

"You didn't have to do this," he says to her, rather sweetly. She leans over him again, pushing his hair up over the crown of his head. She hovers over his face. 

"I think I'm sick, Rey."

She can't help but smile at him. He's just so adorably pitiful. 

"Mmm-hmm, I think so too. I stole the thermometer from work, I figured you didn't have one."

"You're fired," he says with another sad grin. 

"Here," she says, pulling it from her bra, "open your mouth."

"Wait," he groans, "you had it in your boob and now it's going in my mouth?"

Then emerges what she supposes is an attempt at a sexy smile. He just looks drunk. 

"Ever horny, aren't you?" 

"Only for you, sweet girl," followed by a rather drunken wink. She laughs. 

"You're a mess," she tells him. 

His temp is 102.1. Yes, time to call the doctor.

Ben has listed her on his medical file as having privileges to speak to his doctor. This is new info to her and it gives her a strange feeling. 

Ben has rolled to his side as she sits behind him, listening to the phone ring. She watches him breathe, the muscles in his back rising and falling. It occurs to her she never got a good look at his back on Montauk. She instinctively lays her hand on his back. He shudders.

Damn. 

Before she can stop breathing, the doctor's office picks up. 

"Yes, this is Rey Johnson calling on behalf of Mr. Ben Solo. He needs to be seen by Dr. Akbar as soon as possible. He's very sick….he's at home….oh good...yes I'm with him...no I'm not leaving. Temp is 102.1, slight cough, he's really out of it, sweating. Yes you are right, he rarely gets sick. Thank you. See you soon."

She hangs up and turns to face his back, her hand still caressing him. Her other hand once again moves his long hair from his face. She settles her chin on his shoulder, worried. 

Is it the flu? Strep? Bronchitis? She presses her ear to the back of his shoulder to listen to his breathing. 

"The doctor is coming, sweetie. Just try to sleep."

"I get a baby and a sweetie on the same day, I should've gotten sick months ago."

His sense of humor hasn't suffered at all, she sees.

She takes a moment to use his bathroom. 

Ostentatious. That's the first word that pops into her mind as she enters the room. All chrome and black, it's practically sparkling it's so clean. The shower sports a few of those rain type shower heads, plus more body jets on the walls. 

_Don't picture him showering, Rey…._

Too late. 

There's a huge soaker whirlpool tub, looking completely unused. She's never even been in one. She sighs at even the thought. She groans at the thought of taking a bath with Ben. 

Two sinks. Spotless. She thinks of her own bathroom, nowhere near spotless. Clothes strown about, bath and beauty products everywhere, blow dryer and curling iron permanently plugged in. 

Hair products. Blow dryer. What the hell does he do to his hair anyways? She sees nothing and rolls her eyes. He probably doesn't even have to do anything to his hair. Lucky asshole. 

After leaving the bathroom she checks on him again. He's sleeping deeply. 

He needs to drink something. 

She wanders around, searching for the kitchen. She's actually quite surprised as she descends the staircase, at how bright and beautiful his home is. She'd expected hard lines and dark walls, nothing comforting. The walls are a light grey, the floors a creme color. There's not really a living space, just a sitting space. No TV. A beautiful set of lighted pendants hangs from the second floor ceiling all the way to the sitting area. She turns at the bottom of the staircase and inhales sharply. A gorgeous view of the city is before her, the Empire State Building right in the center. 

A long table is in front of the window. It looks unused, like the rest of the room. To her right is the kitchen. Not very large for the penthouse but nice. Beautiful black windows are all down one side, continuing the view. She quickly opens cabinets until she finds a glass, filling it with water and ice. Ben likes ice. Probably because he runs perpetually hot. 

She makes her way back upstairs, finding him still sleeping. Rey unbuttons and removes her jacket, glad for her silk camisole underneath. She could really use some pajamas. 

Grabbing her phone, she texts Rose. 

_Rey: Hey, I need a huge favor._

_Rose: Heard you already had a huge something going on tonight 😏_

_Rey: Stop it! He really is sick. Temp is over 102. He's passed out right next to me._

_Rose: Oh well, a girl can dream for her BF. Whatcha need?_

_Rey: Clothes. Toothbrush, etc. Looks like I'm staying the night._

_Rose:😏😏🔥🔥🔥😉😉😉💦💦💦😏😏_

_Rey: I MEAN IT STOP IT_

_Rose: Is he fully dressed?_

_Rey: 😑😑😑😑😑😤😡_

_Rose: I'll take that as a no. Text me the address. Be there soon._

_Rey: NO LINGERIE ROSE_

_Rose: So you'd deny him a quick recovery? Some secretary you are._

_Rey: Shut up Rose. Sleep pants, 2 t-shirts, COTTON UNDERWEAR, jeans and my sneakers. My soap, shampoo, etc._

_Rose: Does etc mean these handcuffs I just found?_

_Rey: 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕_

_Rose: 🤣🤣🤣♥️♥️♥️🤪🤪🤪😘😘😘_

**_____________________________**

The doctor arrives 20 minutes later. 

After checking him thoroughly, he announces that it is most likely the flu but the test will confirm. 

Ben is sitting up when she walks back into his room. 

"You look awful," she says. 

"Thanks," he says, trying to smile but still looking drunk. 

"Go back to sleep," she tells him, trying to maintain eye contact with the man of her dreams lying in front of her shirtless in black silk sleeping pants. The pants show off every bit of his muscular thighs. How, oh how, did she manage to miss that thick trail of black hair below his navel. Her body reacts and she nearly jumps as her clit throbs. Then she realizes she is staring at the patch of hair which is essentially her staring at his crotch. 

"I'm alright," he responds and her eyes shoot back up to his. The arrogant, half asleep smirk on his face tells her he noticed where she was staring. Her cheeks positively burn. 

"You're cute in that top," he says, still managing to flirt with a high fever. 

"Oh...um...here...take this," she says, walking over to the bed and resisting the urge to sit. She places the ibuprofen she'd found along with the water next to him. He grabs both and gulps down the entire glass. 

Who knew an Adam's apple was so damn sexy?

"Are you leaving now?"

"No! I can't leave you like this."

He glances out of the massive windows next to his bed at the skyline. It is almost sunset. It's a beautiful view. 

"I don't want you staying too late, temperature is supposed to drop tonight," he says, his concern doing that thing in her gut that she's yet to name. Like a flip flop twisty burning feeling. 

"I'm staying, Ben. Don't tell me not to."

"I don't have another bed."

"I'll sleep on the floor, I'm not leaving you. I'll worry all night."

"You will not sleep on the floor."

"Fine then, I'll sleep next to you."

Now he's experiencing the flip flop twisty burning thing. Along with the swimming head and pounding headache, it's not a good combo. He suddenly can't talk or stay in an upright position. He slides down the bed, hurting everywhere. 

She's on him in a flash, feeling his head, running her hands over his chest, trying to warm him. 

He finally gets her in his bed with her hands all over him and he's sick. 

"Ben? You okay? Oh gosh, tell me what you need."

"You. Naked. Here. On me."

She turns three different shades of red and even in his high fever state, he notices even her cleavage is blushing. 

Damn it. 

She's googling. With his phone, which means she can probably see the entire album of pictures right on his home screen. All of her. 

"Says that you need to drink and eat something then sleep. The doctor is calling with the results. What do you want to eat?"

"You…."

Ben realizes every yield sign he's ever had between his brain and his mouth have died along with whatever disease is killing him. 

"Ben...behave. Besides, you'll get me sick and then you'll have to take care of me."

"I will excel at that, my love."

He's never called her that before and in that very moment, she wishes upon every wish she's ever wished that he was better. Because if he was better, she'd climb him like the fuckable redwood he is. 

Instead she pulls up Grubhub and orders from The Soup Spot. She makes sure to get a variety along with different breads to dip with. Then she orders a huge plate of brownies. 

Because it's either sex or chocolate. Sex is off the table so chocolate it is. 

She goes back on the app and adds an entire cheesecake to go with the brownies. 

The doorbell sounds. 

"Must be Rose, I'll be back…."

He's asleep again. She leans over, kissing his brow and pulling the blankets over him. She smiles at his open mouth, drooling. 

She knows she must love him because even though lust is a very high factor in her feelings for him, all she can think is how cute and adorable he looks. Even with the black circles under his eyes. 

She wants to tell him so bad. Not now though. Bad timing. Best to wait for a special moment. 

She bounces down the stairs, eager to see her friend. 

Yanking the door open without even looking out of the peep hole, she's immediately attacked with fur. And a tongue. And paws. 

Moose. 

Attached to the end of Moose is a young man, looking rather surprised to see her.

"Um, hi, I'm Chase. Moose's dog walker? Is Mr. Solo in?" 

"Oh my….. Moose! Oh yes boy, I missed you too. Down Moose! Rey is tired. Good boy. No no no Moose don't go up there. Dad is sick…."

After wrangling the wild beast, she's finally able to address the young man. 

"Hi I'm Rey…."

"Once again, I'm Chase. I didn't know he had a girlfriend. Um, I don't know if I should leave Moose with you. Is he here?"

Now she's frustrated. Holding onto 80 pounds of Moose trying to climb the steps is not helping. 

"I'm not his girlfriend, I'm his secretary. Rey Johnson. I assure you that Moose is fine with me. Ben...Mr. Solo is very sick. I will take Moose."

Actually Moose is probably taking her at the moment. Up the stairs. 

"Ms. Johnson. I apologise if I offended you. I'm just very protective of my clients. Why don't I take Moose back with me…"

"Dammit Moose, no! You cannot go climb on him right now!" 

She looks back at dog walker Chase and sees a rather shocked look on his face. 

"Maybe you are right. Yes, that would probably be for the best. Here you go."

She hands Moose's leash back to Chase and after gathering a few of Moose's things, they leave. 

She's exhausted now. Before she can climb the stairs again, Rose arrives. 

After many innuendos and winks and wicked grins, Rey shoves Rose out the door. 

She grabs her things and returns to Ben's room, finding him still unconscious. She checks on him and retreats again to his spa-like bathroom. 

Digging through her bag, she growls through her teeth, grabbing her phone. 

_Rey: Thongs, seriously?_

_Rose: Oops._

_Rey: Yeah, oops I'm sure. And condoms? Really Rose? I notice there are no t-shirts. Or pants. You packed my tiniest shorts._

_Rose: First off, I'm only thinking of your sexual health. What did you tell me he was? A Fuckable Redwood? Secondly, I deeply apologize for the lack of t-shirts. I'm sure you can borrow one from your boss I love you 😘😘😘😘😘😘_

_Rey: 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 Good Night._

Rey showers, trying once again not to think about Ben showering in here every damn day. Failing, once again. 

She quickly twists her hair up into a towel, tiptoeing into his room clad only in her way too short sleep shorts, arm across her tiny chest. His back is to her so she lowers her arm. 

She spots a basket of clean laundry in the corner and digs through it, grabbing his underwear by accident and almost throwing them. She finally finds a shirt, pulling it over her head. 

Grabbing his phone and seeing that the Doctor left a voice message, she listens. 

Yes, it is the flu. 

The doorbell rings and she darts downstairs, so hungry. She runs back up the stairs for the fifteenth time. How the hell does he do this constantly?

Returning to his room, she finds him awake again, lying on his side. 

"My shirt?" 

"Stupid Rose didn't pack me any. Hope you don't mind."

He's actually in pain right now and _not_ from the flu attacking his body. Rey had tiptoed out of _his_ shower wearing the shortest shorts he'd ever seen, completely topless and thinking he was asleep. The woman forgot about the reflection in the glass across from him and the mirrored wall he was facing with his back to her. Then she bent over, released her tits and dug around for a shirt. 

He thought that might be what kills him, not the flu. He got a full on view of her tits and he's both the happiest and the most miserable he's ever been. 

Thank God for the 55 pillows in his bed. Every one of them is in his lap right now. 

He knew he'd love her boobs and he was right. Perfect, magnificent and fully on bright under his t shirt right now. He'd triple her pay if it meant she'd burn every bra she owns. Not to mention when she bent over, she clearly did _not_ have panties on. 

He's never been so glad to be sick _in his life_. 

And now she's sitting in the chair across from him, licking her soup spoon with her legs on full display. 

She has freckles on her thighs. 

He wishes he knew who he caught this flu from. He'd buy them a car. 

"Moose went home with Chase," she tells him after biting into a brownie and licking the crumbs off of her lips, thereby continuing to torture him. 

"Oh," he says, focusing on his soup. 

Suddenly, he's exhausted again. Maybe it's the flu. Maybe it's his perpetual hard on that he can't do anything about. Either way, sleep is coming at him like a tsunami. 

She sees it and scoops his bowl out of his lap. She helps him settle back under his covers. Then leans into him and kisses his forehead again. He vaguely sees her chest two inches from his face. 

Stupid flu. 

It's only 8pm but he's out like a light, unaware that she's curled up behind him, under a separate blanket. 

She falls asleep with her face pressed against his bare shoulder and her hand nestled under his bicep. 

  
  
  
  



	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that I haven't updated!
> 
> I fell back into my other fic, Permanent Mark.
> 
> I've left poor Ben sick for so long!
> 
> He's still sick (poor baby) but he's thrilled at the care he's recieving 😏😏😏😏😂😂

Everything hurts. 

Absolutely everything hurts. 

His _hair_ hurts.

He slowly comes awake.

There's a hand. A hand and a cheek. A hand and a cheek and an entire body. 

The hand is on his chest attached to an arm wrapped around him attached to a body pressed against his back. 

And a snore. 

It's getting louder. 

He has to go to the bathroom. Really, it's not an option. 

He slowly, achingly and painfully moves out from under this tiny arm. This tiny arm that doesn't want to let go. The arm holds tight and a voice whispers his name. 

"Ben," it whispers. 

Oh. 

Oh. It's Rey.

Wait. What? Rey's in his bed? He's not dreaming because surely pain would not get to this level without waking him. 

Oh. 

Oh, yeah. 

He's sick. 

Then there it is. Rey holding him at his desk, calling him baby, holding him up. How in God's name did she get him up the staircase? 

Rey's undressing him. Dammit. He missed that part. Rey's pulling a thermometer out and it's still warm from her breast. Rey's feeding him and carding her hand through his hair. She kissed his hair. She called him sweetie. 

Wait. Rey's tits. He saw her naked tits and the bottom of her ass cheeks. Freckled knees. Licking crumbs. Quite a memorable experience comes inching slowly into his flu-addled brain. 

He barely remembers any of it. Dammit. 

She's behind him in his shirt and little else. Some excuse for shorts that may as well be panties. She's pressed against him and he's pretty sure she's held him all night. 

The flu is awesome.

Then, pain. 

Oh, the flu sucks. 

_Thank you for letting me see Rey's tits but you can leave now._

He may be delirious. 

Okay, he's gotta take a leak. He scoots away from here and turns. 

Mussed up hair, twisted shirt, drool coming from the corner of her mouth. He's pretty sure that's morning breath. 

She's exquisite. 

One leg is out from under the blankets, her tiny shorts ridden up, almost baring her hip. Her arm is thrown above her head. Her petal mouth hangs open just a bit. His shirt is twisted around her torso, tight against her breasts. 

She's sexy as all fuck. It occurs to him that he'd give anything to see this sight every morning for the rest of his life.

As soon as he stands, he regrets it. The room spins and he almost falls. 

She's awake, alert and moving fast as a lightning bolt. 

"Ben!" she shouts as her tiny strong hands grip at his arms, using leverage and gravity to pull him towards her. Instead of the floor, he crashes into her. He immediately is afraid he hurt her yet unable to gain a clear thought, as this sickness fogs his brain. 

"Shit," he mumbles as he basically lays atop her. It's like this flu is trying to kill him yet is making all of his dreams come true at the same time.

"You okay, Rey?" 

"Yes, Ben where were you going?"

"I gotta pee," he tells her while his face is buried in her chest. His knees are on the floor, aching from the wood underneath. Not that he's complaining too much. After all, her arms are wrapped around him and there's a boob on each side of his head. 

"Sorry, I can't help with that. Go on then," she says while blushing. 

Damn his bladder. He resists the urge to rub his face into her chest like she's his pillow. 

He somehow unattaches himself from her, his head feeling heavy. He takes care of business and looks around his bathroom. Her things are so comfortable looking there, strown about. 

She's so messy. 

He loves it, this messy, untidy girl who blew into his life, turning it upside down. 

He decides to shower, grateful for the shower seat that will hopefully keep him from falling. He thinks about her. Hell, he always thinks about her but this is different. 

Rey is a hot mess, truth be told. All emotions and complicated. She lives like a tornado, blowing here and there and everywhere. She runs, literally, with whatever she feels. He hopes the running from her fears thing is in the past now. That's about the only thing he would change about her. She gets scared and runs. She's so damn afraid of him yet she's not afraid of him at all. 

Everyone has always been afraid of him. Not her. She tells him off on the regular. He loves it, needs it. Truth be told, he's terrified of her. She's so strong. She holds his heart in her hands and with one swift move, she could obliterate him. 

He'd never recover. 

Which is one reason he's moved so slowly. He's never moved slowly, for anything. What he wants, he takes. Not with her, though. He knows if he pushes too hard, she'd slip through his fingers like his silk sheets. 

Like the ones that she is currently sleeping on. In only his t-shirt and those poor excuse for shorts. 

He really, really likes those shorts. Loose and baggy and if her thigh fell to one side he would probably see her….

_Dammit._

He's simply too sick to properly take care of his hard on so he just sits on the shower seat, focusing on things like songs he hates and stale beer. It works. 

He finally stumbles from the shower, drying himself and wrapping the towel around his waist. He had not brought a change of clothing in with him. 

He peeks out of the door. She's not there. Spotting her things, he knows she didn't leave. He breathes easier. 

Ben walks to his dresser, removing underwear and another pair of sleeping pants. When he turns, she's back, holding two cups of tea. 

"Um...I'll just…" she says, turning to go. 

"Rey, I'm going back into the bathroom. Stay."

She's not breathing. Her heart may not be beating either. She cannot not watch his towel clad ass walk back into the bathroom. She catches just a glimpse of his bare hip where the towel is knotted. Of all the places on his spectacular body, there's where she wants to lick. 

Damn. 

Where's the chair? Oh, here it is. Don't spill the tea, Rey. 

He emerges seconds later. She wants to just absorb him in yet another pair of black satin sleep pants but he doesn't look well. Too pale. Circles under his eyes. He's shaking. 

"Ben!" she says his name with concern and stands to walk to him, helping him as best she can to the bed. He's weak. 

"I'm okay," he tries to assure her. He accepts her help though, not knowing how to feel. No one ever takes care of him. He doesn't know how or why this woman is here, in his life, in his home, sleeping in his bed, taking care of him. Must be some kind of fluke. Karma slipped up somewhere. He doesn't deserve her but he'll do whatever he has to in order to keep her. 

"Down, lay down…." she whispers reassuringly, guiding him, her arm wrapped around his bare waist. Her skin pressed against his feels like fire, which makes no sense because he's surely feverish. Her fingers caress him in a soothing manner. 

She puts him in the bed like he's the biggest concern in her life, tucking him in. She sits, turned towards him, her thigh against his side. Her hands graze across his face, down his neck and settle on his chest. She looks very worried. 

"Ben…."

"I'm alright…"

"I think I should call the doctor again…"

"Nothing else they can do, it takes time."

"You shouldn't have showered, it took everything out of you…"

He can't tell her that what took everything out of him was standing in the shower thinking about her. 

"Why are you here, Rey?"

She looks hurt. 

"Do you not want me here?"

Her hand leaves his chest and he reaches and grabs it, pulling it back. 

"Don't," he says, "don't let go of me. Please."

She looks at him, open and vulnerable, smiling slightly. 

"I thought you wanted me to leave."

"Now, why would I want something as beautiful as you to leave my bed? Not when it took me almost dying to get you here?"

He's never talked this way to anyone. He was always gruff and moody with women. Always wondered what their motive was. Always wondered if they wanted him or his title, first as the son of Leia Organa then as the right hand man to Snoke. Even since Snoke, he'd dated a few women. Never long. Two dates at the most, never sleeping with them. He knew pretty quickly they only wanted his money. 

He never sweet talked. He never threw out pet names. Never, ever grabbed a hand to pull one back to him. Because that was a sign of neediness. He never needed anyone. 

Until her. 

He's never even given a second thought to how he's been with her. He's sent her pleading texts, blew up her phone, practically begging for her attention. He's wracked his brain over birthday gifts. He's paid hundreds to be alone with her at the top of a ferris wheel. Now he's grasping at her hand, refusing to let her go. 

Who the hell is he now?

As she rakes her eyes over him, staring at every inch of him, not with lust but with worry, he realizes something once again. 

He's hers. 

Her eyes are filled with deep concern. His eyes are glassy, his skin a paler color than usual, his lips are no longer pink. He's already sweating again from the fever. He's shivering from chills. She looks almost ready to cry. 

Why is she here? She could be home. Surely his brother and mom are checking with her. Surely they are asking to come here. She must be keeping them away. But why? 

A strange, strong feeling seeps into his chest, like warmth from a bonfire on the beach on a cool night. 

_She loves him. Rey. Rey loves him._

He gasps out loud. 

"What?" she asks, moving even closer to him, her eyes racing all over his body, a full examination in a glance. 

"Nothing. Just tired," he scrambles to say, smart enough than to speak his realization out loud. 

"Go back to sleep, Ben"

"Okay, Rey," he whispers, "stay, please stay."

She crawls up a little above him, leaving his face eye level with her chest. Her arm wraps around his head and she pulls him flush to her. His cheek rests against her chest and before he can even think about what this does to him, her heartbeat lulls him into a deep sleep. 

  
  
  



	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has overcome the flu and now it's Christmas!
> 
> They are both excited for the annual company Christmas party but Rey has some news that Ben will not like.

Today is December 18th and tonight is the company Christmas party.

Normally, Ben hates this. He's not the most social of people and not only is this very social, he will garner much attention as the head of the company. It's quite hard, introvert as he is, to have dozens of people want to shake his hand and even ask questions. He cares very much for his employees but he's always taken aback at the requests for a raise at a company gathering. 

However, this year, he's not dreading it as much. Rey will be by his side. Not so much as a date but as a sidekick. Everyone has gotten comfortable with seeing them together as a sort of business partner _thing_. Oh, he's heard the gossip. Poe is unfortunately great at keeping him up to date on the office gossip, even though Ben does not recall ever asking him to. His employees have pondered the nature of his and Rey's relationship, friendship, partnership, etc. 

He's even heard they are fuck buddies. 

He spit his coffee out at that one. 

If that's true, someone needs to help him remember when _that_ happened, because he'd _certainly_ like to remember. 

He'd recovered from his sickness after several days. Rey had stayed a total of five nights, sleeping next to him every night. It was singularly the best/worst week of his life. 

Best because….well….Rey. As much as he'd secretly enjoyed catching glimpses of her naked body, falling asleep and waking up to her was exquisite. It just all seemed so very...natural. So very...right. Rey would touch him during the night, in her sleep. Although, she didn't remove her hand upon waking. She didn't mind when he'd snuggle his face into her neck. Worst because Ben was too sick to fully enjoy her body pressed against his. He'd also made no attempts to kiss her because he would never want her to be sick. 

He felt extremely guilty for seeing her nude without her knowledge. He debates on telling her but just couldn't make himself do it. Would she be angry? He didn't mean to. He had just opened his eyes and there she was. Albeit, he didn't close them again right away. Maybe he could justify that his head was quite fuzzy from the flu. Yeah, that was it. 

Rey had left the morning of the sixth day and it was probably one of the hardest things he'd ever experienced. He'd had her right there, he could've told her those three little words but no, once again, he was too scared. She was quickly becoming the best friend he never knew he was missing. She was also the best thing to happen to his company, although she didn't realize it. She made him better. A better boss, a better son, a better brother and a better man. He'd not lashed out in quite a while now. He could think clearer, make better decisions. She stabilized him just with a look, or a word, or a touch.

He was afraid to risk it all. He was afraid if he lost her, he'd lose his mind again. 

So he watched her leave that morning and it hurt. It fucking hurt. He didn't sleep that night. He had not really slept well since then. The only good thing left was the smell of her on his sheets and in the shirt she'd worn. He didn't know if he could ever wash those items again. 

He was still finding traces of her. An earring she left, a sock and her hair. Her hair was freaking everywhere. In the sheets, on the bathroom counter, on his sofa. He'd smile as he'd pluck yet another caramel strand from his shirt. It was like she'd left her mark on his home. 

He loved it. He loved her. He missed her even though he saw her all day. It wasn't the same now. It wasn't enough. 

But tonight, he'd see her at the party. The office was closed all day yet he was still there, catching up on work he'd gotten behind on. It was too quiet without her constant chattering. 

"Ben, sign this."

"Ben, check the reports again."

"Ben, so and so called, they are waiting to hear from you."

Then the more Ben and Rey things. 

"Here, your tie is crooked again."

"I want Italian, wanna go?"

"Yes, it is a new dress. I thought of you when I bought it."

He should just go home. He can't work without her anyways. 

He gathers his things and heads out, staring at her empty desk as the elevator doors close. 

______________________________

She's so nervous for some dumb reason. 

It's not like she doesn't see the man every day. This time it's different. This time she will be dressed up and he, oh he will be in a tux. A _tux_. 

She feels like a giddy teenager. 

Her dress is like something she'd dreamed about as a schoolgirl. The minute she saw it, she had to have it. Fully sequined in silver, long and flowy. High necked but backless. She'd felt so beautiful in it. Rose is doing her hair and makeup. 

She feels so silly for being nervous. After all, she'd spent a week in the man's bed. 

Five whole nights. He was so very sick. Feeling the feverish heat radiating from him those first four nights, it was both worrisome and a little nice. Rey is always cold so having her own personal heater was comforting. She had been very concerned but he'd pulled through. She couldn't remember the last time she'd slept so soundly. Ben had not touched her in any way that was sexual. He was simply too sick. She rather was glad. As much as she wanted him, he could be a bit _much_. She now felt that she wasn't just some conquest for him. Waking up in the mornings with his massive hand spread wide on her hip, belly, or thigh and his face buried in her hair, it was more than enough. Enough to make her fall harder and faster in love with him. 

She wanted to say it. She wanted to say it so badly. That little part of her, the part that had watched so many people leave her kept her frozen. Could he see it? Could he feel it? She wondered if he could. She thought she might be seeing love in his eyes, in his touch, in the way his lips always parted when he saw her every morning. She just didn't know. 

______________________________

_Exquisite_

_Captivating_

_Beautiful_

All of those. She walked into the room and suddenly it occurred to him that she is indeed the sun. Sparkling, glowing, heat radiating from her. She is the sun and he is pulled to her orbit, deemed to encircle her for all time. 

Whoever designed that dress deserves to see how she fills it. Because surely that's what they had in mind. Perfection. 

He can't move. She has him held captive and she doesn't even know it. He watches her fairly float, flitter from one person to another. Everyone loves her. She smiles, gushing over some other woman's gown. Her smile is radiant, like a sun beam. Yes, she is definitely the sun. 

Her eyes found him right away and she darted them back and forth. She is hugging a friend but watching him, drinking him in. He is leaned up against the bar, one elbow resting there. He crosses one foot over the other and tilts his head slightly, watching her. That lopsided smirk barely discernible to anyone but her. His eyes darken and those little wrinkles around them appear. She never thought she'd ever find wrinkles sexy but the lines and creases in his face are like a map. She loves to trace them with her fingertips. 

His tux fits him like a glove, although those buttons look ready to give up the fight. His tie is crooked, of course. It always is. 

He is finally able to make his body function and walks towards her. Instinct tells him to reach for her but he doesn't. His hands are itching to feel the exposed skin of her back. He stops himself. People are watching, waiting to have their suspicions confirmed. Their suspicions are wrong though. Him and Rey aren't a couple. Just friends. God, he hates those two words. _Just friends_. 

Her eyes look up and meet his as he stands a mere few inches away. The flecks of gold amidst the hazel glow at him. Her pink glossed lips part in a smile and she reaches up and straightens his tie. She's forever fixing his tie. He'll never tell her but sometimes he pulls it to the side just so he can feel her touch. He'd done that right before she walked in. 

"Hey you…." he manages to say softly to her. 

"Hi, there, handsome," she whispers back.

"You look amazing, Rey."

"Thank you. You do too."

"Would you like a drink?"

"Yes, I would," she says, blushing at his question, though she doesn't know why. 

He walks away just as Rose and Finn come walking in. Rose is beautiful in a floor length red gown that compliments her complexion perfectly. Finn keeps looking over at her in awe, looking sharp in his tux.

Poe and Zorii soon follow, looking like an old Hollywood couple. 

Somewhere in her mind, way back in the corner, she has a tiny bit of jealousy. That her friends are free, open to be together. Yes, her and Ben kiss on occasion. They hold hands. They've even slept in the same bed. Still, they aren't together and it makes her sad. 

Before she can settle in on these emotions, a deep rumble of a voice whispers in her ear. 

"I had them bring in your favorite wine," he says, bringing a glass around from behind her. She takes it by the stem, lifting it to her lips. She'd tasted it while spending the week with Ben. When he'd caught her sipping it, he'd informed her it was $250 a bottle and she promptly spit it out. Which he found hilarious even though he had a temp of 101. 

"I cannot believe you, Ben, it's too much."

"It's only one bottle, for us…."

Something about that hits her as being especially romantic. Like this wine was made especially for them. It occurs to her that they haven't kissed in days, not able to catch a moment alone. She swallows the wine and whispers back over her shoulder, trying to look discreet. 

Besides, she has news. He's not going to like it. 

"Is there anywhere we can have a moment alone?"

He dips his head, trying to hide the fact that his face is now crimson and clears his throat for a moment. 

"I've got the perfect place."

One reason he'd picked the Moxy was because it was very green. The lobby is an atrium of plants. He knew Rey would love it. 

Did he use the company's Christmas party as an excuse to impress the love of his life?

You bet he did. Perks of being the CEO. 

Another reason he picked this particular hotel was because, set right off of the rooftop bar is a private little room with floor to ceiling greenery along with black and white striped covered benches. He'd hoped to sneak her there and even quicker than he'd planned, he had the opportunity. 

The moment she saw it, she was in awe. 

"Oh Ben, it's beautiful," she gushed. 

"I thought you'd like it."

"I really do," she said, right before crashing her lips into his. He'd missed this. They had cooled down a bit after his sickness, both unsure of what they were. Right now though, they were just _them_. Just Ben and Rey. He finally was able to run his hands across her bare back and yes, her skin is as soft as he'd imagined. Feeling like silk under his rough hands, he pressed her against his chest. Her hands caressed him there, then sliding up around his neck and into his hair. 

"Missed this," she mutters into his mouth, her tongue licking against his. He always lifts her just a bit, loving the weight of her against him. She's so small compared to him but so strong, so real. She relishes feeling his strength. It gives her security, all this thick muscle holding her. She feels safe with him. 

"Was that a kiss of gratitude for _plants_?" he teases her. She giggles a breathy giggle and his heart races. He loves making her laugh. 

"Something like that," she says, her feet touching the floor again. She tugs his hair back into a semi-orderly fashion, trying to put him back together. He doesn't care if he looks mussed up. He's pretty sure her pink gloss is smeared on his face but he will wear it proudly. 

She slides her hands back down to his chest, looking away from his Tennessee whiskey eyes. She looks unsure. 

"What?" he asks, feeling her nervousness. 

"Well, I've got good news, Finn is giving me and Rose the best Christmas present."

"Okay," he says, wondering why she's acting strangely, "how is he giving his sister and girlfriend the same gift?"

"It's a trip. A skiing trip. To Colorado."

Her eyes meet his again, looking shy. 

Oh. 

_Oh_. 

She's going on vacation. To Colorado. Away from him. A long ways away from him. He wants to pout but he doesn't. He won't be selfish. Rey deserves this. She's never really been anywhere and she has been so dedicated to him and his company. 

"Wow, Rey. That's great. When are you leaving?" he asks, putting on his best acting ever. Not soon, he hopes. Not before Christmas. 

"In two days, Ben."

Well damn. _Thanks Finn. Asshole._

"Oh, I see," he replies, so very surprised. He'd planned on asking her to dinner one day next week, close to Christmas. He'd decided he would take her out and then give her the gifts he'd bought her. Then he was going to ask if she'd like to come with him to the Hamptons for Christmas. He had spoken to Leia. She loved the idea. Ben figured that Finn and Rose would want to be together and he didn't want her to be alone. 

Well that plan just got shot to shit. 

_Thanks, Finn. Asshole._

He knows he's being selfish. He had her for an entire week. Well, he slept through most of that week but at least he slept cuddled up to her. 

So….this is it. He will have her tonight and then not for Christmas. 

Forget the party. 


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey and NYC and a horse drawn carriage with a horse named Carrie and Christmas gifts. 
> 
> Yup, that's about it.

"Let's get out of here…." he tells her, his mouth only an inch from hers. 

She's not exactly sure what he means. It sounds a little  _ seductive.  _

"What-what do you mean, Ben?"

He smiles that bright, crooked teeth, eyes sparkling smile that only she gets to see. She has wondered why, with all the money he has, he's never straightened his teeth. She's so very glad he hasn't. It makes him charming, imperfect. She loves his imperfect perfection. Because to her, he's perfect in almost every way, especially his looks. The crooked teeth, the large ears, the moles on his face, that's Ben and she'd never change anything about him. She's actually heard it said that he's unattractive. That boggles her mind. Because to her, he's the sexiest man she's ever seen. 

"I mean," he continues, "if I don't get to see you on Christmas, tonight has to be our Christmas."

Oh. So he didn't mean it that way. She sighs a little, partly disappointed but also struck by his romanticism. Ben doesn't try to be romantic. He just is. 

"You wanted Christmas with me?"

"Rey, I want  _ everything _ with you."

"Oh….."

"Let's go...please"

"But it's the big company party and you're the CEO."

He nods towards the bar where everyone is gathered. 

"They will be so drunk soon, believe me, I won't be missed."

"Aren't you afraid of what they will think if we leave together?"

"Only if you are."

"I couldn't care less."

He laughs deep in his chest and lays his forehead against hers. 

"You look like the galaxy in that dress, Rey."

"And you look unbelievably handsome in that tux."

They walk out hand in hand, unaware of those watching them. Those who wonder if they realize how beautiful they look together. They truly look made for each other. 

Right before arriving at the front door, Ben pauses, turning to look down at her. 

"Your coat, we forgot your coat," he says, concerned about the cold. The snow is falling lightly and, while beautiful, it's too cold for her in her backless gown. 

"I didn't wear one," she responds. 

"Rey! It's freezing outside, why didn't you bring a coat?"

She blushes, embarrassed. 

"You've seen my coat, Ben. I didn't want to wear it over this dress. It's too old."

He sighs. Of course. It was a horrible looking thing. He'd never brought it up to her because he thought she liked it. He hated the thing though. He'd overheard her tell Rose that she bought it at Goodwill. She'd said it was warm though so that's what mattered. But still, she deserved better. 

He shrugs off his own jacket, wrapping it around her and buttoning it. She tried to push it away. 

"Ben, you'll be cold."

"Rey," he says, fumbling with the collar to close it around her and try to keep her warm, "you know I never get cold. Now. Better?"

"Yeah," she says, pulling it tighter around her, loving the scent of him in the jacket, "thank you."

"My car is waiting, the heater is running. Let's go."

Before he can open the door for her, a woman walks in and pauses, obviously shaken. She's staring right at Ben. She's gorgeous, tall and statuesque. Exotic looking, curves in all the right places. 

"Bazine," Ben says, obviously surprised.

Rey fights the urge to look at the floor. This is her. His ex girlfriend. He'd never told her how beautiful she was. She looks like a model. The woman glances over at her, a bit of color leaving her face. 

Is that  _ sadness _ in her eyes?

"Ky...Ben! How are you?" the woman asks, shifting awkwardly. Her eyes dart down at their hands. Ben then lets go of Rey's hand and Rey finds herself wanting to run away. Ben had loved this woman, Rey knows that. She feels so inadequate. 

But before she can walk away, Ben's arm comes up around her waist and he pulls her into his side. Rey grunts at his roughness. 

"I'm good, Baz. Um...this is Rey. Rey, this is Bazine Netal."

Bazine looks so very uncomfortable, almost as uncomfortable as Rey feels. She holds her hand out and Rey shakes it, noticing her perfectly manicured nails and large emerald ring. It looks real. 

"Rey. Aren't you Ben's secretary?"

"Yes, I am."

"We spoke one day on the phone."

"We did," Rey responds cooly, trying not to remember the horrible misunderstanding that phone call caused. 

"Well, it's good to see you, Ben. Have a Merry Christmas." 

"You too, Baz."

After she walks away, Rey whispers, "Are you okay?"

"Yes." he turns to look down at her again, once again pulling his overly large jacket up around her neck. Rey is shivering. Ben thinks it's from the cold. It is not from the cold. 

"Rey, there's nothing between her and I anymore, I hope you know that," he tells her, stepping closer, his hands encircling her small waist. 

The feel of his grip coupled with the look on his face reassures her. She smiles a tiny smile and he kisses her, right there in the lobby. Everyone be damned. He wants her to know she's the only woman he loves. He still can't say it but he hopes his kiss does it for him. 

What starts off as a gentle, sweet kiss of reassurance becomes something more as she very quietly moans, so quietly only he can hear it. He can't help but part her lips with her tongue when he hears it. She melds into him, forgetting his ex, forgetting where they are, everything. 

They kiss until there's a sound of a throat clearing. It's the valet with his car. 

"Sorry, Mr. Solo," the man says, blushing, "the cars are backing up on the street."

"Oh. Sorry about that," he tells the valet, reaching for his wallet and slipping him a fifty dollar bill. Rey's eyes widen. Ben is so generous. She loves that about him. She grips his hand again and they walk out. 

Ben opens the passenger side and she slides in. Before she can grab the seatbelt, Ben leans in, kissing her again and buckling her up at the same time. 

As he walks around to the driver's side, Rey looks inside the lobby, wanting to see the beautiful decorations inside one more time. 

Bazine is standing there, watching. Rey swears she sees tears in the elegant woman's eyes. She realizes that as much as she thought Bazine was vindictive and manipulative, maybe she's just heartbroken. After all, she'd lost a good man. 

Then Ben drives off, leaving his ex there, watching them leave. 

**___________________________**

"I need to stop by my place first. Is that okay?" he asks, glancing over at her. 

"Sure. Ben, where are we going? What are you up to?"

Now they are stopped at a red light and he's texting furiously. 

"Like I said, this is our Christmas. I need to give you your presents. They are at my place. Then, if it's alright, I kinda had something in mind."

Her mind is reeling. Present! His gift! She won't be here to give it to him! She'd thought so hard, trying to think of  _ something _ to give him. The man is a millionaire. What could she give him? Poe had suggested something that would be special to only them. She'd racked her brain. Then, one day while out browsing for gifts for Rose and Finn, she'd seen it. 

It was perfect. But now she won't be here. 

Finn's gift to her and Rose is so amazing. Rey had protested, thinking she'd be a third wheel but Finn insisted, promising that they wouldn't exclude her. He'd even gotten a room for her and Rose, not wanting to leave her to sleep in a room alone. She knows that Rose will probably sneak down to Finn's room every night, so it's pointless but she appreciates the gesture. Finn wants her to see the beauty that is Colorado. He wants to share it with his two favorite people. 

While Rey is excited, she really would rather stay here. Ben has become so important to her and she hates the thought of him being alone on Christmas. 

Before she can really think on it, they are pulling into the parking garage under his building. 

"Do you mind staying here while I go inside to grab your gifts?"

"Um...okay…"

Ben exits the car and she watches in the side mirror while he waves to the attendant. She reads his lips when he tells the man that "his girl" is alone in the car and asks the man to keep an eye out for her safety. 

One….he's concerned about her safety in the safest part of Manhattan. 

Two….he'd called her "his girl". 

Rey sighs like a besotted thirteen year old. Ben is so widely known for not being nice. Rey once again realizes that either everyone is wrong or she's an exception to his rule. He's so positively sweet with her. 

While daydreaming, she hears the trunk to his car pop open and glances back to see 1...2...3...4...FIVE gifts disappear inside. FIVE????

She'd only gotten him one gift!

Obviously, he didn't want her to know yet so she sits silently worrying. He enters the car, kissing her cheek like he had not seen her all day and they exit the garage. 

A short car ride later, they arrive at Central Park. 

"Okay," he tells her, grinning in a way she rarely gets to see, "close your eyes."

"Ben….."

"I mean it! No peeking either!"

She closes her eyes and hears him leave the vehicle. She's tempted to look but she doesn't. She does hear the trunk open and then close. She also hears the clompity-clomp of what is undeniably horse hoofs. She smiles, thinking that Ben must not realize she can hear it. He's trying to surprise her though so she decides to go along with him. 

She feels the whoosh of cold air as he opens the door to her side. 

"Don't peek. Here, I'll help you get out."

He takes her hands in a gentle way that no one would believe was possible from a man Ben's size. She allows him to guide her to standing, trying to ignore the sounds of the snorting, grunting horses. 

"Okay, now."

She opens her eyes to what of course is a horse drawn carriage in Central Park. The very one that is world famous. She is still somehow taken aback at the fact that he managed this. They are all alone, other than the man who operates the carriage. He'd probably paid way too much to have this done with no one else around. It's so dreamy, snow falling all around them. 

"Oh, Ben…"

He takes her hand and kisses the inside of her wrist. It's literally her favorite thing that he does. So intimate, always sending chills through her body. 

"I asked Finn and he said you'd never done this. I wanted you to experience it. It's iconic, after all."

"Thank you, Ben," she tells him, trying to stop her teeth from chattering. As much as she  _ loves _ this, she's freezing. 

"I know you're cold, sweetheart. I bought something for you that will help."

He reaches into the buggy, glancing up at the driver. The man nods. Ben has paid him nicely. He has all the time in the world. 

Then there's a big white box with a bright red ribbon wrapped around it. Ben holds it and motions at her. 

"Open it."

She tugs at the ribbon shyly. His gift is not nearly this big. 

After untying the bow, she lifts the lid and smoothes back the white tissue paper. 

It's a new coat. Her hands fly over her mouth in shock. It's obviously very expensive. Bright green and overlaid in a thick, sturdy lace. The black buttons are shiny and it has a wide belt to match. Her hand slides over it in a delicate manner, like she's afraid she will harm it. 

"Go ahead, put it on. You need it in this cold," he tells her, smiling. 

"Ben...you shouldn't have…"

"Please Rey...put it on. You're freezing."

She pulls it out, shaking her head. It's so heavy and exquisite, the bottom flowing down to her ankles. Ben quickly sets down the box and helps her remove his jacket. He slides it onto her and it fits perfectly, like it was made for her. 

She's never even worn anything like it. It must've cost hundreds, maybe even thousands of dollars. 

His gift only cost $75. She covers her face with her hands, overwhelmed. 

He buttons the coat and ties the belt snug around her waist. Then he tugs her hands from her face. 

"Rey….please. Don't be upset. You needed a new coat and when I saw this, I knew it would be perfect for you. Let me see what it does to those eyes."

He cups her face with his hands (how are they so warm in this freezing weather?) and looks into her eyes like he's conducting research. 

"Yes, brings out the green. Beautiful."

He kisses the tip of her nose and picks up another box. He nods at her again.

"No, Ben. This is enough."

His eyes sparkle as he teases her. 

"Don't tell your boss no, Ms. Johnson."

The next box is a hat, beautifully handmade. It looks like something from the flapper era, cream colored and very warm. The next gift is a scarf, also handmade, crocheted with grey and two pretty tassels. The last two boxes are a grey crochet chunky blanket and red handmade booties, custom made in Rey's size. 

Each and every time, Rey fights the urge to say no. She also fights back tears. It's too much. He spent way too much. 

"I know what you are thinking, Rey, it's not too much. You are always cold and I just want you to be warm. Besides, guess where most of this came from?"

She shakes her head, unable to speak. Tears spill from her eyes as he winds the scarf around her neck and gently pulls the woolen hat over her ears. She's throughly bundled up. 

"Etsy. Except the coat. All of it is handmade from Etsy. I know how you feel about helping out artists. So, I found these and then after receiving them, I showed my Mom. She was so impressed by the quality of the items, she made several purchases. Then she told her friends and now these very artists have doubled their orders. So...you cannot be mad at me."

Now she really  _ is _ crying. He's just so sweet. This moody, temperamental, broody man than everyone is so afraid of is the kindest person she's ever known. 

"Thank you, Ben. I only got you one…"

He cuts her off with a deep kiss. They kiss and kiss and kiss until one of the horses gets impatient. They stop and then laugh at it all. 

"That's Carrie," the carriage driver says, having made himself practically disappear during their make out session, "she's a worker. Doesn't know how to relax."

"Sorry, sir. We just got swept away there," Ben tells the man. 

"Ah, it's okay. I love seeing love blossoming in my carriage. Of course, you aren't  _ in _ my carriage yet," he jokes. 

Neither one of them want to deal with the fact that he'd said the L word. 

Instead Ben walks her to the little door on the side. 

Then he helps her onboard where she sits in the plush velvet seats, a cover above them, sheltering them somewhat. He sits next to her, lifting one foot at a time into his lap and removing her shoes, replacing them with the red crocheted booties. He pulls her into his side and tucks the blanket around her legs. 

"Aw, shit, I forgot gloves…."

She nuzzles into his side and burrows her hands under his jacket, feeling his body heat warm them.

"It's okay, I'll just use you."

He smiles that bright smile, always happy to have her hands on him. 

"Warm?" he asks. 

"Yes," she answers. 

He then nods to the driver and they are off, gliding around the park. It's ethereal, like a scene from the Narnia books. She nuzzles into his side and drapes the blanket over the both of them. His inner caveman urges him to find his way up her skirt but he does not. As much as he wants to, he also wants to keep this moment romantic, not sexual. She drives him wild but he wants to be everything for her, not just some animal that can't control himself. She deserves that. 

He does, however, kiss her until she's sighing and sagging against him. Then she's asleep and he cannot remember the last time he was this happy. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a romantic ride through Central Park, Ben takes Rey home. 
> 
> In case you haven't noticed, I'm a helplessly helpless romantic. I do love a good, angsty, hot, fiery Reylo though. I just can't seem to write one!
> 
> Things do get angsty soon though.

"Rey?" he whispers quietly, placing soft kisses on her forehead and rubbing her cheek with his thumb. 

She mumbles something incoherent and he smiles. She's really sleeping soundly. The fact that she's that comfortable with him does things to his heart. 

"Hey, sweetheart? The ride is over."

She blinks up at him and it's adorable. She's so pretty with her smudged mascara and drool coming from the corner of her mouth. He's reminded of the mornings he woke up to her. 

The urge to swoop her into his arms and carry her to his bed is almost too much. 

Suddenly, she's awake, eyes wide with embarrassment. 

"Oh! Oh no, Ben! I missed it! I didn't mean to sleep the whole way! I'm sorry, here you spent all this money and I sleep and drool on you….oh God….I _drooled_ on you...that's disgusting. I'm sorry….it was just so relaxing and I was so cold and you're like a heater, you know that?"

She's steadily using the hem of the blanket to wipe her slobber from his jacket. He grabs her wrist and looks at her, laughing. 

"Rey. It's fine. I think I dozed off too. I just wanted to be with you. Besides, I've seen you drool before…."

"You have? When…..oh."

She turns absolutely red and touches her fingertips to her forehead, embarrassed. 

He chuckles just a bit, pulling her hand down. 

"And drool and crazy morning hair and smudged up mascara, still the prettiest girl in New York City."

For that he gets thoroughly kissed.

Rey had rode with Finn and Rose to the party. She had no doubt that the couple had gone back to Rose's place. Ben drove her home. 

"Would you like for me to walk up with you?"

"I have your gift upstairs, so yes, please," she responds shyly to his question. He wonders why she's being so shy. That's not like her at all. 

"Rey, you didn't have to get me anything."

"I saw it and thought of you. Do you not want it?"

He turns in his seat and pulls her to him, kissing her. His hands wrap around her neck, one holding her throat in the possessive manner that always gives her goosebumps. 

"Don't ever even think that. I still carry your pen with me everywhere. Look and see."

She reaches into the breast pocket of his jacket and pulls it out. The green is almost gone from how often he twists it in his fingers. He finds himself holding it numerous times a day. Not to sign anything. Just to hold it. To think of her. 

She smiles and he responds with a smile of his own. His forehead rests against hers and he rubs the tip of his nose over her own affectionately. 

"Rey, you are the best thing that ever happened to me. I hope you know that."

She's so shaken by his words that she stumbles over hers. 

"I think I do. Don't tell Finn but you're my best friend, Ben."

Oh. Best friend. _Best...friend_. It both lights up his heart and breaks it simultaneously. 

_____________________________

Rey's apartment is like Rey. Messy, homey and cute. Unfolded throws and pillows grace the sofa, mismatched decor scatter the walls and furniture. A half spilled laundry basket sits on the loveseat. It wasn't unclean, just scattered. He finds that he likes it. His home doesn't feel like a _home_. Just where he sleeps and showers. 

He hasn't thought too much about it until now. It makes him feel lonely, seeing how she's made such a small apartment such a lovely home. 

"Sorry it's so messy," she tells him, tossing the throw pillows to the loveseat. 

"It's not messy. It's your home."

"It's not nice like your place."

"My place is a _place_. Your place is a _home_. I like it. It's you."

She looks so cute standing there in her new green coat and hat and scarf. All bundled up like a green eskimo. Then she removes it all and he remembers how beautiful she looked in her sparkly Christmas party dress. She kicks off her shoes and shifts uncomfortably. 

"Do you mind if I go change before I give you your gift? This dress is scratchy."

He laughs and nods. She is still just Rey under her gorgeous appearance. She looks like she could be a high socialite but she's too down to earth and honest. 

She returns in a baggy sweatshirt, flannel pajama pants with polar bears all over and bare feet. Her face is scrubbed clean and her hair is up in a messy bun. 

This is his girl. His Rey. He just wants to put on a matching pair and snuggle with her on the couch, eating popcorn and watching some cheesy Hallmark movie. 

He watches her as she pulls a gift out from the corner and it occurs to him. There's no Christmas tree. No decorations. How strange. He himself doesn't have a tree but why would he? He's all alone. Just him and Moose. He knows Rey though. She seems the kind that would love Christmas trees. 

In his thoughts, he'd totally missed out on the show that was Rey leaning over the arm of her sofa. She was on her knees, ass in the air, digging around in the corner. 

Either he was worrying too much or getting way too accustomed to seeing Rey bent over. Either way, it's not a good thing. 

He smiles as she shimmies over to him on both knees while he sits at the other end. She plops it into his lap unceremoniously and then sits cross legged next to him. 

It's wrapped sloppily in cheesy wrapping paper featuring a puppy in a stocking. It's so very Rey. He'd had her gifts wrapped in the store. Hers is so much more personal. He makes a mental note to wrap her next gift himself. 

"Go ahead, open it," she tells him. He obeys. 

When he opens the lid, he grins widely. It's a miniature ferris wheel. Very intricate. Obviously built with loving hands. He holds it up and she reaches over and pushes a button. It lights up and spins, playing carnival music. 

It's so very, them. It's so very, perfect. No one has ever given him such a personal gift. This is the second gift she's given him that feels this way. She saw it, she thought of him and she bought it for him. Not because it's expensive. Not to impress him. Just to say "I was thinking of you".

He finds himself getting emotional as they sit together, watching it spin. 

Her head then lays on his shoulder and she's whispering. 

"It was such a magical night for me. What you did for me that night. Just being with me, listening. Being stuck at the top of the ferris wheel, kissing me. I just want you to remember it when you see this."

"Rey, it's beautiful. I will remember it when I look at this but I don't need this to remember. I remember it when I look at you."

He sits it down gently and takes her into his arms. Once again, he doesn't feel the sexual tension that he normally feels. The need to jump her bones. He just wants to be with her. 

They both watch the ferris wheel turn and sit in silence. Her head is on his shoulder and her hand rests comfortably on his chest. She just fits there. His hand fits perfectly on her waist and he reaches to cover her hand with his own. By the time the tune ends and the wheel stops spinning, she's asleep again. He doesn't want to wake her. She seems so content settled on him so he drifts off along with her, listening to her breathe and feeling the steady rhythm of her heart against his side. 

He's got to tell her, somehow. He's got to tell her how desperately he loves her. 

Maybe he will when she wakes up. 

_________________________________

About the time he nods off in the arms of his beloved, in bursts Finn. 

"Oh….hey Ben…." Finn says confusedly. 

Ben holds his finger up to his lips and nods at Rey, who is once again drooling. 

"Thanks for getting her home," Finn whispers. Ben just nods. Of course he got her home. What did Finn think he'd do? Leave her in the park?

More than a little frustrated at being interrupted by her roommate, Ben decides to go. It hurts. It hurts so bad. He won't see her again for over a week. He wanted Christmas with her but they'd only had tonight. It would have to do. 

"Where's her room?" he asks Finn. 

Immediately Finn tenses.

"Why?"

Ben rolls his eyes. 

"I'm just helping her to bed, Storm. Chill."

Finn still eyes him warningly. 

"Second door on the left, Solo," he says, a bit of threat in his tone. 

Ben just smirks at him as he scoops up his sleeping secretary. He carries her to her bedroom and lies her down gently. After covering her, he kisses her gently on the temple. 

"I'll miss you so much. Merry Christmas beautiful."

After a short conversation with Finn about the lack of a tree in their apartment, Ben leaves. 

Rey's never really had a tree so she's not really into decorating. This thought makes him sad. He asks Finn the name of their hotel and the room number. Then he makes a few phone calls. 

Two days later, Rey arrives in Colorado. Upon entering her room, she lets out a bit of a squeal. 

Standing in the corner is a beautiful 6 foot tall Christmas tree. 

There's a box in the center of the bed. She opens it to find Christmas ornaments with a beautiful star lying on top. Under the bottom is a green Christmas tree skirt. 

Nestled in the branches of the fresh cut tree is a note. 

She grabs it with shaking fingers and opens it. 

"Merry Christmas, sweet girl. I was sad that you didn't have a tree to decorate in your home. Have fun and I'll see you next week. From your Best Friend, Ben."

She sits on the bed and cries. Sweet happy tears evolve into sad, lonely tears as she misses him. 

Will it ever be anything more than what they are now? Because she so desperately wants more. As beautiful as Colorado is, she'd rather be waking up in his arms, admiring a beautiful wedding band on his finger and feeling his broad hand on her belly as they feel their child stir within her. 

Yes, she wants it all. She's finally able to admit it. She wants a future with Mr. Ben Solo and even if she finds that he doesn't, she has to tell him. 

She'll tell him when she gets home. Even if he says no, she'll tell him because she can't do this anymore. 


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you have read Birthday Boy, you know what's coming. 
> 
> If not, get ready.

Ben is hard at work preparing for an upcoming meeting with his biggest client. 

It's tough to be without his secretary. She may not be the best secretary but they work well together. She has finally learned how to anticipate what he needs.

But right now, he doesn't need his secretary. He needs her. He's come to think of her more as his business partner. 

Damn he _misses_ her. 

Just as he stands to walk out the door, his eyes land on his brother. His silent brother. 

Poe is just standing there. His eyes look unstable. His dark complexion is off. Then Ben notices his hands are shaking. 

"Poe?" he asks, worried about his brother. Was it mom? Zorii?

It was like his brother knew he was mentally checking off the list of people they love. 

"R-Rey," he whispers, barely getting her name out. 

The name of the woman he loves. 

Ben stands quickly, actually knocking his chair off of it's rollers. It flips. He takes one, two, three steps to his brother and grabs him, shaking him. 

" **WHAT? TELL ME!** "

Poe's voice shakes. 

"Missing…..skiing…. accident…."

Ben makes a sound he's never made in his life, not even when Han died. He runs to Rey's desk, throwing papers. He knows the name of the resort is here somewhere. 

"Bro...I got it. Flight leaves in two hours…"

Ben turns, tears flowing. He never even cried when Han went missing. He just assumed everything would be okay….

A week later he buried his father. 

Flashes, flashes run through his mind…

" _We will find him…."_

_"He'll be okay… "_

_"Day two searching….search dogs…."_

They all thought he'd be found alive. 

But he wasn't. 

Poe knows. He's having flashbacks too. This time, it's not his father. It's his brother's person. 

"Ben…..she will be o…"

"Don't say it Poe!! Don't you dare fucking say it!!"

Then Ben grasps some sense of control. Just enough to think. 

"When? How? How long? Oh God, where's Finn?"

Poe comes towards him slowly, explaining. 

"They were skiing and she got too far ahead. He saw her go over the side. She had gotten out of control and was trying to stop herself but panicked. By the time he caught up, she was nowhere to be found."

The mental picture had played out in his head. Rey, afraid, not able to get control. Now she's probably buried in snow. Cold snow. Rey hates being cold. Alone. Rey hates being alone. 

He starts to gasp for air. Her being hurt is a nightmare but her being hurt, cold and alone? It's his undoing…..

He'd told her she'd never be alone again. He _promised_ her. 

He's hyperventilating. Poe touches him. 

"Come on, come on bro. Sit. Here. Breathe."

"Get your hands off me!!!"

He shoves Poe but his brother comes right back, just like he always has. Ben falls into Rey's chair, leaning forward, running his fingers through his hair. 

"She doesn't know. She doesn't know that I love her, what if she's dead, what if I never tell her. No no please no. I've already lost Dad. Not her too. Please Dad, help me. Go find her. I have to find her. I have to tell her."

He barely hears his brother through his rambling. 

"Zorii? Hey….yeah...I heard….no...I don't know….I need my bag packed….and Ben's bag too, sweetheart, his key is on the wall next to my front door….the flight is in two hours….Ben's here with me….no...he's bad off….Finn's okay….well not really but he's not hurt…..can you meet me at LaGuardia? Thanks. Yeah me too."

He ends the call and shoves his phone in his back pocket. He kneels in front of his brother. 

"I won't say it. I know why. Me too. So I won't say it. But I'm here. I'm here big brother. I'm not leaving you. Listen, hey, look at me. Look at me Ben."

Ben looks up, tears streaming down his face. 

"You _are_ going to tell her you love her. You _are_. You're going to see her and tell her. And you know what I think? I see her. I see her. She loves you too. No. Don't shake your head. She loves you Ben. I've known that kid for years. I've never seen her like she's been the last year. She loves you."

"I don't des…."

"Yes you do!!! You deserve her!! Shut up!! My brother deserves her, dammit!!"

"She's so good, Poe. She's so beautiful. Her heart too."

"She is and you are too. You are going to tell her you love her because you two are driving me nuts, pining. Every day. I'm tired. So, you are going to see her and tell her and marry her and make me some nieces and nephews. Sound like a plan?"

Poe doesn't wait for an answer. 

"Yep, that's the plan. Go find Rey, confess your love, put a ring on it, babies."

"Let's go Ben. Zorii has my key to your place. She's getting your stuff. Where's your passport? I'll text her."

"Um, I have it here. I'll get it."

Poe makes an effort to be funny. 

"Take that tie and shit off. She likes you better without it. Casual-Sexy, she told Rose."

Ben stops and looks at his brother.

"She what?" he asks. 

"She told Rose she likes you better all casual sexy. I threw up in my mouth a little."

"Shut up Poe"

"That's my boy….now c'mon….let's go find your girl."

They drive straight to the airport. Ben sees the city zoom past his window. He's shaking. Every few seconds, a tear escapes. He doesn't even try to wipe it away. Panic starts setting in and he begins to gasp again. 

"Breathe Ben. Breathe," Poe tells him. 

Arriving at the airport, checking in, boarding, it's all a blur to Ben. Every few minutes he starts to shake. 

"Breathe Ben, breathe…." his brother repeats. 

Ben repeats a mantra in his head. 

I'm on a plane. I cannot panic. I cannot panic. I'm on a plane…. 

A prayer also follows behind. A prayer to the woman he loves. 

_ReyReyReyRey... I'm coming Rey... I'll find you Rey…._

"I'm telling her Poe. I'm telling her. I should've already told her."

"You will, bro. You'll tell her…."

Ben manages to drift to sleep, in sheer exhaustion. He dreams of her face, her lips, her eyes, her voice, her kiss, the feel of her against him, her hands on him, her asleep on his shoulder, her asleep against his back in his bed. 

The way she says his name....

_Ben....._

He jolts awake with a sob. People glance over at him. Poe is there, watching him. 

"Thank you," he tells his brother.

"Always," Poe says back at him. 

They land. As soon as he is able, Poe turns his phone back on. It was literally painful to have had to turn it off. He immediately texts Rose. 

The brothers navigate the airport, Poe ordering an Uber. 

Suddenly Poe stops walking, staring at his phone. His breath catches and Ben almost snatches his phone out of his hand. 

"They found her, Ben," Poe tells him. 

" _ **And**_?!?!?!?!!" Ben shouts, drawing looks from people all around. 

"She's alive. She's alive, Ben."

Ben sinks to his knees, thanking God. 

"Thank you God...thank you God..."

He shudders.

"Thanks Dad...."

"Where is she??!" he then shouts, clambering back to his feet. 

"They have medflighted her to the nearest hospital. Let's go, Ben. I have the address."

Before Poe can move, Ben grabs him. 

"Tell me. I know you know."

"She's in bad shape, Ben. Let's go."

____________________________________

She looks so bad. So very bad. Her dark tanned skin is so pale, even her beautiful freckles have disappeared. Her lips are a grey color. She's wrapped in heavy blankets, only her face exposed. The only assurance that she's even alive is the sound of the monitor beeping her heart rate. 

"Oh God," Ben whispers, his hand pressed against the glass. His forehead comes to rest against it, tears slipping down his cheeks. 

"Rey......don't give up. Please."

"Can we go in?" Poe asks Finn, who is wrapped in a blanket himself. He'd almost gotten himself sick looking for her. 

"No, they are monitoring her. Her breathing is too shallow. They think they will have to intubate soon."

Ben wants to throw up at the thought of a tube being shoved down her delicate throat. 

"What….what else are they monitoring?" he asks, his voice shaking. 

"They've done an MRI, to check for brain damage. When I found…." Finn begins to cry, Rose behind him with her arms wrapped around him, "when I found her, there was blood on her head, there was a rock nearby, her blood was on it. They think she hit it with her head."

Finn begins to shake at the memory, traumatized at seeing his sister like that. Rose holds him tightly and Poe reaches one hand over to him. The other hand grasps hard to his brother. 

"I swear….I promise I tried to find her faster guys, I tried….she disappeared so quick...she never made a sound…"

"We know Finn, we know. It's not your fault," Rose whispers. 

Zorii appears around the corner, eyes wild. 

"Poe!!" she shouts and Poe turns, seeing her. He looks back at his brother. 

Ben nods that he's okay and Poe walks to her quickly. Zorii embraces him and they both cry. 

The doctor walks up. 

"Mr. Storm?" he asks. 

"That's me," says Finn. 

"You're her brother?" the doctor asks, doubtful. 

"Yes, he's her brother," says Ben, no time for nonsense. 

"Mr. Storm, let's go into the other room," the doctor says and Finn shakes his head. 

"Whatever you have to say, say it. We are her family."

"I just think you need to sit, Mr. Storm. You are pretty shaken up. I want you to get looked at. I'll talk to you and then I want you to go down to the ER."

"I'm fine…" Finn starts and Rose stops him. 

"Babe, please. Just do what he thinks is best. For me."

"For us," Poe says, "we care about you too, Finn."

"Finn?" the doctor says, looking concerned, "it's okay if I call you Finn? If you will follow me into this exam room, I'll check you myself. I can tell you don't want to leave Rey."

"As long as they can come too."

"Of course. I'm very glad to see Rey has such a beautiful family."

The doctor explains that yes, Rey will have to be intubated due to a punctured lung. There is bleeding on her brain but it should stop soon. She has a back injury but nothing that won't heal. She has a slight case of hypothermia from being in the cold for so long but they are slowly warming her up. 

"All in all," the doctor says while listening to Finn's heart rate, "she's very lucky. I think she will be okay. The cold actually slowed the bleeding down in her brain."

"Why isn't she waking up?" Ben asks, shaking again. 

"Who are you to Rey?" the doctor asks, only following HIPAA guidelines. 

Ben is trying not to get angry. Obviously the doctor cares for Rey. 

"He's her boss...friend...person. Like you said, we are her family," explains Finn. 

Ben looks at Finn. He's Rey's person. He smiles just a tiny bit at that word. 

"I see," the doctor continues, "Well, the bleeding on her brain is why. Her body needs to heal. It's just the brain's way of ensuring that. She's not in pain. She's comfortable. Besides, it's best for her to stay asleep until her lung heals. Intubation is not fun awake."

"When do you think she will be better?" Rose asks. 

"I anticipate a few days. Maybe a week."

"Can we see her?" Ben asks, feeling more weary by the second. 

"As soon as we get her stable and comfortable."

"Is...is she cold?" Ben asks, getting emotional, "she hates being cold…."

The doctor looks at Ben with concern. 

"No, we've got warming blankets on her. Are you alright young man?"

Rose smiles just a bit and stands to wrap an arm around Ben. 

"He cares deeply for Rey…" Poe starts.

"I love her…" Ben says, not intending to say it out loud. But there it is. 

Rose's hands go over her mouth. Zorii smiles, tears in her eyes. Finn's mouth hangs open. He then reaches over to place a hand on Ben's knee.

Poe grins. He places one hand on Ben's shoulder, squeezing.

"He's just scared. And very exhausted," Poe finishes. 

The doctor places his hand on Ben's other shoulder. 

"What's your name?"

"Ben."

"Ben, your girl is going to be okay. I really believe that, okay?"

"Yes, sir…." 

____________________________

Finn and Rose walk out of Rey's room visibly shaken. 

"I hate this. I hate this," Finn repeats. 

"Finn, baby, please, you've got to get some rest," Rose tells him, "I heard there's a family suite here. Let's go check on that, okay?" 

"No," Finn says. 

"Go, Finn," Ben speaks up. "I'll stay with her. Please."

"Shit. Alright. Call me if anything happens."

Ben just nods, standing. 

"You want me to go with you?" Poe asks Ben. 

"No, I need to be alone with her."

"Okay. I'm going to check on you after a while though."

Ben nods again and walks into the room. 

He stops inside the door. The monitors and IV stands are overwhelming. 

He forces himself to walk to her. She's so still, so quiet. 

_My rambunctious girl, too still. Too quiet._

"Hey," he whispers, taking her hand. It's warm and that makes him smile slightly. She's not cold. 

"It's me, Rey. It's Ben. I'm here. I don't know if you can hear me. I kinda hope not cause I don't want you to be afraid. I'm going to stay here with you. I'm not leaving."

He brushes her hair back from her face, trying desperately not to look at the tube in her mouth. Her beautiful mouth. 

"Your lips are pink again. That's good. Chapped though. I'll see if they can help with that." 

He sighs. 

"I'm so sorry. You were having so much fun, weren't you? I got your pictures. It was beautiful. You were beautiful. You always are."

"Please Rey, get better...please...I've got so much to tell you….I should've already told you...I can't live without you...first my dad...I can't lose you...please get better, okay? God...please...I don't deserve it but she does...if you are real...please save her"

He pulls up a chair, still holding her hand, places his head on her thigh and cries until he falls asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I do alright? I need all the reassurance.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Rey...poor Ben too. Don't worry...it gets better...

For six days they sat in shifts with their beloved Rey. They took turns working her limbs, the ones that weren't broken, massaging them. They turned her over as needed. Ben would have to be calmed when he'd fight with the doctors, stubbornly insisting for answers. There were none. Her healing would take time, nothing more, nothing less. He'd shout, then apologize, then cry. Leia came, taking her shift with Rey. She was a balm for Ben, able to calm him when his brother couldn't. She was even able to get him to check his work emails. Phasma had been left in charge. Ben, Poe and Finn were simply unable to return to New York, none of them wanting to leave her side. 

It was tedious and exhausting. 

Sometimes Ben would leave her side but not for longer than a 30 minute stretch. He was beyond tired, even though he'd sleep with his head in her lap. It wasn't a deep sleep, though. Rose babied him, making him sleep on the pull out bed instead, his feet hanging off one end. She made him eat, even reminding him to brush his teeth and shower in the bathroom attached to her room. Him and Leia would fight and Rose would intervene, acting as the peacemaker she naturally is. Poe would break down on occasion and Zorii was there, engagement ring in plain view. Upon sight of it, the others were happy for them but it was all subdued in the midst of Rey's coma. 

Ben thinks he might be losing his mind. He dotes on her the best he can, brushing her hair and massaging her feet, talking to her constantly about everything from her beloved plants to the latest gossip at work. He'd hired a company to care for her green leafed babies, both in the office and back in her home. He plays her favorite music and promises to take her to their little italian restaurant when they return home. The manager is very worried, Rey being a favorite customer there. They'd promised her free cheesecake for life when she returned. 

"You'll love that, sweetheart, I know. I can hear you now, worrying about gaining weight. You'll look hot though, even if you do, sweet girl. We'll go to the gym together, if you want. That would be fun. Working out together. You'll kick my ass, I know, won't you?"

He cups her cheek, kissing her nose. He was so glad to see the ventilator removed. It hurt his heart, seeing that thing in her pretty mouth. He sees her freckles returning and counts them. 

_____________________________

"Mmmm"

His head pops up. She's grimacing and her eyes are squeezed shut. Her head moves. 

She's waking up. 

"Rey!" he almost shouts but catches his voice. 

She's waking up!

"Mmmm...bright…" she says, her eyes fluttering open but quickly closing, the lights hurting her eyes. 

He jumps up and turns them all off, only the sunlight peeking through the blinds softly lighting the room. 

"Rey," he whispers, taking one hand in his own, kissing her fingertips. He very gently brushes her hair back. 

"B-Ben? Wh-where? Where am I?"

"Oh, sweetheart, you're in the hospital…."

She squeezes his hand and he's so grateful for how strong the squeeze is. She's awake! She's okay! She can squeeze his hand!

"My mouth...dry…"

"Oh, hold on," he says, grabbing a cup and pouring water in. He grabs a straw, holding it to her and she gulps then coughs. 

"Small sips. Not too fast." 

"Ben…how?"

She seems to be having a hard time saying much. That worries him but he tells himself she has a dry throat. She's been intubated. 

That is a sight that will never ever leave him. 

"Are you asking why you are here? Just nod if yes."

She nods. He continues, still holding the straw to her dry, cracked lips. He notices and grabs the chapstick. 

"Can I? Your lips look like they hurt. Do they?"

She nods again. 

He carefully, oh so carefully, tries to run the tube across her lips but it pulls on her skin. She winces. 

He remembers a trick he'd heard about. He places the cap back on and rubs it between his hands until it's warm. He removes the cap and applies some to his finger. 

"Rey, can I?" he asks, showing her. She nods. 

He gently rubs it on her lips. She winces but smiles just a tiny bit. 

He didn't know if he'd ever see her smile again. He can't help it. He tears up. Then he quickly wipes his tears. She doesn't need to see him like this. He has to be strong. 

She reaches over and grabs his forearm, squeezing. 

"I'm fine," he assures her. "I just, I thought I lost you."

"What...happened?"

"Rey, don't you remember?"

She shakes her head. 

"You had an accident. On the slopes. You slipped down a hillside and tumbled. You hit your head. Took an entire day to find you."

"How….long?"

"How long ago? Almost a week."

Her eyes widen and she tries to sit up. He grabs her, keeping her still. 

"No, no, stop Rey. Please, sweetheart. Don't. Your head…."

"Head?"

"You had a brain bleed. Major concussion. They didn't have to operate, thank God. It was touch and go though. You hit your back on something. You quit breathing for a while. They had to intubate. That's why your throat hurts. Broken ribs. Sweet girl, you scared the absolute shit out of me…. All of us…."

Her eyes are huge. He's scaring her but he knows Rey. She deserves to know. 

"I-I don't remember….."

"The doctors said you probably wouldn't. You were skiing with Finn...do you remember that?" 

She shakes her head no then winces in pain. 

"I think I'm going to be sick…"

He grabs a pail and rushes it to her lap just in time. She vomits very little because her stomach is almost empty. It hurts tremendously and he fights back tears as she sobs out, in pain, overwhelmed, and confused. He smoothes her hair back, taking the pail. 

"I'm just grabbing a wet washcloth," he tells her. 

He sets it with warm water and carries it back to her bedside, wiping her mouth and face. She sighs, looking out the window to her left. 

"I'm sorry, Rey. I didn't mean to upset you."

"I'm scared," she says, beginning to shake. The shakes become full-body tremors and now he's scared too. He hits the button for the nurse over and over. Then he runs and yanks the door open, searching the hall. He sees Heather, Rey's nurse 

"She's awake but something is wrong!!"

Heather runs in. 

"Oh honey, you're awake. It's okay, shhh...just breathe. Here," she gestures at Ben and points to a blanket on the back of a chair. He grabs it.

"Wrap this around her shoulders, Mr. Solo. She's just shaken up. In shock."

Ben walks around the bed, wrapping the blanket around her. 

"But shock's not good for her! Make it stop! She threw up too!"

Heather is checking her pulse and blood pressure, feeling her forehead. 

"Mr. Solo, this is to be expected. Calm down a bit. I know this is scary. Just, hold her. It will subside. She also has a lot of meds in her system. That can also cause this reaction. But I suspect it's just scary for her. She needs you to be calm, okay?"

"Where's Finn?" Rey asks numbly, quietly, still staring off into the distance but gripping her blankets tightly.

"He went to grab a bite to eat. He will be here any minute," Ben reassures her. 

Heather stays for a few moments then leaves, instructing Ben to encourage drinking water and keep her warm. 

She continues to shiver, even under the blankets. 

Ben is sitting on the edge of the chair next to the bed.

"Rey?" he asks, "I'm going to take your hand in mine, okay?"

He slowly slides his hand under hers, palm to palm, wrapping his fingers around the top. His other hand comes to rest over it. She squeezes just a bit. Enough to make him breathe easier. 

"Hey, can you look at me?" he asks calmly. 

She does as he asks, her eyes blown wide open in fear yet a small smile appears.

"There's my girl….you okay?"

"I don't know," she answers.

"You are going to make it through this. We are all here for you. You are a tough cookie, you know that?"

"Ben? I'm cold…"

"Do you mind if I sit with you?"

"No...you are always hot…."

He smiles and slides into the bed next to her. He settles one arm around her, his other hand on his thigh. She leans against him, her back to his chest. After several minutes, she reaches for the hand on his leg and wraps his other arm around her waist. 

"Better?" he asks. 

She nods, laying her head back. He tucks it under his chin. Soon he feels her weight against him as she drifts to sleep. He counts her breaths and feels for her wrist, feeling her heart rate slowing to a normal pace.

He too falls asleep, which is how Finn, Poe, and Rose find them upon their return. Heather informs them that Rey woke up and panicked. 

"Damn it, I should've been here," Finn says. 

"Looks to me like she's in capable hands, big brother," says Rose. 

Poe just grins. 

They leave quietly. 

When Rey wakes later, she's much calmer. She hears the steady strong thumping of Ben's heart and allows it to steady her own. Everything hurts. She's still so confused and then shaking returns. Ben wakes and wraps her up in his arms, whispering calmly to her. 

"Shhh….just breathe…"

"It hurts…"

"What hurts, sweetheart?"

"Everything…"

He hits the nurse's button, trying not to panic. Heather returns with pain medicine. Rey refuses it. 

"I want to stay awake," she says with tears streaming down her cheeks. Ben watches Heather, desperation in his eyes. He can't stand to see her hurting and crying. 

"Rey, let her help you…."

"No Ben!" she tries to shout, coughing from the effort. The pain from the collapsed lung making her chest hurt more. She cries harder, scared. 

"Shhh...shhhh...okay...okay I understand."

"What if…" she sobs out, "what if I don't wake up next time?"

He sighs into the back of her head, his arm still holding her tight. She's traumatized. It's not right, she's been through so much in her life. It's wrong that she has to endure yet another traumatic event. No more. He'll keep her safe from now on. He'll never let her hurt again after this. 

He looks up at Heather, determined to support Rey's wishes. 

"What other options are there? For pain?"

"The doctor is on his way. I'm sure he can answer that. Sweetie?" Heather asks and Rey looks at her, "we are so glad you are awake. Don't be afraid. You are out of the worst part, okay? It's all going to get better from here."

"My back hurts," she says, squirming then moaning in pain. 

"You hurt your back. Your lung was punctured by a broken rib. You hit your head, causing a brain bleed."

"That's why my chest hurts."

"Yes, how's your head?"

"It hurts," she says, still shaking a bit. He pulls the blanket all the way to her chin. She finally drifts off again. He is still holding her when the doctor enters. Unfortunately, he has to leave the bed so they can examine her fully. She wakes up in a panic, reaching for Ben's warmth and strong arms. He almost climbs back in the bed with her. 

"Hold on, Ben. Let the doctor work," Heather tells him, keeping her hand on his back. She's learned how protective Ben is of Rey and is so very moved by it. 

The doctor motions to speak to him outside. 

"I'll be right back, Rey. I promise," he tells her. 

They enter the hallway just as the entire crew returns. Finn's eyes go wide and Ben nods, letting her brother know that all is still fine. Finn pushes the door open and rushes to Rey's side. 

"She's doing good, from what I can see," the doctor reassures and everyone breathes easier, "we will probably keep her another 7-10 days for observation. She will have to take something for pain. I know she's scared that she will slip back into a coma but I highly doubt that. We will get another MRI tomorrow to check the damaged area. She will need to see an orthopedic doctor for her back. She's healthy so it will probably heal well on its own. Her lung sounds good. She may need physical therapy afterwards but I see no reason she won't be completely better soon. She's a tough girl. As far as the trauma, we've given her a dose of anxiety meds. She should be calmer soon. Expect her to break down. She may even lash out in anger. Just let her vent."

"I can handle that," Ben answers and everyone laughs. They all know Ben is well equipped for handling angry outbursts. 

The doctor looks at Ben eye to eye. He's as tall as Ben and he shifts a bit uncomfortably. The doctor motions to speak to him privately down the corridor. Ben follows him. He turns again and looks serious. 

"This is probably unwarranted advice but I'm giving it anyway. I understand that there's no relationship other than friendship between you two but I'm no rookie, I've seen a lot in my time. Young man, I know a man in love when I see one. I don't know what kept you from telling her how you feel before but you are very blessed that you have a second chance. Tell Rey you love her. She's a lucky girl to have someone like you."

He follows this with a pat on the shoulder and a small smile of gratitude. 

Ben is speechless. Rey's not the lucky one. He is and he plans on telling her as soon as she's more rested and comfortable. He doesn't want to overwhelm her. He feels a little more confident now. Rey is reaching for him, not Finn or Rose. She definitely wants them there but he's the one she's looking around the room for, the one she wanted holding her earlier. 

Maybe she loves him too….


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I added Chapters 26 and 27 tonight. Feeling generous. So don't forget to go back to 26 to read it first.

The next day Rey is much better. She's smiling again, although she has a headache. So far she'd held out on the pain meds as much as possible. Ben is in awe of her, they all are but is looking slightly more puppy eyed than usual. He just cannot stop looking at her. 

The room is too full, between the friends and the flowers and the balloon bouquets, it's all a bit suffocating. Rey's eyes begin to dart around anxiously. No one notices but Ben. It's like he's attuned to her emotions. Finn probably would be more aware but he's just so excited that she's awake, he isn't picking up on the fact that his sister is feeling claustrophobic. 

Ben stands, which succeeds in taking up one third of the small room. That space being filled up doesn't stress Rey though. She likes the person accompanying that space too much. She looks up at him and her eyes convey a warmth that makes his heart skip. 

"Guys, I think Rey is tired," he tells the group, "We are a bit too riled up for her. Why don't we let her sleep?"

"You okay, peanut?" Finn asks, suddenly worrying. 

"Just very tired. My head hurts."

Finn sits next to her, facing her and hugs her gently. He kisses her forehead and then stands to go. They all leave, each one saying their goodbyes and hugging her. Leia sits down with her next and cups her cheek with one hand. 

"You scared me, sweetie. Don't make a habit of that, please."

"Thank you for being here, Leia," she tells her quietly. 

"Of course," Leia responds and leaves. 

Ben walks outside with his mom and she turns to look up at him. 

"I'm so damn proud of you, taking care of her. Your dad raised a gentleman. He'd be so proud of you. Take care of your girl, Ben. Remember what I said. You do deserve her. My boy deserves her."

Ben just nods, his emotions welling up. 

She stares at him, doing that non verbal thing mother's do. She cups his face and nods again. 

"You deserve her, Ben." she says one more time before turning to walk away. 

"Ben?" 

Rey sounds worried and he walks back in the room quickly.

"Rey?" 

"Don't leave," she says, that fear back in her eyes. He sits down in the chair next to her, watching her face and taking her hand. 

"I'm worried about you, Rey."

"I'll be okay. I just need you nearby."

He swallows, unsure of himself. 

"W-why, Rey? Why me?"

Now she looks unsteady. She looks down at her hand, adjusting the IV there. 

"Do you want to leave? You probably need to go home….you've missed everything at work, haven't you? You need to go home...I understand…."

"No!" he says, taking her hand and kissing her wrist gently, "I don't want to leave you!"

Well, here he is. 

He takes a deep breath. 

"Rey, I-I care about you so much. I don't quite understand it. It's just...you get me. You see me. And you….you are so amazing. You are….so smart and brave. You're funny and you are bright. Like...this burn bright thing….always bright. And Rey…."

He looks down at her hand in his. He can't look up at her because he's never been so vulnerable in his life. 

".... you're so beautiful. I've never seen a woman so beautiful. The way you look at me and the way you smile and your eyes. You're just...so pretty…"

He is aware that she is silent. He's terrified to look up at her. What if this is all for nothing?

".....I know I shouldn't be saying all of this. I know it's inappropriate... I'm your boss and I'm way older than you. It's just, I was so scared. They couldn't find you and I thought I may never see you again….but all I could think was that I had not told you. I hadn't told you how I feel and I just wanted you to know…."

He lays his forehead on the edge of her bed, out of words but still not able to say it. It's too hard. He can't handle it if she laughs or gets afraid or angry. 

Then he feels her fingers in his hair. She threads through his locks. He turns his head towards her, not lifting it, just keeping his head on her bed, looking up at her. She smiles the sweetest smile he's ever seen as she tucks his hair behind his ear. 

"I love them, you know…." she whispers, tracing the shell of his ear with her fingertips. 

He looks at her, confused. He can't speak but his eyes give away his question. 

"You always try to hide them. You hate them. I've counted. Did you know that? I've counted how many times a day you check to see if they are covered. The record is 22. In one day. That was a bad day. But I love them. I want to see them."

He's lost. Lost in her fingertips, brushing his waves, tickling across the shell of his ear. He's lost in the look in her eyes, the gentleness of her voice. He just watches her watch him. 

"I want to see them. Your ears. They are beautiful. I want to uncover them."

He's without words, just watching. 

"You are like your ears. That's what I know. Ben is like Ben's ears. Cover them. Don't let people see them. Hide them. But I want to see them. I want to see you. Let me see you. Let me in. Let me uncover you, Ben Solo."

"You are in, you see me," he whispers as her fingers trace down across his cheek, down to his mouth. She lingers there, slowly tracing his lips with her fingertips. 

It's strange. It's so erotic, in a way. But in an intimate, beautiful sort of way. He's not just turned on by her, he's turned in _to_ her. Who she is. He wants to unravel her. Find out what her soul looks like. Hand his soul to her. 

He lightly kisses her fingers and she gasps. 

"I do see you. I see a good man. I see a man who protected me even when he didn't know who I was. I see a man who adores his brother and has fought for him. I see a man who took over a company and takes care of his people. I see a man who loves his dog. I see a man who loves m..."

She stops mid-sentence. 

He stares at her and she at him. He thinks maybe as she was speaking she didn't think about what she was saying and it almost slipped out. But then she wasn't sure. 

He wants her to be sure. He wants her to know. Because somehow, looking into her eyes, he's no longer afraid for her to know. 

"You see a man who loves you…."

Now her hand goes to her mouth, tears beginning to fall. 

"I don't know, Ben. I think I do? But…"

He finally sits up, grabbing her other hand, careful not to jostle her IV. 

"Can I kiss you? I miss your lips."

She just blinks, tears still falling. 

"Because I'm dying over here. I miss you."

Suddenly she's there and her lips are on his and her hands are in his hair. His arms circle around her and he almost pulls her flush against him but he hesitates, lost to her lips and also afraid to hurt her. It's like she knows this so she crushes her body to his. The back of her hospital gown is open only tied loosely and his hand accidentally finds the skin of her bare back. He groans at the feel of her. He kisses her, mouth closed, barely having coherent thought yet still letting her lead. Then, finally, her lips part and her tongue traces at the seam of his mouth. He opens and tongues meet, clashing like swords. It's passionate yet sweet. She dives in as wild as he's ever seen her. After what feels like forever yet not nearly long enough, they pull away, only to breathe. But he doesn't want her far so his forehead comes to rest on hers, eyes closed.

"Rey," he tilts her chin up to look at him. 

"Hmm?" she moans and he notices that she's limp in his arms, relaxed. This he could get used to. 

"I am." he says. 

Her eyes slowly come open and he smiles at her dazed look, her flushed cheeks and swollen lips. She looks thoroughly undone and he did it. 

"Hmm? You are...what?"

He can't help it. Their kiss had obviously shook her. He hopes this is something he can do to her over and over. Make her putty in his arms. 

"I am a man who loves you."

With this, she comes to. Eyes widen and mouth forming a little o that makes him want to kiss her again. 

"Like, loves me loves me?"

He smiles bigger than he has in years. 

"Reyna Johnson, I am absolutely, positively head over heels in love with you."

Her hands slip around his shoulders to his chest. She looks down, fiddling with a button on his shirt. 

"I love you, too."

His heart skips. What did she just say?

"W-What? You do?"

Her bravery returns and her hands cup his face. She looks him right in the eye.

"I love you, Benjamin Solo. I love you. You are beautiful and perfect. You are everything I've ever wanted….."

This time he initiates the kiss but he's not as gentle. He forgets everything but her. He forgets she's in a hospital bed as he attacks her mouth. He almost crushes her then loosens his grip. She pulls back and looks at him. 

"Why did you pull back?"

"I don't want to squeeze you too tight. I'm just a big oaf. I don't realize my strength."

At this, she moves her hand out from his neck, down his bicep. Then she walks her fingers back up, blushing deeply. 

The next words out of her mouth are said with a teasing tone.

"What if I said I _like_ you squeezing me tight? What if I said it makes me feel very, very excited to feel your strength wrapped around me?"

It's a good thing his groin is pressed against the side of the bed and not her because he thinks he probably would've scared her half to death. He knows he's not a small man. 

He groans and pulls her tight. She giggles and it goes straight to his cock. 

"Good God woman, are you _trying_ to kill me?"

Her eyes flutter up at him. "Maybe…."

The third kiss is almost their undoing. She almost slides off the bed onto his crotch. He catches her around the waist and his fingers digging into her hip bones make her groan. It's not hard for him to know what she's thinking about and he can barely believe it. She wants him. 

It occurs to him that she's wearing practically nothing. Just a thin hospital gown and panties. 

Hospital. Gown. Hospital gown. Hospital. 

"Wait," he says, lifting her and setting her back onto the bed, "you're in the hospital."

"Yes?" she says, pouting. Which he finds adorable. She was just ready to have a go right there in the hospital bed. Not exactly romantic _or_ sexy. 

He'd gone from wondering how she felt about him, to finding out she loves him to almost consummating their relationship in a span of a few minutes. 

"I don't think this is the best place for, um, this. You deserve better. Besides…."

He gestures to her IV. 

He stands and she scoots back onto the bed. Somehow her blankets have come off and he is rewarded with a good look at her bare legs along with a glimpse of her panties. He finds himself staring. 

She giggles again. 

"Eyes up here, Mr. Solo"

Okay so he definitely likes it when she says it now. A little too much. He blushes all the way to his ears. She covers up. 

"I do love your ears," she says, smiling. 

He covers them with his hair, flustered. 

"Awww….stop doing that…." she whines in protest, "they are sexy…."

He points at her. "You. You are going to be the death of me. Quit flirting."

She laughs. He loves the sound and smiles. 

"Come here," she says. 

He just looks at her like he doesn't trust her. 

"I promise," she purrs, "I'll be a _good_ girl…."

The words ensure that his erection is not going away. 

"Damn Rey, stop it…."

"Just come here. I'll stop. This is fun though."

He sits on the edge of the bed, facing her. She reaches and wraps a lock of his hair around her finger.

"You love me?" she asks, "as in, you want to be with me?" 

"Well damn woman, that kiss should've told you that…" he says, grabbing her hands. He laces his fingers through hers.

"Ben?" she says, "look at me."

"I am."

"No, look at me. Really look."

He nods. 

"I love you. I've loved you for so long. So, that being said, I'll flirt with you all I want. Will you be mine? I won't always be easy but I'll try to be good to you." 

"Rey, you've been nothing but good to me since I met you. Will _you_ be mine? I'm a pain in the ass sometimes. Hell, a lot. But I'll do my best to take care of you. No one has ever taken care of you. I want to be the first."

"No one has taken care of you either. They've taken from you. Wanted what you had to offer. I don't want anything from you. I just want you."

He pulls her close again, one arm around her waist, the other hand on the back of her neck. He looks at her eyes, forever encaptured by them. 

"You know, as a CEO, I make deals all day. This, however, is my best deal yet."

They seal their deal with a fourth kiss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is, people!! Finally!! What did you think? Feed me with comments, please!


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Had a bad day yesterday....needed fluffy fluff. So I wrote it.

Rey is going home tomorrow, seven days after waking from her coma. She's become very attached to her doctors and her nurse, Heather. She had actually cried at the thought of leaving them. 

For Ben, it is a simple decision. She'll stay here in Colorado, close to her doctor, until she is released to return to a normal life. There had been much discussion about how'd they work it out. She wasn't allowed to be alone for at least a month. They'd discussed Finn and Rose taking a week at a time staying with her. Late one night, while Ben was holding her in the hospital bed, she admitted that she just wanted him. She just wanted Ben. Ben knows her best but she doesn't want to hurt her best friend and her brother. 

"Ben, you are the love of my life, my soulmate, they don't understand that I need you more than them."

He is in awe. They'd spent hours whispering I love you's to each other. They had so much time to make up for. She'd traced his face, telling him how much she loved him, how she wanted to love him forever. How she wanted to take care of him. He'd never had anyone want to take care of him like this. He'd held back physically, knowing this was not the time or place. He just held her, touched her gently, helped her walk again, rubbed her feet and helped her get through the flashbacks of memories in the cold, alone and scared. She started remembering bits and pieces. She'd started some physical therapy there in the hospital, including water therapy for her back. He'd gone out and found her a bathing suit and one for him too. He was determined to be there. The therapist was there in the water with her but he was never far. She'd even introduced him as her boyfriend, which made him both blush and get hard as a rock simultaneously. It was a good thing he was in the therapy pool when that happened. 

________________________________

"You know, I happen to own my own company. I can take off as long as I want to. Work remotely. It's not like anyone will write me up."

"I don't want you to do that. I'll be fine with Finn and Rose. The company needs you."

" _You_ need me and guess what?"

"What?"

"I need you, too. You think I'd handle being that far from you very well? I'm a bit...intense when I'm away from you…."

She smiles flirtatiously, "Only when you're away from me? You seemed pretty intense _with_ me too."

Her hand slides up his thigh and he groans, grabbing it.

"You're killing me, Rey."

"Damn I.V." she says, not even hiding her desire for him. Then she shifts and winces in pain. If it's not her back, it's her still healing ribs or her head. 

"You're not ready for that, Rey. You need me to call Heather?" 

"No, I'm fine."

He's spoken to Heather and she's agreed to come once a day and check on Rey once she's settled into the Airbnb he'd found near the hospital. He's paying her very well for her time because he knows Rey will be well cared for in Heather's hands. He'll tell Rey that the insurance is covering it. Heather had volunteered but he can't let her do it for free. She's well worth the money. Rey is too. 

Ben is loaded. He's got more money than he'd ever know how to spend. He's not a huge spender. It's nice having someone to spend his money on. He plans to spend the rest of his life making sure Rey never wants for anything. She'll never be one to want extravagant items but he'll find ways to lavish her in the best of what she needs. 

He _may_ have glanced over at the engagement rings while shopping for a few things for Rey. He couldn't help it. They were _right there_ as he walked by. 

He's rather in shock. He's gone from being afraid to tell her his true feelings to looking at rings in the space of a week. 

"What do you want to do about telling them that I'm staying here with you?" he asks her.

She shoots him a look. 

"I'm staying, Rey. That's it and that's final. I've gone without you for too long."

She yawns. She's staying awake for longer periods of time but she'd just eaten and as usual, now she's sleepy. He kisses her on the lips gently then stands. 

"You need to nap. Poe and Zorii should be here in a couple of hours. I've got to go check on the house. Sleep…"

He leans and kisses her again. She's already drifting off. 

"I love you, Ben," she tells him again. 

"I love you, too, Rey," he replies, kissing her wrist. It's his thing. Kissing her wrist. She'd told him what it does to her, makes her shiver all over with want. Makes her _feel_ wanted. So he does it as much as possible. 

"I'll see you tonight, okay?" he assures her. 

"You're staying, right?" she asks, looking like she's already lonely. If he didn't have to leave, he wouldn't. He's got so much to do, though. 

"I can't sleep without you nearby, remember?"

"Yeah, me neither," she says, nodding off. 

He makes sure she has everything she needs within reach and slips out of the room.

____________________________

The house is perfect. It's a 3 bedroom, 3 bath home situated on the side of a mountain. He made sure there was a stable, flat walkway out front for Rey to get inside, although they will probably just park in the garage. There's a walk in shower that is easily accessible for her and a deep soaker tub, with jets. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he hopes maybe they can both fit. She needs the jets but he just needs _her._

Dammit, now he's hard again. It's so difficult to not be able to _have_ her but he'd not dare. Not yet. Besides, their relationship is new. 

All good things are worth waiting for. He has to tell himself that about twenty times a day lately. Good is the understatement of the year. Great, amazing, mind blowing...yeah, that's much more accurate. 

He checks the backyard. It's fenced in. He misses Moose. Poe will be bringing him soon. He's good for Rey too, although he worries about the big galloot jumping on her. 

He checks the kitchen for all of the essentials and then creates a grocery order. He then wonders who makes the best cheesecake in town. He'll ask Heather. 

Then he texts Rose back in New York to ask her to pack anything Rey may need for the next month, making sure to include the blanket he'd given her for Christmas. Poe will fetch his things the next time he's home. 

Rose replies that she'll be bringing Rey's things when she comes to stay. 

Oh shit, that's right. Rey hasn't explained yet that Ben is staying. 

He replies back, _oh okay._ He'll have to leave that between those three. 

Rose: _How's our girl today?_

Ben: _Tired but doing great, far as I can tell._

Rose: _Thank you Ben, for taking care of her. She does love you so much. I'm glad it's all out in the open now. She's loved you for months. I know you are good to her. I trust you._

Ben: _I love her a lot, Rose. I should've told her a long time ago. I didn't think she'd want me._

Rose: _She does want you. I think she will be very happy with you._

Ben: _I'll take care of her, Rose. I promise._

Rose: _I know you will, Ben._

He smiles when he sees the last text from Rose. Not only does he finally have his girl but his friend base has grown rapidly. It's mostly due to Rey. Him and Poe have their own separate relationship but Finn, Rose and Zorii are all rather new in his life. Rey's accident brought them even closer. 

He's a lucky man and he knows it. 

He then has to focus on work, unfortunately. Things seem to be going well. He will feel better with Poe and Finn back permanently. He owes Phasma a lot. She will be getting a good raise. 

He checks his emails and realizes he will be needing a fax machine. 

Another thing to add to his to-do list. 

Being so far from home for such an extended time is challenging but Rey is worth it. He looks up and watches the view outside the window. It's beautiful here. Not a bad place to be for the time being. 

The next thing he knows, there's a knock at the door. He'd nodded off. Sleeping at the hospital is kicking his ass. Only one more night and he will be back in a normal bed, Rey hopefully snuggled up next to him. Not only for his benefit but so he can watch her. He won't sleep well with her in another room. 

The grocery delivery has arrived and he puts it all away and then checks the time. 

He misses her already and it's only been a few hours. 

He's got it bad, he thinks to himself. He's got it bad but he's never been so happy. 

Only a few stops and he can see her again but first….

Ben: _You okay, sweet girl?_

Rey: _Yes, I'm fine. Poe and Zorii are leaving in an hour._

Ben: _I'll be there. You hungry? Whatcha want?_

Rey: _The biggest cheeseburger you can find. 🥰🥰🥰🍔🍔🍔_

Ben: _Only if you eat a salad and not fries._

Rey: 😭😭😭😭 _You are mean._

Ben: _That's not what you said earlier._

Rey: _That's because you kiss me so good._

Ben: _Mmmmmm...I'll throw in a cookie just because you said that. 🍪 🍪_

Rey: _I can't wait till tomorrow night 😏😏_

He blushes, leaning against the counter. He has an idea that she plans on more than just sleeping and it's killing him because he doesn't think she's ready for that. 

There's going to be a LOT of cold showers in his near future. There is also a very bright future ahead of him for he has his girl, FINALLY and she's alive. She loves him. HIM. Maybe she's a bit delusional to see whatever she sees in him but he hopes she stays delusional. He's so sickeningly happy and tomorrow night she'll be in his arms again. No pretending this time either. No more dying inside because she's in his bed but still not his. For she's his now and he's hers and he'll do anything, go anywhere, fight whoever, battle the galaxy if he has to in order to keep her. 

He can't wait to see her again, even though he just left her a few hours ago. 

He practically runs into her room, completely ignoring his brother and his future sister in law. He sits down next to Rey, facing her and kisses her soundly, his hands holding her face possessively. He kisses her good and long as she smiles against his mouth and his brother laughs behind him. 

"What in the world, Ben?" she asks, giggling breathlessly when he finally breaks the kiss. 

"Missed you is all," he responds, kissing her again. She pulls back a bit.

"We have company," she reminds him, still smiling. 

"Hallway, Poe. Sorry Zorii."

"Ben!" Rey chastises him. Poe just laughs louder and she hears Zorii pulling him out the door. 

"It's okay, Rey. I've waited a long time to see my brother smile like that."

Then they are gone and Rey is in his lap and they kiss until they can't breathe. 

"What's gotten into you?" she asks, smoothing back his hair where she'd throughly messed it up with her hands. 

"I'm yours, you know that, right? I love you."

"I love you too, Ben Solo but if you don't stop I'm going to rip your clothes off. I'm yours too."

"You are? Tell me again."

"I'm yours, Ben Solo. Forever."

He slides her back into bed, checking her over thoroughly. He cups her chin and smiles. 

"I guess I better apologize for my PDA."

"Poe doesn't mind…."

"No, to Zorii, my brother asked for this when he brought you into my life."

"He's so happy for us, Ben. He loves you."

"I love him too. Next to you, he's the most important person in my life and I'll owe him forever for hiring you."

"Go talk to them. Did you get my cheeseburger?" 

"Oh yeah, I think I threw it down too hard though when I came in," he says, searching for the bag and giving it to her. He pulls out the cookies and pops one into her mouth. She chews and smiles. 

"You do know how to spoil me," she tells him. 

"I plan to continue to spoil you, if you'll let me."

He pulls a small box from his back pocket. 

Her eyes go wide and he opens it. Inside is a beautiful Pandora bracelet with a charm attached. It's a succulent. 

"Ben!" she squeals as he attaches it to her wrist. 

"I know you don't do jewelry but I thought maybe…."

"I love it. I always kinda wanted a Pandora bracelet."

"I can add to it. Your friends can too. It's really neat. They have all kinds of charms. I thought of you when I saw it."

"That's why I love it. Because you thought of me. It's beautiful," she says, playing with the little charm. Thank you."

He grabs her hand, kissing the charm at her wrist. 

"You're so welcome, sweet girl."

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTES: I fooled y'all! Sorry. Not sorry. 
> 
> Did you squeal when he pulled a box out? Now c'mon guys. Y'all know our boy isn't going to propose in a hospital room! Ben would be over-the-top with a proposal! But he's thinking about it! I needed to write a sappy, fluffy chapter cause….therapy. Yes, this is my self imposed therapy but y'all get to go through therapy with me. Lol. Don't be mad!
> 
> I actually bought a Pandora necklace and charms. I have one for my son, one for my daughter, a sapphire heart for Rey and a blue butterfly one for Ben. Then I recently added a ferris wheel! I squealed when I saw it! I need charms for my other stories. There's a blue and red lightsaber one that I'm dying to have!


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am struggling with this story right now. I have future chapters written. I just want my babies to have sweet times right now so I feel like that's boring. A little spoiler here. I want them to struggle a bit with their past relationships. The baggage from that. I hope I'm not boring you all. 
> 
> Here's some smuff. Fluffy smut. Lol
> 
> Rey needs some knots worked out from around the damage to her back and have you SEEN Adam's hands????

Her body still hasn't recovered to the extent that he thinks it should have. Her back is still tender, the bruises from her injuries still marking her. He sees how she winces, notices how much ibuprofen she's taking. 

The herniated disc in her back causes painful knots. The doctor says that her surrounding muscles are trying to lock in place, trying to stabilize the damage. He sees the pain in her eyes. 

Damn insurance company halted the massages. She won't let him pay for any and at $100 an hour, she can't pay for it herself. He decides to upgrade the policy and absorb the extra costs so premiums don't increase. The company can afford it. 

But for now, he searches the internet for ways to help her. Even if he has to do it himself. Not that massaging Rey's back is any inconvenience to him. His damn massive hands must be good for something. 

"Rey, here. Sit down," he pats the spot on the bed between his thighs, "you are hurting. I see it. Let me try to help."

She sits and he leans her forward, pulling her shirt up to expose her back. 

"Rey, I can literally see the knots. _Please_ let me get you some help. What good is all my money if I can't even help the woman I love?"

"I'm not used to people paying my way . I'll have some extra money next week, after my check. You've done enough, still paying me even though I'm not working."

"You take care of me. That's work. I'm difficult."

"I love you. That's why I take care of you. Not because you're my boss."

Everytime she says I love you, he thinks he's dreaming. It's only been two weeks since their confession but it's so surreal to him. She loves him. And she's hurting. 

That won't do. 

He grips her around her waist, scooting back because, just like every time he touches her, his cock goes haywire. Waiting is killing him. But there was no way he'd broach the subject of consummating their relationship with her still recovering from near death. He wants their first time to be perfect for her. He also knows once he sees her naked body, he won't be able to hold back. He's wanted her for too long. 

He thinks of the YouTube videos he'd watched on massage and carefully runs his thumbs over the knots, kneading them gently at first. Her sharp gasps make him so upset. She needs professional help. He's going to have to talk to her doctor. 

At first he applies soft pressure, watching her muscles spasm. Then when he feels some loosening, he applies a bit more. She sucks in sharply. 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Just hang in there. I feel them loosening. After this, you need a hot bath."

"Join me." she whispers. 

He leans forward, placing a kiss on the back of her neck. 

"No and I told you why," he murmurs into her hair, still kneading at the knots, which are breaking down faster. 

One completely gives and she moans. Okay so, he didn't think this part through. 

"Tease," he whispers, sucking at her skin a bit. Just a bit, he tells himself. She moans again as another knot works loose. Hell, this is killing him. 

After he's done and the knots are gone, for now at least, she settles back against him, not pulling her shirt down in the back. Her bare back against his chest is heaven to her. 

She pulls his hands around to her belly under her shirt and sighs at his touch. 

"Rey…." he warns, voice deep. Holy shit, she moans again at the sound of her name reverberating through his chest. 

"I love you, Ben Solo. I've loved you since I first saw you. You are so beautiful. I can't wait to make love to you."

He growls into the skin of her shoulder and she giggles. Her hands run up and down his thighs and through his thin sleep pants, it feels like fire. 

She settles her hands on top of his, still under her shirt. Her thumbs rub against the underside of her breasts and she sighs and smiles.

"What are you doing, Reyna Johnson?"

"Who, me? Nothing. Just feeling my boyfriend hold me."

He is nuzzling her with his nose and mouth, right where her neck and shoulder meet. 

When he hears her declaration, his face flies up and he grips her abdomen with both hands. 

"What?" he asks. 

"What?" she asks.

"Rey….you know what….." he says, a warning in his voice at her teasing. The woman plays games she can't win. Or maybe she can win. He's fine with either outcome. 

"Ben, you heard me."

"You want me to be your boyfriend? You want to be official? With me?"

She slides to the left a bit, the feeling of his bare chest on her back enough to drive her insane. She turns her head up to look at his face.

"With….you," she whispers and kisses him lightly on the lips, "always with you, Mr. Solo."

Her light, sweet kisses are so loving. No one has ever just kissed him tenderly, like he's special. Like they wanted to take care of him. Yet she does. She kisses him like that. Like she cherishes him. He loves it. 

But now, with her skin on his chest and his hands and her lips grazing gently over his, he needs more. He needs her in ways he's never needed anything else. 

He dives into her mouth, hungry and ravenous. He's been told he's too rough, that his kisses are too overwhelming. 

But somehow, after watching this feisty, passion filled woman for a year, he knows she can handle him. And she does. 

She goes at him just as hungrily and he's surprised. This woman is fierce. Strong. Full of fire. Her hand slips up into his hair as she moans into his mouth and he can't stop himself from pressing his hips into her backside. She gasps. 

"Touch me, Ben. I need you to touch me."

He's never been so turned on in his life as he is hearing those words. 

"Rey," he moans, "it's too soon."

"Ben, you've teased me until I'm about to combust, please, just do what I need you to do. What only you can do to me."

This is exactly what his dreams have consisted of. What his activities in the shower were set to in his mind. His fantasizing mind.

His hand travels down, he's actually shaking like some teenage boy. His fingertips slide under her waistband and he immediately encounters her damp curls. She's not wearing panties. 

A low growl leaves his throat, chasing into her mouth. She smiles just a bit then gently bites his bottom lip. 

Then, as he cups her mound, her wet heat seeps into his palm and he tries so hard not to thrust up into her backside. 

"Damn baby...you are so soft," he whispers. 

"Call me that again," she moans and rolls her hips into his hand. 

"Baby…." he groans into her ear.

"Call me that forever," she whispers. 

"It's all I've ever wanted to call you. Baby, sweetheart, _mine._ "

"I'm going to lose my mind if you don't get your fingers inside of me, Ben."

He wants to grab at her core with a ferocious energy, thrust his fingers into her. But he doesn't. Rey deserves tenderness. She deserves for him to be gentle. 

She truly doesn't realize how much he is capable of. How much he wants to take her, devour her, _consume_ her. He knows he is a rough lover. But he doesn't want that. Not yet. He wants to be burnt slowly by her body. 

There aren't enough words to tell her how much he loves her. He'd tried at the hospital.

There aren't enough gifts he can give her to show her. He's got plenty of money and he'll make sure she never goes without. He cannot wait to shower her with jewels and clothes and whatever else he deems that she needs. But that's still not enough. 

But this. This is how. 

Yes, he's fucked women. Now he wishes this was the only woman who has ever touched him. He wishes he'd never been with anyone but her. 

He's never understood "making love". Until Rey. 

He wants to worship her. He wants to learn every inch of her with every inch of himself. He wants to map her body with his hands and his tongue and his teeth.

He wants to know what happens when he kisses the insides of her elbows. He wants to see what happens when he nuzzles her sides with his face. He wants to know where she's ticklish and if she wants her toes sucked. 

He's never wanted to do that. Until Rey. 

He continues to knead at her flesh between her thighs until she's whining his name. This brings a wickedness from him. 

"Am I torturing you?" he whispers into her ear, tracing its shell with his tongue. 

"Ben…." she says long and high pitched. 

He grins wickedly against her neck, sucking and biting lightly. 

"So wet…" 

"For you, Ben. Just for you. This is what you do to me," she moans. 

His finger parts her folds and the act makes both of them groan. He enters her with just one finger. She throws her head back and between her tightness and her heat and her face, he thinks he's dreaming. 

He hopes he never wakes up. 

His thumb finds her swollen nub and he circles it, slowly, searching for that pattern, that spot that makes her keen. He just watches her face. As soon as he hits it, her hips thrust forward and he's there, learning her. Just like he's wanted to do for way, way too long. He circles again, lifting his finger at the same time, feeling for that place where she will melt. He knows by the loud gasp and gush of wet heat that he's found it. 

"You like that?" he whispers. His voice is almost her undoing. She just nods, unable to speak. 

She's never felt like this. She doesn't know if he's just really experienced or if she's just really turned on by him. Maybe they are just made for each other, made to please each other. 

He is reaching spots inside her that she didn't know existed. She thought she was ready for this, ready for him but she can see now that this is way more than she'd ever imagined. He strokes a spot in her while simultaneously circling a spot just to the left of her clit and something in her is building, climbing. 

She wants to chant his name but she can't even breathe. 

He's never been so turned on. This is Rey. He's known she is sexy as hell but right now, right now she's _exquisite._ A goddess in his arms, her mouth open, her head back and her body melded against his. From time to time she moves her hips and her ass rubs against him. He wants so desperately to move, to be inside of her but this isn't about what he wants. This is about her. 

"Am I hurting you?" he asks, purring in her ear, deep in his throat. 

"Nonono..feels..feels good..BenBenBen…"

"Look at you Rey...you are so sexy...damn baby you drive me insane…I love you…"

He slides his finger out and her walls clench at him, begging him back. He then slips in two fingers and she thrusts again. And again. She's almost there, he can feel it. 

"Come for me, Rey. Relax and let go. Let me see you fall apart"

"I can't…"

"Yes you can….just relax...don't think about it...just feel my hand…come on my fingers…"

"I've….never...I've never been able to…"

He has two reactions. 

One, what does she mean she's never been able to? 

Two, oh holy hell, he gets to be the first man to make her come. That thought alone almost pushes him over the edge. Cause he feels her walls clenching on his fingers. He feels her body going there. It's just getting her mind to join it. 

"Rey, baby girl, you are going to come. Do you feel it? I do. Just don't think about it. Think about me. Think about what my voice does to you."

He then slides his hand up and wraps it around her breast, feeling the weight of it in his hand. He's dreamed of her breasts and they feel even better than he knew they would. He rolls his fingers around her nipple. She gasps again. 

"I love your tits Rey. I wanted to do this for so long. Play with them. They are perfect. I bet this nipple will taste so good on my tongue."

That's it. She's gone. 

She screams his name, her nails digging into his thighs, her wetness coating his hand. 

Her entire body is on fire and she _keens_. She feels inside as her muscles involuntary spasm around his fingers. She gasps then she cannot breathe. She feels like she's exploding. Like a volcano.

"Damn Rey…." he whispers, trying not to thrust into her, trying to remember this is about her, not himself. He brings her down, devouring her neck. 

That was the most unbelievable experience of her life. Nothing, no one has ever made her feel like this. His voice was her undoing.

"You and that damn voice of yours, Ben Solo…" she pants out the words. She can't stop herself. She turns, climbing into his lap, her thighs on either side of his hips. She kisses him wildly, groaning into his mouth. She grinds into him, unable to think, unable to reason. She just needs him. She's needed him for so long. 

"I love you…." she chants, feeling his length against her. 

She's climbing again, her clit already over sensitive. He grips her ass, biting her neck. 

"I love you too Rey my God baby you are so much. So so much."

"I'm close, Ben…."

"Keep going, I've got you. I'll always have you."

They both come at the same time. 

He isn't even a little embarrassed as she throws him over the edge and he shouts her name, his eyes locked into hers. 

He's never seen a hotter view in his life. Completely erotic and fiery. Passion like he's never experienced. 

She falls against him, her face hidden in his neck. He's sweating and she loves it. She made him sweat. He's breathing heavy and she did that. 

Her arms circle around to his back and he holds her as they both come down. 

"You okay?" he asks gently. 

She smiles. He's so good to her. 

"Mmm-hmm, you?"

"Never been better…."

"Wow," she says. 

"Yeah, wow," he agrees, "I love you Rey."

"I love you too, can I just stay like this?"

"Well, I promise I'll never say no to holding you again if you promise to never make me come in my pants again."

She sits up quickly, her hands over her mouth. 

"You did?" 

"Yes, Rey, I did. It's not something a guy likes to talk about, okay? But I need to go clean up."

"Why not?"

"I should've been able to hold back."

"But you couldn't, why not?"

He sighs, trying not to get flustered by her innocent questions. He's beginning to wonder how experienced she is. That's a conversation for another time, though. 

"You felt too damn good, that's why."

She grins, proud of her accomplishment.

"Then I'm glad you came, I'm glad I made you feel like you made me feel."

He smiles and kisses the tip of her nose.

"Oh, woman, you are going to be the death of me…."

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so that happened.
> 
> I don't pretend to be great at writing smut so if this didn't meet your expectations, hang in there. They'll get there.
> 
> I wrote the muscle spasms based on my own experience. I have a bulging disc in my lower back. The disc isn't as painful as the knots that form around it. My gorgeous chiropractor explained that the muscles try to stabilize the disc by locking up around it, forming the knots. Damn it hurts. 
> 
> I'd like to order one Ben Solo and his sinful hands to massage the knots away 🤣🙌👐


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello my precious readers!
> 
> Sorry it's been so long. On a good note, I've written up to chapter 35 and I'm working on chapter 36. So I'll be posting more frequently. Christmas kicked my ass. I'm still tired a week later. 
> 
> In this chapter, Rey reveals to Ben that Hux was pretty awful to her in bed. No non-con because then I'd have to write a "Ben kills Hux slowly" chapter. 
> 
> Then, because I needed to give my baby girl some sweet fluff after that heavy conversation, Finn shows Rey just how Ben feels about her.

Their explorations of each other grow from one day to the next, as long as her body is capable. They stay clothed, both trying to overcome their past experiences. 

The past needs to die but somehow, it always comes back to haunt them. 

Rey is beginning to suspect that there is some reason why Ben is hesitant to make love to her. 

Ben is noticing how Rey seems to be very limited in the knowledge of her own body. 

He had longed to have his hands on her most vulnerable of areas but now that he's had that, it's only fueled his desire for more.

She's extremely shy in some ways yet very wanton in others. He's very ready yet very nervous. 

All in all, they are literally a hot mess. 

The "I love you's" come easily now. The laughter and touching do also. They don't just spend time making out though. Their days consist of Rey's continued healing but also just spending time getting to know each other better. On the weekends, their friends and family visit. However, the weekdays are just for them. 

Rey loves to eat and Ben is more than willing to accompany this hobby of hers. At first they eat out but then he senses that she enjoys watching him cook. She asks questions and he decides to teach her how to make a lasagna. Rey loves italian food. That then led to all sorts of dishes. 

One of the best days was when she'd surprised him with chicken fettuccine alfredo. She beamed as he tried it. 

"Wow, this is good, sweetheart," he told her. 

"I know! Did I surprise you?"

He gathered her in his arms, feeding her a mouthful off of his fork, then kissing her neck and shoulders as she chewed. 

"No, I think you can do just about anything you set your mind to, Rey."

She giggled as she fed him. Who knew a meal could be consumed while making out?

They talk for hours about everything. Even their past criminal lives. Ben is very open about his mistakes. Rey is very open about life as Kira. 

However, their past relationships are a sensitive topic. Ben doesn't dare bring up Hux. Rey doesn't really want to know about Bazine. So they simply avoid it. 

However, one night during a particularly steamy make out session, she flinched away from him when he tried to rub his groin into her ass. She'd bent over, teasing him. He grabbed her from behind and lightly thrusted. She stood quickly and bolted from him, turning pale. 

"Rey?" he asked, surprised and worried. He'd never have done that if he didn't think she'd like it. Her ass is a particular weakness of his. 

Her voice was shaking as she spoke, "Please don't do that, Ben."

"Okay, I won't," he responded cautiously. 

"Thank you," she answered weakly and retreated to the shower, locking the door. 

He gave her space but it was becoming clear that something had happened. Someone had scared her. He had a suspicion who it was and he steadily felt Kylo wanting to rear his head and rip apart a certain ex-boyfriend. 

A few hours later after a too-quiet meal of homemade pizza, they laid in bed. The lights were out but she wasn't as relaxed against him as she usually was. 

He dared to speak. 

"Rey?" he asked in a whisper. 

"Hmm?"

"You can tell me anything, okay? Just know that. I'll never do anything that you don't want. You control our sex life. Our future sex life. I just wanted to tell you that."

He hears sniffling and it both breaks him and scares him. What happened to her?

"You...you scare me, Ben…"

"Hey," he rolls her over and presses his forehead against hers, "Rey, please, talk to me. Please."

She nods and sniffs some more. He feels her opening up to him and he waits on baited breath. 

"He...he was too...he is a strong guy. He…"

Ben had tried to control himself but his internal organs are shaking. 

"Rey, did he...force you?"

Ben swears to every God he's ever heard of that if she answers yes, there will be no sign that Armitage Hux ever existed. Ben still has connections. 

"No, no Ben. He didn't rape me. He was just, he was rough. I didn't like it. The whole…"

She stops, embarrassed to continue. Ben is a man and he guesses. 

"He took you from behind and was too rough…"

"Yeah…"

Ben has a moment of relief that at least it wasn't non-consensual but it's replaced with anger. What the fuck was wrong with this dude? All Ben wants is to please Rey. Her consent is what he fantasizes about, her pleasure is all consuming for him. All Ben wants is to make love to her, watch her come apart, come undone from his touch. He burns to bring her pleasure. 

"I'll never, ever do anything that you don't want, Rey. I swear it. I mean it, you control me, us, everything. When I make love to you, all I want is to make you feel good."

She nuzzles into him and settles. He feels her breathing return to normal. She sighs a contented sigh and murmurs into his skin a sweet soft word.

"Okay."

He realizes that her trusting him is the best feeling he's ever experienced. He decides then and there and his sole purpose in life is to love her. Protect her. Take care of her. 

He's never felt so needed. 

She's never felt so safe.

_______________________________

"Oh Finn, it's perfect," she tells her brother as she looks into the box. The ring glistens in the light, the stone not a diamond but a light blue topaz. It's set into an antique band, swirls of rose gold encircling smaller stones. 

"You think she will like it?" 

"It's perfectly her," Rey assures him. Finn seems to breathe easier with his sister's approval. He had traveled to Colorado just to show her. Rose is in the kitchen with Ben, helping him cook dinner. 

"When?" Rey asks, so anxious. Of course, she'll keep it a secret but still, waiting is something she's losing patience for. 

"The picture Ben posted on Instagram gave me an idea," he tells her. 

"Picture? Of what?"

"Of you with the butterfly."

Rey looks at him in surprise.

"Ben posted a picture of me at the butterfly pavilion? I didn't even know he took a picture. Ben doesn't take pictures."

Finn slips his phone from his pocket and taps on it. He holds it up for her to see. 

The picture is of Rey from the side, a blue butterfly perched on her wrist.

She'd managed to slowly move her hand to her face and she's basically nose to wing with it. Her face is scrunched up in pure joy. Her smile is radiant. 

Under the picture are the words he'd posted. 

"My sweet girl is so captivated by nature. I'm the luckiest bastard ever. Isn't she gorgeous?"

Rey covers her mouth with her hand, speaking through her fingers. 

"I didn't even know he had an instagram," she tells her brother. 

Rey doesn't really do social media. She finds it too intrusive. She swipes down at Finn's phone and sees another picture of her. This time she's looking out the front window of the house at the falling snow. 

"She's so strong, I've never been so scared as I was on December 19th when she was missing. She's my miracle. Thank you all for praying. She's doing great. And yes, you nosy people, we are together. She's the love of my life."

She keeps scrolling and arrives at the post he'd uploaded on December 21st. Rey was still unconscious at that point. 

It was a picture of his hand holding hers. Just their hands.

"She's alive. For those that heard, my secretary Rey was declared missing in the mountains of Colorado two days ago. She was on a trip with her brother and her best friend. She slipped down a hill and hit her head. The snow covered her and she was left buried for several hours. Right now she is being kept under because of a brain bleed. Anyone who knows me knows how much she means to me. I'm usually a very private guy but right now, none of that matters. I need everyone to be praying for Rey. She's such an amazing person. She takes such good care of me and I simply cannot imagine life without her, not just as my secretary but as someone who has become my closest friend and the light of my life. Please pray for her healing."

The next post down is a shared post. Finn had uploaded a selfie of himself and Rey. In it, he explained what was going on, that Rey was missing. Ben had shared it. Under it he'd commented his own words. 

"Please pray. This is my secretary and frankly, my sole reason for living. I've never been this scared."

Rey is now crying, her hand still over her mouth. She knew he'd been afraid but seeing his words from that day and then his words a few days later, it just broke her. 

Seeing his posts since then, realizing he'd been sneaking pictures of her and then bragging about her, it made her smile through her tears. 

"Finn," she whispered. 

"Yeah, he is smitten, Rey."

Rey turns and bolts from the room, running down the hall. Ben is setting the table and his eyes shoot up at the sound of her bare feet slapping the floor. His eyes go wide at the sight of her. 

Rey flings herself at him and he catches her. Her legs wrap around him and she kisses him full on the lips. His hands hold her waist and he laughs out loud between her kisses. 

"Rey, what in the…." he says, his eyes darting towards Finn and Rose. Of course, Rose is belly laughing but poor Finn is now blushing furiously. 

"I….kiss….love….kiss….you….kiss," she tells him, covering his cheeks, nose, lips and chin with her kisses.

"I love you too, sweetheart but to what do I owe this amazing public display of affection?"

"Instagram," Finn says, covering his eyes with one hand. That just makes Rose laugh even louder. 

"Maybe we should...um...Rose, hun? I think we need to finish unpacking, don't you?"

Rose is beaming as her boyfriend drags her out by one hand. 

Now Ben can move his hands further down to cup her ass and kiss her soundly on the mouth. Finally they come up for air.

"Well, hell, if I would've known a simple Instagram post would get me all this, I would've done it a year ago."

Rey throws her head back in a loud laugh that brings a huge smile to Ben's face. 

"Yeah," she says, shifting her weight against him, making him groan in want, "that probably would've moved things along faster, you big romantic oaf."

He sits her on the edge of the counter, sliding his hands up inside the back of her shirt and pulling her close. She settles her cheek against his chest so she can listen to the deep steady thumping of his heart. Her fingers gripping his biceps, feeling his strength. Armitage's muscles intimidated her but for some reason, Ben's make her feel safe. They also light her on fire. 

"I thought," he says, his chin resting on her head as he traces her skin with his fingers, "I still think you are too good for me. You are so...good. I'm so fucked up."

She sits back, taking his face in her hands.

"Hey, don't talk about my Ben that way. He's not fucked up. He's mine. Scars and all."

To her surprise, a single tear descends his cheek. She kisses it away, savoring the saltiness of it. Just a bit of his pain that she can consume for him. He gasps then whispers. 

"My Rey….my sunbeam…" 

These words bring a tear down her cheek. 

"My Ben….my strength…."


	31. Chapter 31

A week later, Rey has her follow-up appointment. 

"Much better, much much better, Rey," Doctor Kanata tells her. Ben squeezes her hand, happy for her but also in relief of his own. It was really a miracle that she was okay. She'd had some frostbite but it had healed nicely. It seemed like she was coming out of this no worse for wear. 

His strong girl. 

He meant what he'd said on Instagram, she really is his miracle, in so many ways.

It was sad that it had taken such a horrible event to force him to tell her the truth, that he was in love with her. Looking back, he didn't know what scared him more, the thought that he'd lost her or the thought that she'd been all alone in the cold, not knowing how much he loved her. 

These thoughts make him shaky and he wants to just hold her, reassure himself that she really is okay. Being that they are currently in a doctor's office, the best he can do is wrap one arm around her shoulder and place a gentle kiss on her temple. She looks up at him in concern. Her arm slips around his back, gripping his waist firmly in returned affection. 

"Ben?" she says, a nervous look in her eyes, "do you mind if I speak with the doctor...um...alone?"

Ben snaps out of his thoughts.

"Hmm? Oh...yeah sure...you alright?"

Her face blushes just a bit and she nods, biting her bottom lip. 

"Yeah, it's just...I just have a quick question.."

He pulls away from her and looks at her, trying not to be concerned. She has every right to speak with the doctor alone about her health. 

"I'll be out front, okay?" 

She nods again and he walks out. She looks back to the Doctor. He had been nothing but doteful and caring with her. She'd been lucky to have a Doctor that not only worked in ICU a few days a week but had a private practice. He'd taken care of her from the moment she'd arrived in ICU up until now. He'd also taken care of Finn's minor injuries that he'd sustained searching for Rey. He will always be close to her heart and she'll miss him. 

"What's up, Rey?" he asked in his casual funny way. 

"I just...umm...I have a question...do you think I'm recovered enough for...sex?"

Doctor Kanata smiles, trying to reassure Rey in her shyness. 

"With him?" he asks, nodding towards the door. 

Rey blushes and nods. 

"Yes, Rey, you are cleared for sexual activity. Although, I'm just being blunt here because I feel like I can be with you. Ben's a strong guy. Tell him I said to take it slow, okay?"

Rey closes her eyes and smiles, feeling her face flush as she laughs. Yeah, Ben's a strong guy. Now she finds herself thinking of highly inappropriate scenarios with her boyfriend, which makes her feel like a teenager in front of the elderly man.

"Rey, I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable. This is what a doctor and patient can talk about. Sex is just a natural thing. I'm so glad you two are happy. I've never seen such a big guy so afraid as he was that day. He was terrified and then I realize there are feelings there that he had not made you aware of. The poor guy was a mess. I'm glad he came clean. You are happy?"

Rey beams, her eyes lighting up with her smile. 

"SO happy, Doc. He's amazing."

He writes her a prescription and shakes her hand, asking her to keep in touch. 

She approached Ben in the lobby, the still concerned look on his face. She feels his hand around her and leans into his embrace, propping her chin on his chest, looking up at him. 

"Ready?" she asks, "I need to run by a pharmacy."

He nods slowly, his brow furrowing at her.

"Okay," he says slowly, kissing her nose lightly, "are you sure you are alright?"

"Yes, Mr. Solo, I'm alright. Better than alright."

He narrows his eyes at her. He should've never told her that it turns him on when she calls him that. 

"Minx," he whispers, squeezing her hip firmly then smiling.

They returned one last time to their little cottage, the one where their relationship had finally begun. Ben has already spoken to the owners about reserving it next January and every January after that. He'll surprise Rey next Christmas with a return trip to celebrate their anniversary. 

He plans on being here with Rey every January for the rest of his life. 

He's even more sure of his plans as he watches her tear up as they lock the door. 

"I love this house," she says as he hugs her on the porch. 

"Me too," he tells her quietly. 

They are back in New York by that afternoon. Ben retrieves his car from the lot and he drives her to her place. Rey is uncharacteristically quiet and Ben darts side glances at her. Maybe she's just tired. 

Rey unlocks the door to her apartment, discovering that Finn isn't there. She's disappointed. She has missed her brother, even though she just saw him a week ago. 

"He is probably at the office," Ben tells her, setting her bags on her sofa. 

"Yeah, probably…."

"Hey," Ben says, turning her and lifting her face with his hand, "what's wrong? You are sad. I don't like it."

She buries her face in his chest.

"Thank you Ben, for everything," she says, her voice still sad. 

Now he smirks a bit, realizing that she's down about the fact that they will now be apart for the first time in weeks.

"I'm not leaving forever, you know. We have a date tonight, remember? You need to rest though."

She rubs her face into his shirt, using it to wipe her tears. He thinks it's cute. 

"It's just…."

He tilts her head up and she immediately kisses him. It's not a sweet kiss but full of heat and a little desperation. Her hands slide up inside his shirt, her nails digging into his skin. She's learning all the little things that Ben loves and her nails on his back is just one of those. He groans into her mouth. 

He knows there's something going on in that beautiful mind of hers. As much as he hates to end this very hot make out session, he's wondering what she's thinking. 

"What do you want, Rey?" he growls into her mouth as she rakes her claws slowly down his skin, "Talk. Tell me. You promised you wouldn't keep stuff from me."

Now she's on tiptoes as she bites his earlobe. Yet another one of his weaknesses. He grips her ass firmly.

"I'm not. It's just...I need you."

"Okay...umm...yeah..I need you too...ugh Rey...even more than you need me…."

Her tongue traces down the front of his throat and he squeezes her ass so tight she moans.

"Don't leave...stay..."

Ben really wants to scoop her up and take her to bed but Finn could come home at any moment. 

"I think maybe you are not thinking clearly….your brother…"

Then she pulls away from him, frustrated.

"Don't do that!!" she snaps, "Don't tell me what I'm thinking!"

He throws his hands up.

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry. Are you sure you aren't just upset at being alone here? Cause I can stay but I really don't want your brother finding us naked in your bed."

Then she smiles and gives him a look that tells him she knows he's right. Not that she will admit it out loud. 

"No, I don't want to be without you, even just a few hours. I'm used to you being with me all the time now."

She hugs him again, looking up at him with those puppy eyes he can't resist. 

"I'm sorry I yelled. I love you," she tells him.

"I love you too, Rey. It's hard for me too, you know. I want you to be mine. Be my wife and be there every morning and every night. Forever."

She looks at him in complete surprise.

"You want to marry me?"

He leans down until his forehead is pressed against hers. 

"Are you insane? It was literally the first thought I had when I laid eyes on you. I thought to myself, I want to marry this woman and fuck her everyday and impregnate her and then fuck her some more. Not because you are entirely fuckable, which you are but because you are sweet and kind and smart and funny."

Her voice comes out in a whisper. 

"But you said no to me."

He slides his hands up her back, around her neck and his fingers wrap around her face. 

"When? About what? I'm pretty sure I've never, ever said no to you about anything. I think it's literally impossible."

Then her spitfire eyes light up with green and she pulls back out of his arms.

"Ben Solo, you've had me in bed every night for weeks and you've yet to make love to me because you want to be honorable….."

"You were hurt!" he says, interrupting her. 

Her small fingers close over his mouth. 

"Can I say this? Please?" 

He nods.

"I swear if you don't take me to bed right now, I'm showing up at work Monday in my halloween costume, sans panties. I'm going to bend over with my naked ass in the air and water every plant in your office. Twice."

The image of her in that fucking costume and no panties was completely and totally his undoing. 

She watches his pupils dilate and his eyes become black as night. His face turns red as he grabs her waist, pushing her slowly towards the wall behind her. 

"Don't say shit like that, Reyna Johnson," he says in the deepest voice, one that makes the heat between her thighs almost unbearable, "One day you'll tease me and get exactly what you are asking for."

She keeps her chin held high, looking at him defiantly. She's never seen him like this. Predatory. Possessive. Like she's his prey. 

She loves it. She isn't afraid of this man. He's her protector. Her best friend and the love of her life. She is looking into this man who is looking at her like she's his prey and he's her hunter. It makes her feel loved, which is surprising to her. She knows that this is not just lust coming from Ben. This is his utter, complete desire for her. Not just her body...her soul.

Her former lover made her afraid when he'd get like this. Not this man though. 

This man loves her. She knows this. 

"I have been teasing you. What are you going to do about it?" she asks, biting her lip as her back hits the wall. She's pinned and never been so glad to be. She grins and he wraps one hand around her throat, gently. Yet with a passion that causes her core to ache. Hot wet heat pulses out from her, soaking her panties. 

"What do you want, Rey? Tell me."

She licks her lips and speaks with a confident, sexy voice that makes his cock twitch.

"I want you on top of me, inside of me, making me come and writhe and pant. I want to scream your name, Ben Solo, while you fuck me senseless and make me forget everything but you and us. I want you to take me away from everything but us. You, you, own me. So take me. Make me yours."

He presses her against the wall, releasing her throat. His eyes are dark as he plants his hands on each side of her head. He looks down at her, his chest heaving. 

"But Ben….." 

"What?" he growls, his lust almost out of control. 

"Only if you are ready. If you aren't, I'll wait...I'll wait forever for you…"

"I've only ever tried to respect you," he says, his voice softening. 

"You are the most respectful, most loving, most attentive, most romantic man I've ever known. You really do love me?"

Watching her flow from passionate woman to vulnerable girl weakens him, reeling in his hunger for a moment. His hand leaves her throat to cup her face. 

"More than anyone I've ever known. I wish I had never even touched any other woman but you. I want you, Rey. More than oxygen or food or water, I want you."

She nods, biting that bottom lip again. 

"But not yet?"

He kisses the tip of her nose. 

"Not until I can make love to you with no possible interruptions. I want to focus on you, worship you fully, like you deserve."

Then they proceed to make out for a good 15 minutes, until both of them are weak in the knees. After he leaves, kissing her on the nose once more before finally walking out, Rey literally has to go collapse on her bed, her mind and body drunk off of Ben Solo.

Rey immediately starts to make plans to seduce Ben tonight. She's waited long enough, dammit. 

Ben sits in his car for another 15 minutes. He's fighting the urge to go back inside and give her exactly what she wants. 

"FUCK!" 

Damn him and his integrity. 

Their date tonight is going to be, literally, painful. He still can't wait to see her again.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well...here...we...go....
> 
> I don't have a massive huge following like, say, my Reylo writing idol Perry Downing. That's okay. Those that have followed this, I've had the amazing chance to speak to a lot of you one on one. I love how you love this. I love how you support me. I love to be able to give to you this story that plays out in my head. 
> 
> I didn't mean to make you guys wait so long. I'm hoping that the prequel "Birthday Boy" made the wait more bearable. 
> 
> Anywho...
> 
> Our favorite little secretary is done with waiting. She wants her man and she wants all of him. Now that she's recovered, a plan is hatched. Except she doesn't know just how crazy she's making our favorite CEO. 
> 
> Let's see what happens....

He knows one thing for sure. 

He knows his girl and Rey Johnson is _up to no good._

Not that he's necessarily opposed to that. 

First off, she's dressed a bit interesting for dinner and a movie. 

Snow is falling as he arrives at her place to pick her up. She's beautiful, as always. Her hair is up high in a loose bun, curls framing her face, having escaped as usual. She's taken time on her makeup and is obviously very proud of herself. She is such a natural beauty and normally doesn't wear much makeup. He prefers her that way however he knows that sometimes a girl likes to go all out. Rey is wearing the diamond hoop earrings that he bought her. 

He wonders what is under the green coat that is tied very tightly around her small waist. 

She looks mischievous. He knows something is up. 

"Hello gorgeous," she practically purrs as she opens the door to him, smiling up at him. She kisses him slowly and he smells a new perfume. 

Yep, she's playing a game, bargaining her win a bit early. 

"You...kiss….are….kiss….being….kiss….. sneaky," he struggles to get out, being frankly assaulted between each word. By the last word, he's grinning so big he doesn't even care anymore. 

"I have no idea what you mean, Mr. Solo."

See, he used to hate it when she called him Mr. Solo. Now it's hot. There's an insinuation to her words, one he enjoys. 

She walks out past him and he's frozen, not by the cold but by the tone in her voice. Then he quickly darts around her and opens the passenger door. 

They arrive at their favorite restaurant, the Italian place where they once discussed their kinks. He realizes there's been no mention of a certain actor in quite some time. 

Interesting. 

As they enter, he removes her coat and almost has to go sit down. This is due to his knees almost giving out at the sight of what was under said coat. 

"Um….did you...uh....forget we are going to the movies after this?" 

She is wearing a black sweater dress that looks like it was custom made to fit her body. There are straps that leave her shoulders exposed. On her arms are long wraps that extend to her wrists. It's a simple design that hugs her in all the right places, _especially_ her ass. 

His weakness for her ass could be the thing that ends him. 

That and the fact that she's braless, again. He's not the only one that notices. A man walking by stares at her chest, hardened nipples standing straight at attention. Then Ben clears his throat and the man realizes he is, indeed, standing there. The man walks faster, leaving quickly. Rey doesn't seem to notice. 

On her feet, her beautiful feet are the sexiest shoes he's ever seen. How did he miss that earlier at her place?

Oh yeah, he was fantasizing about throwing her against a wall. 

Truly this woman messes with his focus.

Rey turns and stands on her tiptoes, even though she's in the tallest heels he's ever seen. She leans to his ear and whispers.

"I'm really not in the mood for a movie, Mr. Solo. However, I do have dessert back at your place. What do you say we do that instead?"

His eyebrows hit his hairline and he gulps, his Adam's apple bobbing up then down as his imagination goes crazy. Visions of chocolate sauce on her body come to mind.

Once again, she has him stammering. 

"D-dessert? How'd you get dessert to my place?" 

"I have my ways, Mr. Solo…."

The hostess tries to remove his coat. 

"No… no I'm good…..thanks though…"

Rey smiles a purely wicked smile. 

"Are you too cold to remove your coat, Ben?" 

His eyes narrow at her. She's obviously evil. 

"No, I'm not cold…."

"Hmmmm…..interesting…." she says and turns to follow the hostess to their usual table. 

In true Rey fashion, she sashays her ass all the way to the table, feeling his eyes on it the entire way. 

Obviously evil. 

"So, this dessert, what is it?" he whispers in her ear as he pulls out her chair.

"Hmm...not sure. I know there's chocolate sauce and strawberries involved."

He's so so very glad he's finally seated because he's actually in pain now. He shifts in his seat, trying to calm down his dick.

It isn't getting the memo. 

"You are wicked," he tells her. 

"Oh, you have no idea, Ben Solo," she says, sipping her wine and then licking her lips. 

He pretty much decides he's not eating. 

Rey eats slowly, choosing a cheesy dish and using her tongue way more than she needs to. 

He's dying.

It will be an honorable death. 

_____________________________

Chocolate covered strawberries. 

Some type of mousse swirled with chocolate in margarita glasses. 

Oh, that wicked girl clearly is up to no good. 

Watching juice from the strawberry dribble down her chin, her neck, between her breasts while she stares at him solidifies it. 

Rey licks the mousse slowly from the spoon, moaning about how good it is.

She's made up her mind. 

He's going down. Tonight. Hopefully on her. 

"Rey?" he asks.

"Hmmm?" she responds, licking her fingers clean from the mousse she dug out of the glass.

"I'm onto you," he says, voice a bit deeper.

"You're what? Into me?"

"Oh definitely into you, too."

"I'm just enjoying my dessert," she says innocently, "I've no idea what you mean, Mr. Solo."

She bites another strawberry and juice runs down her wrist. She almost licks it off and for some reason, that's his breaking point. 

He grabs her wrist with one hand and her waist with the other, pulling her with more roughness than he'd intended. 

The little squeak that leaves her only encourages him. He latches onto her wrist with his mouth, sucking hard. His eyes never leave hers. 

"Onto you, into you, maybe inside of you before this night is over," he says, licking up her palm and sucking chocolate off of her fingertips. 

"Hm, well, maybe after I finish my dessert," she purrs, looking bored, reaching around him for another strawberry. 

Next thing she knows, she's airborne, tossed over his shoulder in a fireman carry. 

"Ben! Benjamin! Put me down!"

"Nope," he says, climbing the stairs, her ass an inch from his face. He fights the urge to bite it. That'll come later. 

"Benjamin Organa Solo!!"

He's grinning from ear to ear. This is _fun._

"Reyna Kira Johnson….don't play with fire unless you want to get burned, sweetheart."

So she finally does the thing she's always wanted to do. She pops him on the ass. 

He only thought he was hard earlier. 

"See, that will really get you burned because if I return that, you won't sit down for a week."

This is happening. This is really happening, her thoughts scream at her. So, why not go all in?

She spanks him again and he growls. 

"Oh, this is _fun_ ," she says, giggling. 

He tosses her on the bed and she bounces. He's on top of her before she can blink. He's straddling her legs, bent over her, pinning her.

It's like being consumed by a lion as he puts his mouth on every square inch of bare skin he can reach. His hands are tangled in her hair, pulling and tugging. When he kisses her, one massive hand wraps around her throat. 

He has a thing for that, holding her throat. 

She loves it. She loves feeling owned by him. She owns him too. This she knows. 

He'll never hurt her. She knows this too. He is wild but one word from her and he'd stop. She's in control and she trusts him. He'll never push her. She's safe with him. 

He crawls off of her and she pouts. He smiles a crooked smile, standing. Pulling her to her feet, he turns them until his back is to the bed. 

  
  


He sits before her, spreading his knees until she's standing between them, facing him. His hands wrap around her waist and he spins her around. The fingers of one hand splay across her belly. The fingers of his other hand slowly lower her zipper. His lips and tongue follow down as he unzips slowly. Rey is anxious, wiggling her ass up against his chest. He pushes her forward, resuming his tongue's journey down her bare back. 

"Ben…" she pouts.

"Mmm-hmm...payback is a bitch…."

"Ben….hurry…"

"Oh no, sweet girl, you are going to get punished for every bit of teasing. Every time you bent over, every time you wiggled that ass, coming back to work in that leather outfit, that fucking bikini, no bra on Coney Island and especially for Halloween. By the time I'm done you are going to be begging for my cock. Just like I was begging you for a look my way."

The zipper reaches the bottom. He then works the tip of his tongue back up over her spine, standing and continuing to lick the back of her neck. His hands gripping her hips tightly. 

Finally, after Rey is full out whining, he slides the dress down her shoulders, dropping it to the floor. She's wearing only her heeled boots, black arm wraps and holy fuck, a black thong. 

He swallows and concentrates. His eyes stare at her bare ass but then he remembers she's been braless all evening. 

He asks a question he's held back for a year. 

"What is it with you and no bra?"

"I can get away with it because they are so tiny."

That won't do at all, he thinks. 

"I've had many, many thoughts on your tits and tiny has not been one. Perfect, beautiful, mine. I'm pretty sure I can fit my mouth around one."

That last sentence ruins her panties. Then she's worried again. 

"No one has really touched them. He ignored them."

"Ah, that's because he was an idiot. See?"

His hands go around her waist and then up, cupping her breasts. She melts, stumbling back. Ben sits again and she's in his lap, her back to his chest. He slides his thumbs over her nipples and she gasps loudly, her head falling back to his shoulder. 

"So sensitive. They fit perfectly in my hands. They aren't small Rey. They are yours. They are you. That's all I want. You. You're so responsive to me. Made for me. Rey, I love your tits. I could worship them all day."

Ben decides that her tits have been neglected long enough. He's ready to show her more of what her body is capable of. He catalogues each inch. He cups her breasts from underneath, feeling the slight weight in his hands. He traces his fingertips under each, bringing sounds from her that she never knew she could make just from breast play. He pinches her nipples, rolling them. Meanwhile, his mouth explores her neck, shoulders and back. 

He will learn her body. He'll spend the rest of his life if that's what it takes. 

"See, I think that, given enough exploration, you could come just from this."

"Ben…. please….."

"Please what?"

"I need more," she gets her point across by grinding her bare ass against his crotch. 

Focus, Solo. Tits first, ass later. 

"Oh, I plan to explore that part of you next but for now, shhhhh….I've dreamed about this for a year."

"You dreamed about my boobs?" 

"Like you wouldn't believe…."

"I hate them…."

He suddenly pushes her up and spins her to face him. 

He had some grand speech planned but then he is eye level with her breasts, seeing her bare for the first time. All that comes out of his mouth are syllables and vowels that do not go together. 

They are perfect. Perky and covered in freckles, a question finally answered. Her nipples are a dark brown and stand at attention, calling to him. 

"Uhhh...I...ummmm….." he mumbles incoherently. 

He finally gathers himself, tearing his eyes away to look up into hers.

"Did you see that? Did you see what happened to me, Rey? You underestimate yourself. I promise, you'll love your tits by the time I'm done. I swear it. I love them. Damn, baby. But first, here's what I love more…."

He places a tender kiss right above her left breast, nuzzling the skin with his nose. 

"Your heart. I love you Rey. I promise I'll do everything I can to make you happy."

He tilts his head up. His chest is flat against her belly, his throat pressed between her breasts as he looks up at her, vulnerable and open. 

Her hands smoothe back his hair as she looks down at his face. How does he go from sexy and possessive to puppy eyed and vulnerable so quickly?

"Rey, don't hurt me. Please. I couldn't survive it. Don't break my heart. Please."

She almost cries as she wraps her arms around his head. He turns his face to lay his cheek on her chest. 

"You are mine, Ben Solo. I'll do everything in my power to love you and protect you. Remember? I see you. I won't hurt you. If I do, I'll do everything I can to fix it. Just please don't ever leave me. I'll fight for you. I'll find you and I'll bring you back."

He pulls back and wraps his entire mouth around one breast. 

"Ben!" she gasps out loud. 

The small huffs and groans paired with her hands grasping at his hair and shirt bring pleasure to him. She owns him and hell or high water, he will make her realize that tonight. 

Holy fuck, he's about to make love to Rey. Right now. Tonight. 

Rey is spinning, falling, melting. She's his and she's never felt so good. Poems are written about mouths like his. His lips weave a spell over her breasts. She's never, ever had a man do so much to her tits. She didn't even know this was possible for her. He's right, she's very sensitive. Or maybe she's just very sensitive to his sin of a mouth. It's like he owns her breasts, the way he's consuming them.

She'll give up custody of them as long as he keeps doing that. 

His tongue circles her nipple then gently sucks. Her other breast is consumed by his hand. She never, ever knew a man with hands like his. He grips her, his palm caressing the bottom while he gently pinches her nipple. Then he switches and starts the process again. He's like a man obsessed. The growls and moans coming from him tell her that this isn't just for her but for him also. That thought, that he's so very turned on by what he's doing to her, edges her towards something she's only ever experienced with him. He's shown her what her body can do and he's showing her again. 

He's so hard, she can feel his length pressed against her thighs and she wants to straddle him. When she tries, he mumbles a "no" at her. 

He doesn't even need her to try to pleasure him. Her reaction to this is all he needs. Her skin in his mouth, the slight saltiness of her sweat combined with a taste that is just Rey, is enough, for now. The way her nipples grow and harden in his mouth, the way her blush intensifies down her chest, the sounds coming from her. She calls out his name in ways he's only dreamed of. He quickly realizes how much she responds to a quick swipe of his tongue to the underside of her breasts. 

Men, as a whole, are fools. Breasts don't have to be big to be magnificent. Beautiful. Erotic. Sensual. Every adjective he can think of to describe what is before him right now. He teases them, pushing up and then letting go, feeling them bounce. 

Then he thinks of how they will look as she hopefully, oh please, hopefully rides him. How they will bounce. He's got to up his game and make her come before he loses his mind. He attacks more viciously, knowing she can handle it. 

Something is happening. Heat grows between her legs as she begins to clench inside, her clit on fire. 

He knows. He feels it in her veins. He removes his mouth, swirling her nipple then he speaks in that lava voice of his. 

"Relax, sweetheart, give into it. Like I taught you before. Don't think," he tells her in that sinful voice of his.

Then his teeth are trapping her nipple as his fingers pinch the other. 

She's gone. She's flying. She's falling. She's shouting. She's begging him to stop yet when he tries she arches her breast back to his mouth. His name is a non stop string falling from her lips. Wetness slicks her inner thighs and this is the best orgasm she's ever had. Her knees give out and quicker than a flash, he pulls her onto his thighs. His mouth slides up her chest, up her throat and crashes into hers. 

Finally she descends from her climax and melts into him. A self satisfied cocky smile is pressed against her mouth as he mutters. 

"Told you so. Payback. That's for all those times you bent over my desk. That's for taunting me with your lace covered tits."

She'd fuss at his arrogance but damn if he's not wrong. He'd made her come simply from breast play. She knew that mouth had special powers. 

He holds her to his chest. He's got nothing but time. If it takes him days to worship her in every way, he's got nothing but time. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this just the beginning of their night?
> 
> You can bet Adam Driver's sweet ass it is!
> 
> Another update soon, I promise!


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness, I'm sorry for not updating. I'm trying to go back to work and start college. Plus I've been sick with IBS. 
> 
> Here is a smut chapter though!
> 
> I have to admit, I love this. I try very hard to write their thoughts and emotions as much as the physical act. I do love a good smut scene but I'm a hopeless romantic so I want to know what they are thinking and feeling. 
> 
> My sweet Ben finally gets his girl and my sweet Rey finally has good sex! She deserves it! Later on, we find out that Ben is realizing that he's also been lacking in his previous sexual encounters. Rey's fixing that though!

Rey stands, legs wobbly but mind determined. She's clad in nothing but her black armwraps, black lace thong and heels. 

"Damn," he breathes out, just watching her.

There are bite marks forming on her breasts and he's both ashamed at himself and proud. Claiming her body one section at a time is a thrilling feeling. 

"Shirt, off…." she commands and he obeys. 

"Yes, ma'am," he tells her and he notices her nipples harden. He files that away in his mind in the file called _Stuff that Turns Rey On._

He grabs the hem and yanks it over his head. The shirt lands somewhere, neither one caring where. 

With no forewarning, she pushes him backwards. He falls back with an umph, startled at her aggressiveness. She lies atop him, her chest pressed against his. This is definitely something he'd dreamed of, her bare breasts against his skin. He closes his eyes and savors. His hands land on her bare back as they kiss, tongues dueling. Then his hands venture down to her ass and he realizes he's touching bare skin. He breathes a sharp breath between clenched teeth. 

"Your ass is my wildest dream come true, Rey. Wear thongs every day from now on."

"I always do," she replies, wiggling it just a bit.

"I knew it," he hisses as he not only feels her soft full cheeks in his hands but her heat rubbing against his painful erection. 

Ben revels in the fact that finally, he has his Rey on him. Her weight is just enough to make him feel loved and heated beyond words. It's like he's never even touched another woman. Her lips are on his neck, her teeth nibbling on his collarbone. Her small yet seductive tongue tracing the muscles of his shoulders.

Suddenly, it's too much. He rolls, pinning her underneath himself. 

"I love you," he says, looking down into the 

kaleidoscope swirl of her eyes, brighter with green than he's ever seen them. 

"I love you, Ben," she says back at him, her hands capturing his hair. She kisses him again, slower this time. 

She pulls away, looking at him in a way he's never seen before. 

"Ben?"

"Yes, my love?"

"Make love to me."

He responds by sitting to his knees, looking at her. She's absolutely beautiful like this, skin flushed and lips swollen. He unbuttons his pants but before he can unzip them, she sits up and removes his hands. She's staring into his soul. She pushes him back and he stands, willing to obey her. She shimmies her panties off and kicks off her heels. She starts to remove the armbands. 

"Keep those on. I like them," he tells her. 

She's finally completely nude for him. All of her shyness is gone. 

He just stands there, staring, speechless. His eyes rove over her body, finally falling to the soft brown curls at the top of her thighs.

"Rey…."

She slowly, maybe now a bit nervous, opens her legs, bending at the knees. She's slick with wetness. For him. 

He becomes absolutely primal, not thinking, only claiming as he drops to his knees and grabs her hips. He wraps one thick arm around each thigh.

Rey feels like she's dying as his face disappears between her thighs. She shouts his name as he uses the flat of his tongue, swiping up her wetness. He holds his head up as he looks down at her, taking in the sight of her swollen lips. 

"So wet, so everything, for me?" He looks at her face, appearing awestruck. She sits up on her elbows.

"All for you, Ben. I've been wet so many times for you."

He dives in again, his eyes on her face. He wants to watch her. The tip of his tongue parts her, opening her to him. He runs it in circles around her clit until she's panting. Her body falls back down to the bed.

He slides his tongue back down and the tip slips inside. Her hips try to thrust but he holds her down, wanting to savor her.

Ben knew she was wild and wanton but he never imagined her to be so free with him. He _loves_ it. 

Even though he thinks in this moment he might actually die from this, his tongue thrusts inside the very core, the essence of his Rey, this exquisite creature who both broke him and rebuilt him. He wants to do this forever but if his cock is not inside of her soon he's going to spontaneously combust. Like those people who mysteriously burst into flames. 

He reminds himself this is about Rey. He will get what he needs later. He has a feeling Rey will fulfill every wish and fantasy he's ever had. That spurs him on, excitedly. 

While simultaneously holding her squirming hips down with his forearms, his thumbs spread her open, stroking that swollen nub that drives her insane. Oh how he loves a wild, moaning, gasping, blubbering Rey. He actually smiles at the incoherent sounds she's making. An occasional breathy "Ben" slips out and it's enough that he has to thrust into the side of the mattress lest the bursting into flames thing happens. 

She tastes...oh wow...there's no words for it. Just so _Rey._ He's caught this taste in her kiss and off of her skin but this is the full version. Yes, he's going insane. He's got to get her there quickly before he finishes too soon. 

Rey can't breathe as she takes long deep breaths. She can't speak as she babbles "Yes Ben there, oh God Ben". She can't think as a million thoughts of Ben tumble through her mind. She can't move as she squirms and twists and tries to arch her back. 

She's never ever even dreamed it would be this good. 

"Ben...I need…"

His mouth leaves her for just a second and that won't do. Then he speaks and it was so worth it. 

"I know baby, I feel it too…"

She begs and it's yet another fantasy fulfilled in the long list of Rey fantasies he's had. 

"Hurry Ben...pleasepleaseplease"

He has to deny his tongue the warm channel that is Rey but his lips get to suck at her clit so all's forgiven. Two of his fingers thrust inside of her and between the two actions, Rey is louder than he's ever heard her. 

It's amazing. 

In the back of his mind, the fear of hurting her seeps it's way to the front of his mind. 

He isn't a vain man by any means but he knows two fingers aren't enough to prepare her. 

Rey feels a third long thick finger work its way inside of her and she cries out. 

"Rey, I'm sorry…" he begs and he has his first doubt since this started. He goes to pull his fingers out and she actually shouts at him. 

"No! Ben! It's okay...please don't stop, please. I'm okay….I'm more than...Ben this is….I…. love….you…"

She's magnificent, he thinks. He knows. A sex goddess. He's decided this and they haven't even had sex yet. 

He continues, going slower, lapping at her clit and spreading her open with his fingers. 

She's seeing stars and white and it's painful but it's Ben. A deep flame starts building in her belly. 

Her walls clench around his fingers and he knows. Her wetness builds and he tastes it, knowing. She's almost there and he's riding this wave with her. He's discovered a spot to the right of her clit that everytime he hits it, she shouts his name. He focuses there, still pinning her down with one hand. 

She grasps at the hand holding her hips down, needing to _move_. He must realize because he shifts his hand from her belly to under her ass, lifting her slightly. That change in position is it. 

She screams, grabbing his hair, pulling and twisting it. Somewhere in her mind she recalls a fantasy of pulling his hair with his face between her legs and that sends her into a deeper orgasm. 

She never even knew her body could do this. He wanted to show her, teach her. 

Has he ever. 

She begins to fall back down from the best orgasm of her life and he crawls up her body like a panther. 

"ReyReyRey…." he finally says now that he can talk again. His mouth lands everywhere, devouring her. His elbows land on each side of her face. His hands comb the sweaty strands of hair back. 

"Hey…." he says, kissing her sweetly as she gasps like she's been running, "deep breaths, baby girl. Don't pass out on me yet."

Her quivering legs wrap around his hips and she grinds against him, his cock rubbing at her oversensitive clit. She shouts as he growls. 

"Maybe we should slow…"

That's the end of that sentence as she rolls into him again, slower this time. 

"Now Ben...please…"

He nods into her neck, powerless to her wishes. She owns him. He had revelled in the feeling of being in control of her. That's gone now eclipsed by the feeling of her controlling him. 

It's a game they play, exchanging control. One that he both loves to win and loves to lose. Right now he's losing and he's fine with that. 

"Touch me Rey, please…" 

She slides her hand between their sweaty bodies and grasps him. He's so very hot and hard, silky but like iron. She knows what he's asking of her, only because he can't stop shaking. She slides the tip of him against her entrance. 

He enters her. 

Months and months and moments and moments of pining and wishing and wanting accumulate to this moment. 

His eyes are burning into hers. She couldn't look away if she wanted to. She very much does not want to. The whiskey color of his irises is gone, replaced by black. 

Yet he's gentle, sweet, loving. Her gentle Ben. 

"I fucking love you…"

"I love you…"

It's more than physical. It is truly love making. He fills her slowly, watching her. She hisses. It hurts. A glorious burn as she stretches around him. She knew it would. 

Tears fall, sliding to her temples. He panics and starts to back out. 

"No!" she shouts, "don't leave me. Please Ben. Stay."

"I'm hurting you…"

"Just, be still…"

Her hand is still trapped between them and she works her way to her clit. She strokes and her muscles relax. 

Then her hips try to move but he's pinned her with his magnificent weight. 

"Move Ben….."

He still looks unsure so she shifts her mouth to his ear. 

"Ben, fuck me. Like you've always wanted to. I can handle you. Fuck me till I'm screaming "

Every nerve ending alights inside of him at her words. Holy fuck, she's so sexy and his. All his. She loves him like no one ever has. 

His hips move slowly and it's the single most difficult yet most exquisite moment of his life. He wants to piston into her but he knows that's not a good idea. That will come later. 

Her heat, oh her heat. She's so damn tight. She's soaked for him. All he can do is mumble. He's never been so consumed by a woman before. 

"Rey….Rey….so...tight…"

She is sure that he's filling her entire body, not just her pussy. He's consuming her, all muscle and yet he's so soft with her. However, she feels him holding back and that will not do. 

Her nails grip the skin of his back as she bites at his neck, whispering filthy praises to him. That she's wanted him for so long. That no one has ever made her feel like he does. She tells him exactly what she thinks of his body. 

"I love how you fill inside of me, Ben Solo. Make me scream. Make me come on your cock."

He cannot believe how his sweet girl talks to him, all filthy and unrestrained. He spirals into a mindset that no other woman has ever brought him to. 

Then he feels both of her hands grip his ass and he's gone. He cannot hold back. He cannot think. He can only feel. 

She feels him snap and it's the single sexiest moment of her life. He growls as he loses control. One hand grips her throat, not squeezing but holding her head still. His other hand wraps around her hip as his arm wraps around her back. He won't let her look away as his forehead presses against hers.

"Look at me, Rey. Let me see your eyes. I need them."

He's absolutely feral and she absolutely loves it. She's never wanted anything more than to be possessed by him. She trusts him. 

He reaches spots inside of her she never knew existed. He goes deeper and harder with each thrust. The feel of his weight on her, his body heat burning her, his breath ragged against her lips, all of it accumulates in her. Her body reaches heights she never knew were possible. 

It wasn't just one thing that sent her higher. It was all of it. Not just the physical act but the binding together of two souls. Like they are two that are one. He is hers and she is his. 

This gorgeous man is hers and he's inside of her, putting everything he is into pleasing her. 

As she realizes this man is hers, her body is on fire, inside and out. 

"BenBenBenBenBen…." 

"Damn Rey, damn baby, so good, so fucking good…"

Then she falls again, her nails digging into his skin. Her entire body wraps around him. Her legs wrap around his waist, her arms around his back. Her head is lifted until her mouth bites a sensitive spot on his neck. Then she's screaming his name as her entire body arches up into his, flinging her head back. She comes with a force she never knew possible. 

She's coming. She's coming on his cock and he's flying and falling at the same time. 

With every thrust of his hips he gives himself to her. His love he gives her. He worships her with every roll of his hips, filling her. 

"That's it Rey. Give it to me. You come so fucking good, baby"

He feels her muscles clamp down, almost pushing him out then pulling him in deeper. Hot wet heat gushes from her and he cannot stop himself from filling her completely. 

He shouts her name, burying deeper then pulling back, only to thrust back inside of her again and again. 

He comes inside of her, chanting and mumbling and groaning. He almost collapses on her but manages to stay above her. His entire body is shaking. She is running kisses along his shoulder and neck, tracing patterns on his back with a gentleness he's never experienced. Most women are in a hurry for him to remove himself from them. Most women are caught up in their own self gratification. Ben is torn. He so badly wants Rey to just enjoy but his soul needs this, her love and attention. He is in awe of her. 

He goes to pull out.

"No, don't leave me. Don't leave me, Ben. I need you…"

"I'm here...I'm not leaving you…"

He once again tries to move. She wraps herself around him. His face is buried in her neck. He just breathes her in, tasting her skin, savoring the sweaty salty flavor of her. 

"You make me safe...you keep me safe Ben…stay….stay here…."

"I am here…."

He feels wetness hit his cheek. She's crying. He lifts his head and looks down at her beautiful face. 

"Rey…baby…."

She has her eyes closed tightly but tears still escape. He kisses them away. 

"Nothing...Ben...nobody...has ever made me feel safe…"

He's confused. Of course she's safe. He's covering her completely with his body. 

"Rey, talk to me…."

She finally opens her eyes and then she smiles. Her eyes shine with her smile and she kisses him tenderly, still caressing his back. 

"You are amazing. You are so good to me. You love me…."

"More than life itself, Rey…."

"I like you here…"

She pulls him down until he's laying flat against her, his weight pressing on her. 

"I'm too heavy, Rey."

She looks at him with a fire in her eye. 

"Not for me. You aren't too heavy. I can handle it."

"Oh yes, you certainly pointed that out earlier and you certainly can. I'm not….too much?" 

Her kisses float over his cheeks and nose and mouth. 

"Not for me. I think I was made to handle you."

So he stays, lazily kissing her mouth and face and neck until finally she is ready for him to move. He rolls, taking her with him. They lay face to face, just one lover watching the other, speechless, until they both fall asleep. 

The night held many other sessions of love making, always him on top. She seemed to have a fetish for having this strong, muscular man covering her. She's never felt so cherished in her life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The moodboard is not wanting to upload, dammit. It's nice too. Lol
> 
> I'll try again later. 
> 
> So....what did you think?


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let the smuff continue! Our babies have a lot of time to make up for and a whole weekend to themselves!

He woke slowly, wondering how his muscles could ache in a way that a strenuous work out never caused. 

His first thought though was softness. Something is soft. Something soft is covering him. 

Wetness. There. In the best place a man can feel damp, wet heat. 

Hands on his biceps, caressing and massaging.

Lips on his neck, trailing slow kisses. 

A soft giggle. One that resounds like a melody. 

Lastly, a fragrance filling his senses. Lavender and chamomile. Then it tickles his nose. 

His eyes open to the best sight he's ever seen in his pitiful life. A beautifully naked, giggling lavender and chamomile scented woman draped over his entire body. Not just any woman. 

Rey. His Rey. This spark of light that floated into his life a year ago this very week and turned his world upside down. 

She's pressed against him, her thighs settled on each side of his hips. He can feel her nipples harden against his chest. She's replacing the love marks she'd left on his neck with all new ones. 

She's quite proud of herself too. 

Every sexual experience he's ever had is now fully gone from his memory. This, this is the sexiest moment of his life. 

"Pinning me down, I see?" 

"Mmm-hmm," is her answer, coming mumbled from his neck, where her face is buried. Another giggle escapes her lips. 

"What are your plans, sweet girl?" he asks her. He tries to wrap his arms around her but her small hands make an effort to keep him still. He obliges, sensing that it's his turn to be submissive. Oh and he cannot wait to submit to this glorious creature. 

Her hips roll. His cock is trapped between the lips of her sex, ensconced in her wet heat. A guttural sound comes from deep in his chest. He cannot stop himself from thrusting up at her, chasing this new high he can only experience with her. 

"Nuh-uh, gotta be still, Mr. Solo," she says, sliding his arms up, as far as she can reach. Her face is now above his, her eyes focused on his. Her hair covers them like a curtain. 

She looks to the right, then the left, at his arms. 

"Holy fuck, Ben, your arms gave me wet dreams, do you know that? I never even knew arm kink existed until you. I bet you could lift me above you."

It is taking every bit of his self control just to lay there. 

"You mean like Johnny lifts Baby?"

She gets very, very excited, bouncing. That in turn rubs her against his cock again plus causes her naked tits to jiggle. 

His mind is going numb. If she doesn't escalate this, he might go crazy. 

"Yes!!! We could do that!"

"Rey…." he warns. 

"Do you think you could do that?" 

"Rey…." he warns again. 

Then she sits up and shifts to get more comfortable. He's in pain now, wanting her. Her hands slide all over his chest and he simply cannot take his eyes off of her boobs. Until his eyes slide down to the sight of her pressed against him. 

"Did you like last night?" she asks innocently, like she's asking about the weather. Her eyes are on his abdomen as she traces the muscles with one finger. Then her eyes meet his and there's a sparkle there. 

Oh she plays innocent but she is obviously evil. Beautifully evil. 

"Rey… " he growls one last time. She must know her time is running out playing with fire. She's about to get scorched. 

"Oh? Did you forget last night? Here, I'll remind you…."

She lifts up, her hands pressing into his stomach and then she sinks down, enveloping him inside of her. His back arches and his head is thrown back as he hisses out loud. 

Evil. She is evil. He loves it. 

This is not sweet, loving Rey. This is wild Rey, passionate for this man that she's fantasized about for a year. This is a lover unleashed. 

She rides him until he thinks he's dying some glorious death. He uses all of his control to just watch, taking her in as she consumes him. Her head is thrown back and her eyes roll. 

She thought she wanted his hands still but now she needs them all over her. One look at her face as her eyes glance at them tells him that. Then he cannot stop touching her. His hands grip her hips violently. They slide up to her breasts, caressing them. They slide back down to her ass, squeezing. 

He cannot believe his wildest dreams are finally happening. He'd spent many a night picturing her like this as he took care of his carnal needs. This gorgeous woman on top of him. She is as full of fire as he'd imagined she would be. Actually, even more so. She's simply the sexiest woman he's ever seen. 

She's his. He'll do whatever he must to keep her. He cannot fathom a life without her. 

His body cannot hold back and he needs to see her come. It's like a drug. He's addicted. 

His hands move around to the damp curls covering her. He parts her with his thumbs and strokes at her clit in slow circles, feeling her build in intensity. Then he speeds up the process, not because he wants it over but because he has to feel her fall off that cliff with him. 

"Ben, I'm gonna come…"

"Let me watch you, give it to me, Rey…"

"Ben! I'm coming…"

"Rey...damn baby…"

He can't hold back and he grabs her, pulling her down to him. His knees move up and he grabs her hips, thrusting into her. Some part of him revels in being too rough with her. Another part knows it's too much. The first part wins. She screams into his neck and he slows. That must not please her because she hisses. 

"Faster….Harder...Ben don't stop…"

She doesn't have to ask twice and he fucks her harder than he ever has. He feels blood come from where her nails dig into his shoulders and that only encourages him, knowing she's marking him. He'll proudly wear any scar she gives him.

"Damn, Rey. Damn baby…"

His cock empties inside of her and that deep ancient part of his masculine brain loves that she's filled with him. Some strange part of him halfway hopes his seed plants in her womb. 

He cannot wait to get her pregnant. One day. 

She's gasping for air and for a moment he panics. He then realizes she's descending from her own high. 

There's that inner caveman again, proud that he took her breath away. 

She reduces him to nothing but a blubbering, proud caveman. He smiles against her hair, tempted to grunt. 

She's limp. He loves it. He did that. Wore her out. 

Right before he falls back to sleep, he wonders how the hell he ever lived before her. Truth be told, he didn't. 

He loves this woman.

_____________________________

She smells bacon. 

She also feels an empty space next to her.

Bacon, good. No Ben as she wakes, not good. 

But she supposes a man must eat. 

Entering the kitchen she finds him in his underwear, cooking. A man cooking for her. 

Now that's a turn on. 

She walks up behind him, sliding her arms around him. 

"Well hello," he says. He continues cooking while she places kisses on his back. She takes time to kiss where she scratched him. 

"I'm sorry," she whispers. 

He turns, a piece of bacon in his hand. He feeds it to her. 

"Sorry for what?" he asks, "I better not hear you apologizing for anything over the past 24 hours."

"I hurt you," she says after swallowing the bacon. She stands on tiptoe, kissing him. He wraps his arms around her waist, lifting her feet off the floor. He then sits her on the counter. 

"If your body is half as sore as mine, sweet girl, I'd say we are even."

She sits on his counter wearing nothing but his black sweater. She loves this sweater and decides it belongs to her now. 

"Yes, I'm sore….very sore," she says with a wicked gleam in her eye. Even though he's back to cooking, she hears him. 

"Did you just grunt?" she asks him, not mad at all. 

He turns, having finished the bacon and omelets. He places both on a plate and grabs a fork, setting the plate next to her. 

He feeds her slowly, kissing her between each bite as she wraps her legs around him, anchoring him to her. 

After finishing their breakfast/makeout session, he smiles. 

"Am I forgiven for my caveman ways?"

She nods, wrapping her arms around him, slightly scratching his back. 

"Fuck me then feed me, I'll forgive anything, Mr. Solo."

He groans. "No, ma'am. No more sex for you this morning….you are too sore."

She leans in, nibbling at his ear, knowing that is a very big turn on for him. 

"But I'm not wearing panties," she purrs. 

"Well in that case…." 

He lays her back on the counter and pushes his sweater up to her chin, spreading her legs and ducking his face between her thighs. After she comes, moaning his name, he scoops her up and carries her to the bedroom. She squeals in anticipation but pouts as he passes the bed, entering his bathroom. He plops her down inside his massive whirlpool bathtub and yanks his sweater off of her. He starts the water, dumps in scented epsom salt for her sore muscles and leaves the room. 

"Spoiled. I'm absolutely spoiled…." she whispers as the tub fills. She pulls her knees up into her chest and groans from the exquisite pain between her legs. 

Maybe Ben has a good point about waiting. 

He returns with two mimosas. After setting them on the ledge nearby, he strips and settles in behind her. 

"Thought I wasn't coming back?" he asks, handing her the wine glass. 

"Well yes but after a second, I decided to leave you for this bathtub."

He throws his head back in laughter. 

They find themselves quite comfortable in their new place in their relationship. They talk about everything from his amazing omelets to how long he'd been living in this beautiful apartment to where they might eat for lunch. 

They decide to crawl back in bed and nap instead. 

Upon waking, they lay in bed, laughing and watching a movie that Rey has never seen. 

They order in lunch and Rey reads his work emails to him, sitting between his long legs with her back to his chest. He was strongly opposed to any work discussions but she knows Monday will be twice as hard if he doesn't return to work with some awareness of what he missed last week. 

Of course, he hears nothing because he's too busy feasting on her neck and shoulder. 

"Are you listening at all?" she asks, biting back a moan. 

"Nope," he responds, playing with her nipples under his sweater. 

"Ugh, Ben! This is important…."

"Literally don't care…."

She tries to scramble away so she can read from the other side of the room. He grabs her and pins her down, her face in the pillow as she giggles and squeals. He kneels between her thighs, looking at her bare ass as he tickles her sides. This only results in him getting hard from the view. 

"See, I didn't get to take in this view last night. I did promise to worship your ass, you know….don't make a liar out of me, Ms. Johnson."

She wiggles her ass at him as she responds. 

"Good bosses never lie to their secretaries, Mr. Solo."

She never knew she could come just from him rubbing her ass. She's beginning to think the man has cast a sexy spell over her. He enters her slowly, knowing from their talks that this is not her favorite way to have sex. He wants to show her it can be just as intimate. 

She'd never liked this position with any other man. As usual, Ben shows her how making love is worlds sexier than simply fucking. Having a man take his time at getting to know her body, cherishing her and encouraging her to participate in pleasing her body. It's so different with him. He arches over her back, careful not to crush her as he thrusts slowly into her. 

"Look at me, Rey. Let me see your face," he whispers into her ear. 

As she comes, he whispers sweet words to her. 

"I love you, I need you. You complete me, Rey. You are so beautiful like this, my sexy kitten. So gorgeous."

Afterwards, she's nestled against his chest, her back to him. 

"Ben, how was sex with Bazine?"

He coughs, totally not prepared for that question. 

"What? Why?" 

"You know all about….him. I just wondered. If you don't want to talk about it…"

He rolls her over, tucking her hair behind her ear and tilting her chin up with one finger. 

"Rey, I think after last night and today, I feel like I was a virgin all over again. You've erased every memory I have of her."

She just stares at him, not lost on the fact that he didn't answer her question. 

"Until last night," he says, trying to find the words, "I thought it was good. Rey, I never felt loved by her. To her, I was just there to please her. To me, she was just there to please me. I never really thought about how she felt. I was selfish. She was selfish. We both just took, never gave. With you, I just want to give. When I met you, all I wanted to do was bend you over my desk and fuck you. Just take. But then, I started feeling differently. I started imagining seeing you come, watching you feel good. I don't think about how I feel when I'm inside of you. I think about how you feel."

"But I don't want that. I want to make you feel good."

"I know. That's because we are in love. I never loved her. I never loved anyone until you. It's a whole new sexual experience."

She was satisfied, no, in love with his answer. Would she prefer him having been with no one but her? Yes. Would he have preferred the same about himself? Yes. Would he have preferred him be her only? Yes. She wished he was her only also. 

There is no sense in regrets, though. 

He is hers now and she is his. She wants forever. She feels he does too. That is what to focus on. Now and forever. 

She yawns and he smiles, feeling her grow heavy against him. She is still in his sweater and he wants her like that forever. Just walking around in his sweater. Forget work, who needs it? He'll just stay here and hold her and fuck her and bathe her and feed her. Then start over. 

He has to marry her. He simply has to keep her. She'll never worry for anything again. She's been through hell and it broke her until she came out a diamond. 

He never thought he'd have someone like her. She is his hero and he wants to marry her. Make her pregnant and watch her grow. See her with his baby and give her a proper family. 

He needs to marry her, now. 


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the couple continues to explore...while back at work. 
> 
> Poor Finny...
> 
> Say it with me....
> 
> "Shut up Poe" 
> 
> 😂😂😂😂😂

They spend two whole days together, every minute. They watch movies, cook, make love, sleep, shower together and do it all again. He takes her in every position in every room on almost every piece of furniture. She's whispered, moaned, groaned, chanted and screamed his name. 

He's a great teacher, as far as she's concerned. 

She doesn't realize she's teaching him too. How to smile, how to laugh, how to be happy. How to feel whole. How to love.

She's not been further than his reach in two days. It's bliss and he doesn't know how to be without her again. 

It's the end of the second day and she knows she needs to go home. They both need to be in the office tomorrow. Rey has been out for over a month. Ben has also, working remotely from Colorado. He's been caring for her for a month now. They'd started off this journey as two friends who sometimes kissed and now they are lovers, officially together and in love. 

She doesn't know how she will sleep without him beside her. Unfortunately, her clothes are at home so she must leave. 

"I don't suppose I could just stay here and wear this tomorrow?" she says, holding up his sweater. It's an older one that even has a hole in it. She'd found it and stolen it, loving how it smells like him and how the arms of it are permanently stretched out from his huge arms. When she'd walked down his staircase wearing that and only that, Ben had ravished her on the rug of his living room until she was blissed out completely. 

She's leaning against his door, trying not to pout. He, however, is full out pouting. 

"Not unless you'd like to see me kill anyone who sees you. Pretty sure the CEO's secretary walking around in just this might not be a good idea."

He takes her hand and kisses the inside of her wrist, then trailing to the inside of her elbow. It's a particularly sensitive area that he'd discovered. He's discovered many, many things about her body this weekend.

"Those legs and that ass would start a riot," he whispers, moving to her neck. 

"I have to go, Ben…."

He whines, licking a path up her neck to behind her ear.

"No, stay….I'll have an entire new wardrobe delivered here to you…."

She fists his t-shirt, moaning.

"Ben….."

He stands upright, stopping his doting attention to her skin. Then he pouts.

"Ugh. Alright. Ten hours, right? I'll see you in ten hours."

Exactly ten hours later he has her bent over the arm of the sofa in his office. Rey is struggling to be quiet. 

"My loud girl...don't scream…" he says quietly into her neck, one hand on her hip and the other caressing her breasts. 

They take a long lunch, eating at her apartment then climbing into her bed. 

They return three hours later. 

Poe is standing at the elevator as it opens. 

"Well, hello," he says, looking at his watch, "so nice of you all to join us."

"We had a long lunch, Poe, shut up," Ben tells his little brother. 

"Yeah, well, you might want to tell whoever left that hickie on your neck to be more careful."

"Shut up, Poe," Rey tells him, only pretending to be mad at him. Hard to be mad when he's grinning like the cheshire cat. 

Rey walks away, peeling out of her jacket. 

"Oh Rey?" Poe calls after her. She turns to glare at him.

"You might want to fix your blouse before your brother sees you. I'd hate for him to kill someone."

"My blouse?"

Her blouse is buttoned up all wrong. 

"Dammit"

Later that day, she stands in her "spot" to the left of Ben, seated in his chair behind his desk. 

Approximately one minute later, she's completely nude and spread out before him like a breakfast buffet.

As Ben's face emerges from between her thighs, he's looking quite arrogant over the orgasm he's given her, grinning with his chin propped on her belly. Rey is quite sated, having smothered her face in the pillow from Ben's sofa. He leaves kisses up her body until he's above her face. 

"My sweet girl, I think we have a problem…"

"No problems here….I'm good. So good…"

He smiles, chuckling at his girlfriend caught in a blissful post orgasmic high. 

"Oh yes...very...very...holy fuck," he gasps as she grips him through his pants, "good..so...so...good...damn baby"

He grabs her arms and pins them above her head. 

"Be a shame though if 209 people were laid off because the company went belly up."

She looks up at him, confused. 

"Why the hell would that happen?"

Her cute, confused, half drunk face makes him smile. 

"As a result of the CEO eating out his secretary/girlfriend 15 times a day…"

She smiles like the wicked girl she is.

"Fifteen??? You promise?"

He lets go of her wrists and slides both arms under her as she arches her back. He leaves kisses on her throat.

"You...you are a very very bad influence."

He lifts her off the desk and pulls her into his lap. Then he realizes his Rey is completely nude sprawled across him like a sexy lioness. Maybe this wasn't the best idea. 

Or the best idea he's ever had. 

After making love to her for the….who even knows how many times today, he's exhausted. A wonderful exhausted but still. 

"Ben?" she murmurs, her face buried in his neck. 

"Hmm?" he replies, now lost in his own post orgasmic high. 

"I think we have a problem…."

"Nope. I'm good…"

She sits up, looking at him. 

"You are a very bad boy. Not a great CEO right now either."

"Ughhhhhhhh….." he groans dramatically.

She smiles at how funny he can be. Not many get to see that side of him. 

"So, how do we remedy this….problem?"

He smirks at the audacity of her question. 

"Let's not call my very fantasy come true a problem…I mean, damn, I waited a year for you…."

She laughs out loud at him, trying to smooth his hair back in place. She just can't seem to keep her fingers out of it. 

"I love you so much, Ben Solo. Okay then, situation...how do we remedy this situation?"

Then he straightens, as if he's conducting a board meeting. 

A board meeting with his naked girlfriend straddling him. 

"Well, as CEO, I think perhaps your strongest assets are not being implemented in this company. My darling girl who is a whiz at technology and completely sucks at coffee…"

She shakes her head furiously. 

"I'm NOT leaving you, Ben Solo. No one else will take care of you like I do."

"Your taking care of me is the number one issue right now….this," he squeezes her bare ass,"is a distraction, this," he leans down to lightly kiss her nipple,"is a distraction and this," he moves his hand down between her legs, "is going to ruin my company."

"Mmm-hmm," she agrees and nibbles at his ear, "not...leaving...you"

"Okay...you...dressed...now," he orders, gasping words between each nibble. No one has ever touched or kissed at his ears. Rey has discovered a new erogenous zone of his. If he's honest though, this woman can touch any part of him and he's ready and raring to go. This is two new lovers exploring one another. Pretty safe to say nothing else will be getting accomplished for a while. It's good that they were friends first because there hasn't much conversation between them over the last four days.

The absolute best four days of his life.

Now why exactly is he at work?

Knock, knock….

Rey comes up for air. 

"Um...who is it?" she asks, trying to sound serious and Ben laughs loudly. Rey covers his mouth. 

"Rey?"

"Oh shit, it's your brother!" Ben stifles another laugh, acting like a teenage boy caught. 

"Shhh Shhh…." Rey says, giggling. 

"Um….yes Finn?"

"Is Ben in there? Wait...why are the lights off….BEN SOLO WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SISTER???"

Ben groans. 

"He's all approving of me until I actually fuck you. Now I'm going to have to enter the witness protection program."

"Well, Benjamin Solo, are you ready to go public?" she asks, still straddling his lap. Still completely naked. 

"Not unless you get dressed first," he says, kissing her soundly. 

"I...kiss...love...kiss...you...kisskisskiss"

"GET OFF MY SISTER, SOLO!" 

"He's not on top of me, Finneas Storm!! I'm on top of him!!"

Finn strings out a long mess of curse words at the door. Rey collapses into Ben laughing out loud. 

"Go call Rose and Zorii! Meeting in one hour!" she yells at the door.

"Wait, did you just call a staff meeting at my company?"

"Yep," she says, popping the p at the end,

"Sure did."

And then he's hard again. 

"That was sexy as fuck"

____________________________

They have yet another go while waiting for their friends to assemble in the board room. 

They enter the room after making every attempt to not look like they've had near constant sex for four days. 

The wrinkled clothing and love marks on their necks completely abolish their attempts.

Rose is grinning like a crazy person while her boyfriend stares at the ceiling. Poe is so happy he's glowing. 

Zorii is Zorii. 

"Look at you two. Where's the car that hit you?" she asks them. 

She stands and hugs Rey, whispering in her ear. 

"How many times so far?"

"Zorii!" Rey whispers, then looks over her shoulder at Ben standing several feet away. "I lost count at number nine…"

Zorii gives Ben a once over. Rose walks over to her two best friends. 

"Holy fuck, Rey. How are you even vertical??? Umm...any chance he's proportional?" Zorii asks with a wink. 

"ZORII," Rey laughs, then biting her lip and nodding. 

"Atta girl…" Rose says, elbowing her in the ribs. Rey squinches her brow in pain. Zorii chastises her. 

"Rose! Be gentle! God knows Ben hasn't."

The three guys watch the three ladies over in the corner whispering, laughing and giggling. Every inch of Rey's face and ears are a bright red. 

Poe finally looks at his brother.

Ben is even redder than Rey. 

Ben looks at Finn from the corner of his eye. Finn is staring at him, leaned back in the chair, fingers laced over his chest. 

Ben quickly looks back at Rey. 

Rose breaks away from the trio of women, walks up behind Finn and taps him on the shoulder. Finn looks up and back behind him. 

"Don't start, Finn Storm..." Rose warns him. 

"But he…."

"Finn…."

"Fine…." he says, pouting, turning away from Ben. 

Poe just glances back and forth from his brother to his best friend, shaking his head. 

Rey turns and her eyes land on Ben. This huge 6'3 man almost literally melts internally when they lock eyes. 

Poe grins widely. Mission accomplished.

Ben stands, walking behind Rey and slipping both arms around her. Her head settles back on his chest and he whispers in her ear. She smiles and laces her fingers over his. 

"So, I feel like this meeting is of a personal matter," says Poe, "we've even brought in our highest esteemed associates, Ms. Tico and Ms. Bliss. Should we call the meeting to order?"

"We should," says Ben. 

"I...um...well...we," starts Ben, "would like to announce that we are officially," he looks down at Rey, squeezing her tighter,

"together."

"It's about fucking time," says Rose. 

"That took long enough," says Zorii.

"About to kill me," adds Poe. 

Everyone looks at Finn. He's silent. 

Rey pulls away from her boyfriend, walking to her brother. She takes his chin in her hand, tilting his face up to hers. 

"Finny…."

"He good to you, Rey?" Finn says, nodding his head towards his boss. 

"Very much so, Finn. He loves me."

Finn looks at Ben. 

"This true, Solo?"

"It is," Ben says, his eyes on Rey. 

"Alright then," says Finn, standing to hug his sister. 

"Yay!!" shrieks Rose, bouncing, "Finn I'm so proud of you," she says, kissing his cheek. Rey walks back to Ben, wrapping her arms around him. 

Poe looks over at Zorii, who is on the other side of the room. He winks at her and she blows him a kiss. They aren't ones for big public displays of affection. No one in the room is even aware of the fact that they are engaged. They are picking out a ring this weekend. 

"Well...here's another thing…" Ben says, capturing everyone's attention. 

"You better not say you are pregnant," interrupts Zorii. 

"No! God no," says Rey, "we just started…"

Rey stops herself and Poe notices how quiet Ben is. He knows exactly what his brother is thinking as Ben subconsciously rubs a thumb across Rey's belly, standing behind her with his hand draped around her abdomen. 

He gives it one year, he'll be an uncle. 

"Ben, sit…." Rey says. 

Ben sits. Wow, Poe thinks, his brother didn't even hesitate. He gives it eight weeks, they'll be married. 

Ben speaks, looking around the table at their closest friends. 

"I've decided to move Rey up in the company. She's brilliant at computers. We could use someone in IT that can keep everything running. So, she will no longer be my secretary."

"Rey, you okay with that?" asks Finn. 

"No, but it is necessary. He's right though, IT needs an overhaul. Snap is good at computers but not at management. I don't like the thought of anyone else doing my job. Taking care of Ben…"

"Rey, we discussed this…"

"I know but I've heard stories of how you were…"

"I was fine!"

"No you were not, you were mean and crabby and horrible to everyone…"

"Someone has to be the bad guy, Rey…"

"Excuse me, woohoo? Hey, lovers quarrel?" Poe says, never afraid to incense his brother, "Could we perhaps have this battle later? I'll get you each a sword. Ben, you'll get your ass handed to you though. I'll even get you a bed to make up on…."

"Hey! I'm in the room!" shouts Finn, still coming to terms with his boss shagging his sister. 

"So...I'm completely in agreement with this idea," continues Poe, "for one thing, Rey, you kinda suck as a secretary…"

"Hey!" shouts Ben, "don't talk about my girl like that."

"Aw, look at my brother, in love. Anyways, Rey is an expert at computers. I almost pitched this idea a year ago but the moment I saw my lug of a brother looking at Rey's picture on my phone, I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone."

"Wait, what?" Rey interrupts. 

"Yeah, what?" Ben asks.

Poe grins again. 

"Welllllll….Rey, it went like this. My brother had traumatized approximately twelve secretaries and I was tired of it. So, Finn and I decided to get you a job here. I had considered head of IT but then this oaf was being nosy, looking over my shoulder as I was scrolling your Facebook."

"Shit," muttered Ben, his ears red. Rey looks over at him, a small smile gracing her lips. 

"He says 'Who is she?' and a lightbulb turns on over my head. So instead of saying what I had planned on, I tell him that's his new secretary. Blah blah blah, sis bam boom, here we are a year later, my brother isn't a dick, Rey is familiar with how the company is run, I'll be an uncle within a couple of years and everybody is happy."

Ben rolls his eyes. 

"Yeah yeah yeah you're a hero….wait. An uncle? Poe, shut up. Damn, dude we just started dating."

"Oh you may think you just started dating…" 

This comment comes from Finn. He looks around at everyone. 

"What? These two had it bad from day one. I may be acting all big brother but I'm not blind."

"Could we conduct this meeting? I've got work to do." says Zorii, who had just been brought into the company as Phasma's assistant. 

"I still don't like leaving my job as Ben's secretary. Yes, I love the man and I will miss seeing him all day everyday but he needs someone who can deal with his temper and impatience. Sorry, babe…"

"I'll do it," says Rose. 

Everyone looks at the petite woman. She just holds her chin up in the air. 

"Rose, you love your job…" Finn says to his girlfriend.

"No, I don't. I just tell you that so you don't worry. Truth is, this feels like home to me. I know everyone here. Rey's right, Ben is an asshole…"

"Hey!" Ben interrupts, then shrugs his shoulders, "yeah, I guess I can be an asshole…."

"I can deal with him though. He's scared shitless of me."

Everyone looks at Ben, waiting for an argument. 

"What? She's right. She's scary."

Howls of laughter erupt from the group of friends. It's not everyday Ben Solo admits he's afraid of anything. Two women put the fear of God in him. Rey Johnson and Rose Tico. 

"Well that settles it. Rey is promoted to Executive of IT and Rose, you're hired."


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our two space cupcakes have spent nearly every night together for a month. Now that they are back in NY, will they pursue this relationship at a normal pace?

Rey really did try. 

She tried to sleep at home. In her own bed. Alone. No massive frame of a man to hold her all night. 

She missed his arms, the way he would breath deep in his chest against her back. She even missed the little grunts he'd make in his sleep. He was like a human heater and since Rey was always cold, it was a perfect sleeping arrangement. 

Ben didn't even try. He just laid there all night, staring at the ceiling, trying not to call her and beg her to come over. Not for sex, even though he knew he'd not deny himself her body. He missed her softness, the way her hair tickled his face. He missed how sometimes when he'd roll on his back, her face would wind up in his armpit. He smiles, thinking of how she has the ability to take up the entire bed, even with her tiny frame. He even misses her snoring, though when he brought that up, she bit him. Not that he minded. He thinks he may have a biting kink. 

Being apart during the night lasted only three nights that first week. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights. 

They did try. After all, they both knew there'd be very little sleeping accomplished if they were in the bed together. Like Rey said, Ben had a company to run. A company he'd been away from for a month. Like Rey said, she has more responsibilities now, as an executive.

Their relationship is still new.

That's what Rey said. 

Ben didn't say much. He just pouted. 

Sometime on Thursday, they argued over some business report. It started out one way and ended quite another way. 

Ben wonders if anyone would think it was strange if the CEO had a pull out sofa in his office. 

"See, then, we'd have a bed in here," he reasons to his girlfriend, who is completely nude sprawled on top of his equally nude body. Ben is all but hanging off the side of the sofa in his office. 

She lifts her chin, propping it on his chest. He's holding her tight so she doesn't roll off. 

"Better yet, we could get a blow up mattress," she says, smiling at him. 

"Or a very thick rug," he tells her, now grinning, his dimples making her heart skip. 

"Or….." she starts, unsure if she should finish. Then she shifts herself up so she can bury her face in his neck.

"What?" he asks, wondering why she didn't finish.

She shakes her head and he hears a sniffle. He nudges his shoulder to try to get her to look up at him. 

"Hey, baby girl, what is it?"

"Nothing. I'm okay," she tells him but he knows his Rey and she's sad about something. 

"Talk to me, please."

She snuggles in closer and he tries not to get distracted by her body pressed against his. 

His refractory period is quite impressive. 

"Just missed you the last few nights."

His large hands caress her back and hair. 

"You didn't sleep. I can tell. You're always cranky when you don't sleep."

"Hey!" she leans over and bites his nipple slightly. He jumps then grips her bare ass in warning. 

"Or eat…." he continues, "or get thoroughly fucked for a few days…."

"Hey!!" she sits up to bite him again but he grabs her face and kisses her soundly until she forgets everything but him and his amazing mouth. 

He stops his assault on her lips and pulls back, holding her face in his hands. His eyes are soft in a way that only Rey gets to see. It's that gentle side of him only meant for her. No one would believe her if she told just how sweet and tender he can be. 

"Rey, I haven't slept at all. I miss you so much at night. I keep reaching for you…"

"I do too…"

"Move in with me," he blurts out desperately. 

"What?" she says, sitting up, straddling him because she doesn't want to be away from his skin but she needs clarification. She could've sworn he just said….

That part of his brain that has succumbed to her completely takes over. He only feels hot wetness down there and the other part of his brain, that keeps him from dying of starvation, knows now is not the time for sex. 

But her tits are right there.

"Um...baby girl...I think I'm going to need you off of my cock for just a second."

Then he pauses. 

"Never thought I'd ever say that to you," he tells her, once again grinning like the arrogant shit he can be. 

"Ben!" she says with a soft slap to his belly as she stands and grabs her clothes from all the various places they'd landed. 

He does the same, snatching her bra from where it wound up draped across a lampshade. He tosses it to her. 

"Thanks for wearing that here. I'd surely get nothing done with you walking around here braless."

"Shut up, Ben," she says, her face lit up in that smile he loves so much. He always had a way of making her smile when she was down, usually teasing her about sex. Or food. 

After dressing he grabs her by the hand, pulling her to him. He sits and takes her calf in his hand, lifting her foot and slipping her shoe on. He does it again with the other shoe. 

He then looks up at her with those puppy eyes. He's so vulnerable with her, in a way that he's never been with anyone else. 

"Move in with me. Please."

"Ben, isn't it too soon?"

He wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her close. She knows it's hard for him to ask this, afraid he will upset their relationship. 

"Your brother was right, what he said Monday. We've pretty much been together for a year. I mean," he stops and takes a breath, "Rey Johnson, I've been yours since the moment I first laid eyes on you. We just took things really slow, maybe too slow. I miss you so much at night. I want to see your shampoo in my shower and your dirty socks on the floor and your thousands of hair ties everywhere. I want to come in the kitchen and find you sipping coffee and slip into that big ass garden tub with you. I want to watch you play with Moose. He misses you."

She smiles, running her fingers through his hair over and over. 

"How do you know he misses me?"

"He told me, of course," Ben says with a huge grin. 

She laughs and kneels down in front of him. 

"You're so silly. You make me sound so messy."

He kisses her nose.

"You are so messy. Drives me crazy."

He kisses her forehead.

"You drive me crazy too! Nobody is as neat as you are."

He kisses her gently on the lips. 

"Missing you is driving me crazy, Rey. I understand you think it's too fast…."

"Yes," she says with a firm nod. 

His eyes fall and he looks so sad. 

"Okay. You're probably right."

She grasps his face in her hands and lifts his eyes to hers.

"No. I meant yes, I'll move in."

His eyes widen in surprise. 

"Really? You mean it?" 

She smiles again at him and nods. 

His lips crash into hers and he runs his hands down to her ass, squeezing. After a few seconds, she pulls back. 

"Ben Solo, I just got dressed. Can't you wait till we get home?"

God, she loves his dimples and all the little lines that show up around his mouth and eyes when he smiles. It's not fair how that's so sexy. She'll be fighting wrinkles one day and she's sure it won't be sexy. 

"Home...yes, I can wait. My hands just keep finding your ass. I can't help it."

"You like me saying home, Ben?"

He kisses her forehead then her nose.

"Very much. Home. That's where you are. Wherever you are, that's my home."

A tear falls down her cheek and he kisses that too. 

"You are….so romantic, Ben. Thank you. I never knew I needed that. Home is where you are too, Ben."

_________________________________

Three weeks have passed since Rey moved in. She lays pressed up against his side as he sleeps in on a Saturday morning. She watches him, the sun peeking between the curtains. He looks so peaceful. His arm is wrapped around her back, holding her tight. If she even thinks about moving he murmurs in his sleep and his hand presses into her back. 

She traces the fingers of his other hand with her own, marveling at the size and strength of them. These hands can be so possessive, gripping her ass while she rides him. They are also gentle, as he cups her face for morning kisses. They are quite amazing, his hands. 

She then slides her hand up his arm, freely gawking at the size of it. The thought occurs to her that he doesn't even work out everyday. He has a weight set in his apartment but she's never seen him use it. 

Then an image of him working out, all sweaty and shirtless flashes in her mind and the heat between her thighs flares. 

She almost moans out loud. She needs to see that, today. 

His arms are a big turn on for her but they are also her safe place. Just like his hands, they can support her when he's holding her from behind, driving into her at a relentless pace. They can also wrap her up in gentleness when they sway with the music in the kitchen. He's a good dancer. 

Then there's that wonder of a chest. She feels it with her palm and presses kisses to it with her mouth. It makes her legs weak to look at it yet that's where the very heart of Ben is contained. The heart that she knows so well. The very heart that he's given to her. She'll take such good care of it. Of him. No man will ever be watched over and protected like Ben Solo will be. She'd fight, steal, lie and kill for this man. He belongs to her now. 

She is as possessive as he is and damn proud of it. 

Her fingers trace his collarbones then his neck. She lovingly strokes his cheek then runs a finger down his nose. That beautiful nose that he was teased for. It's so perfect to her. She's glad he never changed it. 

Her finger runs across those lips. Those lips are a work of art. Capable of taking her body to the precipice of ecstasy. They look so beautiful chanting her name as he comes in her. They feel so good pressed against her own. Yet they can command a board room of executives to attention. 

Slowly, he presses them to the tips of her fingers in a kiss. She smiles. 

"Hey there, kitten," he mumbles, waking to find her face looking down at him. His sleepy voice is even deeper than usual and sounds so good to her ears. She instantly presses her bare breasts into him, a reaction she can't even help. 

"Hey there, sexy," she responds, kissing that mouth gently. 

He smiles at her. She's so beautiful in the mornings, her eyes all sleepy and her hair a mess. 

"Sexy? Is that your pet name for me? Cause I have several for you."

"What are they?" she asks, like she doesn't know. He's always calling her by his little endearments, even slipping up at work. Poe almost got his ass beat for calling Rey "kitten" in teasing. 

Ben rolls to his side, pulling her up closer to him. He's always pulling her around in bed like she weighs nothing. She likes that. 

"Let's see," he says, acting like he is trying to remember, "my sweet girl, my baby girl, my sweetheart, my kitten, my sex goddess…."

She raises her brows in surprise then blushes. 

"Your what? That's new."

"New to you. I've been saying it in my head for a long, long time."

"So," she replies, grinning, "that would make you my sex god, wouldn't it?"

He growls deep in his chest, which is something she loves to hear. 

"Rey, I swear if you call me that when we are fucking, you won't be able to walk for days."

She grins that wicked grin that alters his brain. The caveman part of his brain. 

"Is that a threat or a promise, Mr. Solo?"

"Both," he responds, diving into her neck, biting and sucking at her. His fingers dig into her ribs, not rough but just enough to tickle. She squeals, giggling loudly, trying to get away from him. She hates being tickled but he makes it fun. Only Ben can tickle her. She will bite and pinch him though, which only eggs him on. He always stops before she hates it. Usually his tickle attacks evolve into love making. Not this morning though for her stomach growls loudly, making him laugh. 

"Pancakes or omelettes?" 

She's still gasping from the tickles, smiling at him. 

"Waffles," she requests of him. He makes the best waffles. 

"Let me guess, strawberries and whipped cream?"

"I think," she says, twisting her head and mouth in deep concentration, "peanut butter and chocolate chips."

"Really? Ew…." he teases her.

"Oh, it's so good, Ben."

He rolls and sits up, standing to walk to the bathroom. She lays back, watching how the muscles in his thighs move. Oh and that glorious ass, naked and moving away from her. How she loves to watch him walk away from her. 

"Lord woman, I'm going to get so fat eating like this all the time. I definitely have to work out today. I've been slacking off."

He's gonna work out….

She bites her bottom lip and smiles. 

This is going to be a great day. 


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy early Valentine's! Let's have a Reylo Valentine's, shall we?

Valentine's day is coming and he's racking his brain for an idea. 

He's got to make it good for her, amazing even. It's their first one together. Last year he'd sent her two dozen pink roses. He'd worried himself crazy over the color, wanting to hint at his budding feelings for her yet afraid he'd scare her off. 

Pink roses mean "I admire you". It was perfect. Because he'd already come to admire her deeply. 

Only he'd had them put "From your secret admirer" on the card. 

It had scared her. She thought her ex had sent them. Then he'd had to scramble to calm her down and finally admit it was him. 

She'd been so relieved that she'd let it slip by what he was trying to say. He'd been so upset at her fear that he'd become angry, forgetting to explain his intentions. 

Then he'd made sure that no deliveries were made to her at work from Armitage Hux or an unlisted sender. He'd had a long talk with security, obtaining a picture of the man she feared. Security knew his face and knew if he was spotted even outside the building, they were to call him immediately. 

It was how he'd first learned that there was an ex that scared her. He wanted to find the man and kill him. 

He shakes his head fiercely, refusing to focus on that memory right now. He went back to thinking of something to send her. 

Afraid that any flowers would remind her of that day, he decided to just keep it simple. A nice night out, maybe a quiet dinner and then home. 

He still can't believe he shares his home with her. He'd never really thought of his place as home. It was just his place. 

Then he'd found his home. Rey. Now Rey makes his place home. He loves seeing her everywhere in their home. Her throw on his couch, her favorite coffee mug next to his. 

She's made him into a sentimental mess of a man. He's happy though, for the first time in his life. Truly happy. 

In his musings, it suddenly occurs to him. The ballet. He'll take her to the ballet. She's never been. He quickly reserves the private balcony, glad that he can enjoy it alone with her. The performance is Swan Lake. He can't wait to surprise her. 

_______________________________

The morning of Valentine's, he fixed the awful peanut butter waffles for her. 

She was wrong. For once. He hates them. Something about the texture, it just feels off. But she loves them so he fixes them for her. 

After finishing them, in bed, no less (after all it IS Valentine's day), he removes the tray and crawls back in the bed with her. He'd gotten up early to spoil her and now he's sleepy. He nuzzles her neck as his head lays on her chest. She braids his hair haphazardly. 

"Love you," he murmurs against her skin. 

"I think I love you too…." she says, stifling a giggle. 

He mocks an injured soul, gasping. 

"You _think_??" 

"Mmm-hmm...I _think_ …."

He leans up and over her, pinning her to the bed with his massive weight. He delves into her waist with his face, blowing raspberries and nibbling. 

"You _think_ , huh? Just _think_?"

She shouts in laughter, squirming to get away, pulling at his hair and kicking. It's pure sweet torture how he tickles her, his long fingers goosing at the other side of her bare waist. Her skin cooling where he's bitten her, he trails across the top of her belly, rubbing his stubble. She gasps, thrashing, trying to get away yet wanting to be closer. 

"Sto... stop….Ben!!! It tick...tickles!!"

"Say it," he speaks, only lifting his mouth long enough to do so, his lips grazing her skin before diving back in for more. 

"No!!!" she laughs uncontrollably, kneeing his chest and trying to push him off. Not really though. She knew her punishment would come and she revels in it. 

"Say it!" he repeats his words, sitting up on his knees only to grab her feet. He rubs his mouth across the arch of one while holding the other against his cheek. He does have quite a thing for her feet. 

"No! No! Nonono!" she screams, twisting, still giggling as she loses her breath and struggles to find it. 

Ben watches her breasts bounce back and forth and has to focus on the point of this game.

Then he sucks her small toes into his mouth and nibbles until she's begging. 

"IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou!!" 

"Little minx," he breathes heavy, running his tongue under the bottom crease of her toes. He admires the red marks on her skin as he sucks each toe into his mouth. 

She never knew this could make her so incredibly wet. His eyes dart down and she knows he knows it too. He kisses slowly down her ankle. His mouth makes its way down the inside of her thigh, pausing. He then moves across to the other thigh and she positively groans. 

"No fair…" she whines. He lifts his mouth from her knee, where he had been planting kisses on each freckle. 

He has quite a thing for her freckled knees. 

"Don't do anymore _thinking_ and you won't have to deal with unfair treatment, my love"

"I do love you, I really, really, really do…".

He laughs a low laugh as he watches her squirm while biting at her achilles's tendon. 

"How much?" 

Her other foot finds its way to his thigh and slides upward. Her toes caress his cock. His eyes close and his mouth opens slightly. Once he can no longer stand it, he's on her, fully attacking her body. 

He never thought a foot on his dick would be a good thing. 

"Rey...damn…" he breathes into her breast then mouthing it completely. His cock slides into her and he hisses at the feeling. 

"Could never get used to this…" he murmurs, a deep low growl reverberating across her skin. 

"I love you, I really do. I love you," she whispers, rolling up into him while gripping his hair. 

"You are transcendent, amazing, sexy, gorgeous, _mine_ …" he thrusts with each word until she's breathless, no sound escaping her. 

They whisper to each other, not moving quickly, no rush to their love making. They come together, face to face. He always needs her eyes as he fills her. 

She is loud as she comes and he loves it. He loves watching her fall apart, open and vulnerable to him. No one else gets to see her like this. This is just for him. 

"Remind me to tickle you more often, sweet girl," he says, kissing her face all over. 

He rolls to his side, now lovingly caressing where he had left marks on her waist. One of her arms slides up and around him, her hand placed possessively on his back. Her breath comes in a rapid pace as she descends from the high he's given her. The high she only receives from him. 

He still feels quite arrogant about the fact that he's the only man who has ever made her come. He's the only man who has seen and felt and heard her peak in climax. The only man who has felt her gush on his cock. 

Damn, he's already hard again. He shifts back just a bit to look down at her. 

She's sound asleep now, a soft snore coming from her kiss swollen lips. 

If there could possibly be anything he loves more than making love to her, it is holding her naked body close afterwards.

He's never slept as well as he does in her arms. As much as she says he makes her feel safe, he feels just as safe with her. She's his protector, his lioness and he simply would do anything to protect her in return. 

___________________________

That afternoon, he hands her an envelope.

"Surprise," he tells her and she looks at it in her hand.

"What is it?" she asks.

"Well, kitten, if you'll open it you'll see."

She gives him a look like, _what have_ _you_ _done_? Then carefully opens it. 

Her eyes widen when she pulls out the tickets. She looks at him and just that look made it worth every penny. 

"Really, Ben? The New York City Ballet?"

He smiles and takes her hand, kissing the underside of her wrist. 

"Yes, Rey, the actual New York City Ballet. Tonight."

"Tonight?? What? Ben! People dress really fancy for the ballet! I don't own anything like that!"

"Well, if you had gone shopping like I told you to…"

"I told you I'm not using your card. I'm not spending your money."

He sighs, exasperated. She's been so determined to not use his money, even though he's not using it. Even though he's always wanted someone to spend it on. Now he finally has that someone and she's so stubborn. 

"Well, then, since you won't accept anything other than a gift from me, it's a good thing I bought you a dress. But don't fuss if you don't like it."

"Ben…."

He then grabs her and kisses her, hard, making sure not to stop until he feels her body completely give out in his arms. Maybe if her knees are all wobbly, she won't argue with him. She didn't even notice how he'd walked her backwards to the bed until he lowers her to it, letting her go. 

Her head spins as she realizes what he has done. 

"Well, that's just not fair, Ben Solo." she gasps, breathless from what he's done to her. 

He grins that grin that makes her heart skip. 

"All's fair in love and war, kitten. Now be still."

He opens his closet and pulls out a garment bag, unzipping it. He then removes the bag from the dress, pulling out the hem.

"Ben...it's beautiful…"

The dress is a deep burgundy velvet. Ben had kept in mind how cold natured his Rey is, the sleeves long and the material warm. Two slits travel high up the flowy skirt. A matching belt hangs about the waist. The neckline is cut deep, almost to the waist of the gown. Rey touches it gently, easily the most exquisite thing she's ever felt. 

"But Ben, the neckline is _low_ …"

He smiles, glancing down at her chest like it's a treasure on a deserted island. "Kitten, if I am shopping for you, the necklines are going to be low and the slits are going to be high cause I'm too weak for your boobs and your legs. Maybe next time, you'll listen when I tell you to go shopping. It'll be fine. Your shawl will cover you until we are in our private balcony."

"Shawl?" 

He pulls that out of the closet next, draping it over the bed. It is black with gold thread intertwined throughout. 

She looks around and behind him, into the closet, seeing more bags and boxes.

"What else did you buy?"

He starts carrying the bags from his closet to the bed. There's new pajamas, because the only set she has is from years ago. There's workout clothes because she had commented she had none. There are new hair ties because she keeps losing them and lastly, a teddy bear he saw her hugging in a drug store one day. 

He smiles, loving spoiling her. He reaches back the closet and finds the last items, black strappy heels and jewelry for tonight. It's very much like that scene from Pretty Woman as he opens the box containing the ruby necklace and earrings, Rey having no doubt they are real.

She gasps and reaches out to touch the jewels and then looks up at him. 

"Are you going to close it on my hand like he did?"

"I won't but I was thinking about that scene, too."

"Ben, this is too much…."

"Well, if you wear it anyways, I'll wear my tux for you."

At this thought, him in the _tux_ , she gives him that look that tells him she's just as hot for him as he is for her. 

He sets the jewelry down next to her, kneeling down between her thighs. He cups her face and looks deep in her eyes. 

"You _are_ worth this, Rey. What was below your worth was how you grew up. You're worthy of love, of me showing you I love you by buying you things you need. Things that I know you'll treasure. You're worthy because you're a precious soul. A loving person who takes care of me. You took care of me from day one. Not because it was your job but because you saw someone who needed caring for. Just like with Finn and Rose. You don't give your love to everyone but when you do, you go all in. So, in return, you're worthy of my care. My attention. My affection. And yes, my money. You spent money on me too. Remember?"

He reaches into the back pocket of his jeans and pulls out the pen. The design is worn off. Not from use but from all the times he'd held it in his hand, just needing to feel Rey near him. 

By now, she's openly crying. She smiles through her tears. 

"You still have it," she says, wiping a tear away. 

"It's always with me, Rey. Not because it's some expensive item but because it's from you. You saw it, thought of me and bought it to give to me. That's simply what I did. I saw the dress and thought of you, knew you'd need it eventually and bought it."

She nods, still crying. She clutches his face in her hands, looking into his soul. 

"I think I understand. Just give me time to get used to it. You are the sweetest man ever."

"And hot in a tux?" he teases with that grin.

"Good God, _YES_ …." she sighs like a teen girl over a crush. 

"You're so funny…" he tells her, kissing her soundly, "guess we better get dressed, much as I'd like to just keep you in bed all evening."

She smiles widely as he wipes away her tears with his too-big hands. 

"The ballet!" she practically squeals. 

He watches her face, knowing he's picked the perfect gift for her. It is just a small way to repay her for what she's done for him. 

_____________________________

Her face is more captivating than anything that could possibly be on that stage. From the moment the curtains parted, she's been leaning forward, her arms draped across the rail. Her eyes never leave the dancers. From time to time, her hand covers her mouth, the beauty of it pulling her in. 

He's pulled in also. Not by the lights and the music and the performance. He's pulled in by her. She's simply the most amazing person he's ever met. 

Rey cries at the deaths of Odette and Seigfried, to the point that Ben pulls her close to his side. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't know they died. I shouldn't have brought you here," he whispers to her, kissing her brow. 

"No, Ben," she says as the curtains close and the house lights come on, "they are together. It's so beautiful. Thank you for bringing me."

"You're what's beautiful. Happy Valentine's."

They kiss, long and deep. Ben is very glad he reserved the balcony. That way no one can see his hand sneaking up the slit of her gown, grasping her thigh. 

"Ben!" she gasps, looking around, "you are always so horny."

"Like you aren't," he tells her, his thumb grazing the skin at the crotch of her panties. He grins into her lips and she moans, not able to help herself. 

"Feed me and then fuck me, Ben Solo."

He laughs wickedly as he stands, wrapping her shawl around her from behind. He leans down to her ear, kissing the skin under it. 

"Don't I always?" 

______________________________

In all his planning for Valentine's, he'd not given much thought of what she might do for him. 

He's lounging in their bed, relaxed and reading the new spy novel that Rey had given him this morning, he wondered why she was taking so long to come to bed. 

He became lost in yet another fight scene in the book. It was his guilty pleasure, his love of spy novels. Rey was determined to help him relax more by giving him space to get lost in these stories. 

He hadn't even noticed the bathroom door opening. After a few seconds, he heard her throat clear. 

Looking up, his brain went into some sort of electric shock. 

She's wearing it. The bustier outfit from Halloween. The fitted red corset with the fluffy black thing around her waist, her breasts pushed together and up, giving her cleavage. The black lace gloves on her arms. The red hat perched on her head, her hair slicked back with wetness. 

Then her legs. Her long beautiful legs are wearing those black and red thigh highs with the lace at the top. On her feet are those red heels that made his throat go dry. 

"Hello," she says from her bright red lips, a subtle smirk on her face. 

He swallows. 

"Fuck," he replies, the only word that seems to come to mind. 

"That's what I had in mind, big boy," she purrs, a sly smile curling up one corner of her mouth. 

Then he sees the black necktie in her hand and gulps again, wondering what _that's_ for. She twirls it as she walks towards him, stopping at the end of the bed. She places one knee on the bed, then the other, her eyes never leaving his. Her knees are spread and she slowly lifts the black tulle. 

The night of the party, Ben couldn't help but try to see what was under that black cloud of fluff. It was a one piece outfit, the red silk covering her but barely. He'd stroked himself many a night since at the sight of her in that outfit. 

Tonight though, there was no red silk covering her. The crotch was gone and she was completely bare under the tulle. 

"Fuck," he says again, staring at her pretty little pussy. His for the taking. 

"Is that all you can say?" she asks, still holding up the tulle. 

"Baby it's all I can _say_ , all I can _think_ and _all I_ _want to do_ ," he growls, curling one finger at her, summoning her to him. 

She crawls on all fours towards him and as soon as she's in reach, he grabs her, pulling her into his lap. His hands are everywhere, grasping the corset at her waist then moving up to cup her breasts. 

"Happy Valentine's, Ben."

"You are….you are perfect, Rey. Damn, look at you. Do you even know how bad I wanted you that night? Do you know what you did to me? I didn't sleep for days, kitten. I actually rubbed my dick raw."

Her bright red bottom lip pokes out. 

"Awww, here, let me kiss it and make it better, then," she says wickedly, sliding back on his thighs and pulling his waistband down. His cock is exposed and hard for her. 

She leans over and kisses the tip gently, She then moves her kisses down his shaft then back up. His eyes never leave her face, his breath becoming erratic. 

"Rey, _damn_ baby," he moans then hisses as her lips part over the tip. She slides down slowly, taking him deeper inch by inch. She sucks until she's taken all she can, her throat opened wide, giving him the best high of his life. Her mouth works magic for him, her bare ass in the air, perfect for him to watch. He kinda hopes she doesn't make him come yet. He really needs to be inside of her. 

Every time he thinks he's had the sexual high of his life, she always exceeds his fantasies in some new, hot way. 

He's created a monster and it's one he loves to tame over and over. 

Right before he thinks he's about to explode, her mouth leaves him and travels back up his body. She's still on all fours crawling back up to his face. He is about to kiss her but she stops him with one word. 

"No," she says sternly and Ben smiles, surprised at her dominant side. 

She leans forward, taking his bottom lip between her teeth and biting gently. 

He's now fully aware of his biting kink, her teeth having left marks on his shoulders time after glorious time. He grips her bare ass, grinding into her. She's dripping for him and he's dying to be inside of her. 

"What's the tie for, kitten?" He groans into her mouth, eager to feel her heat. 

"That's your gift…" she tells him, moving herself back and forth over his hardness yet not giving him what he desperately needs. 

"Guess I thought you were my gift…"

"You get me everyday….oh Ben," she moans, the tip of his cock hitting her clit over and over, "you get to decide who gets tied up."

Now that's a great gift, he thinks. As he feels her become even hotter and wetter, his brain ceases to function. His body takes over. It's an easy decision based on two facts. 

Number one, Rey tied up in this outfit is the stuff his dick dreams about

Number two, if he's tied up that means he can't touch her body and…..No, not happening. 

Within just a few seconds, Rey's wrists are tied to the headboard and her heels are resting on his shoulders. He pummels into her unmercifully as she screams and thrusts back into him. As hard as he's fucking her, he still speaks lovingly to her. 

"So beautiful, Rey. So perfect. Gorgeous. _Mine_. All mine, aren't you, kitten? My sweet kitten, so sexy for me."

All she can do is make incoherent sounds, every once in a while his name slipping out. She comes violently, exquisitely, pushing him over his cliff. 

As he comes, he lays atop her, wrapping both arms around and under her. 

It's the best Valentine's gift ever. 

"Damn, I love you woman," he gasps into her neck. 

"I love you too, Ben."


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have y'all missed Kylo? Cause I have. Want some Kylo? Cause I do. Here, have some Kylo!! 
> 
> Why would Kylo come back around, you ask? I'll give you one guess....

Rey is once again attempting to mix work with pleasure. Ben is having none of it. 

Especially with those cute little glasses she's wearing. Why is that such a turn on for him?

She's nestled between his thighs, her back against his chest, trying to read her emails. 

"You never replied back to me on the request for updated modems...Ben...Ben..

I need an answer…."

His face is buried inside the curtain of hair above the back of her neck. Light kisses accompany the nudges from his nose as he breathes her in. 

"Oh, I'm answering something alright just not whatever you are talking about…."

She leans her head to the left to try to get him to stop and pay attention. 

"Ben! Listen, this is important…."

"Oh look, a freckle I haven't kissed. That's important. It's probably jealous…."

His plush, sinful lips caress her shoulder and her eyes roll back into her head. 

"When...ugh...Ben..when are you…"

Then she hisses as he bites down.

"Hmmmm? What were you saying, Rey?"

Just as she tries to speak, his hands encircle her waist and he licks a trail to behind her ear. She involuntarily wiggles her rear against him and he smiles and chuckles. The deep sound in his chest vibrates against her back. 

She resolves herself to finishing checking her emails. She hasn't checked in two whole days. That's just irresponsible. 

As she scrolls, he teases. His hands slide under her t-shirt. Well, technically it's his t-shirt but he likes it better on her. 

Now it's a game, her pretending to care about emails and him determined to get between her legs. She doesn't mind losing but he's going to work for her attention. 

She continues to read but not really. Soon he plucks her phone out of her hand and sits it on the nightstand. It's her nightstand now, basically, since she sleeps in his bed every night. 

His hands slide up under her shirt to her breasts and he massages them fully. 

"Right now, my job is to fully repay these beautiful breasts for all the neglect they've suffered…"

She moans as he circles each nipple with his thumbs. 

"Repay? Not like you've neglected them, Solo…"

"Nope and any man who did was stupid as fuck…"

Ben had been mind boggled at the thought of her ex telling her to get a boob job. How does one improve on perfection? Rey is extremely sensitive there and Ben loves it. 

Her reaction to his hands and mouth is one of his favorite hobbies now. Besides, Ben gets pissed every time he even thinks about the fucker telling Rey to have major surgery just to please him. 

Hux was a fool but thank God he was.

After making love, they lay together face to face, her cheek resting on his bicep. They don't have words. So many hours, days, weeks, months spent together, neither one knowing how the other felt. Now they are open, literally bare to each other. 

He feels her naked body pressed against his own, every inch of her touching him. She's so small compared to him. Yet, she's so strong. This fragile burn bright thing has all the power over him. She has made him and can break him in just mere seconds. 

Her small hand traces up and down his skin, leaving fire in her wake. How can hands so small, so delicate, have such a profound effect on him? He feels her fingertips trace from his hip to his shoulder blade and back down again. Does she even know?

"Do you know what you do to me?" he asks her, watching her eyes. The eyes that hold the very soul that encaptured his own. 

She smiles a sleepy smile. 

"Tell me," she says. 

"I can't. I don't know how."

His arm wraps around her body and she brushes his hair back. Her palm lays on his cheek. 

"I'll tell you what I see. I see a man who is at peace. Happy. Strong. Confident."

"I didn't used to be any of that. Until you."

His leg wraps around her own, pulling her closer. Ever closer. She's never close enough.

Right now, this isn't about sex. It's about contact. Intimacy. Just touching. 

Neither of them have ever experienced it. Open vulnerability with someone like this. It's transcendent. 

"You changed me too, Ben. I was so afraid. Scared to let anyone in. I couldn't trust. You are the only one I really trust now."

Her words alter him. To be given this gift, her trust. She's handed him her fear, asking him to turn it into something beautiful. So many have hurt his precious girl. Never again. 

"Thank you, Rey. I don't understand how I earned it but thank you."

"Just being you. I see you, remember? I see past the facade. You act one way but you are really the other way. You are tender and kind. Your heart is huge. You just don't show it."

"But I show you?"

"Yes you do. Thank you for letting me see you. Thank you for trusting me."

His hand slides up and down from her rear to her neck and back. She sighs. Nothing, nothing relaxes her like his touch on her bare skin. His hands are so large and strong. She thinks perhaps he could crush tree trunks with his bare hands. He's just so strong. She cuddles even closer to him, her hand moving down to rest on his ass. He inhales sharply at her touch. 

"I fucking love you, Rey. It's overwhelming how much."

"I love you more," she tells him. 

"No way. No fucking way."

Her hand lightly spanks him. He growls low in his chest.

"Don't argue with your secretary, Mr. Solo."

"You aren't my secretary anymore. I miss you. Now I have to go hours without seeing you."

"You fucked me over your desk yesterday."

He grins. 

"Yeah, that was great. Let's do that again Monday."

"You are naughty, Ben Solo."

"You love it, though."

"I do. I really, really do."

  
  


___________________________

  
  


A few hours later, they are meeting their friends for a night out. 

It's Rose's birthday and she wanted to go clubbing. 

Ben hates these places but Rose wanted Rey to go and Ben's constant worrying wouldn't allow him to stay home. Besides, Rey doesn't handle alcohol very well and he's pretty sure her brother will have his hands full of a drunk Rose. So he's going along, wanting not only to keep an eye on her but on the entire crew. 

Now that summer has come, Rey is wearing that leather outfit again. 

Oh yeah, he's going. 

"Um…." he stutters, watching her strap on her heels, "exactly how long until we have to meet them?" 

She stands and gives him that look that means, _are you ALWAYS horny?_

He shoots back a look that means, _yep._

"We are already running late, Ben."

"But…."

She approaches him and stands on her tiptoes, kissing him gently. His hand can't help but land on her leather covered ass. 

"We'll be home by one. I promise. I won't get drunk. You can have me then."

He sighs. 

"I'm pathetic, aren't I?" he asks, a little embarrassed that he simply cannot control himself around her. 

"You are perfect just the way you are. Sweet, funny, romantic, giving and horny as hell."

He smirks, "Have you even _seen_ my girlfriend though? She's HOT."

"Well, my boyfriend is basically a fuckable redwood," she tells him, walking away. 

He just stands there. 

"A _what_?" he finally replies, a confused look on his face. 

She laughs loudly, shaking her head, opening the door to leave. 

He follows her out, he head tilted to the side just like Moose when he's confused.

"Seriously, what does that even _mean??_ "

_____________________________

Ben hates it. 

If one more guy looks at her ass….

Of course, if he'd dance with her, the guys would quit checking her out. She keeps asking but he'd rather not. Dancing with her at home, just her and him is different. Not here with all these people. 

He's more at ease as they move into the bar. It's quieter with only a few people inside.

Ben walks outside to see if the rest of their friends have arrived. Rey, Finn and Rose walk towards an empty table in the corner. 

Rose walks around to the other side of the table, Finn following. Rey's back is to the room when she sees her brother looking sick to his stomach. 

He merely gasps her name. 

She hears a voice behind her. A voice that makes her blood run cold. 

"Well hello, Rey."

It's Hux. 

She won't turn around. She won't. 

Finn suddenly snaps out of his shock, charging at the man. Hux simply holds both hands up, feigning innocence. 

Finn stops, unsure what to do. Rey is pleading with her eyes that he not cause a scene. 

Then Hux grins and he leans into her. She can feel his breath on her ear and she's frozen, her nails digging into the chair in front of her. 

"Damn babe, you should've worn that for me. Still no tits but an ass for days,"

Hux smirks, his arm still around his date's waist. He runs his other hand across her ass before turning to walk to the bar. 

Her eyes fly wide and her face goes pale. She gulps once and her breath shudders. 

Ben returns just in time to see her panic, having missed the exchange.

"Rey!" he says her name in desperation as she bolts towards the door, almost falling. Rose chases after her into the parking lot. Finn, however, does not. Finn cracks his knuckles, fuming. If looks could kill, the red headed man would fall dead on the spot. 

"What the hell?" Ben replies, turning to go after his girlfriend but then spotting Finn's behavior. He looks over at whoever Finn is glaring at and the dots connect. Only one person could cause Finn to become so angry and that person has the same shade of hair as the person he's looking at. 

_Armitage Hux._

"What did he say to her?" Ben growls, beginning to shake. He glances out the door and sees Rey wrapped in Rose's arms, Poe, Zorii and Phasma now having arrived. Poe's eyes dart up and make eye contact with Ben through the glass. Then he's walking towards him, his face red. 

"You don't want to know, Ben," Finn answers him. 

"Oh but I do. I really, really do."

"Ben, don't, you have a record. You'll go to jail," Finn tells him. 

"My record was wiped clean, Finn," Ben responds, somehow keeping his voice so calm that Finn's blood runs cold. 

"Ben…." Finn says with a warning tone in his voice. 

Then Ben pauses and his fists clench as a thought takes hold of him. He asks the question through clenched teeth.

"Did he touch her, Finn?" 

The look in Finn's eyes answers the question. 

Ben begins to move towards Hux right about the time Poe enters the club. 

"Where is my brother," Poe says and it's not a question. 

All Finn can manage is a look Ben's way and that's all the answer Poe needs. 

Ben calmly approaches Hux and quick as a flash, slams his face into the bar. Blood shoots out of his nose and Ben has him by his hair. He pulls him backwards, his face right next to Ben's. He holds him there as Hux struggles to breathe, shaking and obviously swallowing blood down his throat. Ben reaches inside Hux's shirt pocket, fetching his pack of smokes. He slowly extracts one and lights it with Hux's lighter, still holding Hux by the back of his head. 

Poe approaches from behind slowly. He's not seen this Ben in a very long time. Truth be told, this isn't Ben at all. 

This is Kylo Ren. 

"Here's how this is going to go," Ben tells him, so calm that it's terrifying, "see, I've been interested in meeting you for…Poe, how long has Rey been working for me?"

"Um, Ben?" Poe says, clearly scared to death, "do you really think this is a good idea?'

"Oh, this is the best fucking idea I think I've ever had. You know, other than falling in love with Rey."

With those words, the gravity of the situation has hit Hux. He sputters and blood comes flying out of his mouth.

Ben just holds him and puffs the cigarette. 

"How long's it been, Finn? 'Bout a year and a half now, ya think?"

"Yep, about that long," Finn replies, holding his hand up to ask for a drink. He sits on the barstool on the other side of Hux, who is desperately digging his nails into the edge of the bar. The bartender slides him an entire bottle of whiskey. He then eyes Hux and smiles. 

"It's on the house," the older man says to Ben then looks at Hux, "never did like this dickhead."

Then the bartender leaves. 

"So, over a year, Hux. Over a year, I've wanted to meet you. Seems that you can't keep your hands or mouth off of my girl. That pisses me way the fuck off, Hux. You had your chance. You're a stupid motherfucker, aren't you? How do you have such a goddess as her in your arms and not realize it? You know what I think? I think maybe you realized she's a hell of a lot smarter than you. Better than you. God knows she's smarter and better than me. I'm absolutely sure if she finds out about this, she will kick my ass six ways from Sunday. She can, ya know? I'll love every minute of it, too. That's because I'm smarter than you. How the fuck you aren't in prison, I'll never know. Only mob gets away with hurting people like you have. I'd sure as hell know if you were mob, since I was Kylo Ren and all."

At those last words, Hux pretty much begins to cry cause everyone knows the name Kylo Ren. The pure calm that Ben is radiating is enough to make anyone's blood run cold. 

"But you are a lucky bastard because I'm not about that anymore. See, I've got one _hell_ of a woman in my life now and she needs me clean because she's pure light, you know? She's gorgeous and kind. Damn good in bed too. Sorry, Finn."

Finn is too angry to even process what Ben just said. He's just staring daggers at the man who hurt his sister. 

"I mean, how the actual _fuck_ do you criticize a body like Rey's? Boob job? Seriously? Finn, take a walk."

Finn walks away but doesn't leave the bar.

"You got my girl thinking she's nothing. Only upside is me spending _hours_ worshipping the tits you wanted to have some doctor cut on. It's beyond me, man, how you found _anything_ wrong with her. That thing you were here with, the one that just ran off? Nowhere _near_ as fine as Rey," Ben says, shaking his head, still holding Hux by his hair. Every few seconds he pulls harder, causing the ginger to whine. The blood hasn't stopped and Hux's shirt is soaked in it. 

He waves Finn back over and upon returning, he leans into the bar on the other side of Hux. 

Ben continues. 

"So, you are a lucky fuck, _again_. Wanna know why?" Ben pauses but doesn't even look over at Hux, "I promised my future wife that I'd stay away from that life. I promised the future mother of my children that I'd never turn back dark. See, if I was still that dark, I'd cut your damn hands off slowly. Those same hands that pushed my woman down those stairs, you'd watch me cut them off."

Now Hux is crying and hyperventilating. 

"She's so _captivating_ though. I'd do _anything_ to keep her happy. That includes letting this slide. You see my boy Finn, though? See him, Armie? Nod if you see my future brother in law, Armie."

Hux nods, which only hurts with a crushed nose. He cries in pain. 

"Her brother adores her. He took care of her after you hurt her. That's why he couldn't come after you, Armie. He was busy. Here's the deal though. You are leaving New York. That way the future Mrs. Ben Solo doesn't have to worry about running into you again. If you don't, Finn is going to deal with you. I gotta keep my hands clean so I don't get my ass kicked by your beautiful, gorgeous, smart, amazing ex girlfriend. Because frankly, she scares me."

Ben puffs the cigarette slowly, glancing around to see that pretty much everyone has left the bar. Armitage Hux has done a thorough job of pissing everyone off at some point in time. He has no allies here. 

"You are leaving tonight, Hux. My man Finn here will be watching to make sure you do and if you even _think_ about doing _anything_ to him, you'll regret it so very badly."

Then Ben leans into Hux's ear. 

"If you ever speak to or touch Rey again, I'll kill you. Slowly. You'll be begging to die, Armie. Don't even think about her, you got me? I swear I'll forget every promise I made to her about staying out of the darkness, only for a moment. That's all I'll need though. A moment to rip you to shreds. She's _mine_ and I'll rip you apart slowly if you even so much as _utter_ her name under your breath."

With that, he looks to Finn. 

"Get him out of town, Finn. That's all I ask. Anything else you do, it's fine with me. I've got a girl to go take care of. Hux, do you understand what I'm telling you? Gone. Out of New York Never come back here. You got it? Nod."

Hux nods as best he can with his hair in Ben's grip. 

Ben releases him and leaves, Poe right behind him. 

"Ben…."

"Don't…"

"Just like that, you tell the man to leave town and you think he will?"

"Yes…."

"Am I talking to my brother or to Kylo?"

Ben stops and turns, looking at Poe. His brother. His beloved brother that has always been there for him. 

"Kylo will always be a part of me, brother. You see what I just did? I'd do the same for you, for mom, for Finn and Rose and Zorii. Hell, probably even Phasma. I will always have that darkness in me, Poe. It's part of me. If I have to be Kylo to keep her safe, I will. Now, do you want to go with your best friend and help him?"

"I think Finn's wanted to handle Hux for a long time. Will he be safe?"

Ben pulls out a phone that Poe doesn't recognize. He types out something and hits send, sticking it back in his pocket. 

"Yes," he then tells Poe. His brother's eyes go wide. 

"Ben, what did you just do?" 

"Took care of my family. Finn is my family. I always take care of what's mine. Don't ask me anything else, Poe. You're my little brother and there are things I will protect you from. Just know that. Trust me."

Poe watches Ben's eyes go from black back to brown. There's his brother. He's not gone. He's still here. 

"I trust you, Ben."

"Good. Now where did Rose take Rey?"

**_____________________________**

Rey thought she'd be angry with Ben for whatever he'd just done. She knew he'd done something because she'd somehow found herself being swept into Ben's car except Phaz was driving and Rose had her in the backseat. Zorii was in the passenger seat. She'd been in a blur as she was taken back to Ben's place. 

No, not Ben's place. 

Home. It was home now. 

Next thing she knew, she was on their couch and Rose was holding her. Rey wasn't talking, she couldn't. Rose knows this so she's just there and Rey buries her face in her best friend's neck. The exhaustion takes hold and she drifts to sleep. 

Then there's a voice. _The_ voice. The voice that holds her steady. The voice that calms her. Then strong arms and a chest that is both soft and hard. A fragrance fills her senses. He fills her senses. She's in his arms and is being lifted. She hears her dear friends whisper goodbyes. 

A soft hand brushes her hair back from her face. 

"I'll see you tomorrow, Rey, I love you," Rose whispers. 

Then that deep voice rumbles against her chest. 

"Thank you, Rose," Ben tells her. He says the same to Zorii and Phasma. 

She is vaguely aware of being carried up the staircase and being tenderly laid on their bed. He gently removes her clothes and slips his softest t-shirt over her head, dotting tender kisses on her face the entire time. Then he strips his own clothes and climbs in next to her. He pulls her close, almost under him, her face settling into his chest. His strong, long arms encircle her and she's home. Not just a place but a person. Her person. 

"You're safe. You'll always be safe, Rey. I promise."

For the first time in hours, she speaks. 

"I feel so weak, Ben. He made me feel weak."

"But you're not. You are the strongest person I know, Rey. Stronger than you know."

"But Ben," she says, finally looking up at the face that is her light, the face that is her home, "I need…"

He kisses her nose, leaning down to press his forehead against hers.

"What do you need? Tell me."

She just stares at him and somehow he knows. 

"Where's Kira? Where did she go? Kira protected herself. That's what you need. You need to protect yourself. You did protect yourself, when you were Kira. I heard how you'd kick ass. You think that you shouldn't be that way now, don't you? Where'd you put her?"

"You let Kylo die. I let Kira die. You know where I put Kira. She's dead."

He pulls back from her some but his grip is still strong on her. He searches her eyes, tracing his finger down her nose.

"No. She's there. I'm willing to bet that if anyone messed with your family, she'd come alive."

"You were Kylo tonight, weren't you, Ben?"

Ben sighs and looks his girl right into her hazel eyes. The ones he'd fallen into on a cold day in his office. The ones he'd fallen into the first time he saw them. He nods. 

"Yes, Rey. I didn't know he was still there. When I saw your face, saw how scared you were, he came back. I'm sorry."

She reaches up and traces his face with her fingertips.

"I love you. Whether you are Ben or Kylo, I love you."

His heart skips a beat. Holy fuck he loves this woman. 

"I love you, Rey. I would love you too, no matter if you are Rey or Kira. We are certainly a strange pair, giving our alter egos their own name. Kylo and Kira, they've seen darkness and lived. Sometimes, Rey, that darkness is needed, to keep us safe. I'll help you learn to protect yourself, if you want. Though from what I've heard, you are perfectly capable. You had a staff?"

Rey smiles and seeing her more herself melts his heart. 

"I did. It was beautiful. Hand carved."

"I want to see you use it."

"I got rid of it."

"Well, I think you need another one. Besides, that's sexy as fuck, Rey."

She kisses him softly and he likes it. Then her sweet tongue traces his lips and he loves it. She licks his mouth open and he consumes her, delving into her. She breaks long enough to whisper.

"You think everything I do is sexy, Ben Solo."

All he can do is grunt and she attacks again, pushing him flat onto his back. Then she stretches her body atop his, using him as her own personal pillow. His hands grip her ass through her cotton panties and she wiggles her hips against him. He moans and she relishes in the power she has over this man. Her man. 

"You are the sexiest thing I've ever seen, Rey. You drive me insane."

"I need you, Ben."

"I'm right here. I'll always be right here."

They make love slowly, him letting her take the lead. She needs to feel powerful, feel in control. There's so much about her life she's not been able to control but this….Ben...them together, tangled in the sheets, is her domain. Ben needs it too. He needs to feel this woman love him in her way. Theirs is a give and take love. When she needs him, he succumbs to her. When he needs to fulfill the deep seated need of his masculinity, she becomes his plaything. Right now though, she's in control and he's all hers. 

She fucks herself on his body, bringing herself to climax over and over as he whispers to her. She causes him to chant her name, worshipping her. 

He'll never get enough of her. 

Afterwards, he brings a wet cloth to wipe her face and another to clean between her thighs. He's also brought her a glass of water and something to help her sleep. 

Before long she's curled up next to him, finally asleep. He reaches for his phone, the other phone. He sends out a one word text to the only number stored in the contacts. 

The reply tells him all he needs to know. He texts his brother just to double check. 

After receiving the reply, he assures both Poe and Finn that she's okay, sleeping soundly. 

After that, he holds her all night long. He doesn't sleep. He just watches her. 

  
  
  



	39. Chapter 39

He watches her from across the room, mystified by her. Her shouts and cries seem to empower her more and more. 

She's captivating, swinging her new staff in a figure eight pattern. She crouches, twirling it over her head, a feral look on her face. She's lost in her thoughts as she trains, thoughts that Ben isn't privy to, though he can imagine what they are. His chest hurts at the memories she must have, the trauma she's suffered. 

He can't erase it. He can only help her overcome it. 

That's why he brought her here. 

This is not a classy gym. This is a place to train, to get dirty, to feel empowered. 

This is where Kylo had trained. Very few here are aware of just who he is, who he was. There are some familiar faces, the same men who were on the other end of that second phone he carried. 

The Knights of Ren. His partners in crime and in the life he'd led. They were not related in any way, only given that common name by their former boss, Snoke. Ben always thought it was stupid how Snoke called them knights. Like he was some king or something. 

They'd all lived in fear of the man, a true soulless monster that dominated them. They'd been trained to hate each other. They'd been taught to distrust one another. 

It was a sick game Snoke ran, delighting in seeing his "apprentices" fight one another, vying for his attention and position. 

What Snoke didn't know was how he'd created a bond between them. As they grew from teenagers to men, they'd become smarter than their boss realized. 

In the end, it led to his demise. 

The "boys", as Han called them, were broken by his disappearance and then the discovery of his body. Kylo had been surprised when his father had walked up into their lair one night, desperate to bring his son home. He'd faced off with the lead knight, his own son, daring him to end his life. Han somehow knew that the mob boss had put a hit on him. A hit that was to be carried out by Ben. So instead of being afraid for his life, he handed his son the gun. Do it, he'd told Ben.

Ben couldn't do it. He'd told his father to get out, knowing that by disobeying Snoke, he'd probably be dead by morning. 

Watching their brother defy their master gave the men the strength to end it. To end the reign of a cruel boss. 

It was something Ben didn't like to think about, what they'd done. It wasn't enjoyable. It didn't bring them pleasure. It did, however, bring them freedom. It brought them all home to their mothers and fathers and siblings. 

By then, though, Han was missing. Ben had never gotten the nerve to tell his mother the whole story. Han had tried to save him and he thought he'd failed. So he picked a fight with Leia and went to drink away his sorrows. 

Sorrows over having not pulled Ben away from Snoke. 

It was only after Ben and his partners had ended Snoke's life did he find out that his father was missing. 

By then, it was too late. Han was dead. 

Ben remained haunted for years, punishing himself. Poe convinced him to help save their uncle's company. It was just a project for Ben, to keep his mind off of his depression. 

Then a bright light known as Rey walked into his office. His desire to take care of her overrode his desire to stay in the darkness. 

Now he's hers and she's his and he wants to help her overcome her darkness. So he brought her here to remind her that she's a warrior. 

She's a magnificent sight. The owner of the gym, Sam, once known as Vic Ren, is skilled in hand to hand battle. He's had experience with quarterstaff fighting. Ben had asked him to help her. 

Ben and his former partners had cut ties for good. Until the death of John a few months back. John was the former Alex Ren, probably the most tenderhearted of the group. Ben had received an inconspicuous email from an untraceable IP address. All it said was "John died". Ben knew how to contact them, a burner phone he kept on his person at all times containing a solitary phone number. 

Several days later, he met with the men, in order to pay respects with a drink. 

They'd all agreed that night to contact each other if needed. Ben knew that for the most part, the mafia had died out with Snoke's demise. The only people who would've stepped in to take over were the Knights of Ren and they all wanted a normal life. Some were married now. Some were fathers. All were at peace. 

John had been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, unbeknownst to them. He was dead before they even found out. 

Ben watched Rey train with Sam. He'd get the upper hand and then she'd come back, fierce and beautiful. Rey was a good deal younger than Sam and it showed. She was also angry. That also showed. 

Sam cast Ben a glance and Ben knew his friend needed an excuse for a break from this wild woman. Ben also knew Sam wouldn't lay down his pride and ask for one so he needed to intervene. Besides, Rey was pushing her limits. Ben didn't enjoy seeing her so angry, though she was hot as hell baring her teeth at the older man. 

He approached the dueling pair, earning a glance from his girlfriend. Damn, she was pissed. Gorgeous but pissed. Ben covered his grin with his hand, not desiring to get smacked with her weapon. He didn't think she'd hurt him but he wasn't about to tick her off and chance it. 

Rey is pouring sweat, breathing so heavy that Ben is a bit concerned. 

"Rey?" he says gently, trying to bring her back from wherever her trauma has taken her. 

She just continues to glare at him. He slowly reaches for her staff, maintaining a calm demeanor. His hands cover hers and he dared to step right up to her. 

"Let me have it, okay?" 

The seconds feel like minutes but she slowly comes back to herself, her face relaxing and her breath returning to normal. She finally blinks several times. 

"There's my girl…."

"Ben?" 

"I think that's enough for today. We skipped lunch. You need to eat. Sam?"

The man is sitting on a bench, quite give out. Ben tries not to smile at his old friend. Sam waves a hand at Ben, communicating his desire to bring this sparring session to end. 

"Oh….oh…." Rey gasps, her hand covering her mouth, shaking slightly, "oh no, Sam! I'm sorry!"

She darts over to the man, concern on her face. 

"Sam, are you alright? I just kinda...lost it there at the end. I don't know what happened."

Sam reaches up and pats her arm, still gasping for air. Ben grabs Sam's water bottle and hands it to him. After drinking, he looks to Rey and smiles. 

"It's okay, I'm just glad your boyfriend saved my old ass," he looks to Ben, "that's quite a woman you got there, Solo. She's good."

Ben pulls Rey to his side, turning his head to kiss her sweaty brow. 

"She's amazing. You alright there, Sam?" 

"Nothing a few dozen Tylenol won't fix," he responds, still looking at Rey in awe. 

Later that night, she's quiet. He glances at her from the kitchen, watching her on the sofa. She's reading, or at least trying to read. Her eyes keep wandering from the book. She stares off, looking numb. Then she returns to herself, only repeating the process again and again. 

After cleaning the kitchen, Ben approaches her with a glass of wine. 

"Scoot up, love," he tells her and she does. 

He slides behind her, settling her back against his chest. He hands her the glass and she sips. He pushes her hair to the side, snuggling his nose into her neck, looking down over her shoulder at the book she's pretending to read. 

"Whatcha reading?" he asks, kissing her neck lightly. His arms wrap around her waist. 

"It's silly…." 

"What? Why is it silly?"

"It's a romance novel," she tells him, laying her head back on his broad shoulder. 

He smiles into her neck.

"Not enough romance in your life?" he teases. 

"Oh, this guy has got nothing on you," she says with a smile. 

"Good," he responds, "maybe I should read it for ideas, huh?"

"I think you do amazing on your own, love," she tells him, turning her head for a kiss. 

He reaches over and removes the book from her hands.

"Rey, are you okay? You weren't really reading. I could see your mind wandering. Did today help?"

She laces the fingers of both hands between his own. 

"It did. It felt good to get that anger out. I like Sam. I'm glad you are talking to your old friends again. It's safe, though, right?"

"I believe it is. Unfortunately, I have to keep an ear out. You are safe though, Rey. You know that, right? I'm not going to let anyone hurt you. Never again."

Tears form in her eyes but none escape. He holds her tighter. 

"What about you? Are you safe, Ben?"

He sighs. He doesn't deserve her. 

"I'm safe, Rey. We are safe. I promise."

She turns in his arms, running a hand into his hair and gripping it. 

"I love you so much, Ben. I love you."

"I love you too, kitten."

Something about the way she pulls at his hair makes him feel so possessed by her. Something about being possessed by her lights a flame inside of him. 

All of his life he's felt unwanted, in the way. His parents barely paid any attention to him. His uncle was irritated by him. Snoke only used him. Bazine only wanted his body and his money. 

But Rey…

Rey saw him. The real him. She cared nothing for his money. She noticed him and reached out to him. For him, pulling him back from the darkness. She resisted his affections only because she didn't think she was worthy of him. 

Only Rey has ever deemed him to be a good man. 

He kisses her deeply, slowly. It starts out gentle but evolves into more. She turns more towards him and his skin needs her skin. His hand slips inside her shirt, his shirt. She wears his clothes more than her own when they are home. As usual, she just has on his t-shirt and panties. She wears just regular cotton panties at home but for some reason, he loves those as much as her sexy thongs. He loves that she doesn't have to try to be sexy. She just is. She's happy in Target jeans and a $5 t-shirt. She's sexy in that, too. 

He's a goner for her and all he wants is to touch her, taste her and hear her. He wants his senses surrounded by her. 

"Hold on to me, Rey," he whispers. She immediately grabs him, no questions, no concerns. She trusts him. 

He doesn't even want to wait long enough to walk up the stairs. He carries her to the kitchen and settles her on the table. 

"Ben! What are you…."

He leans over her, causing her to bend back.

"Shh...lay back, kitten…"

He pulls a chair to himself and sits, her legs dangling off the side of the table, her face watching him as she sits up on her elbows. 

He kisses each freckle of her right knee, then her left. Trailing his lips up the inside of her thigh, he hooks her knees over his shoulders. Then he takes in the sight before him. She's like a meal laid out for him. 

"Your cunt is so beautiful, you know that? I dreamed about it for months. I love how you look. How you taste. Can I taste you now, Rey?"

She can only nod, watching him watch her. He kisses her mound like it's some sacred thing. Like he's worshipping her. 

His tongue slides between her lips, causing her to gasp out loud. He grins against her skin. She makes him feel so powerful. 

He laps at her, his lips against her, sucking at her clit then tracing back down. His tongue circles her entrance then slides back up in a figure eight pattern. He knows right where to apply more pressure, right where to stop a moment. He knows her better than she knows herself. 

She begs him for more, whining and chanting his name.

"Need your fingers, Ben... _please…_ "

Eager to please her, he slides in one, then two fingers, hooking them upwards. He finds that place inside that causes her to shout out loud, his name babbling from her mouth. His other hand slides up, finding her breast and massaging, just how she likes it. He's never known a woman like he knows her. He's studied her, memorized her. He knows her. 

He draws it out, taking his time, ignoring her pleas to hurry. Her begging him to go deeper. No, he wants this to last. It will be worth it. She'll see. 

He licks and kisses at the skin where her thighs meet her cunt. She begs him to return to her clit. He doesn't, only grazing his nose across to the other side. 

This will only go on so long until she grabs his hair. He knows this. Sure enough, after several more seconds, he feels her pull at his hair, almost growling at him. 

"Ben! Please!"

He smiles again, enjoying himself. Then he picks up the pace, thrusting his fingers into her and sucking her clit violently. 

It hurts but she can't bear for him to stop. 

He feels her climbing, feels her clenching, feels her body trembling. 

One last flick of his fingers and she's gone, all her worries forgotten, all her fears replaced by pleasure. 

It's what he does to her, chases away her stress, her anxiety, using himself to relieve her tension. 

He removes his fingers reluctantly, already missing her heat. Kissing his way back up her body, he lifts her up off the hard table. She's limp, sated, boneless. He smiles, having achieved his goal. Her legs wrap around him again and her head falls to his shoulder. He walks her up the stairs, glad that he's resumed his daily workouts. By the time he lays her down, she's almost asleep. He shrugs off his pants and shirt, sliding into the bed, covering them both with the duvet. 

"Did that help?" he asks her, always needing that reassurance. His confidence is growing but he still struggles. 

"Mmm-hmm," she replies, still high from her orgasm. She presses her body against his, sighing. She laces her fingers through his. 

"I love you," she murmurs, drifting off. 

"I love you too, Rey," he tells her, never so sure of anything else he's ever said in his life. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was based on recent advice I received from my therapist. If you are struggling with anxiety and fear...empower yourself.


	40. Chapter 40

They spend the next few weekends at home. Rey just needs to be in her safe place. It is truly their home now. She's slowly spilled in items that are just her. More color, artwork on the walls, colorful throws, vases of various shapes and sizes. Sometimes Ben fills them with flowers for her. Plants of all types. Even Moose received a bright green sweater. 

"He doesn't need _clothes_ , Rey, he's a dog."

She sits on the floor in front of the massive animal, smiling and scratching his ears. 

"Him does though, isn't that right, baby boy?" she coos at him and he licks her nose, "him was cold, huh? You look _so_ handsome now…"

Moose just looks up at Ben with what Ben swears is a sappy grin, his tongue hanging out and his tail flopping up and down on the floor. 

Rey stands and walks to the kitchen, Moose right behind her, not even glancing back at his actual owner.

"Traitor!," Ben calls out at Moose, who ignores him. 

He can't blame the dog though, Rey certainly has him wrapped also. 

Maybe she will play with _his_ ears later tonight. 

After several months together, Ben realizes more and more how truly happy he is. His company is thriving, he's somehow gotten this amazing woman to fall in love with him, he's lost his dog to the same woman but hey, that's alright. He watches her bounce Moose's ball across the room and sees her smile when the dog slides across the hardwood to fetch it. 

His life is better than it has ever been. 

He walks up behind her and circles his arms around her waist, settling his chin on her shoulder. She grasps his hand with one of her own while the other reaches up and plays with his hair. 

"I've got a surprise for you," he tells her. 

She looks over her shoulder at him and he gives her a soft kiss. 

"What is it?"

"Get ready and I'll show you. Nothing fancy. Just a day out."

She sighs. 

"I don't know, Ben. I just want to stay home."

"Hey," he stands and turns her, taking her face in his hands, "Rey, I know what this is about. Please trust me. You'll be okay. I'm here plus, more importantly, you know you can take care of yourself."

The self defense lessons were to remind her that she's able to protect herself. Not that Ben plans for her to be far from him. He's not worried about Hux. He knows where the asshole is. He'll never fuck with Rey again. Ben knows this without a doubt. If he comes within 50 miles of them, Ben will know. If needed, Hux will disappear from existence. 

"Please?" he asks her again. 

She can see how much this means to him. She nods. 

"Okay," she replies, wrapping her arms around his waist, her face laying on his broad chest. 

____________________________

  
  


They return to Coney Island.

"Yay! Our favorite place!" she exclaims when they pull in the lot. Ben smiles. Hopefully this day will be a very important one. 

She immediately wants to eat, something that completely does not surprise him. 

She eats her hot dog slowly. This is a game. Rey eats nothing slowly. He suddenly has no appetite. Not for food anyways. 

Then she licks a bit of mustard off the end, watching him. 

"You know you are evil, right?" he asks her. 

"Mmm-hmm, you can _so_ punish me later"

"Payback," he says before using his long thick tongue to lick the toppings off his hot dog in one full swoop, "is a bitch, Rey Johnson."

"Damn," she breathes. 

Then a throat clears next to them and they look over to see a pearl clutching old lady. 

They bust out laughing and take off hand in hand, finishing off their hot dogs.

After watching the water from their favorite bench, they pretty much make out for an hour, in clear daylight. 

"Traditions must be upheld," he whispers into her ear after leaving several love marks on her neck. 

They watch as the sun sets, her head nestled on his chest as he lovingly scratches her back, moving his hand up inside her sweater.

"Oh, _now_ you wear a bra. Last time you were here you wore this same sweater and no bra."

She sighs, thinking that the man must have magical fingers. 

"I regretted that because the fabric rubbed my nipples all damn day."

He actually pops her on the ass. 

"Evil, you are evil. Now all I can think about is that your nipples were hard the whole time."

"I know, that's why I told you," she says wickedly. 

His fingers slide under the back of her bra and he sets to work. She feels her bra come unlatched. 

"If you think I won't take this off of you right now….."

She sits up quickly, looking around to see if anyone noticed.

"You are terrible!" she says, a fake look of disgust on her face. 

"I know, that's why I told you…" he mimics, a twinkle in his eye as he grabs at her. 

She's so used to his naughtiness by now she just jumps up and dodges his hands, refastening her bra. 

"Okay, okay, I'll be good...come back," he pleads. She smiles and settles back down on his chest. They watch the boats go by. 

He places a gentle kiss on her head. 

"You know I love you, right?" he asks. 

She tilts her head up and kisses him sweetly. "I do. I love you too. Thank you."

"For what?" 

"Saving me. Being so patient with me. Accepting me. Taking care of me after I was hurt. Showing me that I'm strong."

"Hey," he says, rolling her over until her head is in his lap and she's looking up at him, "you were worth every moment of waiting. Accepting you? Accepting what? You are so beautiful. Inside and out. So smart. Brave. Talented. You accepted me. My temper and my past…."

"I had the same past, Ben…."

" _You were surviving_ , Rey. You were homeless and hungry and you were just trying to survive. I was a spoiled rich boy running from my parents."

Her hand comes up and cups his face. 

"I love you….period, Ben. I saw past all that. This is what I love…."

Her hand slides down to his chest, slipping under his jacket. She feels his strong heart beat. 

They just stare at each other, her hand on his heart and his hand on her bare back, tracing circles. 

"Kiss me again. Kiss me forever," she says to him. 

So after another kissing session, he realizes the time. 

"Hey, let's go see the sharks again," he says. 

"Okay," she replies, "but I want to ride the Wonder Wheel again."

"Alright."

They get in line and she leans back against his chest. He nuzzles his nose into her hair and wraps his arms around her waist. 

The same lady that was running it before is there tonight. He pulls out his wallet. 

"What are you doing?" Rey asks. 

"No questions, sweet girl…."

The lady spots them and smiles. 

"Hey there! I remember you two! Ohhh is she your girl now? Finally?" 

"Yes she is and you are one reason why," Ben says, offering his hand to her. She shakes it. He winks from above Rey's head as he passes the folded up stack of $100 bills to her, again. 

"My name is Patti and I'm glad to have helped. You are a beautiful couple."

"I'm Ben and this is my girlfriend Rey."

"You got you a good one there honey. Hot to boot, girl. Whew!"

"I have no idea what's happening but I agree with you on that one Patti," Rey turns her head up to look at her hot boyfriend. She laughs at his bright red face. 

"Go ahead," Patti says, motioning towards the stopped gondola. 

They climb in and once again, no one else boards with them. They are alone. 

The ferris wheel moves steadily to the top and stops. Rey dozes on Ben's shoulder, rocked by the swinging of the car. 

Ben plays with her hair, silent. After several minutes he speaks, a whisper. 

"Marry me," he says, nervous but never so sure of anything in his life. 

Rey shoots up, turning, her eyes wide. 

"What did you say?"

He cups her face in his hands. He places small pecks on each freckle. 

"Please, marry me, Rey. Be my wife. Come home with me and stay forever. Have my babies. Grow old with me."

Tears flow from her eyes. He kisses each away, savoring the saltiness of her skin. 

Her mouth won't work. Her breath is gone. All she can do is nod. 

"Yes?" he asks, afraid to believe it. 

"Yes…" she manages to whisper, "oh yes, yes, yes. Forever yes, my Ben…."

He smiles and she thinks it is perhaps the most beautiful smile she's ever seen. 

She giggles then she laughs then she kisses him all over his face, running her fingers through his hair. 

"Oh shit, your ring!" 

"You got me a ring??" 

"Well yes, silly girl. That's kinda how it works. But I don't have it with me. I wasn't planning on doing it here."

"This is perfect Ben. The perfect place. The perfect night. Oh I love you. I love you so much."

"Well, it was going to be tonight but down there," he says, nodding towards the aquarium, "I reserved the courtyard and had dinner catered. I even have a dress waiting for you."

"Oh you romantic oaf. You are amazing," she says and kisses him passionately. 

They get carried away, of course. Next thing he knows, she's whispering filthy, filthy words in his ear. Promises of what she will be doing to his body later. 

The woman is a sex goddess. His own personal sex goddess. 

"Forget all that Ben, let's go home. Let me use you. You're just my big sex toy, you know that? My playground of big muscles and big hair and a big cock for me to ride…."

She is now stroking him through his jeans and he's a mumbling mess. 

"No...wait..baby...hold on...okay...whatever you want...no! Wait! Baby, slow down. Damn you are eager…"

The ferris wheel finally starts moving but Rey doesn't slow her assault. She's biting his earlobe and running her hand up his t-shirt. 

"Rey...you are going to be the death of me"

They reach the bottom and he climbs out first. Rey grabs his ass and Patti cackles loudly. 

"Grab him again for me!" she says and Ben thinks he might actually die, a mix of horniness and embarrassment. 

"He proposed to me, Patti!" Rey practically shouts and Patti claps. 

"Aww that's great hun! Congrats! Thank you Ben. You were a blessing. I needed that badly."

Ben reaches for his wallet as Rey looks on, confused. 

"Patti, listen, here's my card. Call me next week. Rey will answer the call. I'm the CEO of Organa-Solo Enterprises. I'd like to offer you a job."

She tears up and gasps, grabbing the card. 

"I'll call you," she says, actually shaking. 

"I look forward to it," Ben answers. 

As they walk away, Rey just looks up at this man whom she loves. He's a good man. When he explains that twice he'd slipped her $500 to stop the wheel at the top for them, Rey cries. He's not just a good man, he's amazing. 

They arrive at the aquarium and Ben walks Rey straight to the courtyard, where a single table sits in the center. The courtyard is filled with various green plants. Rey didn't even know it existed and she gasps. She loves the feeling of being surrounded by all that green. 

Ben leads her by the hand over to a row of succulents in long planters. There are literally hundreds. 

"Isn't this one your favorite? I see you babying it all the time," he says. 

Rey bends over to look and she squeals. 

"Ben!!!"

Sitting right in the center is the most gorgeous ring perched on a green leaf. The diamond is nestled in diamond crusted rose petals, leaves circling the bands. It sparkles brilliantly, calling to her. Ben gently picks it up and slips it onto her shaking hand as she cries. 

"Ben, it's beautiful."

"I had it made just for you. A rose for my sweet nature loving girl."

She never, ever thought this would happen for her, especially after the hell she'd endured three years ago. She certainly never thought she'd find such a precious, precious man who is kind and loving and so, so sweet to her. 

"I'm sorry I couldn't wait. I had it all planned out. I bought a new tux and your gown and dinner and dancing. I just couldn't wait."

Rey stands on her tiptoes in her favorite ratty tennis shoes, wearing her Target jeans and her thrift store sweater and kisses her millionaire fiancee'. 

"I…. _kiss_ ….love…. _kiss_ ….this…. _kiss_ . You are perfect….. _kiss_ ….amazing…. _kiss_ ….

Quit apologizing!'

He wraps her in a tight embrace, lifting her off the ground. 

"Still want to leave?" he asks. 

"Are you kidding? You better put on that tux. I'll peel it off with my teeth later."

Then she winks at him and walks away.

"Damn…." he whispers. He knows, _knows_ that he doesn't deserve her and now she will be his forever. All that fire, all that passion, all that beauty. His forever. 

He'd pinch himself to see if he was dreaming but he never, ever wants to wake up if he is. 

Rey and Ben part to change clothes. She is weak at the sight of Ben Solo in a tux. 

He's not much better.

He'd chosen her dress, imagining how she'd look in it. However, his imagination did not do justice to this woman before him now. 

The dress is green and wraps her like a glove, covered in sparkling stones. It cuts low in the front, almost to her navel, accentuating his favorite place to kiss her, nuzzle her, lay his cheek. That area of skin is both the sexiest and the closest to the best part of Rey. Her heart. 

Breathtaking, exquisite, extravagant….all the adjectives….

"Wow…." he manages to mumble. 

She doesn't approach him. Just stares. 

"You look amazing, Ben. I love you so much. So fucking much. The first time I saw you, I was gone. Not gonna lie, it was lust. Wanted to climb you. Then I found your heart and lust evolved to love."

"Come here," he says to her. Those words are their words. He's said it many times. It's a way that he asks her to bring him her vulnerability, her fears, her insecurity. He'd said it during their most intimate of times. He'd said it when she was afraid. When she was unsure.

Every single time he's said it, her heart would fly open. Also, the _way_ he said it, all deep and vibrating in his chest, made her weak, made her wet, made her internal muscles clench. She was putty in his hands every single damn time. 

It was the single sexiest thing he ever said to her, other than when he was inside of her, chanting her name like a prayer. 

She felt like she was floating as she walked to him. He captured her about the waist, like he knew she was weak in the knees. She was. Always, always weak for him. 

He is weak for her too. Her hands grab at the lapels of his jacket. He bends and kisses her, lifting her plush against his chest. She can feel his heart hammering.

She manages to break loose from his kiss to ask a question. 

"Do we really have to eat? Because my appetite is for other things."

"Like what?" he asks, a smirk on his lips. 

She purrs as she answers him. 

"Like your mouth and your fingers and your chest and your hips and your ass. Oh and that glorious cock. Thinking about riding you all night, Mr. Solo…."

He sets her to the floor, bending to scoop her up. She melts into his chest. He manages to tell the waiter they won't be staying and practically runs to his car. 

Upon setting her in his passenger seat, she latches on to the hair at the back of his neck. She kisses him completely senseless as he crushes her into the seat with his chest. 

He somehow finds it in him to stop kissing her. 

"If you don't let me go, I'm going to take you right here in the parking lot."

"Okay by me…."

"Yeah but anyone who walks by and sees your naked body, I'll be forced to kill them right here."

"Well, we can't have that. Then I won't get laid," she smirks up at him, letting him go. 

He shuts the door and practically runs around the car, jumping into the driver's seat. 

They barely make it into their door before she pushes him into the wall, unbuttoning his shirt frantically. His hands are everywhere, her mouth following the skin exposed down his chest. His bowtie is somehow removed, along with his jacket. Her dress is suddenly in the floor, along with his belt. 

Gasps and moans combine with names being whispered and groaned. She strokes him through the front of his pants. 

"Unzip me," he practically begs. 

She gives him what he wants, unbuttoning and unzipping his pants, reaching inside his boxer briefs and stroking him violently, just the way he likes it. The entire time she bites and sucks at his throat, his hand twisted in her hair. The other hand massaging one breast. 

"Upstairs, now…." she instructs him. He obeys her command. He loves this dominant side of her. Ben has never enjoyed submitting to anyone. Then this flash of light coursed into his life and he would follow her anywhere, do anything she wished. As long as he's with her, he's whole. She heals him a bit more with every touch. 

His hands slide down her back and cup her ass. She jumps, wrapping her legs around him, clad only in her underwear and heels. 

Climbing the staircase while his tongue is down her throat has become second nature to him. 

He drops her onto their bed, just like the first time they had sex. He always enjoys seeing her fall, her naked body bouncing. She shimmies backwards to make room for him, her smile wide and teasing. She giggles as he crawls to her like he wants to consume her. 

He very much does desire to do just that. 

"You're going to be mine," he growls at her. 

"I'm already yours," she tells him, grabbing at the collar of his unbuttoned shirt. 

"Completely mine. My wife," he says, pinning her down, caging her in. 

"Ask me again."

"Marry me," he says, diving into her neck, inhaling her scent while he grinds his hips into her heat. 

"Ask me again."

His voice deepens as she locks her ankles around his waist, grinding up into his hardness. 

"Marry me, Rey."

"That's so hot, the way you say that. Makes me so wet."

" _Fuck_ , marry me…" he says again, pulling her nipple into his mouth. He lavishes it until she's practically screaming.

"Ben!"

He wraps his arms around her, flipping her to her stomach. He pulls her to her knees, her ass in the air. 

Then he sees them, their reflection in the glass. The sky is dark over Manhattan. Usually the curtains are closed at night but since they weren't home, the curtains are still open. He can see her bent over in front of him, ready and waiting to take his cock. She's beautiful, as always. 

Reaching down and wrapping his hands around her waist, he pulls her up. 

Her back is against his chest and he can see her. Clad only in her thong, he watches her body in the reflection. 

"Open your eyes, kitten."

She does and then she gasps. 

"Ben, close the curtains."

"No. Look at you. Look at us. Damn, you're so beautiful."

"Someone will see us."

"No they won't, the windows are tinted."

"Oh," she replies, her eyes closing as her hands stroke his forearms, feeling the muscles under his skin.

"Don't close your eyes, look at us. Look at you. Your hair a mess, so damn pretty in my arms. I love you so fucking much, Rey."

She's gasping for air, the passion between them leaving her breathless. He begins to kiss her shoulder and she tilts her head, watching him. Watching her lover hold her from behind, both on their knees. He's still wearing his shirt and pants while she is bared for him to see. Her lipstick is smeared, her hair wild, her makeup a mess. She looks thoroughly wrecked and they haven't even begun yet. His lips trace her skin as he praises her. 

"So perfect for me. Gorgeous. Wanted you for so long. Now you're going to be my wife. Do you know what that does to me?"

"No," she gasps, his hand sliding up to cover her breast, his thumb teasing her nipple. His other hand covers her belly completely, so large yet so soft in his caresses. 

"It makes me want to give you pleasure, make you feel good. I _love_ making you feel good. I _live_ to make you feel good, Rey. Can I? Can I make you feel good?"

"Yes…."

He moves his hand down, tugging at her panties. She watches as he rips one side, ruining them.

"I'll buy you more, I promise."

She could care less, the sight of his massive hand on her skin the only thought she can process at the moment. 

Holy fuck, she loves his hands. 

She watches as he cups her mound, the heat from his hand causing her to become even wetter. His other hand still pays tribute to her breasts, cupping them, holding them. He knows her breasts even better than she does at this point. 

"Watch yourself, Rey. Watch how pretty you are when you come on my hand."

His fingers part her and slide inside. One of his fingers the size of two of hers, she groans, her eyes darting up to his face. He looks pure primal, his eyes black as he watches her. He slides in another finger and groans as he feels how much she loves this. His thumb finds her clit and he strokes her. Rey sags backwards into him and he sits on his heels, allowing her to settle on his thighs. 

"So good. You're so good for me, Rey. Everything a man dreams of, that's what you are. But you're mine. All of this, for me. I don't fucking deserve you but I'll never be without you again. I'll watch over you the rest of my days, Rey. No one will hurt you again."

He moves his hands faster, fingering her with one and using his other to play with her breasts. She's getting louder, which makes him smile that wicked smile that melts her inside. It's dark but full of lust. Lust for her. Only for her. 

He lavishes her skin with his mouth, biting and then licking the pain away with his tongue. His eyes never leave her reflection. He takes all of her in, every inch of her body, now covered in sweat as she writhes in his arms. She closes her eyes. 

"Open, kitten. Open your eyes. Watch us. Watch how we move. Watch how perfect we fit together. We were _made_ for each other."

His voice. Oh _fuck_ , his voice. So deep and velvet as he coaxes her along, taking her higher and higher. There's a fall coming. A glorious fall. He'll catch her though. He always does. 

His fingers work inside of her, stroking and thrusting, his thumb perfect as he teases her clit. 

"Come for me, Rey. Come for me, kitten. Let me watch you. Give it to me."

Her body begins to cave, that fall right there. 

"That's it. So pretty for me. Damn, you're hot, baby."

"Ben! I'm coming!"

Her senses explode, every nerve in her body on fire, every muscle heating up in the most amazing fire. She falls, her body completely giving in. He continues to please her, not letting up until she can't take anymore. 

"Good girl," he croons in her ear, "so perfect for me."

He lays her down gently, rubbing her back, adjusting her limp legs until she's comfortable. He tugs at her mangled panties, pulling them off and then removing her shoes. He chuckles deep in his chest at how drunk she is from her orgasm. He stands, stripping down until he is as bare as she is. Crawling back up next to her, he feels her shiver, the coolness of the room chilling her damp skin. He grabs a blanket from the foot of the bed and covers them both. His lips kiss her bare back tenderly. 

She can't move, can barely think. 

"You okay, sweetheart?" 

"Mmm-hmm," she mumbles and he smiles. 

After several minutes, he says it again. 

"Marry me, Rey. Please. I need you."

"Yes, Ben. I'll marry you. I love you."

"I love you too, Rey. Always."


	41. Chapter 41

The next few months fly by. Ben's birthday comes and goes, the best one he's ever had, in his opinion. He thought he would spend it alone, Rey in Japan meeting with a client. She flew back home and surprised him, giving him one of the best days of his life. 

Took him quite a while to recover from that day. And that night. 

The next morning they'd laid in bed at the resort hotel, planning their special day. 

"She'll take over, Rey. I'm telling you. There will be hundreds of guests. She can't help it. It's the way she is."

Rey sighed, her cheek pressed against his bare chest, her fingers playing in the hair below his navel. He grabs her hand.

"I thought we were planning our wedding, woman. You know what that does to me. You wanna do this or you want me to fuck you into the mattress again?"

She grins wickedly. 

"Ummmm...both?"

He groans. She's going to be the death of him. 

"We gotta talk about this. You're the bride! I thought this was what women dreamed about as little girls."

She sits up, turning to face him. His eyes try not to stare at her bare chest. 

"I never gave one second of my childhood dreaming about a wedding, Ben. I was too busy trying to find food to eat, remember?"

His eyes close, a sharp gasp leaving him. Rey doesn't talk about her childhood. It's too hard. Ben doesn't ask. He has actually broke down at times when he's thought about it. About his girl starving and alone.

He sits up alongside her, cupping her face with one hand. 

"I'm sorry. This was insensitive of me."

She smiles sadly, knowing he'd never hurt her on purpose.

"You didn't mean to, Ben. I don't know what I want. I just want to marry you."

His thumb traces her lips, his eyes watching her, feeling out her emotions. 

"Do you want a wedding? We can elope. Just us. Anywhere you want to do it."

"No. Your mother and my brother would be hurt if we did that. Rose would be too. Poe would probably even cry."

He laughs at that last sentence. It's true though. Poe would be very upset. His mother may actually kill him. 

He studies her, thinking. 

"Okay, so...you me, our closest friends and family. A dress, a tux, two rings and a cake. How's that sound?"

"But...what about food? We need food."

At this, he laughs out loud, leaning to kiss her. 

"I swear I love how much you love to eat. Yes, love, whatever food you want."

"Where could we do it?"

Ben thinks, watching her face. It's clear that she isn't keen on planning this. He cannot give his mother the reins. She'll make it a huge production. Ben and Rey and not huge production wedding type people. He's shared enough of his life. Rey is his sacred place. 

A beautiful memory pops into his head. He leans in and kisses her softly, whispering against her lips. 

"I know just the place…."

_____________________________

Two months later:

He's pacing. 

His heart is pounding. 

His brother is smiling that stupid grin. 

"Ben, calm down. Do you need more liquor? Cause I'll sneak it around Mom. She'll never know."

He throws his hands up in the air. 

"No! Just….how long has it been?"

Poe pulls out his phone, checking the time. 

"Exactly nine minutes since the last time you asked."

Ben looks up the staircase. 

"Where is she??"

"Hold on," Poe tells him, starting up the steps even though he'd just checked only eight minutes ago.

Poe only made it up a few steps before his face lit up with a huge smile. He nodded and looked down at his brother. 

"Ben, she's here," he tells him, descending the stairs. He slaps his brother on the shoulder. 

"See you later," Poe tells him, leaving quickly. Ben thinks he hears his brother sniffling. 

Ben watches as she appears. 

That woman in her yellow sundress, hair in three buns, going on about plants and his mental health. That woman and her bright smile, her sweet voice. That woman who defended him in a restaurant to those attacking him. That woman who blew into his life and showed him out of his darkness. 

That same woman is glowing, her light spilling out of her eyes and her smile. He can see her love for him in the green and gold of her gaze, staring at him like he'd saved the stars just for her. 

Her name rushes out of him in a breath, a whisper that encompasses all of his emotions. 

"Rey…"

Her cheeks flush as she watches him. She's alone, having sent her friends ahead. They'd blown away all the traditions, deciding to see each other alone before the ceremony. It was Ben's idea. He wanted privacy the first time he saw his bride. Of course everyone disagreed. Rey didn't understand it. Why would they share that moment with anyone?

She slowly descends the steps, never looking away from him. He waits, his hands shaking. Then, before he even thinks, he rushes up to her, meeting her more than halfway. 

He stops two steps down from her, frozen, face to face. She's never, ever looked this beautiful. How does she do that? Look prettier and prettier all the time?

"You were supposed to stay down there," she tells him, smiling, not upset at all. 

"Look at you," he whispers, afraid to touch her. She looks like a fairytale. He could be her prince and her his princess. Maybe he's an emperor and she is his empress. 

"A queen," he says out loud, correcting himself. 

"Only to you," she responds, taking him in, handsome as she's ever seen him in his suit. 

"To me, you could rule the world, the galaxy. You know that, right? You think you are a nobody. But you are everything, Rey. Every damn thing to me."

She brushes imaginary lint off his chest, very much like she did when they'd just met. He's reminded of how it took his breath away. No one touched him. People were afraid of him. Not her, though. She saw through that tough exterior, straight to his heart. 

"I was a goner," he continues, "sunk. Completely fucked from the moment I saw you."

"You hated that dress. I remember," she says with a smile. 

"You know why. I told you why."

"Tell me again."

"Because it fit you way, way too perfectly. I could see all of your curves and your pretty cleavage. You turned around and I swore you were wearing a thong."

"I was."

Now he leans in, his eyes dark and his voice deep. Her skin heats just looking at him. 

"Is that what's under that beautiful gown, sweetheart?"

She grabs his tie, pulling his face to hers.

"You'll find out in three hours, not a moment sooner, Solo."

He licks his bottom lip and notices how she watches. 

"We'll see…."

She smiles and winks at him. 

"Everyone is waiting, Ben."

"Let them wait. I want to look at you longer. This dress. Wow."

The gown is a creamy satin, flowing over her in all the right places. The ivory color compliments her skin tone perfectly. She'd made sure of three things. That it was simple. That it was comfortable. Most importantly, she made sure that her freckles were uncovered for him. She watches as his deep honey eyes dart over her skin.

"I made sure they'd show for you," she says softly, her hand on his face. He kisses her palm, then the inside of her wrist, then the inside of her elbow, darting up to her neck. 

"Ben," she warns, her eyes twinkling, not serious at all. 

"I can't help it," he murmurs against her skin, "You're too beautiful."

Then he stands straight, taking her hand again. He guides her down the stairs. At the bottom, he reaches over to a small table. 

In the mix of the backdrop around them, she didn't spot it until he handed it to her. 

Her bouquet. 

He'd if he could design it for her. Ben had actually made most of the decisions, Rey not very interested in the details. 

Her requests were as follows: Him in a deep navy suit. That was it. 

"All of Me" by John Legend playing as she walks down the aisle to him. 

"Edge of Desire" and "Who you Love" by John Mayer at the reception. 

Oh, and food. Specifically, cake. 

He'd laughed at her instructions. She'd said the rest didn't matter. He had convinced her to go gown shopping with her friends and mother. He knew she'd just as soon wear that yellow sundress. While it is still one of his favorite outfits to see her in, he wanted to see her in a wedding dress. Sap that he is now and all that. 

He hands her the bouquet and she squeals. 

"Ben! Look at it. It's perfect!"

Beautiful green and lavender succulents mix together, white flowers sprinkled throughout. Long beautiful tendrils hang from the bottom. 

"It's so you, Rey. All I did was describe you to the floral designer and she nailed it. I hope you like it."

Rey turns it slowly in her hand. Ben thinks she couldn't even be this mesmerized by diamonds or gold. 

It's one reason he loves her. Rey isn't impressed with material things. Nature encaptures her. She loves green as much as most women love jewels. 

God, he loves her so much. Her hair is down, a single loose braid wrapping around the back. A small birdcage veil is all she wears in her hair. 

"I like your hair," he tells her, twisting a strand around his long fingers. 

"I knew better than to wear it up," Rey says with a smile, "you'd just take it down."

"I would," he says, his finger tickling under her chin, "would you like this in your hair? I wasn't sure what you were doing. The florist made it."

He hands her a small comb with tiny succulents attached. She gasps and nods. He steps behind her, attaching it to her veil. He then traces a finger down the bare skin of her exposed back, causing her to shiver. Damn the man is sexy and all hers. 

She turns and places her hands on his face, looking up into those whiskey colored eyes. 

"You are amazing, Ben. No one would believe how sweet you can be. You know, former mafia guy and all that."

He chuckles as she lets go, stepping back and picking up her bouquet. 

Suddenly a blue butterfly lands right on top of the succulents, searching for nectar. Her face lights up. 

"Ben, I think it's the same one."

He chuckles at her again. 

"They all look alike, babe."

"No…" she brings her face in close to it, the butterfly's wings moving slowly. Ben smiles, watching how her nose scrunches up, "I can tell. Yep. Same one."

He's still smiling as Rey looks all around, the glass ceilings high above the green canopy. Blue flutters everywhere, the garden full of blue morphos. 

It was one place where they'd grown more in love, that month after her accident having a silver lining. Not long after Rey admitted she had no interest in most of the wedding plans, he took her into his office, covering her eyes from behind, whispering the words. 

"Want to see where we are getting married?"

She grinned and nodded. 

When he uncovered them, there sat the picture of Rey in the butterfly garden, the blue morpho on her hand. He'd had it put on canvas, hanging it on the wall across from his desk. 

He'd outdone himself, knowing that she'd love it. He also ensured that his mom couldn't invite tons of guests. The facility only allowed small ceremonies. 

As Rey watched the butterfly dance along her succulents, another voice spoke.

"Rey?"

She looked up to see her brother standing there, handsome in his blue suit. The smile on his face brought tears to her eyes. 

"Finn!"

Ben leaned in, kissing her temple. 

"I'll see you at the end of the aisle, Ms Johnson?"

She looks up at him, wondering how she got so lucky. 

"You will, Mr. Solo."

He walks away, giving Rey a moment alone with her brother. 

Ben walks towards the spot where him and Rey will be wed, watching his mom beaming. 

"So handsome," she tells him, "did you see Rey?"

"I did."

"Her dress…."

"It's perfect, Mom. Thanks for helping her. She needed you there."

"It was the only dress she tried on. It's so her."

"It is," he agrees, fidgeting as he kisses her on the head. 

"I'm so proud of you, Ben. Your dad…."

"I know, Mom. I know." 

"Rey did something. Look at her flowers later."

"I just gave the bouquet to her."

"Just look," his mother tells him, smoothing out his suit and nodding towards the officiant. Poe is already waiting. 

He approaches his brother. They both turn to watch as the soft piano music starts. 

As Rose begins her walk up the aisle, beautiful in a royal blue gown to match the morphos, Ben leans to his brother. 

"Thank you for bringing Rey into my life. I'll never be able to repay you."

Poe looks more arrogant than Ben ever recalls. 

"Eh, just name your son after me. We'll call it even."

Ben laughs, shaking his head. 

"Not in a million years," he replies, grinning. 

Rey looks like an angel floating up the aisle towards him, her eyes locking onto his. He thinks this may be a dream. He hopes he sleeps forever. 

She tilts her bouquet up for him to see the handle. Wrapped around it, tied to a ribbon is a locket. Inside is a picture. 

A picture of his father. 

Ben tears up and smiles. 

"Thank you, Rey," he tells her, pulling her close to kiss her on the forehead. 

Ben and Rey both turn to the officiant, ready to step into the next chapter of their lives. 

They'd discussed vows, deciding to keep it simple, intimate, private. They write letters to each other instead, exchanging them later that evening, once they are alone. Ben's letter to Rey is written with his old calligraphy set. 

Later on, she has both letters framed, side by side, where they hang between their wedding photos in their bedroom. When she read it, her tears smeared the ink but Ben didn't care. Rey's letter to Ben may also have tear stains, Rey notices after it is framed. 

After exchanging rings, the officiant declares them husband and wife. 

"You can kiss her now, Ben."

And that he does, bending her backwards as she giggles into his mouth. Everyone teases them until they stop. 

"When we disappear later, do not come looking for us!" Ben tells their guests, never taking his eyes off his bride. 

The officiant smiles at the couple. 

"Allow me to introduce to all of you, for the first time, Ben and Rey Solo."

They kiss again and before Rey can stop him, he scoops her up in a bridal carry, walking back down the aisle. 

Not that she wants to stop him. She kisses all over his face, whispering "I love you" as he walks out with her. 

No one sees them for a short while and no one dares to go look. 

______________________________

He holds her close while they dance to his song for her, "Edge of Desire". Her hands cup his face and they are quiet, just watching each other. 

Ben leans down, his forehead against hers. 

"You are so beautiful, Ben. I've never seen a man as handsome as you."

He smiles. 

"Do you know what you do to me, Rey?"

"I think I do."

"You'll never understand it. Because I don't. I'd do everything all over again if it meant finding you."

"Me too, Ben," 

"I can't believe you married me. You do know you married me, right?"

She laughs, still stroking his face with her thumbs.

"Is that what that was?"

Then she kisses him again. 

"Well, I guess I'm stuck with you now."

He grabs at her waist, pulling her body tighter against his own. He kisses her now, his tongue darting between her lips. Yes, he's aware that people are watching. No, he doesn't give a shit. 

Rey pulls away, only a whisper away though. 

"I taste myself in your mouth. Do you taste your come in mine?"

His eyes become full of fire. He growls into her mouth. 

As badly as she wanted him inside her earlier, when they stole away to the bridal suite, Ben didn't want to mess up her dress. 

Instead he laid her across the chaise, his face disappearing between her thighs, her dress thrown over his head. He brought her up and over, drinking up her come as she moaned his name. 

As soon as he stood, her hands were on his belt and his pants were undone. 

He'll never forget the sight of his minx of a bride on her knees in her wedding gown, his cock in her mouth. 

They eventually found their way back to the reception room. Everyone knew better than to remark on it. Although Leia did smirk at her son, turning his face several shades of red. 

"Yes….fuck, Rey….can we go back up there?"

She hums, pushing her chest slightly into him, her fingers digging into his hair. 

"When I change out of my dress. Will you fuck me on the chaise lounge?"

"Damn kitten, hell yes…"

Rey smiles wickedly, her fingers pulling at the hair on the nape of his neck. 

Rose approaches from behind Rey. She sees the look on Ben's face and immediately turns around. 

"Woah," she says to herself, thinking about the dark eyes watching her friend and laughs, "you go, Rey."

Finn wants a dance with his sister. As he starts to go that way, Rose grabs his arm. 

"Not a good idea, big brother," she says with a wink. 

He gives her a perplexed look. 

"Why?"

She smiles at her boyfriend, kissing him lightly. 

"Do you want to be an uncle one day, sweetie?"

Before he can answer her, it hits him. His eyes dart to Rey, the young woman that he watched over as a girl in the streets.

"Ewww….just….they could be more private about it…."

Rose throws her head back in laughter. 

"Finn Storm, it's their wedding….you better talk dirty to me when we dance at our wedding!"

Rose grabs him by the hand, pulling him close just as "Who you Love" begins to play, Rey's song for Ben. 

______________________________

"You want to do this?" he groans out loud.

She beams up at him. 

"Do I want you to feed me cake? Hell yes!"

He sighs, wanting all of this to be over so they can do that thing Rey wants to do in the bridal suite. 

He's wedding burned out. 

Then he sees her smile and takes in how she looks in her gown and how happy she is and he's good to go again. 

"Benjamin Solo, get over here and do this!" his mom hollers and now he's wedding burned out again. 

Rey takes great pleasure in shoving cake in his mouth. Ben takes great pleasure in sucking her fingers into his mouth, everyone be damned. 

"Ben!" he hears his mom shout. 

"Hmmmm?" he responds, looking down at his bride with that look that ruins her panties, again. He kisses her quickly yet with a fever that only Rey picks up on. 

"We're still here!" Finn shouts. 

"You all can leave now! The show is over!"

That was Rey shouting at her wedding guests. 

Everyone laughs, paying no attention to the couple as they begin to sway to the music, oblivious to everything but each other. 

_____________________________

"You okay?" 

"Yeah," she answers, leaning into him, "can we walk outside a second? I just need to be alone with you."

He gives her a concerned look. She's a bit pale. He noticed that she hasn't eaten much of her food and has not touched her wine. She's overtired. 

"Of course, Mrs Solo," he says to her, standing and offering his hand. As she stands, he bends and kisses the inside of her wrist. He then helps her stand, untangling her dress from her chair. 

They step outside onto the patio attached to the reception hall. She looks up at the stars and takes in a deep breath, shivering a bit. Ben immediately removes his jacket, placing it over her shoulders. He embraces her from behind, his nose diving into her hair. 

"I think we need to leave soon, Rey. You are tired. It's been an amazing day but long."

She turns in his arms, looking up at him, straightening his tie like she has since she first met him. Her eyes sparkle. 

"But I haven't had cake yet…"

He grins, placing his forehead against hers. 

"Well, that definitely won't do. Wow, Rey. You blew me away today. I didn't think you could get more beautiful. Look at you. My wife. You're my wife, Rey."

She cups his face, swaying back and forth to the music inside. He moves with her. 

"I'm your wife….I really am. I have a husband."

"I hope you aren't too tired…" he whispers in that deep voice that lights her on fire. 

"Oh no, I have plans for you, hubby…"

He then kisses her deeply, the world falling away. She's his. She's really his. Forever. 

He breaks away and she pouts. He smiles again. 

"Cake?" 

"Yes! A big piece, Ben. The biggest."

He returns with a huge slice, a silver spoon sticking out the top. 

"They'd already sliced it for us," he tells her, "think it's big enough?"

She points to a bench. 

"Sit, Ben. Feed me."

He obeys, expecting her to sit next to him but instead, she sits right in his lap and he sets the plate behind her, cupping her ass with one hand. 

"Well hello, Mrs Solo…"

"Are you going to keep calling me that?"

"Every chance I get, after all, I do love it when you call me Mr. Solo."

She crinkles her nose at him, smiling. 

"Good, I like that, Mr. Solo."

He takes the opportunity, now that they are alone, to dive into her cleavage. His tongue licks there as he growls, half playful and half aroused. She laughs, his goatee tickling her skin and grabs at his hair, pulling him up for a kiss. 

They kiss until they are breathless. 

"So...cake or me?" he asks, his chin settled back between her breasts.

"Hmmmm…." she pretends to think hard, "definitely….cake," she decides with a wide grin. 

"Ugh, I'll eat some off of your naked body later then, Mrs. Solo."

"Yes! Let's do that!" she responds, bouncing in his lap, quickly giving him yet another hard on. 

"Feed your wife," she demands, keeping him on task when he thrusts up just enough to show her the effect she has on him. 

He feeds her the cake, taking a few bites himself. She patiently waits for him to notice. 

After a few giggles and a bit of wiggling in his lap, incessantly teasing him, she's run out of cake. And patience. 

She holds up the spoon, licking it clean. Then she holds it up, looking at it. She cocks her head to one side. 

"What?" he asks.

"That's strange...there's words on it."

"On the spoon? Let me see."

She holds it up to his face. His eyes stare for just a moment. He stares. 

And stares. 

And stares. 

"Wait...why does it say…"

Then his eyes look to her face and she smiles widely at him. 

Engraved on the spoon are the words,

He just keeps staring at it.

"Ben...say something…"

His eyes slowly move to hers and she almost laughs at how shocked this former mafia hitman looks. 

"You're...you're pregnant? Really?"

She nods, her face positively glowing. His hand can't help but float to her belly, covering it possessively. 

"Rey...you're...pregnant? You're having my baby?"

She leans close to his beautiful face. 

"I am."

The wheels in his head are turning rapidly and she bites back a giggle. 

"How? Like, how did this happen?"

She kisses his nose, smiling so big her face hurts. 

"Solo, we've only been fucking like, six times a week for months…."

He smirks rather arrogantly. 

"I know that, believe me, I know. It would be more but we do have jobs. I mean, the IUD?"

"Doctor says nothing is 100%. What can I say? Your swimmers beat down the wall or something…"

A thought hits her and she pulls back. 

"Are...you...disappointed?"

He pulls her tight to his chest, looking at her intensely. His hand caresses her face.

"Oh Rey, sweet girl, no. I'm not disappointed at all. I'm so happy. You feeling okay? Are you sick? Tired? No wonder you look tired. We should go. You need to rest. You didn't eat enough earlier. You need to eat. Why didn't you eat…."

She kisses him to hush him. 

"Shhhh….I'm fine. Yes, I'm tired. That's why I went to the doctor. You know I've never been regular."

"Why didn't you tell me? I should've gone with you."

"I had a feeling. I just wanted to be sure."

"How far along are you? Oh my God, you're pregnant. You're pregnant with my baby, Rey."

"I know, Ben. You're so funny."

"I made you pregnant. I did that. Wow...that's hot."

She throws her head back in laughter. 

"That makes you horny?"

"Hell yeah. Damn, you're gonna be so hot with a baby bump."

He pulls her into his chest and her head falls to his shoulder. His entire hand covers her belly. 

"I'm 10 weeks, Ben. Your birthday…"

"I got you pregnant on my birthday?"

"Yep, you did. Happy birthday. Happy wedding day, hubby."

"Damn Rey. I love you," he rubs her belly, leaning over just a bit, "I love you too, baby."

"I love you too, Ben. I can't wait to see you with our baby."

__________________________________

"I don't know if this is a good idea, you're tired."

Rey just looks at him. Then she turns and walks to the red velvet chaise, wearing nothing but her heels and white lace thong. She climbs onto it, grabbing the back, up on her knees. She throws a look over her shoulder and wiggles her ass. 

"Fuck your wife, Mr. Solo."

"Damn, baby," he whispers, stripping quickly. 

"Leave the shirt and tie on, Ben."

He's behind her quicker than he can think. 

"Yes, Mrs. Solo," he tells her right before he thrusts into her. 

____________________________

They return to their cottage that night. They will stay there for a few days then fly to Bali for a week. 

Ben sits on the bed, clad in his black sleeping pants. He scrolls on his phone, looking at the wedding pictures that the photographer sent to his email. She is still going to edit them but they'd come out so well, she had not hesitated to send them.

He's already found his favorite picture of Rey. Her back is to the camera but she's looking over her shoulder, her bouquet of succulents held up to her cheek. Her lips are slightly parted. The green from her bouquet bringing out the green in her eyes. She was looking at him when the picture was snapped, as he stood behind the photographer, light headed from her beauty. 

That look is his everything. That look saved him. 

He immediately downloads it and sets it as his lock screen. 

He looks up at the bathroom door. She's been in there a while. He instantly worries, thinking maybe she's sick. 

He's going to go crazy worrying for the next nine months. 

"Rey? Babe are you okay?"

When she doesn't answer, he swings his legs over the edge of the bed. 

The door then opens and he stops breathing. For there is his bride, in her wedding night lingerie, arms braced on either side of the door frame. 

"Just getting ready for you," she purrs, watching him with eyes that he used to only dream about. 

Without even thinking, he grabs his phone and snaps a picture. 

"Ben! I'm practically naked!"

"I know. I have a new lock screen picture. That one's for my home screen."

"So you are just going to have a picture of me almost naked on your home screen."

"Yep," he tells her, grinning at her, "you look good enough to eat."

She walks towards him seductively, licking her lips. 

"Well, go ahead. Eat me alive."

"Damn woman, I love you."

She winks at him, climbing into his lap. 

"I know."


	42. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of my precious, sweet readers. I love you all.

Ben is pacing. His brother makes the mistake of stepping in front of him. Ben almost shoves him, stopping suddenly.

"Move," he tells Poe. 

"She's going to be fine, Ben."

He walks around his brother. 

"Shut up, Poe."

"Don't be mean to your brother, Ben. You need each other. Remember what I told you growing up."

He looks over at his mom, sitting in a chair. She looks at him over the top of her glasses. 

"Yes, mom. Sorry, Poe."

"It's okay. I know you love me," Poe says with a smirk. 

"Shut up, Poe," Leia tells her adopted son. 

"What is _happening_???" Ben almost shouts, causing everyone to jump. 

Rose walks over to him, rubbing his arm soothingly. 

"The nurses are setting her up, Ben. Just breathe. They are both okay."

He nods and begins to pace again. 

Rey had a few complications during her pregnancy. The aftereffects from malnourishment as a child. Her body began to give all of her nutrients to the baby. She'd become dehydrated a few times. Her body wasn't quite prepared to carry a child. 

However, she persevered like the warrior she is. Ben was in awe of her. And yes, he worried as much as he said he would. Rey had stood her ground about working, only going on maternity leave a week ago. 

Ben drove Rey absolutely insane. 

At 22 weeks they find out the baby is a girl. Ben is over the moon, grinning like he ruled the galaxy or something. 

Rose and Zorii and even Phasma go over and beyond buying stuff for the baby. Rey barely even looks at anything and it appears in their apartment. 

Poe isn't much better. Rey once found him researching car seats. 

Leia has a room set up at her house for her granddaughter. 

"I don't recall telling her she can keep the baby," Ben tells Rey when Leia shows them. 

Rey slaps his arm, "Of course she can keep the baby! She's your mother!"

Ben looks around the pink room, grimacing. 

"We'll see," is his only response. 

Ben, of course, found Rey more and more beautiful as she grew. His heated obsession with her belly a constant reminder of the fact that he did that. HE made her pregnant. That's his baby inside of her. He can't keep his hands off of her. Once she got so big that sex became uncomfortable, he was fine with that. He would bring her to bliss with his mouth and fingers. She eventually shooed him away, too tired even for that. 

Then he graduated to back and foot massages. 

It had been his great fear that he'd not be there when Rey went into labor. So when she left work, so did he. That was fine with everyone because he'd managed to break his phone, a vase and several pens on that last day. Rey was too tired to even go down to her husband's office. 

She just shouted at Rose, who had unwillingly become their liaison those last few days, stretched out on her office sofa, feet propped up on the arm and Ben in his office, reeking havoc on everything. 

"Tell him I said his ass is mine if he doesn't calm down!! And not in the way he likes it!!"

Finally, nine days before her due date, Rose had enough and gathered together Poe, Finn, Zorii and Phasma to stage a coup. 

"Nope, out," she told them as they exited the elevator. 

"What the fu…." Ben said, looking down at the woman who put the fear of God in him. 

"Out!! OUT!! Outta my office, back home you two! Go rub my BFF's feet and for Gods sake, GET HER OFF so she quits screaming constantly!" 

"Rose!" Rey shouted at her, blushing furiously. 

"I mean it! Go have sex! Both of you need it and hopefully," Rose looks to the ceiling above, hands pressed together in prayer, "oh please Jesus' momma, it'll get that baby OUT!"

Rey was back home within an hour, balancing a piece of cheesecake on her belly, watching Friends and receiving a foot massage. 

______________________________

It had been six hours. SIX. 

That morning, Rey was in the bathroom and squealed. Ben ran from the kitchen, cleared the couch like an Olympic hurdler and slid down the hallway on socked feet. 

"What??? Rey! What??"

Rey is standing, naked, in the middle of the bathroom, a puddle of water on the floor at her feet. Her hands are covering her mouth, eyes wide. 

She takes one look at her terrified husband and breaks down in tears. 

"I can't do this!!"

Ben, who was afraid he wouldn't be up to task, took one look at his crying wife, the love of his life, the burn bright thing who blew in and lit up his world and he became braver than he'd ever been. 

He rolls up his sleeves, approaching her slowly, like she was a doe that would bolt. 

"Look at me," he tells her, pulling her hands away and tilting up her chin, "look at me, Rey."

She gives out the saddest sound he's ever heard, tears spilling. He wipes them with his thumbs. 

"You can do this. You are stronger than you know. You can do this."

"Don't leave me, Ben."

He holds her, kissing her hair. 

"Never. You're not alone, remember? Not anymore."

He lifts her, setting her on the bed, dressing her. He tried to put her shoes on. 

"They won't fit…." she cries out. 

"Shhh...shhh..then I'll carry you. I'd rather carry you anyways. Both of you."

He leans down, kissing her belly. 

"C'mon little girl, let's go meet each other. Be good for mommy, okay? Be good for daddy."

_____________________________

Eight hours. 

"Eight hours, mom!!"

Ben is exhausted, worried, at the end of his rope. He can hear his wife screaming every few minutes, her brother and Rose with her. He literally pulls his own hair. 

"Sit down, Benjamin."

He sits and Leia kneels between his knees. 

"Look at me. Look at me Benny."

He does and she cups his cheek. His eyes are bloodshot and he's shaking. She's in so much pain. 

"Why won't she _take_ something, mom? This is killing me!" 

He hears her scream again and starts to stand. Leia pushes him down. How she, at 5'2 can push her 6'2 son down, she isn't sure. She is sure that his father is nearby, helping her. 

"Ben, you have to take a break. You're panicking. She doesn't need that right now. It is her decision to go natural."

"But mom, _listen_ to her."

She smiles just a bit. 

"I know. I know, honey. This is what happens. She's strong. She can do this. Now," Leia stands, wiping her hands off on her pants, "you are going to drink something, eat something…"

"I'm not hungry…"

".... _eat something_ and you are going to breathe and you are going to go back in there and hold it together."

"I don't know how, Mom."

"Oh, you are your father's son. I labored for 16 hours and he was worse off than I was."

" _16?_? Oh damn, mom. I'm sorry."

"Well, you should be with your wide shoulders. Now, do what I said. Poe?"

"Yeah?"

"Feed your brother and get your asses back here in 30 minutes, got it?"

"Got it, mom. C'mon Dad…"

"Shut up, Poe…" Ben says, putting an arm around his brother's shoulders and leaning on him as they walk to the elevator. 

Twenty minutes later Ben comes tearing out of the elevator like a madman. 

Leia's mouth opens just as Ben says…

"She's crying for me, Mom…" as he runs by her. 

Leia looks to Poe. 

"Finn texted him. He may have given some senior citizens PTSD on the elevator."

Leia looks back down the hallway, towards the delivery room.

"C'mon baby girl. Get here already, your parents are tired and Nana needs you," Leia whispers just as Poe wraps his arms around her shoulders from behind, "help them, Han. Please."

Ben slides into the chair next to her, grabbing her face, kissing her head. 

"I'm here. I'm here, kitten. I won't leave again. I'm sorry."

Rey is resting just for a moment, looking at him in a way that makes his heart wrench. 

"I'm so tired, Ben."

He kisses her hands, her palms and both wrists. 

"I know. I know, baby. I wish I could do it for you. You're so strong. So amazing. You're _amazing_ , Rey. I love you so much. You're going to be a great mom. You can do this, Rey."

The doctor checks her again. Rey's eyes never leave Ben and it hurts so bad to see the panic she is in. 

"It's time, sweetie. Time to push, okay?"

"I can't, I need a nap first. Just let me take a nap first…"

The nurse smiles just a tiny bit, brushing her hair back. 

"Rey honey, it's time. You can do this."

"I'm here, Rey," Ben tells her as the nurses ready the stirrups, spreading her legs wide and pushing her gown to her chest. 

"Rose...I need Rose…"

"Get Rose, she's right outside!" Ben yells at the nurse. 

Rose runs in, darting a look at Ben. She cups Rey's face. 

"I'm here, Rey."

"I just wanted to see you…" Rey cries and Ben is beginning to spiral in a panic. The nurse looks at him and comes around the bed. 

"Mr. Solo, Ben...breathe. She's going to be okay…"

"Ben," Rey says, realizing that Ben is not okay, "your mom. It's okay if she comes in here. Just for a minute."

Next thing Ben knows, his mom is there, kissing his head as he grabs her blouse. She says something but he doesn't understand. Then she takes Rey's face in her hands, looking her in the eyes as they continue to prep her. 

"Look at me, Rey. Breathe. Listen. I'm not your mom. But I am. You're my daughter and I want you to listen. You CAN do this. You are tough as fuck and you can do this. I love you. I love all three of you and I'm right outside."

Leia's strong presence is what they both needed. Rey looks at Ben and they stare for just a moment. 

"Let's have a baby, Ben. Be with me."

"Always," he tells her, kissing her hand. 

It comes back fast and quick. 

" _Ben_!!!!" she screams, another contraction hitting her. 

The seconds go by like minutes but it's all a blur. Within five minutes, Ben watches the doctor's face as he is looking right between Rey's legs. 

"Rey, there's a situation."

Rey almost comes out of the bed. 

"What??? WHAT??? Is she okay??"

"What's happening?" Ben asks, feeling like he's in a tunnel and the doctor is on the other end. 

"The baby isn't budging. She's stuck. We can keep trying but I don't know how long it will take. Rey is exhausted. Or we can section. You have about five seconds to decide."

Ben looks at his wife in a total panic. 

They want to cut her open. His Rey. His baby girl is stuck inside and they want to cut her open. 

"Ben, I don't know what to do," she looks at him, fear all over her face. 

He pauses. He can't decide this! 

He has to. He has to man up. 

_Dad, what do I do_?

Then he feels it. His dad is there and he feels his strength return. 

"Doc," he looks at the woman. This woman who holds his entire life in her hands, "what do you think? Will my daughter be safe if we wait? Will my wife be safe?"

"Ben, if I were Rey, I'd go with the section. It will be over fast. Your daughter will be here in twenty minutes, tops. Probably less."

At those words, Rey finds her inner strength. 

Her voice is strong. 

"Give me my baby, Dr. Holdo. I want to see her."

Ben stands and leans down. Rey looks up at him and he kisses her lightly on the lips. 

"There's my girl."

It's a whirlwind of people and sounds and shouts. Ben is thrust into a blue coverall thing and a hat is put over his hair. He's swept away from her, looking back over his shoulder. She smiles a tiny smile and that's the last he sees of her. He recalls his mom's voice and the voices of their friends and family. 

"Ben!" his mom shouts. 

"What's happening?" says Poe. 

"Where's Rey?" says Finn. 

"Oh God," says Rose. 

Ben sees Zorii grasp Poe's arm and pull him back. Someone says the word section. Ben's hands are being washed by a stranger and gloves cover his fingers. 

Then he sees her, strapped to a table, her eyes wildly seeking, to and fro. Searching for him. 

"Ben…."

"I'm here, sweetheart. I'm here…"

Then a tent-like thing is hoisted up over her beautiful belly, the belly that he's loved and kissed and cuddled and rubbed for nine months. They are going to cut that perfect belly and he's afraid but he has to be strong. 

He feels a chair pushed into the backs of his knees by that same stranger and he sits. He locks eyes with her and tucks a strand of her hair back into her cap.

There are voices saying scary words and he moves close to her face, drowning them out. 

"You're so beautiful, you know. She's going to have your eyes. I know she is. Are we still going with that name?" 

"Yeah," Rey looks up at him, eyes wide with tears. 

"She's going to be so perfect. Like you. So pretty and strong. I'm so happy that I'm yours. Remember that first day?"

"Yeah. Ben, I'm scared."

"I'm right here, sweet girl, I'll never, ever leave you. Just hold on. Everything is going to be okay. Our baby girl is coming."

Ben hears sounds he hopes he can forget eventually. 

Her wild eyes never leave his. 

"You were so pretty that day with your plants and that dress. I love you and I love our girl."

Then a new sound, muffled at first then loud and piercing. Strong. 

His daughter's scream. 

Rey's eyes quickly shift from fear to elation. 

"Ben! She's here!"

He looks up and the most beautiful sight he's ever seen in his whole damn life is right there. She's naked and pink, black hair covering her head. She's kicking her legs and very, very angry. She's covered in some white substance and blood. Her mother's blood. 

She's the most beautiful sight Ben Solo has ever seen. 

"Here she is! She's mad!," Dr. Holdo proclaims, laying her on Rey's breasts. 

Rey is talking so fast, suddenly awake and beaming. 

"Oh Ben! Ben look! Hello...hi there little one...shhh it's okay...she's cold Ben...Ben look at her...look at her Ben…"

She's a light, burning bright, kissing her daughter everywhere she can reach. Ben is in awe. 

That's his family. His daughter and his wife. 

He's a Dad. He closes his eyes. 

_Thanks Dad. Thank you so damn much._

He thinks he may hear it. 

_No problem, kid_. 

He feels wetness on his cheeks as he watches the nurse wipe off his daughter, slipping a tiny diaper under her rear and closing it, lifting and then sliding a blanket under her, wrapping her like a burrito. All of this happens right there on Rey's breasts. Those beautiful breasts that he worships will now feed his child and he's consumed with awe at it all. 

The burrito seems to have calmed some, only whimpering now. 

His instincts kick in, suddenly needing her, to touch her and smell her and kiss her and soothe her. 

"Can I...touch her?"

The nurse laughs. 

"Well you made her, Mr. Solo. She's all yours to touch. You're sanitized. It's safe."

He lifts her slowly, like she's a bomb and might go at any second. He's never even held a baby but he just seems to know right where to place her, up against his heart. Her little bow shaped lips purse at an alarming rate. Her cheeks are fat and her nose is perfect. Her mother's nose. He instantly starts bouncing, swaying, though he doesn't know why. One eye peeks open, then the other, squinting in the bright lights. 

"Hi," he says to her, "I'm your dad. You don't look like me though so don't worry. You're so beautiful. Look at you. So pretty."

Her head turns towards his chest and she seems to cuddle into him. 

How is it possible to love something this much? It's like his heart is outside of him now. He already knew it but somehow it rises up inside of him. 

He'd do anything for her. He'd burn down the galaxy, climb treacherous cliffs, take down enemies with his bare hands, anything. 

"Ben?" 

He looks back down at his Rey. He sits in the chair and holds her up next to her mother. 

"Rey, she's so beautiful. I knew she'd look like you."

"Your hair though, thank God."

"Ben? Rey?" calls the nurse, hating to break this up, "we need to weigh her, check her vitals, Ben you can come with me. Rey will be okay. She'll get fixed up and in about ten minutes, we'll take both of you back to the room. Rey will be back there by then."

He nods. Damn he's tired. Not that he has any right to be. His wife did all the work. 

Rey kisses her cheek several more times, nuzzling at her with her nose. Ben smiles. Rey is going to be an amazing mother. 

"Go with Daddy. I'll see you soon. Daddy will take care of you."

Ben beams like a kid on Christmas morning. He's a Dad. That's his daughter and she's _beautiful_ and _perfect_ and _strong_ and _smart_. He can tell she's smart. She's looking at him like she knows him. 'Cause she's smart. Probably the smartest baby ever. 

He kisses Rey's head. 

"I love you. I'm so fucking proud of you."

"I love you too. Don't curse in front of our daughter."

"Yes, Mrs. Solo."

_____________________________

They are alone, their daughter between them on the huge bed. Ben is a millionaire after all and could afford the massive upgrade to the deluxe maternity suite. It comes with a bigger bed, big enough for the three of them. 

The three of them. There's three of them now. 

They watch as she yawns and one fist stretches out. 

"Wow, good stretch, baby girl. Did you see that, Rey?" 

"Ben, she stretched. It's what humans do."

"I know but that was perfect."

"Ohhh, you got it bad, Solo."

"No I don't. She's perfect though, isn't she?"

Rey shifts, groaning. Ben stands, holding their daughter. He grabs the pillows, situating them around Rey, helping her get semi-comfortable. She reaches for her baby and Ben settles her down onto the nursing pillow. 

"Help...um...I can't get my…"

"What? Tell me what you need."

She looks at him and smiles. "Ben, take my boob out. I can't lift my arms well. I think I hurt my arm when I was pushing."

"Oh, well, okay then."

He chuckles as he carefully pulls back her gown, exposing her breast. He moves her boob towards the baby and instinct kicks in. Her little mouth latches on and Rey hisses. 

"It hurts?"

"Hell yes, it hurts."

"Well," he smiles at his daughter, "she is going at you. Like father, like daughter, I guess."

"Benjamin!" Rey chastises him with a laugh. 

"Sorry," he tells her, fascinated by both of his girls. 

He's never been so in love. 

______________________________

"Um, sweetheart," Ben asks, looking at the door, "are you up for seeing them?" 

It's been an hour and their friends and family are anxious. 

"I think I just heard Rose screaming," Rey responds, "Ben. I think your mom first. It's only right. Just her. Besides, we can finally tell her and I think she'd rather it just be us four."

"Good idea," Ben says, walking towards the door, then looking back. Rey rolls her eyes. 

"We're fine. Just go get her."

When he leaves, Rey is alone with her daughter for the first time. She looks down at her as those eyes look back. It's like she knows who has her. 

"You. You are perfect, you know that? Baby girl, I promise I'll never, ever leave you. I'll always be there. And your dad? Oh boy, you've got him wrapped. He's a loud bear sometimes but he's a teddy bear most of the time. He will always keep you safe, you know that? Mommy will too. I love you so much. Now, this lady coming, she's a bit crazy but she's going to take such good care of you. You'll love her to pieces. And Uncle Finn, oh goodness. He's a goner already. Uncle Poe, too. Aunt Rose, she'll eat you up. In a good way though. Then there Aunt Zor and Aunt Phas. You have a big family that loves you so much."

Leia peeks her head in, Ben's head right above. 

"Oh Rey. Look at you. Just beautiful."

"Come on over Nana. I was just telling her all about you. Ben…"

Leia washes her hands and Ben lifts her out of Rey's arms. He turns and right before he places her into Leia's outstretched arms, he has something to say. 

"Mom. This is Hannah. Hannah Dawn Solo. We named her after Dad."

Leia covers her mouth, tears pouring out quickly. 

"Oh Ben. Oh Ben. That's...oh thank you Ben. He'd love her so much. He'd be so proud."

She has to sit from being overwhelmed. 

Ben bends over, laying Hannah gently down. Leia runs her hands all over Hannah, checking her thoroughly. 

"Dawn?" she asks, her eyes not leaving her granddaughter. 

"Hannah was what Rey picked so I picked Dawn, after Rey. It means "light". Rey is my light. She pulled me from the darkness."

By now, everyone is crying, Hannah looking around curiously. Her inquisitive face makes Ben laugh. 

"We're fine, sweet girl."

Leia is talking to Hannah. 

"Oh you wait. See that big guy? He's going to be a complete sap over you. Just like Han. Just like your grandpa."

"Dad was sappy over me?" Ben asks, surprised. 

"Oh Lord, the man cried harder than you when you were born. I cried the least of all of us. He was so sensitive over you. Every little sound you made, he would pick you up. He had you so spoiled."

Hannah squirms and starts whimpering. Ben immediately scoops her up, bouncing her. 

Leia looks at Rey like, see? 

Later on that night, after everyone is gone and Rey is finally asleep, Ben holds his daughter. They are staring at each other. 

"I love you, Hannah Dawn. My little light. I'll keep you safe, always. Just like your mommy is safe. No one will hurt you. Not if I can help it. Aren't you beautiful? You are. You really are, my little light."

Her fist reaches out and bops his nose. He laughs. 

"Yeah, it's hard to miss, huh?"

He swears she smiles. She's a genius, he just knows it. 


End file.
